Childhood Within - January 31, 2002
My daughter had to read a devotional at her youth group. She was nervous and asked me to stay for support. She had chosen the devotion from one of the devotional books in my library. It spoke of seeing roses among the thorns instead of focusing on the thorns. Of a painter seeing the beautiful contrasting of colors in a river instead of seeing it as ripe with mud. As my daughter read, I asked myself how I saw life. Did I see roses or thorns most of the time?
THE CHILD WITHIN
- Leslie E. Johnson copyright 2000
I let you go
I let you fall
I left you to be
forgotten
yet you cry out at
night
in fear you wish for flight
from the prison within
where's the key
I know that I must
hold you
must quieten your sobs
must reunite with you
through forgiveness and love
not reject you
for your childlike needs
of love, comfort, and safety
children need these things
how can I deny you
Elain
let me in
so I can let you out
When I look to my childhood it's so easy for me to see all the tears and wretchedness. It's too easy. There are lovely memories in there as well. I remember picking wild flowers in the woods to bring as a bouquet to my Mom. I remember her rocking me to sleep as she sang "You are my Sunshine." I remember my 2nd oldest sister (8 years older than me) telling me about the Greek myths one day as we took the dry clothes off the line and folded them. Later when she was in college I delighted in receiving her letters and postcards. I still have the postcard she mailed to me from New York City while on her Senior trip. I remember visiting the neighbors with my 3rd older sister (6 years older than me) to ride their horses. And how I loved to see her drawings and paintings. I so admire her talent to create. She used to take me places to get me out of the house (fairs, a football game, car racing, wrestling, movies). She even took me into her home once to live for a while. My oldest sister (10 years older than me) is always there in the background for me. How often have I heard the stories of her changing my diapers and tending to me as a baby? I remember being very young and cuddling up to her and going to sleep. I remember her balancing me on her feet as I stood like a circus performer. I remember her tickling me until I couldn't breath from laughter.
LAUGHTER HOLDING
- Leslie E. Johnson copyright 2002
The sound of your laughter
tickles my ear
I smile involuntarily
feeling you near
your cheeks go rosey
our smiles are widened
conversations go giddy
as memories enliven
catfish balls
hearts of siamese twins
nails on a string
bring laughter again
uneven haircuts
dolls with drawn faces
down by the water hole
and other familiar places
birthday cakes
and half baked parties
first loves and crushes
makes us gush hearty
Halloween get ups
Thanksgiving across the bridge
Grandma's fishing gnomes
riding Rusty along the ridge
copper staple necklace
Marcus adventure stories
too high for swing sets
moments of teasing and joys
laughter spills on
I love being so near
such a wonderful blessing
to hold you so dear
I find great joy in these memories. They are but a few of the roses God has put among the thorns of life. I don't think my sisters really know how much they mean to me. They don't know how much I love the sound of their laughter when they're really tickled by something. They don't know how much I am delighted when I am able to be with them, to speak with them, to sit beside them, to hug them, to see them smile. I love them and I'll put aside every harsh word we've ever spoken, every fight that's ever been between us, every trust ever broken (strip away the thorns) to be able to repeatedly tell them how much they mean to me.
I NEED
- Leslie E. Johnson copyright 2001
All I ever thought I needed
was just shallow compared to YOU
All I ever chased after
was loose confusion until YOU stepped in
Now I try to turn aside
from petty pretty pasted jewels
Want for the real treasures
gold and silver pounded pure
free from sin
Heart of gold is a cliched claim
but couldn't it be true
with a soul shimmered in silver
couldn't I be chaste anew
couldn't I be freed from a corrupted view
the shallowness set askewed
so as not to interrupt when YOU step in
to unforge the corrosive link to sin
I can be freed from sin
I can fly with angels
smiling deep
falling to my knees
praising the Son before HIS throne
and won't YOU be smiling back at me
isn't this all I ever needed
to chase after YOU
to follow the Son
They have been with me, quietly encouraging me on through my whole life. Just as I sat beside my daughter to give her strength and courage while she read, the three of them have been there for me each in her own way. I only hope that in some way I can put more roses than thorns in their lives. And this is how God slides angels in on our lives. People in our lives can be such incredible blessings to us and we can be an answered prayer to them. It's all a matter of how you look at things and how you allow yourself to be moved by God. I don't want to be stuck in the thorns or mired in the mud any longer. I'd rather look past to see the beautiful blessings and memories that God has put in my life. I'd rather let HIM use me.
I never want to hesitate in telling someone I love them and that they are a blessing to me. I hope you'll feel the same.
Peace, love, and forgiveness,
Leslie
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