To Your Stories ... 1/13/2001
Welcome to this addition of the ring. I apologize for it's lateness. I could use such excuses as I have had illnesses in my family and that I have been traveling. Though both of these would be true, they wouldn't fully answer the question of why I haven't sat myself down to write. Since November I have been getting ideas for short stories. A little history on me, I began writing when I was 11 and that beginning was with short stories. I haven't really had the time or the focus to work on short stories for some time now and for it to be calling me back is an exciting proposition. I've started editing a story I originally wrote in 1992 called "When the Smiling Lady Cried." When I finish I will be sure to share it with you.
TO YOUR STORIES . . .
- Leslie E. Johnson copyright 2000
In the distant rumblings
within the mind
voices call out to be heard
their stories differ
but their wail is clear
distinctly
their stories must be told
it is within this
creative swirl
that new worlds are born
my God has planted these seeds
and left me to deliver them
to fruition
and so I turn back
in my creations
to remember how to create
with delicate seams
all these differing worlds
in which characters
parade onto the stage
to create or destroy
a world of their own
"Welcome home"
God says
"to your stories..."
Aside from this creative distraction, I've recently had a bit of a crisis from within. I had someone e-mail me recently on the success of my creative "ministry." I hadn't really thought of my ring as a ministry before. I knew from e-mails that some of my writings had helped people. I knew that God was using my writings to affect changes in the lives of people yet I still hadn't viewed it as a ministry. I confess that I felt a little spooked thinking about the ring from the definition of a "ministry." There's a certain amount of responsibility involved with a ministry that I wasn't sure I was ready to handle. What if my writing suddenly dried up (I have been writing less poetry as I have been spending more time on the short stories)? What if I said the wrong thing to someone and it affected their faith in a negative way? What if I couldn't help someone who needed to be brought to Christ? Then, worst of all, I looked at my own life and the mess I usually see it as, and asked how God could every really trust a ministry to someone like me.
SHAKE MY HOUSE (is it a psalm?)
- Leslie E. Johnson copyright 2000
His love now holds me firm and pulls me back into His arms as often as I stray.
So I find myself again opening His Book to pray.
There's always a thousand other things I want to say to you.
Often, I confess, I have wanted to pray with you but I find myself lacking the courage to ask or time is fleeting.
But this is all faulty reasoning if I truly love you then I should pray with you for God to move you.
The rain is pelting outside and the thunder has begun to shake the house.
It's best to be sheltered in the storms that pass through the heavens as well as life.
Best to trust a life in Christ than the arms of a strange lover.
Yes, these are lessons that I once had to learn.
Of course, there is also the complication of my own selfishness. I thought that this ring was enough but still I find myself at times still craving so very much to be published. To hold that book with my name printed as author seems such an allusive dream. It would be nice if my writing were more than a hobby and could help support my family. It would be so cool to do a book tour. To be able to meet Christian artists that I admire while touring with a book would be even more cool. And while I know that I'm only human and that humans often dream like this, I question how I can carry on a ministry for Christ while harboring such covetous thoughts.
WAIT FOR ME
- Leslie E. Johnson copyright 2001
I'm out of sync
with reality
wishing for everything
to be the way
I think it ought to be
I stop my thoughts
quietly
hold down my overblown
under-developed esteem
and pray my God
in heaven
will forgive me
I'm reaching for the stars
getting burned
they're out of reach
way too far
they never look at me
never hear my scream
but God in heaven
knows my everything
feels it when I bleed
stars like idols
can fall and cease to breathe
Wish I could
find my place
where I needn't
plead my case
at every turn embraced
God's connection never erased
guess it's not meant to be
as heaven's waiting for me
So God and I spoke. Whatever He wants me to do, I'm open to. I'm so there. If it's something I'm not sure I can handle, then I'll just turn to Him. If I just KNOW that I can't do it, then I best be screaming His name. I didn't come to Christ to sit on the sidelines crying and moping every time I get challenged or weirded-out. I'm human and I am imperfect and I have to accept that. I have to remain true and honest not just to myself and others but especially to God. All I can do is my best and let God carry the rest. Does this mean I'm embracing the term "ministry" for my rings? It means that I'm more fully embracing God's use of me and the writing with which He blesses me in the lives of others (and not just the effects in my life). Now doesn't that sound like an answer you'd hear to a media question?
God be with you and keep you. Peace, love, and forgiveness.
Leslie Elain
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Email: shaken@angelfire.com