Temptation Edition - 2/6/2000
Welcome to this edition of my poetry ring (that almost wasn't). In all honesty, I almost didn't do it this week. I had almost convinced myself that there was no reason to compose it and send it out. I had let myself fall to temptations, depression, and feelings of self pity. I hadn't realized that I'd let myself fall so far either until a friend spoke up and told me to get a grip. I got a grip - reached my hand back out to hold on to God (my source for everlasting strength and comfort).
It's easy to fall, to slip, to stumble, to backslide, to trip - however you phrase it. I think it's part of human nature. It happens to the best of us. The thing is to always bring yourself back to God and hopefully bring yourself closer to Him. For me, when I'm focused on God, I'm less likely to sin. It's those moments when I stray from my prayer and study routine that I find I'm more likely to stumble. That's when it's easier for me to fall back into thought patterns and habits from my "B.C." days.
ONE WITH GOD
-Leslie Johnson copyright 1998
I try so hard to be good
to study and do what I must
but I get distracted so easily
by all the ruckus and fuss
I want to follow Christ
and lead a Christian life
but then my stomach turns to knots
from all the stress and strife
How can I forget this world
when it's right here in my face?
How can I be one with God
when I'm trapped in this rat race?
I run from my problems
I run from the fear and pain
but I find there's no true escape
they always come back again
I drive myself to ruin
this I must confess
but I'd rather drone with the tv on
than my sins to address
How can I forget this world
when it's right here in my face?
How can I be one with God
when I feel so out of place?
You know that I can see my sins
I can see where I have failed
I've lived my life with no tomorrow
or worries about hell
Instead I dream of fitting in
and finding the perfect sex
I may as well have open the door
and said, "Satan be my guest."
How can I forget this world
when it's right here in my face?
How can I be one with God
when I'm so unworthy of His grace?
I find myself making changes
I can turn off the tv
I open the Bible and study the Word
and realize that God loves me
With alterations here and there
I will follow Christ
I will trim away the death and pain
for Jesus has paid my price
I can forget this world
though it's right here in my face
I can be one with God
‘cause of Jesus sins are erased
I can be one with God
and transcend this awful place
I can fill this void with God's loving grace
Now we each have our own temptations that we are more prone to fall to. I hope with time and God's help to shorten my list. Sometimes we look at whatever the temptation may be and think, "It's not that bad." We try to make areas grey that aren't. We don't think about it coming back to haunt us. It's like fudging the numbers "just a little" on your income tax. You probably won't let yourself think about it being so bad until the IRS requests an audit. The thought of God's audit of our lives should be in our minds when faced with temptation. Often, however, it isn't. We need to let go of pushing grey areas and think of things clearly as they are. I like how Sean Doty put it in the song "Price of a Soul" (group: UnVeiled album: Youth Music)*: "Would you plant weeds in your garden/Would you poison a favorite meal/Would you choose death over pardon/Take an imposter over what's real". I like the bluntness of Sean's wording in that song. You wouldn't do any of those things, but choosing sin over what God has commanded is the same thing.
GOD GIRL
-Leslie Johnson copyright 1999
I have to ask myself
What kind of girl am I?
If I say "good girl"
then I know it's a lie
I've not done it all
but I've done enough
I've been sweet and spicy
and I've played it tough
The question now is
what do I want to be
Confusion mounts high
making the answer hard to see
Sometimes I feel shy
Sometimes I'm needy
Sometimes I get wild
becoming the life of the party
I don't know who I am
which makes it hard to submit
torn between playing sickly sweet
and a dominatrix
Can I walk away from definitions?
Neither good girl or bad?
Just a girl for the Lord
forgetting the past she's had?
There's something to ponder
a conundrum to tear apart
The answer is easy then
I want a thawing in my heart
Nothing else brings me there
sex doesn't always equal joy
confusion, pain, emptiness
are parts of sex that can annoy
The Lord brings me joy
The Lord has never failed
What more can make things clear
My Lord to the cross was nailed
He did it for me, this little girl
definitions then were lost
good or bad or indifferent
The Lord has paid all costs
All confusion comes undone
I understand the way
not trying to be good or bad
just being the Lord's each day
Having said all that, I don't know that I can offer much advice on avoiding temptation. If you're like me, you know what sins you're most prone to fall to. In my case, I try to avoid the situation that brings me close to the temptation. If that's impossible, then I pray really, really hard for God to lend me the strength and courage to get through the moment. If I get through that crucial moment then I pray for God to help me not to imagine what it might have been like had it gone the other way (‘cause for me it's basically the same as falling - sets me up to fall next time around). When I do fall, I bring myself before God (as soon as I'm willing to own up to it) and ask for forgiveness. I used to seriously beat myself up over falls to the point where it interfered with my walk. I would get to the point where I was sure that I couldn't do this "Christian walk thing". Just as I've asked God (and others) to forgive me, I had to learn to also forgive myself. [NOTE: That's something I'm still working on.]
Now, I've done some things in my life I'm not proud of and I won't name them here. However, I will say that the next poem was sorta prompted by my realization that there is one less thing on my temptation list.
REBEL
-Leslie Johnson copyright 2000
Leather jacket, cigarette danglin'
James Dean-ing in the grandest style
Give me a bad boy with a wicked grin
who knows how to make me smile
Riding on the ‘cycles
speeding in their cars
headed down hollow streets
they always take it too far
Always drawn to bad boys
trouble's all I gain
looking for a heart o'gold
but they're all the same
A character flaw really
‘til the last rebel I met
couldn't help being drawn in
made me forget the rest
without jacket or cigarette
HE makes waves with the world
HE shows compassion and strength
HE unbroke the heart of this girl
Labeled a "bad boy"
but HE was mis-defined
people flocked to see HIM
‘cause they knew HE was divine
One of a kind rebel
stylin' all HIS own
leaving lasting impressions
wherever HE roams
The impression on me
was deeper than a smile
I gave it all to walk with HIM
and HE makes it worthwhile
Bad boys don't turn my head
now I just pass them by
I turn my eyes heavenward
‘cause my rebel makes me fly
That will conclude this poetry ring with one exception - I must thank Sean Doty for permission to quote his song. I also must manicly rave on UnVeiled's "Youth Music" album. I bought the album without hearing it first on the strength of the lyrics (and I don't usually do that sorta thing). And, yes, I am listening to it right now while typing this! If you're curious, check the site: "members.aol.com/spdoty/extreme/index.htm". And the last time I checked you can still order the limited edition autographed copies of "Youth Music" through "www.77s.com". It's well worth getting a copy!
As always, your questions and comments are welcome (wanted and needed). Feel free to e-mail me at Shaken@angelfire.com. If you know someone who would enjoy this poetry ring, have them e-mail me and I'll add them to my list. God be with you and yours! Peace, love, and forgiveness.
Leslie Elain
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Email: shaken@angelfire.com