dc Talk's Jesus Freak Version (Testimony) - 5/10/2000

BLOWING LEAVES
- Leslie Johnson copyright 1995

Childhood memories blow through my mind
like scattering leaves on a fall day
I try to organize them
in piles that can be understood,
connected
only to have an event
a harsh wind
a playful child
destroy the work I've done
by scattering the leaves
these memories in my mind

So many I don't want to remember
so many I can't forget
that earn me the titles
of victim or survivor

Sometimes I wish I could
let the leaves be scattered
so painful to let them stay
in their confusion
my confusion

Welcome to this edition of the poetry ring where we travel back to 1996. This was the year that changed my life. My God worked overtime to get my attention, tell me that HE loved me, and bring me home to HIM. I was turning to HIM but little doubts still plagued me. God had a creative solution: HE brought me to the "Jesus Freak" album by dc Talk and more specifically the song "Jesus Freak." It spoke volumes to me and unleashed the last of the barriers that kept me from giving myself to God.

"Separated, I cut myself clean from a past that comes back in my darkest of dreams. Been apprehended by a spiritual force and a grace that replaces all of me I divorced." - JESUS FREAK by dc Talk

LEGACY
- Leslie Johnson copyright 2000

The dreams are frightening
welling up from within
My Lord please help me withstand
this legacy of sin
What curse was laid down
upon them and their descendants
laying waste each generation
souls born under a death sentence
This legacy I carry
it seems so harsh to bear
fathers without virgin daughters
innocence butchered unspared
Once I asked for death
now my Lord's love I embrace
forgive me, give me strength
that I may endure this fate
My Lord these tears
they flow unchecked
a river of blood and seed
too much for a child of regret
Pain is controlled
for only a limited time
insanity or release beckon
from a childhood unkind
My Lord I understand
YOU once shared this pain
YOU stepped into mortal clothes
and withstood its flame
So YOU know this writhing
this my own cross I bear
so much pain from invisible wounds
upon my soul it wears
My Lord lead me to escape
from this legacy of sin
I pray for You protection
my soul please defend

Indeed a dark past haunted me - from childhood traumas to my own selfish mistakes. To hear someone else say that it was possible to be severed and really walk with Jesus, it meant a great deal to me. It was a release from judgements imposed by others and myself. No things aren't always the same. There is a possibility to change - and for that change to be all consuming.

"What will people think when they hear that I'm a Jesus freak? What will people do when they find out it's true?" JESUS FREAK by dc Talk

WHEN JOE WALKED AWAY
- Leslie Johnson copyright 2000

When Joe walked away
all he had to say
was "I don't believe.
The universe erupted
there was no angels to trumpet
the creation of beasts or seas.
Man stands briefly
no soul is shifting
at the event of death.
There is no God,
no heaven above."
His words left me depressed.*
"Look at you!"
Was all she could coo
as I tried to announce my faith.
The old party days were ended.
She sounded nearly offended
as before her I pled my case.
The Lord offered me an ease
to my painful pleas.
A way to halt the past bearing down.
She just smiled at my delusion
sure I was lost in another confusion.
Soon, she predicted, my feet would again touch ground.*
Not a word was muttered
amongst the computer clutter.
Just a shifting of the Celestine Prophesy and some porn.
I just turned and walked away
nothing left but to pray.
The truth for me (and not him) hit home.*
People left me standing,
not regretting the abandoning
of their friend who had discovered divinity.
Some belittled my faith.
Some scoffed at the fate
that I had come to trust and love the trinity.
It sounds so brutal
that they rescinded their approval
on the grounds of this divine insanity.
That's okay. I got love
though I'm given the boot and a shove
from old friends and a good percentage of humanity

I've always been insecure with myself and sort of needy and clingy when it comes to my friends and their approval/love. Becoming a Christian really did mean that I was going to lose people that I had enjoyed and held dear. Becoming a Christian meant following Christ. I could not forsake Christ and deny my faith so that someone would continue to allow me to hang with them. Knowing someone else was asking themselves what they would do when people turned on them gave me strength - I was not alone in this.

"There ain't no disguising the truth. (No I ain't into hiding the truth.)" JESUS FREAK by dc Talk

Quite simply, this spoke to me on two levels. I didn't want to hide the fact that I was turning to Christ and had come to believe that HE died for me. Jesus DIED for me. HE loved me that much. Doesn't that sound incredible? Even after all these years, it still amazes me. Secondly, I no longer want to live hiding my past. I will not stop talking about the abuse I went through and the devastating effects it had in my development as a human being and my life in general. I shout from the rooftops even though inside there are reminders that in that same past people have tried to permanently silence me. I understand that in my openness another person might find some healing. I know that God can use my words. All I have to do is be brave enough to utter them.

"That my best friend was born in a manger." JESUS FREAK by dc Talk

WINE AND WORD
- Leslie Johnson copyright 1999

A half empty bottle of wine
pen and paper
and the Word of God before me
I still don't understand
what You're trying to tell me
or why You reward me
as You do
I stumble, I fall
I falter and stall
I am selfish to a fault
I consort with evil
to believe their lies
as an excuse to fall to sin
They led me to it I cry
but in my heart
You and I both know
that I'm telling my own lies
and trying desperately to believe myself
And You just ask me to please try again
try harder
work longer
simply believe and trust
let go of this world
let go of the fall
forget the past
and it's painful call
let go and walk with ME
so I sit with my pen
scribbling again
with my bottle of wine and the Word
Knowing full well that You love me

It was a unique concept for me to think of Jesus as "my best friend." It hadn't occurred to me before hearing "Jesus Freak" to think of Jesus not only as my savior but as someone I could talk to, confide in, hang with, share important moments with (‘cause He's always there). Like any good friend, you can talk to Him, get His opinion on stuff, and trust Him with all your secrets. He'd share His last loaf of bread and fish with you and turn some water into wine so you can celebrate the love. : ) And more than any mortal friend, He will never let you down. He stands by you and will protect you to the last - even into eternity.

For me to say that God used dc Talk to change my life completely is not an understatement. Yes, HE used a number of other things that year as well. However, I can not fully communicate with these feeble words what an incredible difference the music of dc Talk made for me at that moment in time in making the decision to go down into the water. I find that since then, God has continued to use them and their music to refine my life and faith. Why dc Talk? I don't know (ask Him). Like any good friend, He knew exactly what I needed.

Hope you've enjoyed this edition of the ring. Serious thank you's go to Mr. Max, Mr. Tait, and Mr. McKeehan for making the choice for God's music and for the many sacrifices they make to bring the tunes to us.

God be with you and keep you and yours. Peace, love, and forgiveness.

Leslie

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Email: shaken@angelfire.com