Wall of Love - 3/15/2001

HAND
- Leslie E. Johnson copyright 2001 (thanks Rev. Reed)

Take my hand
please hold it firm
take my world
make it YOURS
send YOUR angels
to wrap around
this broken soul
once lost now found
hold me close
please don't let go
take my hand
let YOUR words flow

The hand of the Creator
holds me still
I shake in this world
on knees I kneel
I pray for peace
I pray for use
I pray for forgiveness
when there's no excuse

Welcome to this LATE edition of the ring. I do apologize - especially to all those who are new (and I welcome you). This is NOT how I usually run this piece. I'm going to be honest with you. I'm coming clean. I'm gonna give it to ya straight. I am not perfect. I am far beyond not being perfect. I am incredibly flawed. You may be thinking, "So, we all are. What's your point?" Well, here it is: I have felt drawn to try to get published. It's not me. I've tried on 4 separate occasions, 4 different kinds of books, to be published. Failing miserably every time I might add. The fear of that rejection has built up over the last couple of years since the last time I gave it a go. Well, this time I feel like God's pushing me towards this but that fear is still there like a brick wall I keep slamming into. My writing has slacked off. I sit down to type up a ring and I feel this sudden terror. It gets ugly. So even though I've done you wrong by not getting this out on time since the beginning of the year, I'm going to beg you (to forgive me and) to please say a prayer for me. Pray that the search will be successful instead of stressful. Pray that I'll have some strength, courage, wisdom, and perseverance to see this thing through. And I thank you for your patience, for your support, and very much for your prayers.

SPIRAL
- Leslie E. Johnson copyright 1999

This is where I am:
I am out of faith
or rather
I don't know how to
hold it steady
Sometimes I close my eyes,
open wide my soul,
and see God's purpose
through events
in all of space and time
In that instance
I catch a glimpse
of God's "big picture"
These moments
have become
fewer and farther between
I can glimpse God
working through the
history of mankind
but I can not still myself enough
to feel HIM moving
in myself
My God, help me,
I am barren to YOU

I know that I am not the only Christian who has had struggles in faith when God came knocking for service. People have had problems in faith just in everyday life. It's a normal thing. I've found that now, though, when I'm struggling, doubting that even God could do something in my life, still I turn to HIM. I ask HIM questions about it. I talk to HIM about it. I cry with HIM about it. And maybe I don't feel an answer right away but there is a measure of comfort felt. Sometimes, there are moments, when that's all I need to get me through.

WARM FUZZY
- Leslie E. Johnson copyright 2001

Blue skies are needed
for my sunny disposition
tired beyond measure
in need of some strength
Do I really need
this inquisition
I don't understand
what this is all about
Quench my thirst
and dry my brow
want a warm fuzzy blanket
not a dripping wet towel
Warmth and security
happiness in blizzards
instead of flurries
Company hates misery
or is it the opposite
just too tired to
think it straight
Regrets come haunting
in a skipped heartbeat
like snot running with coughs
I fall to my knees
Cry out in the darkness
with no sheepish grins
Lord, I need so much of YOU
before I can begin again
Goodnight
then flick back the light

Even through my fears, my doubts, my incessant excuse making, and insecurities, God not only stays with me but uses me. It's just blinding how much HE must love me. When my friends and family are tired of hearing me whine and cry and rant and rave, HE's just THERE. HE's so patient, gently ushering me back to the pen and pad, back to this computer keyboard, back to reaching out where HE needs me to be. And I find myself unable to not love HIM in return, unable to say no when HE asks, unable to stop praying for HIS Will to run through my life. And I am thankful....

PC PRAYING
-Leslie E. Johnson copyright 2001

From behind the screen
I reach out to the world
without trying,
finding the wounded
God leads to me
From behind the screen
I pray for those
too heavy hearted
too burdened to make it
alone
From behind the screen
I speak comforting words
whispered through my soul
to those who need
to feel HIS love
through their distress
From behind the screen
God uses me
to reach others who
might need to know
From behind the screen
I hold onto hope
without reserve
giving more than a glimpse
of this precious gift
to those who are
in lack of seeing
From behind the screen
God reaches me
in tears, in joy, in prayers
in deep blessings
HE drenches me
I find peace of soul
from behind the screen

So there you have it. I am flawed. I am stumped by a wall of fear that has grown high enough to slow, even stop my writing. But I am finding that no wall is high enough to block out the SON, so there is always hope. As of tonight, the writing flows - by will of God. May God be with you and bless you.
Peace, love, and forgiveness.
Leslie

This edition of the ring is dedicated with many thanks to Justin Griffin (I'm looking forward to your book due out 5/2001), to Rini (my adopted Marmee) for your constant encouragement, and to Rev. Jeff Reed (thanks for the support and for just listening). May God bless you in HIS use.

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Email: shaken@angelfire.com