The Middle Wife
I've been teaching now
for about fifteen years.
I have two kids myself,
but the best birth story I know is the one
I saw in my own second grade classroom
a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.
So I always have a
few sessions with my students.
It helps them get over shyness and usually,
show-and-tell is pretty tame.
Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes,
pictures of fish they catch,
stuff like that.
And I never, ever place any
boundaries or limitations on them.
If they want to lug it in to school
and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl,
Erica a very bright,
very outgoing kid,
takes her turn and waddles up
to the front of the class
with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant.
This is Luke, my baby brother,
and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.

First, Mom and Dad made him
as a symbol of their love,
and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach,
and Luke grew in there.
He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow,
and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing
I had my camcorder with me.
The kids are watching her in amazement.

Then, about two Saturdays ago,
my Mom starts saying and going,
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!
Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans.
She walked around the house for, like an hour,
Oh, oh, oh!
Now this kid is doing a hysterical
duck walk and groaning.

My Dad called the middle wife.
She delivers babies,
but she doesn't have a sign on
the car like the Domino's man.
They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.
Then Erica lies down with
her back against the wall.

And then, pop!
My Mom had this bag of water
she kept in there in case he got thirsty,
and it just blew up and spilled
all over the bed, like psshhheew!
This kid has her legs spread with her
little hands miming water flowing away.
It was too much!

Then the middle wife starts saying
'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
They started counting,but never even got past ten.
Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother.
He was covered in yucky stuff that they all
said it was from Mom's play-center,
so there must be a lot of toys inside there.

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow
and returned to her seat.
I'm sure I applauded the loudest.
Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day,
I bring my camcorder, just in case another
"Middle Wife" comes along.
by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher.

May God Bless all the children!