Leslie's Poetry Reading? - The Ring Version 6/11/2000
Welcome to this edition of the poetry ring. I know it's been a while now since I did a ring. I have totally missed doing it (something akin to withdrawal). Have you missed it too? Just so you know, I am now moved but I am unsure that I will ever see an end to boxes. I am glad to be back on the net, able to talk to you and to return to doing the poetry rings.
In May there was decoration day at the church where my husband's grandmother attends (and has attended her whole life). It's a small country church. Much of the funds used to maintain the graveyard and church building are raised at the May Day decoration. Crafts and preserves are sold (I made some pressed flower arrangements) and collections are taken. Not just church members but family members of those laid to rest attend (many from out of state). Neighbors of the church and people from the community show up for the testimonies, music, and lunch. There's usually quite a crowd, which made my decision even more difficult. I love Grandma Johnson. I know that she's been praying for me ever since Richard brought me home to meet her 12 years ago. I think the whole thing put her in a general state of shock. I was NOT a nice Christian girl - nearly opposite actually. I wanted to show her how much her example of Christ has meant in my life - and the donation of the pressed flower arrangements just didn't seem enough. I made the decision to get up and read my poetry at the decoration.
COOTY GIRL
- Leslie Johnson copyright 1999
In a corner she sits
afraid to admit
she doesn't know how
to join the conversation
It seems like such fun
but she just wants to run
back to the safety
of her well worn shell
Just her brief visits out
renew all the doubts
that she can ever
really belong
The questions remain
continually the same
what if she falters
what if she blunders
In the midst of stumbling
there are mental rumblings
of memories from
bygone days
Of name callings
of being tripped and falling
and rock throwings
that left cuts and bruises
I don't belong here
and I never will
is the call of a fear
from an early age instilled
So she sits feeling lame
cheeks red with shame
pondering whether
to even attempt a move
Her tongue is frozen
and her past has woven
a trap of fear
that has ensnared her
There's only one way out
that's to let go of the doubts
and jump right into
the conversation
She fills her lungs to the brim
then takes the first step to begin
the journey to leave
the schoolyard behind
It's not with effortless grace
but she goes her own pace
and finds a comfortable
niche with a comedian
Laughter spills all around
as her walls fall down
someday she could
get used to this
My sister-in-law beat me to the front of the church. [Okay, in honesty, I sat in the back because I'm a coward and I always become a nervous wreck when speaking publicly.] Although raised as a Christian, she had broken from God several years ago and lived a life darkened with sin. She gave her testimony about returning to Christ, thanking Grandma for continuing to pray for her even when she was so lost that she all but broke communications with the family. My sister-in-law has a beautiful voice and sang two songs. She also read some of her poetry at the front. It was incredibly moving to hear. There was some vocal praising of Jesus happening in the crowd. It was my sister-in-law and a discussion we'd had earlier in the week that inspired the following poem. She was doing an agricultural type Bible study and it fascinated me to no end. It's an awesome example of the power of Jesus to know that her life could be turned a complete 180 degrees in just 2 short years.
WALK ME ON THE SEA
- Leslie Johnson copyright 2000
Break me from this branch
fall me from this tree
severe me from all you must
to show me to believe
Living lies and emptiness
dreaming shallow dreams
taking in the deep breaths
only when I scream
I want Your hold to be endless
I want more than I can see
take me out onto the lake
and walk me on the sea
Jesus, Your vine stretches
across the millennia
reaching out to the lost,
the frozen, and undone
Graft me to this vine
I'm cut away from olden roots
I want living water in my veins
so I can bear Your fruits
I want Your hold to be strengthened
though from miseries I am not freed
take me out onto the lake
and walk me on the sea
Now Satan, he will tempt
speaking truth, I may slip
but I'll always reach out my hand
to search for Your strong grip
You hold my life in Your hands
using gentle pruning shears
You cut away the deadness
so I love without the fears
I want You to hold me in Heaven
You're everything I need
When You take me out onto the lake
and walk me on the sea
Finally I knew I couldn't wait any longer. I didn't want to lose courage. I didn't want that nasty feeling of regret haunting me. I stood and walked quickly to the front. I looked out over the crowd. It was then that I nearly stopped breathing as I thought, "What am I doing up here?" It was too late to run for the door so I took a deep breath, pondered briefly how in the world these Christian musicians I so admire do this night after night, and began. I didn't go into any lengthy discussions. I just stated that I came to Christ in 1996 after living away from HIM for most of my life. It wasn't an easy thing for me to do but I have come to love and trust my Lord. I read "I Praise Your Name" (which appeared in the History Edition of this ring on 4/10/2K) and followed it with this poem inspired by the "town dog" which lives outside of the hardware store.
LESSONS IN LOVE
- Leslie Johnson copyright 2000
Downtown on the Main
there is a sandy shaggy dog
he spends his days greeting all
though to no one he belongs
Everyone adores him
they give him scraps and smiles
Everyone pets him
and loves him for a while
he never growls or barks much
he prefers the gentle nudge,
sleeping in the sun,
and sharing his doggy love
though he belongs to no one
truth is he belongs to all
to everyone who shows
acts of kindness
large or small
Such a simple lesson
taught by a shaggy dog
little blessings and spots of joy
from selfless acts of love
I had brought along a few other poems but I stopped with just those two. I was sure that I had done horribly. I then went outside and walked around as a process of calming down. I was about to start beating myself up for being such a coward and doing so poorly when a person came up to me and told me how much she enjoyed my poems. As the day wore on and into the following week, numerous people came to me and told me how much they enjoyed the poems and my testimony. Apparently, no matter how poorly I perceived my reading as being, God still used it to effect the lives of others.
Will I do this again? I have a sick feeling that I will. I told some people at the church we are now attending about my website and this ring. The next time I ventured into a Sunday school class I was asked to briefly talk about my doing this. Much smaller crowd in the class, so I was less troubled and felt more positive about the whole experience. I love doing this ring but I've a feeling that God may someday call me to do more. It's so easy to sit here at my computer and "talk" to you, my cyber audience, about my coming to Christ, the gifts that God has blessed me with, and my discoveries as my faith and joy grow. I can edit this before hitting the mail button. Live and in person, I might make a fool of myself. I might become overwhelmed in the spirit and (gasp) cry publicly - public crying is not something I do but when God is with me, there are times when I sob (shaking even) uncontrollably. However, I know that whatever God asks me to do, He will also give me the strength and courage to do it and will be there with me through it all.
Praise be to my Lord, my God! May God be with you and yours. Peace, love, and forgiveness.
Leslie Johnson
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Email: shaken@angelfire.com