My Lovely
Wife
Why I fell For You
You always make me smile,
with the things you
say and do.
You are loveable and sweet,
and your heart
is oh so true.
Our Name
Plates
you pick me up when I'm
YOUR LOVING WIFE
GINA
My baby sent me
this
ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL POEM
FROM MY LOVING WIFE
I had this dream
where I'm standing
in the rain holding
hands with a beautiful
man who tells me
I'm his one and only woman
A globe for my
baby
Tell me if I dream too much
it's just the way I am
Sometimes I need a touch
A reassuring glance
Hold me when I'm down
Clutch me when I frown
Show my eye's what yours see
Tell my ears you love me
I'm in this dream
Snow is falling
yet I feel so warm
A beautiful man harbors
all me inside his arms
Tell me if I feel too strong
my heart is on my sleeve
Wake me when I sleep too long
tell me it's not a dream
Laugh for me when I smile
Hold on to me all the while
I know it's not a dream
I know you love me
Hold your hands over my eyes
Lift your head when I fly
Tell me I'm hopeless
I know it's true
Hopelessly in love with you.
~author unknown~
Fishing for a WeeK
A man phones home from
He hurries home, grabs
A week later he returns.
He says, "Oh yes, great!
The wife responds in an
The next patron to come in
The third patron to enter
Dumb Things People do!
Michigan Idiot,
The pearly gates
"How current is your copy?"
More Good Jokes!
Q: What does it mean when
Q: What did the fish say when
Q: How do crazy people go
Q: What do you get from
Q: What do you get when you
Q: Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Q: What kind of snack do little
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the office and tells his
wife, "Something has just
come up.I have the chance
to go fishing for a week.
It's the opportunity of a
lifetime.We leave right away,
so, pack my clothes, my
fishing equipment, and
especially my blue silk
pajamas. I'll be home in an
hour to pick them up."
everything,and rushes off.
His wife asks,
"Did you have a good trip?"
But you forgot to pack
my blue silk pajamas."
angry tone. "Oh no I didn't.
I put them in your tackle box."
~sent by my baby!~
The bartender was washing
his glasses, when an elderly
Irishman came in. With great
difficulty, the Irishman
hoisted his bad leg over the
barstool, pulled himself up
painfully, and asked for a
sip of Irish whiskey.
The Irishman looked down the
bar and said, "Is that Jesus
down there?" The bartender
nodded, so the Irishman told
him to give Jesus an Irish
whiskey, too.
was an ailing Italian with
a hunched back, who moved
very slow. He shuffled up
to the barstool and asked
for a glass of Chianti.
He also looked down the
bar and asked if that was
Jesus sitting at the end of
the bar. The bartender nodded,
so the Italian said to give
Him a glass of Chianti, too.
the bar was a redneck, who
swaggered into the bar and
hollered, "Barkeeper, set me
up a cold one! Hey, is that
God's Boy down there?"
The barkeeper nodded, so the
redneck told him to give
Jesus a cold one, too. As
Jesus got up to leave, he
walked over to the Irishman
and touched him and said,
"For your kindness, you are
healed!" The Irishman felt
the strength come back to
his leg, so he got up and
danced a jig out the door.
Jesus touched the Italian and
said, "For your kindness, you
are healed!"The Italian felt
his back straighten, so he
raised his hands above his
head and did a flip out the
door. Jesus walked toward the
redneck, but the redneck jumped
back and exclaimed, "Don't touch
me! I'm drawing disability!"
Burger King in Ypsilanti,
Michigan at 8:50AM, flashed
a gun and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down
because he said he couldn't
open the cash register
without a food order.
When the man ordered onion
rings,the clerk said they
weren't available for breakfast.
Theman, frustrated, walked
away.
~sent by my baby!~
Idiot in Seattle,
When a man attempted to
siphon gasoline from a motor
home parked on a Seattle
street, he got much more than
he bargained for. Police
arrived at the scene to find
an ill man curled up next to
a motor home near spilled
sewage. A police spokesman
said that the man admitted to
trying to steal gasoline and
plugged his hose into the
motor home's sewage tank by
mistake. The owner of the
vehicle declined to press
charges, saying that it was
the bestlaugh he'd ever had.
~sent by my baby!~
Two men tried to pull the
front off a cash machine by
running a chain from the
machine to the bumper of
their pickup truck. Instead
of pulling the front panel
off the machine, they pulled
the bumper off their truck.
Scared, they left the scene
and drove home. With the
chain still attached to the
machine. With their bumper
still attached to the chain.
With their vehicle's license
plate still attachedto the
bumper.
~sent by my baby!~
I was signing the receip
for my credit card purchase
when the clerk noticed that
I had never signed my name
on the back of the credit
card. She informed me that
she could not complete the
transaction unless the card
was signed. When I asked why,
she explained that it was
necessary to compare the
signature on the credit with
the signature I had just
signed on the receipt. So
I signed the credit card in
front of her. She carefully
compared that signature to
the one I signed on the
receipt. As luck would have
it, they matched.
~sent by my baby!~
An actual tip from page
16 of the Hewlett Packard
"Environmental, Health Safety
Handbook for Employees:""Blink
your eyelids periodically to
lubricate your eyes."
~sent by my baby!~
I live in a semi-rural
area. We recently had a new
neighbor call the local township
administrative office to request
the removal of the "Deer
Crossing" sign on our road.
The reason: Many deer were
being hit by cars and he no
longer wanted them to cross
there.
~sent by my baby!~
My daughter went to a local
Taco Bell and ordered a taco.
She asked the individual
behind the counter for 'minimal
lettuce', he said he was
sorry, but they only had
iceberg.
~sent by my baby!~
Police in Radnor, Pa,
interrogated a suspect by
placing a metal colander on
his head and connecting it
with wires to a photocopy
machine. The message "He's
Lying" was placed in the copier,
and police pressed the copy
button each time they thought
the suspect wasn't telling
the truth. Believing the "lie
detector" was working, the
suspect confessed.
~sent by my baby!~
A man walked into a
Circle-K, put a $20 bill
on the counter and asked
for change. When the clerk
opened the cash drawer, the
man pulled a gun and asked
for all the cash in the
register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man
took the cash from the clerk
and fled, leaving the $20
bill on the counter.
The total amount of cash
he got from the drawer?
Fifteen dollars.
~sent by my baby!~
Seems this guy wanted some
beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinder
block through the liquor store
window, grab some booze, and
run. So he lifted the cinder
block over his head and
heaved it at the window.
The cinder block bounced back,
and hit the would-be thief in
the head, knocking him unconscious.
Seems the liquor store window
was made of Plexiglas.
The whole event was caught on
video-tape.
~sent by my baby!~
As a female shopper exited
a convenience store, a man
grabbed her purse and ran.
The clerk called 911 immediately
and the woman was able to
give them a detailed description
of the snatcher. Within minutes,
the police had apprehended the
snatcher. They put him in the
car and drove back to the store.
The thief was then taken out
of the car and told to stand
there for a positive ID. To
which he replied "Yes,
Officer...that's her. That's
the lady I stole the purse from"
~sent by my baby!~
Another Good Joke!
A 75 year old woman went
to the doctor for a check-up.
The doctor told her she
needed more activity and
recommended sex three times
a week.
She said to the doctor,
"Please, tell my husband."
The doctor goes out in the
waiting room and tells the
husband that his wife needs
to have sex three times a week.
The 80 year old husband
replies, "Which days?"
The doctor says, "How about
Monday, Wednesday and Friday."
The husband says, "I can
bring her Monday and Wednesday,
but on Fridays she'll have to
take the bus."
~sent by my baby!~
pearly gates, waiting to
be admitted. Saint Peter
is reading through the Big
Book to see if the guy's
name is written in it.
After several minutes, Peter
closes the book, furrows his
brow, and says, "I'm sorry,
I don't see your name written
in the Book."
he asks. "I get a download
every ten minutes," Peter
replies, "why do you ask?"
"I'm embarrassed to admit it,
but I was always the stubborn
type. It was not until my
death was immanent that I
cried out to God, so my
name probably hasn't arrived
to your copy yet."
"I'm glad to hear that,"Peter
says, "but while we're waiting
for the update to come
through, can you tell me
about a really good deed
that you did in your life?"
The guys thinks for a moment
and says, "Humm, well there
was this one time when I
was drivin' down a road and
I saw a giant group of biker
gang members harassing this
poor girl. I slowed down,
and sure enough, there they
were, about 20 of 'em
abusing this poor woman,
knockin' her around and all.
Infuriated, I got out my car,
grabbed a tire iron out of my
trunk, and walked up to the
leader of the gang. He was
a huge guy; 6 foot 4 inch,
260 pounds, with a studded
leather jacket and a chain
running from his nose to
his ears. As I walked up to
the leader, the bikers formed
a circle around me and told
me to get lost or I'd be
next. "So I ripped the
leader's chain out of his
face and smashed him over
the head with the tire iron.
Then I turned around and
yelled to the rest of them,
"Leave this poor innocent girl
alone! You're all a bunch of
SICK, deranged animals! Go home
before I really teach you a
lesson in PAIN!" St. Peter,
duly impressed, says "Wow!
When did this happen?"
"Oh, about three minutes ago."
~sent by my sis~
the inside of a fire hydrant,
what is on the outside?
A: K9P
the flag is at half mast
at the post office?
A: They're hiring.
he hit a concrete wall?
A: "Dam."
through the forest?
A: They take the psycho path.
a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
cross a snowman with a vampire?
A: Frostbite.
A: Because they have big fingers.
monkeys have with their milk?
A: Chocolate chimp cookies.
~sent by my bro ottawabob~
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