"Days Like This"

Chapter 4

   (Monica POV)

       Wow, he looks even better after a shower and a good meal, I don't know how we ended up with the adjoining bathrooms but whatever it was THANK YOU. I never thought I'd ever get to see him this close, this personal, so warm and inviting.

       "You look tired." Druex said standing next to me in the mirror, I was combing through my hair for the millionth time just to see his bare, cream colored chest before my head hit my pillow.

       I tried my best to give him the cutest of my 'I am' smiles, while inventing new kinks in my hair, "Yea, it's been a long day, as usual."

       Druex shook his head, then reached out and grabbed the comb from me, "Here let me."

       The moment he stood behind me chill bumps appeared all over me, I could barely look at him but his touch was so soft, "Thanks...."

       "No problem," He replied sitting the comb down, then running his fingers through my hair, "hope you have a nice sleep."

       "I will." I replied my voice barely above a whisper, I wondered could he hear me but he answered that with his smile.

       Druex bit his lip a moment before moving back beside me, "I would invite you to watch a movie with me but I'd hate to stop you from getting rest."

       My voice was stuck in my throat, I couldn't believe he was going to invite me in his room, with him, alone. He didn't know he was making my dreams tonight a little sweeter than usual, when I finally got my voice back all I could produce was a whisper like, "Maybe later?"

       "Definitely lata," He smiled touching my hand as he walked toward the door, "night babe."

       The moment he walked out the door I almost screamed, he had been so close to me, he had flirted his ass off, and ended it with calling me 'babe'.  I slowly walked into my room and laid on my bed, wondering only for a moment where Akilah was because I hadn't talked to her since vocal practice, Druex was still on my mind. As usual.

       I laid there for a minute rewinding the same events over and over in my head before they were paused by the annoying knock at the door. "What!" I whined wanting to get back to the man in my dreams, who was only a door away.

       "Did I interrupt you?" Druex asked sticking his head in the door, the moment I saw him my face lit up.

       "No, no your fine, your 'fine', I promise. Come in." I replied nervously, turning on the lamp beside my bed. He still hadn't put on a shirt and he was tempting me on every turn.

       He was wringing his hands standing in front of me for a second before he spoke, "I know this sounds weird but can I sleep in your extra bed? I hate sleepin in a room alone after all this time having people around while I sleep."

       That was the moment I rejoiced in choosing the room with the two beds in it, it took me a minute but I answered him, "It's not weird, feel free to take it anytime you want."

       Druex threw me a huge smile and climbed into the bed, hitting the light just before his head hit the pillow, "Thanks."

       I sighed, giggling like a school girl in my head, whispering dreamily, "Your welcome."

       I feel like I'm in high school again, this is a crush that hasn't once budged since the first moment I saw him dancing in that green outfit in 'Uh Huh', five years ago. If only I could find that control that Crystal has over her emotions and just speak what I feel, I wouldn't be laying here wondering if he could ever want me like that.  I wouldn't be laying here breathing in his cologne, tracing tattoo on my stomach wondering how it would feel to have him trace it.

       My thoughts were knocked right out the air when I heard him speak, "I'm kinda cold over here."

       I couldn't think at that moment, his voice and the dark didn't mix with the thoughts in my head, "Want me to turn the air off?" I didn't think it was on either but it was all I could say.

       "Naw, can I join ya over there? We can warm each other up." Druex asked sitting up, I could see the frame of his body illuminated by the soft rays of moonlight coming through the blinds. All the while wondering did I ever say I was cold.

       But my rational mind would never let me pass this up and if my girls found out I passed it they'd kill me, "S-s-ure, why not."

       In seconds I felt his weight hit the side of the bed, he turned on his side toward me, he was breathing deep and his breath was making me shiver. He moved his arm around me, friendly like, pulling me a little close, "Thanks I feel better already."

       I don't know if I'll sleep tonight, Druex's already in a deep sleep, his face buried in my hair. Am I dreaming? If I am, don't wake me up.

   (Achana's POV)

       Sometimes I wonder if Xavier and I were deemed a failure at the beginning, sometimes I wonder if this is all we'll ever amount to. Late night fights, early morning name calling, and midday hissy fits. I wonder if this will work and I always get the same answer but if I end it he'll think I'm with one of boys we're on tour with, which I definitely don't want that drama.

       Xavier, in my own words, is too good on the OUTSIDE to be true on the INSIDE. With looks that could kill, talent to spare, his mind and attitude leaves A LOT to be desired.

       Though he would never hit me his words are just as bad, he acts as if he wasn't everything that he WAS to me. He acts like he wasn't my first love, my first Prom date, my first lover, my first companion. He seems to forget our history when he goes and talks to me like I'm the town hoe.  Xavier loses credibility when I think about the stress and all the sleepless nights he's brought me. The man I once thought I'd marry is no more than a nauseating thought.

       How do I figure that? Is Livia's favorite question when it comes to Xavier and I, so how do I figure the man I love as nauseating? Well, given the fact that I'm out here at a picnic table, in a tank top and some shorts, holding my cell phone looking like Gabriel just told me I had 1500 hours to make up before I could get into heaven!

       "Hey," Jarell says coming out of nowhere and next standing in front of me, "is that seat taken?"

       I try my best to smile but with visions of Xavier running through my head it was virtually impossible, "No."

       We sat there a moment, silent and still, listening to the crickets chirp, when Jarell spoke, "I saw you out here on my way to the rehearsal room...just wanted make sure you were aiight."

       That time I did smile and touched his leg that was halfway covered by some yellow Nautica shorts, "I'm OK, thanks for askin though."

       "It's just every time I see you, you look like you have so much on your mind." He replied leaning back on the table looking into my eyes expectantly...or was it UNexpectantly.

       "Well, you're right about that," I sighed watching his eyes roam the pine trees that surrounded the house, "but thanks for noticing."

       "Is it your boyfriend? The football player?" He asked out of no where, looking me dead in the eye, I have to admit he's kind of cute, strictly speaking as a female. He had it all going for him, the hair, the eyes, the voice, and that adorable little gap he struggled so hard to hide.

       I decided my best bet was to just come out with it, "Yea, Xavier."

       Jarell's eyebrow flew up when he heard the malice that came with Xavier's name, "Well he's an idiot."

       "Why?" I asked popping the rubber band I had on my index finger for stress, if you popped it on the right vein it felt like heaven, and it was so less noticeable than one around your wrist.

       "He has you and he stressin you out, but when you leave he gon' be messed up. It's sad he can't treasure a jewel while he still has it." Jarell replied standing up, looking down at me with still amber eyes and a slow smile.

       "I doubt that Jarell." I replied still popping the rubber band but never losing eye contact.

       "Have you ever heard or sang a song called "All I Have"?" He asked running his fingers over his face quickly.

       "Yea, it was almost on the album." I replied finally stopping my assault on my finger.

       "Well, you know that verse that goes um ... And I wish I could make it like it used to be...Can't believe I'm through loving you...And Your through loving me, you...And in the middle of my final tears...You call out my name, my name...You cried out my name...But it could never be the same...Cause this is all I have?" Jarell sang in a near whisper striking my memory because that's my favorite out of all that songs that I've ever sang.

       I shook my head, he laid his hand on my shoulder before walking back into the house, "Think about it, once you give all you have, what's more for you to give?"

       As he walked back into the house I saw the truth in his words. I had given everything I had to Xavier so what more can I give? Maybe the love I felt just somehow decayed right in front of me, without me ever noticing. It's funny how it took a perfect stranger less than 5 minutes to evaluate my situation and give me advice. But that definitely doesn't secure an easy answer to my Xavier problem, it's likely that will be a problem for a while.

       I sat there awhile longer looking at my cell wondering if the answer lay in Xavier himself. So I dial those 10-digits and waited for the sound of his voice to connect my mind with the conclusion.

       "Yo." Xavier's deep voice greeted mine quickly, I could hear the sleep in his voice along with rustling of sheets as he sat up.

       I knew I called a little late for him since he was across the country but I don't care, "Hey." I whispered trying to hide all the emotions that would surely show up in my voice.

       "Cha, boo what's up?" He asked yawning, sounding like he was happy to here my voice.

       "Nothin, I just wanted to call you before I went to bed." I replied with my own little fake yawn, not wanting to tell him I'm wide awake.

       "Alone right, cuz if not Ima have to come down there...." Xavier countered annoyingly, insinuating that I have another nigga on the side, like he does every night.      

       "Yes, as always! Damn Xaiver why you gotta go and ruin shit?" I yelled interrupting him, frustrated not wanting to go into the same argument I had 12 hours early.

       "Ruin shit? I ain't ruined jack, I just asked yo' ass a damn question! You the one ruinin shit over there, sleepin around like a little $2 dolla hoe!" He replied trying to sound appalled, that was some shit he could never play into, NOTHING ever really got Xavier. Ever, unless his coach decides to play someone else instead of him, then all hell broke lose.

       "Me? Come on Xavier, I call you just to hear your voice and you gotta go and pop that damn shit up again! What's your problem? I haven't even done anything for you to SUSPECT! Why you accusin? Are you guilty? Who you been fuckin Xavier! Hell, like I don't already know...everybody." I replied a sigh knowing anyone with their window open could hear my assault on Xavier's ears.

       "Look, I ain't fucked a female since the last time we were together. But I ain't tryin to prove shit to a bitchy ass female." He replied in the same tone of voice I had just used.

       He had loosened my fuse with the accusation but he cut it with that 'bitchy' comment, "Bitchy? Oh I'll give yo' damn ass bitchy, you call our last time together good sex? Hell fuckin' naw! It felt like you were mounting me like a damn horse and the last time I checked I was a person, woman, female parts not a damn horse! If that was good to you then you have VERY low expectations, of yourself and of your ability, and that little ass pipe you got hidden in yo pants leaves more than enough to be desired!"

       "Hey, hey trick you need to back up cuz I know God gave me enough pipe to work with and the skills to work it. Don't complain cuz you give it up every time, you know you ass ain't had shit better than this! Especially not those monkey ass little B2GAY boys." He replied trying not to wake his roommate but his anger rising moment by moment.

       I laughed loudly at his comments, this wasn't a new fight, this was the same ole fight...different words, "Enough? Enough for a damn 30 pound 16  year old!"

       "Well, at least my pipe keeps you comin back cuz you ain't left yet!" He replied quickly not coming up with a comeback.

       "Fuck you Xavier I don't have time for this, but don't look away to soon cuz any moment now Ima walk away." I whispered ending the call on the same sour note, I was tired I could feel my eyes become heavy. I need sleep and I need it bad, tomorrow's another day and I have to get through it. Days like this are undeniably unforgettable.       

Lyrics - Amerie - "All I Have" (C) 2002