Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with a little milk.
Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.
Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked up and cuddled unnecessarily.
Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name.
Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the house at any time.
Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture.
Stray cats will be permitted on furniture but must sharpen claws on new $114.99 sisal rope scratching post with three perches.
Stray cats will sleep outside.
Stray cats will sleep in the garage.
Stray cats will sleep in the house, but not in our bed.
Stray cats will sleep in our bed, but not under the covers.
Stray cats will not play on the desk.
Stray cats will not play on the desk near the computer.
Stray cats are forbidden to walk on the computer keyboard on the desk when the human is using it.
Stray cats will not CJDJBEFUBEDBVKJB KNCX ZXMNLJN!
Einstein's Theory Of Cat Behavior
LAW OF CAT INERTIA - A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest,
unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat
food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
LAW OF CAT MOTION - A cat will move in a straight line, unless there
is a really good reason to change direction.
FIRST LAW OF CAT ENERGY CONSERVATION - Cats know that energy can
neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little
energy as possible.
LAW OF BAG/BOX OCCUPANCY - All bags and boxes in a given room must
contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
LAW OF FURNITURE REPLACEMENT - A cat's desire to scratch furniture is
directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
LAW OF CAT COMPOSITION - A cat is composed of Matter + Anti- matter +
It Doesn't Matter.
