Wedding March Edition - 5/10/2000
INNOCENT LOVE
- Leslie Johnson copyright 2000
Whatever happened
to innocent love?
The puppy variety
we used to sing of?
Holding hands
used to mean so much.
Trust and love
with only one small touch.
A kiss goodnight
used to be so sweet -
a little bit of cuddle
and a peck on the cheek.
In today's world
it's all nuclear fast.
So few remember how
to make true love last.
I say we take a
trip to by-gone days
so that we can reclaim
some of those innocent ways.
A smile and a look
could be so clean.
Our innocence held
in an image pristine.
Innocence isn't dead.
It could be reclaimed
if we take the time
for our hearts to retrain.
Whatever happened
to love of innocence?
We traded it for progression,
selfishness, modern insolence.
I've been watching the tv too much. I haven't slept well lately and I've zoned in front of the tv with late night talk shows that cater to the depravity of the world. I guess I should take a cue from Guardian's "Blue Light Special" and read a "good Book" instead. I watch these shows where young kids are living like they're 30! They aren't talking crushes or puppy love . These kids have done stuff or are still doing stuff that I have never done with more people than came to my wedding! I sit there frightened. They don't even realize that there is another way to live. They say, "Everyone else is doing it." I got news for them - that's a lie that has been used for years (decades - centuries) to justify behaviors that aren't the best for anyone.
I LAY IN THE DARK
- Mrs. Leslie Johnson copyright 1988
I think of you
as I lay in the dark
The thought of your eyes
fills my mind
I lay in the dark
filled with complete joy
because everything I need
is in your eyes
I look within your soul
and I see the kindness
you have shown me
I remember with fondness
how you taught me to love
you helped me to discover
how I can trust
you helped me to search
for happiness
I lay in the dark
thinking of your eyes
and how wonderful
our life together will be
I look at you in your sleep
and my soul is overcome with passion
I know as I cuddle next to you
on the edge of sleep
that this is how I want
my life to be
I am thrilled to follow
those spoken words:
"What God has brought together,
let no man put asunder."
I wrote that around the time of my wedding in 1988. And I meant those words. I love my husband so all the stuff I did before and all the people who were in my life before became meaningless on that day. I'm no saint here. I did a lot of things that I now regret. I've been with my husband for 12 years now and that is a decision that I don't regret. The poem paints a pretty picture - a dream world for a woman who had no clue of what a married life was actually like. I had no good reference from childhood. No, my parents weren't divorced. Mom buried 2 husbands. It's just that those 2 marriages were both prime examples of why there should be divorce. Trust me on that one.
Marriage is not an easy thing. You are so passionately in love for that wedding but there are reality issues that don't set in until later. My husband and I have had some serious ups and downs. We said things to each other in the midst of arguments that we dearly wish we could take back. Now all we can do is forgive. I've been through his getting his Bach. and Masters degrees and moving all over the place. He's been with me going through 4 ½ years of therapy, having children (I have troubled pregnancies), depressions, and manic cycles with my writing. But we are both committed to trying to make this thing work - not for our children but for ourselves and God. Aside from our wedding, the day that bonded us together even deeper was the day that we both committed our lives to Christ and were baptized - together. It was more than a renewing of vows - it made our love, commitment, devotion, and respect for one another run deeper. We said "In sickness and in health, for better or for worse ‘til death do us part" and I will keep this vow in love, just as I will keep my vows to God.
KEEPING LOVE
- Leslie Johnson copyright 1994
The photograph was taken
before I knew them
they are laughing
enjoying life
This in not the picture of them I know
Aunt Edith was already
bedridden
the Parkinson and Alzheimer
had stolen her life
but not Uncle Edward's love
He stayed with her
nursed her
fed her
changed her
This was the great love of his life
who was slowly drifting away
This is the picture I know
Clearly I remember
that night at Grandma's
when he called
and I listened without a sound
on the other line
to hear him say,
"Edna, she's not breathing anymore."
The sound of his voice was
grief and relief
The love of his life was gone
her pain now ended
But in keeping her
he had been kept (in love)
and now that "burden" was ended
The photo seems foreign to me
I never knew
the joyous couple
but I knew the shadow
of this man
who loved so very deeply
enough to keep love alive
This last poem is a true story. An actual couple. They were married well over 50 years. It wasn't just a commitment in vows that kept them together (even through the roughest of times), it was their love and the pure joy they allowed themselves to find in one another. People don't allow themselves to think of the worst possible scenerios on that wedding day - but these are the tests with marriages. Will one of you bail if the financial situation becomes a desert? Will you bail if your spouse confesses an infidelity? Or can you find a way to forgive (and maybe some day not remember so much)? Will you be strong enough to hold on through an extended physical illness? Or an emotional upheaval that nearly destroys the life of the one you love while all you can do is helplessly watch until they can get it back together? Can you survive the deaths and famines and empty blackholes that can occur in marriage? If you both believe you have a God to turn to, it will make things easier.
My husband and I have had to live the past 2 months apart. We won't be living back together as a family until June (another month to go through). It sucks! When we "visit" one another on weekends between Tennessee and Indiana, it is hell to then have to leave. The last time I got home, I called him and told him that as much as we sometimes fuss and fight and don't agree and see life so differently, I would still rather be with him not agreeing than apart and miserable. We have gone through a year in hell - emotionally, financially, and spiritually. It has tested our marriage. It has tested our faith. I crawl away from it honestly saying that I love this man that I vowed to 12 years ago. I love him more now than I did then, regardless of all that we have been through. I love him. I'm going to go to him now.
God be with you and yours. Peace, love, and forgiveness.
Leslie
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