Where Did I Go? - January 11, 2002
-Leslie Johnson copyright 2001
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I see now that you've come
full circle
I have to ask
is it me that's standin' still
I thought I'd moved
through so much
was it really that
the mire was too quick for me
I know it's been 2 ½ months since I last did a ring. I missed the November 2 year anniversary of the ring - and I thank all of you who have supported and encouraged me over those 2 years - and I missed doing a Christmas edition. In the last couple of rings I told you of the medical problems I was going through. That was part of the reason I've been away. Here are a couple of poems from that period:
I am aware of every piece of my body
I feel the ache from each limb
every digit
every bit of tissue
I am aware far too much
of the weakness
throughout
I wonder how limited
I've become
*********
Meds to face the pain away
more needed to peace the day
up with the sun
drowsy still
wish for a bed to spill
Straight is a painful scene
fetal position a place to be
meds to coast the length of night
wake the morning a spinning sight
As you can tell from those two poems the doctor and I had a bit of trouble finding med combinations that worked on the fibromyalgia. Frankly, the side effects from some of the meds were worse than the pain itself. Luckily in the last part of December we finally stumbled across a combination that seems to work well. I have less pain, I'm not drowsy all day long, I'm not nauseated, my energy level is up, and on good days I actually make sense. I am able to get more done and be a more positively contributing member of my family. That makes me happy.
HALLOWEEN NIGHT
- Leslie E. Johnson copyright 2001
Shall I go out tonight
with the witches and the terrorists?
Dancing with joy
to praise my Lord
while they dance for
evil and selfish promotion
seeking power and
perverse control
Shall I dance and smile
beneath the light of the moon?
So full of light
so perfectly whole
no sad waning for my soul
say my sorries to everyone
forgiving past indiscretions
becoming one through the Son
by the light of His
deeply brighten moon
Shall I be dancing tonight?
We'll have to see
only the Word of my Lord
held close sets me free
I do not want evil of any form bringing me down anymore. I spent most of 2001 holed up in a fit of self-pity. "Poor poor pitiful me." I whined - near constantly. I forgot to sit down and see all that I should really be thankful for. I am more blessed than I want to see. I have been brought through much by the hand of God, yet I know as long as I breathe air that there will be much more to go through. So I think I'll just spend 2002 trying to stay in a mood of celebration. Celebrating family (I had a wonderful time with my Mom and my sisters over the holidays - it did amazing things for my soul to be able to love them), celebrating friends, celebrating natural gifts from God (I'll keep writing, even after every publisher has turned me down - God is still using my writing), celebrating life, celebrating the beauty God has created all around us, but most importantly, celebrating God's love, how He showed it most spectacularly through the life and death of Jesus. It's still shocking to me to think that Jesus loved me so much that He died a horrible death to save me. He wants me close to Him, so I should celebrate that every day I wake up on this planet.
GOD'S GOLD
- Leslie E. Johnson copyright 2001
Gold does sparkle
and silver shines
when things are my way
I'm feeling fine
but the clouds rush in
all dark and gray
spoiling my mood
and ruining my day
is it really so selfish
to wish for success
to pray for it daily
and not give it a rest
just hate feeling shot
hate being let down
want to go all the way
with a sonic boom sound
So tell me, Lord
‘cause gold and silver fade
am I set for failure
am I selfish to pray
for more than blue skies
and ample sunshine
am I ripe for Your blessings
or set at full whine
I am thankful for much
You've given me all
picking me up after
every scarring fall
So I ask for Your mercy
I ask for Your blessings
I ask for fulfillment
in the things that I'm missing
One more thing I should tell you about 2002. If there's an interruption in service again it's because - and you're not going to believe this one - my husband is moving us AGAIN. He's taken a position at a university in Tennessee. He got his Masters degree there so they are familiar with his research abilities and they wanted him back enough to make an attractive offer. He'll leave me in a couple of weeks to start his job there. Meanwhile I'll be here (in another state) with the kids trying to get things packed up, trying to get arrangements made, and trying to sell the house as quickly as possible. I'm going to greatly miss the friends I've made in this community. For those of you who have known me since I logged on the net for the first time in the fall of 1998, this will make the 5th move we've made since 1997 (in case you were keeping count). I made him promise that if he took this job we'd have to live there for at least 7 years. I'm sorta tired of feeling like a nomad.
On another note, I've been writing more short stories than poems lately. Thanks for standing by while transmission was temporarily interrupted. I am thankful for all of you and your e-mails. May God be with you and keep you and bless you throughout this new year.
Peace, love, and forgiveness,
Leslie
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Email: shaken@angelfire.com