To all the Artists We've Loved Before - 11/3/2000
Welcome to this edition of the poetry ring. I was wondering, how many of you are looking forward to an upcoming release by your favorite artist? As for myself, I am looking forward to "Intermission" dc Talk's greatest hits album, the solo offerings of Michael Tait and Kevin Max, and the long awaited, much anticipated 2nd poetry book from Mr. Max. I salivate at the thought of any of the aforementioned, I want them in my hands so much.
PRAYER OF THE FALLEN
- Leslie E. Johnson copyright 1998
I don't like myself
how can I fall so easily
how can I be so blind
when I thought I could see
My focus shifted from God
to those who share His Word
I listened to their music
but their message went unheard
Instead I heard the soothing tones,
the husky voice, the moving groans
I watched them move across the screen
and wished I weren't alone
I watched every movement
and shaped it inside my mind
so that late I could manipulate them
a fantasy that we bond
And I know this is so wrong
to wonder about their touch,
their lives, their every movement
God forgive me, this is too much
I picture them as gentle
as everything I'd ever need
but this is foolishness
this isn't something I should believe
I could watch them a thousand times
but in truth I don't know them
And I hate myself for playing the fool
when I should be walking closer to HIM
So now is the time of decision
I can't change what I've done
but I can stop the madness
and not finish what I've begun
Now what do I do but give it up,
go cold turkey, and quit
but I hate being so weak
so very unworthy, so unfit
I wanted to answer the call of the Lord
instead I followed my flesh
I saw all the things I wish I had
instead of seeing how I was blessed
If things aren't how I want them
then I need to shift my view
this life is about serving the Lord
it's not about me or you
Lord, grant me asylum
from my empty selfishness
If anything become of it
let it be in your name blessed
If anything should happen
guide me to do your will
let me help another in your name
and let it be enough to fulfill
No more coveting or fantasy
I'll let it slip away
Instead I'll focus on YOUR Word
forgive me, I ardently pray
Thank you, Lord.
Amen.
Now I have to ask myself, "is it a good thing to want these creations so much?" A couple of years ago when I'd just signed onto the net, I would have had to say no. Why? Well, I signed on in the first place to get more information about dc Talk (just before the release of "Supernatural") and then proceeded to overdose myself with every article and photo of the band and its members. I looked in the mirror one day when there was nothing more to read or see and I found that I very much disliked what I saw. I had allowed myself to teeter on the edge of obsession. I had let my focus shift, from the Message these men were bringing to the world, to them. I find that I am not alone in this. Taking a look at most any message board or chat room of any band or artist (Christian or secular) will be proof of that - people get caught up far worse than I. I have distanced myself from coming to that edge again by limiting how much I will allow myself to know or see of any band or artist in any form of media. It's what I know I must do not only for myself but for those artists as well.
MANAGE
- Leslie E. Johnson copyright 2000
Manage a quiet moment
see to another detail
someone else is needing
a bleeding heart is frail
Manage a disrupted note
a moment to detangle
breakdowns need occur
to independent strangers
Manage a beautiful entry
graceful, full of style
dizzy on the special turns
dancing all the while
Manage a lonely soul
quiet moments for the frail
trying to retain the calm
desperate not to fail
While caught up in all the info one can download these days, do we really take the time to think of these artists as human? I can't imagine how they must cope (save for God) with so many pulling at them - wanting just a moment of their time. The price of this thing called "fame" is often a loss of privacy, a loss of self, a loss of trust, and in some cases a loss of sanity. These artists are willing to share so much of themselves and yet there are those who want more. For some, there is never enough. They are trying to fill a hole in their lives - with the wrong thing - and there is never enough on earth to fill it. That empty space that some of us feel can only be filled by God. For the artists themselves, it must be a stressful balance. They want to reach out to fans but still keep their distance, keep themselves intact. They want to continue to create without being continually mobbed (either in person or in these days via the net). I can't help but respect the Christian artists for their choice (to take the message into the world) and their struggles (everyone wants to be their friend but you can only let so many in).
DO YOU FEEL ALONE?
- Leslie E. Johnson copyright 2000
do you feel trapped
behind those palace gates
set alone by some curse of fates
Do you feel alone?
Babe do you question
who are your real friends
are they sincere
or do they just pretend
Do you feel alone?
Do they know you
because of who you are
how long have they
worshiped from afar
Do you feel alone?
Surrounded by splendor
in comfort drenched
but your desire for love babe
is never quenched
Do you feel alone?
Their acceptance is
conditionally based
you're all set up
in this popularity race
Do you feel alone?
Don't be jaded
or tear yourself away
dissolve all the sadness
just don't be afraid
if you feel alone
Do you feel alone?
Open your heart babe
let the love sink in
God will prop you up
with some spirit filled friends
so you're not alone
you're never alone
So why is it that I'm not so alarmed over how much I am wanting for these upcoming offerings? Because I've come to realize that God keeps using them and their creations to continually mold me, effect changes in my life and soul, and bring me closer to HIM. In the end, I'm waiting to see what God is about to do in my life with their music as a soundtrack. I am thankful to these artists for letting God use them. They could have chosen to live a different life where they don't have to worry about who is lurking in their bushes to take a photo of them (or worse). But these artists martyred their privacy - so many intimate moments with loved ones lost - so that another might hear or see or read something that could effect a change that moves them closer to God. I respect them and so I try to treat them with respect.
You'll find attached to this e-mail a special "recording" of ‘Do You Feel Alone?". I hope to make this feature a regular occurrence thanks to the encouragement of a few of my friends - Teddy, Rini, Chris E., and the Incredible Bunyip. However, if you dislike this feature, please address your complaints to me (Shaken@angelfire.com) instead of them. God be with you and yours.
Peace, love, and forgiveness.
Leslie Elain
Back to the Main Page
Email: shaken@angelfire.com