Story filed 8-28-05

By Edward Lee Pitts
Staff Writer

With their husbands 7,000 miles away in Iraq, groups of women left behind for the past 12 months have banded together to become sisters in arms.

"These ladies are pretty much my backbone," said Sarah Truman, who attends a family readiness group in the Morristown, Tenn., area. Her husband, Derek, is a 278th Regimental Combat Team specialist.

Tasked with keeping families taken care of and in the loop while their loved ones are serving in the Middle East, family readiness groups operate around each of the armories across the state belonging to the 4,000-member National Guard regiment.

This past week, soldiers' families -- mostly wives but also a few parents -- came to monthly meetings in places such as McMinnville and Knoxville to uncork a month's worth of bottled-up frustrations and to remind themselves they are not alone.

"It is a comfort to the soldier knowing we are looking after their families while they are gone," said DeLain Anderson, the leader of the McMinnville, Tenn., group and the wife of 278th Lt. Chris Anderson. She is one of many volunteer leaders who run these groups.

Taking care of the families can involve cooking meals for overburdened wives, arranging for someone to fix a broken household item or baby-sitting for a mother who needs some time away from the children she is raising alone.

Linda Willett, of Knoxville, said she had plenty of help when a broken leg landed her 2-year-old daughter in the hospital.

Cheryl Olinger, of Chattanooga, said the family readiness groups mean so much to her she is willing to drive about 100 miles each way to attend the meetings in Knoxville for her husband's unit.

"When he left I felt alone, like I had been deserted," said Mrs. Olinger, whose husband, John, is a specialist with the headquarters' unit. "But I learned that feeling wasn't weird because other women were feeling the same thing."

FACING ADVERSITY

Mrs. Anderson and other family readiness group leaders from around Tennessee say dealing with the raw emotional state of families with loved ones in a war zone means a potential crisis is always lurking around the corner.

While families rally around one another during such tragedies as the recent deaths of five 278th soldiers, sometimes efforts to reduce stress are undermined by rumors, the women said. The dangers of gossip often threaten to spread through a family readiness unit, forcing leaders to keep a constant watch against false information, Mrs. Anderson said.

Family readiness group leaders say some wives hear morale-crushing stories that a husband has been killed or injured or is having an affair only to find out later the rumor was untrue.

"I've gotten to the point that when my husband tells me something, that is what I am going to go with," Mrs. Olinger said.

When Mrs. Anderson took over as the McMinnville group's leader in June, she said one of the first things she did was stand up and say gossip would not be tolerated.

"Your marriage is under enough stress without the rumors," she said she told the wives.

While attendance dipped to as few as seven in the spring, now the meetings average about 50 from a unit with 130 soldiers deployed from the McMinnville area's I Troop, Mrs. Anderson said.

Kim Miller, the wife of Sgt. 1st Class Mike Miller, of Knoxville, said she wishes more people would participate in the meetings. Of 270 deployed troops with her husband's 278th unit, only about 20 people are active in the Knoxville-area family readiness group, she said.

"When you are doing something for someone else or hearing other people's stories, it makes you stop feeling sorry for yourself," she said.

WORKING TOGETHER

Part of the mission of the family readiness group is to keep families busy and foster friendships so family members left alone do not look for support somewhere else that could permanently damage a marriage, Mrs. Anderson said. Groups organize picnics, shopping trips, dinners out and visits to the zoo.

The groups also keep busy making sure their soldiers are not forgotten. Fund-raisers sell everything from car magnets and jewelry to T-shirts and lapel pins designed to honor the 278th. The money goes to pay for such items as flowers for funerals, refreshments for meetings and care packages to be shipped overseas, said Renee Miller, the wife of Capt. Tony Miller and leader of the Knoxville-based group.

The family readiness groups also take the lead for the community whenever a death or a serious injury occurs in the unit. Last weekend about 80 people attended a McMinnville prayer vigil organized by the family readiness group for the three 278th soldiers who died outside of Tuz, Iraq, two Sundays ago. Other prayer vigils were held this weekend for the two 278th soldiers killed Monday by a roadside bomb.

"When somebody dies, even if we don't know the soldier, we all know it could just as easily have been our husbands, brothers or fathers," Mrs. Truman said.

She said the family readiness group she attends kept her from depression after a roadside bomb exploded on the Humvee her husband was in as a rooftop gunner. The explosion injured another soldier riding in the vehicle.

"I could call any of these girls and they'd stop what they are doing and talk to me at a drop of a hat," she said.

The family readiness groups also can take action. When soldiers complained about a lack of armor on their vehicles while preparing to convoy into Iraq from Kuwait last December, the Athens-based group started a petition of protest, according to leader Donna Cagle.

Each season of the deployment begins a new topic to discuss, debate and worry over. With the deployment winding down now, one topic is dominating many group discussions, Mrs. Truman said.

"Homecoming is all we talk about right now," she said.

Family readiness leaders said they plan to continue regular meetings for about six months after the soldiers return this fall. They hope the meetings will play an important role in helping the families reunite after 18 months apart.

"There is going to be a lot of tension when they come home," Mrs. Anderson said of the readjustment period after family members have grown accustomed to living apart.

"A lot of families will be needing us more than when their soldiers were gone," she said.

E-mail Lee Pitts at lpitts@timesfreepress.com

On the Web: Photos by U.S. Army Staff Sgt. Russell Lee Klika of the 278th Regimental Combat Team are available on the Times Free Press Web site. Visit http://www.timesfreepress.com/kp.

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