Christmas Magic Version - 12/23/99
Merry Christmas, my friends!!!!
I wanted to send out one last poetry ring before Christmas. Now, I received feedback on my Christmas poem that I sent out last time. I think there was a bit of misunderstanding as to where I was trying to go with "Christmas Is?". Yes, it's a bleak poem but not about my loss of the Christmas spirit. I wrote it as a reminder to others as to what Christmas is supposed to be. So many (as you can see from the poem) have lost their focus and found bitterness in the holidays instead of the joy that should be there. Hope that helps you understand.
Before I start with the poems, I want to share a couple of stories with you (live from Bill's Dollar Store) that have given me joy and faith that the true spirit of Christmas is still alive out there somewhere.
#1 -- An elderly woman came into the store, she lives on a fixed income but she wanted to get a gift for her granddaughter. She needed food that day but asked our assistant manager if a toy could be held until the next day when she would receive a check and (hopefully) have the money for the toy. The manager explained that with all the confusion of the holiday we could try to hold it but it might accidently be put back out. Which was the truth. The lady thanked her for trying and walked away. A customer who had overheard the conversation came over to the assistant manager and said that she would pay for the toy. She left the store before the elder lady came to the checkout with her food. When she was given the toy and told it had already been paid for - for her - she was so grateful. When the store cleared, the assistant manager and I just almost broke to tears.
#2 A local boy was hurt in a car accident. Although he had been strapped into his car seat (he's just 3-4 years old), his injuries were still bad. He'll be in a body cast for the next 3 months and has had to have plastic surgery for the cuts on his face. A collection tin was put at my register to raise money for his medical expenses. A little boy about 7 or 8 came through my register. His class had drawn names so he had to get a toy for another little boy in his class. He came to me with a toy and candy for himself. Then he saw the tin. He asked if it was for the little boy who'd been hurt in the wreck. I told him yes. He looked at his money then at what he had at the register. He put back the candy and after I rang up his sale, he put what money he had left in the tin. He put ALL of it in the tin. Ladies and gentleman, I fought to control the tears that threatened to overwhelm me at such a simple but generous act. This child gave up the candy so that he could give this other child ALL that he could.
If there was any meaning that God intended for Christmas, I believe that these would be two examples of it. Selfless giving.
Leslie steps off her soapbox.
Now to those poems I was talking about. Since returning to my home state of Tennessee I have visited a few of my old haunts. Hopefully in the new Millennium I will get a chance to revisit Franklin and Nashville again. When I go to places I once knew I run into old friends and acquaintances. They all have commented on the difference in me. That is after they recover from the shock that I am still alive. They ask if I still write too. I have to tell them yes and then that leads into my explanation that I've come to Christ, so I'm still writing but not like I used to - cause I'm writing for HIM now. "What? No more month long suicidal depressions? No more poems dripping with gothic morose?" No. I still get depressed from time to time but not like before and I'm not alone in it. To borrow a line from Audio A "I get down, HE lifts me up." This poem came from a run in I had with a guy I knew from college. I was more than hung up on him - it was a bad situation. He used me and knew he could get away with it because I held him as an obsessive object. I saw him and felt NOTHING. Quite wonderful really. I knew then that my heart was set free from a bondage I had once experienced. Freedom in God is Lovely!
OBSESSION REVISITED
Leslie Johnson copyright 1999
The world says to me
Wow, chick, the difference
I smile, make a witty remark
try not to become tense
Truth is, yes, I'm calmer
never really changed
still the same old me
just the words aren't the same
My pitiful cries into the night
aren't so loud or long
still desperate for love and acceptance
now knowing right from wrong
You knew me when the world
had spun off its axis
a case of a youth on a ledge
a troubled suicidal classic
If I'm gonna jump now
it'll be into my Lord's arms
as I'm pulled up into the clouds
during the rapturous storms
So, yes, I guess the chick is different
no longer burying the pain
I turn to my Lord when I cry
and seek to unearth Elain
If there's a difference you see
it's from the light of the Lord
I take no credit - I'm blessed
to have escaped from this world
I've had visits from family since moving home as well. It's given me the opportunity to talk to my Mom and my sisters about my faith. I confess that it troubles me deeply to not know with total certainty where my loved ones would go should they die tonight (it troubles me about a number of people I know and love). But each person makes their choice - usually not realizing how much it affects all those around them. I wrote this poem after a visit from one of my sisters. I wanted to share it.
WHISPERED MESSAGE
-Leslie Johnson copyright 1999
Move in a little closer
hear the words I whisper dear
I want you to know the meaning
I hope the message to be clear
there's no need for mourning
sorrow can be left behind
joy isn't so hard
to embrace
if you are so inclined
all traces of past pain
become a distant memory
erased from existence
when our Lord comforts
tenderly
do you understand my
whispers
is the message coming through
I've found peace and joy with the Lord
and I'm sure that
so can you
Lastly, I began reading a book called "The Robe" by Lloyd C. Douglas a while back. I've had to put it down due to work and holidays, etc. so I haven't finished it yet. It is a fictional account of what happened to the Roman soldier who won the robe of Jesus at the foot of the cross. Quite an interesting perspective I must say. I'm only half way through the book but I would recommend it. One day after being unable to put the book down for an extended period (I was finally interrupted by the phone), I sat down and wrote this poem.
A WALK IN ETERNITY WITH YOU
-Leslie Johnson copyright 1999
Men have walked along these lonely earthen roads
pondering ways for immortality
But even emperors and kings
have lost their way against these things
only to resign to their finalities
Even knowing this
I plead with my Lord
"give me time in full to live"
so many things to see
so many things to do
Still I'll trade them all
for a walk in eternity with YOU
Men have often questioned
needing to have meaning in life
answers in this yawning universe
But even poets and artist
find their works merely cathartic
lost within shallow landscapes of verse
Even knowing this
I plead with my Lord
"give me time in full to know"
so many things to see
so many things to do
Still I'll trade them all
for a walk in eternity with YOU
Ponderings
restless wanderings
through centuries
leave us without anything
Unless we choose our Lord
we can never be free
Even knowing this
I plead with my Lord
"give me no more time to lead"
Only YOU to see
Only YOUR work to do
I've traded life's shackles
for a walk in eternity with YOU
Anyone want to try to put that to music? : ) Hope you enjoy and I hope all this gives you something to think about. Happy holidays to all - Merry Christmas and a Wondrous New Year!!!!! I pray that God be with you all in this season - opening your hearts to see opportunities of bringing glimmers of God into the lives of others.
Peace, love, and forgiveness.
Leslie Elain
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