"Penny for Your Thoughts..."

'I'm mad because I love you, and you don't appreciate me, I'm mad because I miss you and you're never gonna change.'

     That almost made no sense to Teressee, maybe because her entire world seemed to revolve around this man. Even now as she sat in her room, in the house that she grew up in, in this small town her mind was on him. This man that never really saw her, that never really loved her, and he never really wanted her. See she had a best friend, Delei Carter, who was absolutely beautiful. She had shoulder length jet-black hair that she made sure to keep in a bob, her eyes were a caramel chocolate brown, she was a slim girl with caramel colored skin. Delei was very popular with boys as much as girls, not meaning she was fast, she just had a lot of men wanting to 'get to know her'.

     Not that Teressee didn't, but Delei had this one man-friend that was a friend of Teressee's, De'Mario Thorton. That's the man that stayed on her mind, Mario as they called him was tall good looking young man with money, he had jet-black hair and brilliant brown eyes, and a skin color not much different from Teressee's. Teressee was kind of short with medium length hair, dark eyes, not slim but not fat, plump in all the right places, and smooth cappuccino skin.

See Teressee and Mario had been friends for awhile when he expressed interest in her best-friend, of course Teressee didn't say a word just did all she could to make Delei like that man. But Delei never could get the hang of actually wanting Mario, not like Teressee did, Delei always wanted him to be a friend. She always complained of his ways, his looks, and even the way he thought money made the world go round. Not saying that Delei was a God fearing woman, she could be as conceited as the next woman, but she hated for a man to throw all he had in her face. And Mario honestly thought that showing off all his money to Delei was actually making her like him, but all it was doing was making her like him less and less. Teressee was the ONLY girl, possibly even person, in town who knew Mario deep down inside, past all that money and ego. 

Well, maybe it wasn't so much as he didn't care about Teressee, it was just that he didn't know how she felt; though she did give hints. And not saying that Mario was dumb or ignorant, he just never caught on, he was one of those people in life who heard only what they wanted to hear, and unfortunately that means he missed a lot.

     But anyway in her mind this man, this rich, egotistical, handsome man held nothing for her in his mind. She sat on her bed her thoughts ran faster, more unorganized, more confusing. Everywhere she looked something seemed to remind her of him, even the way her reflection looked back at her. See Mario wasn't a wisdom-less man at all, quite the opposite when he wanted to be, he had taught her a lot of things and in return she tried to show him real-unrelenting love but somehow he seemed to bypass all this and not change a bit.

     But of course he had noticed her absence from his life, and like most men was dumbfounded as to why, he had called several times and she refused to pick up the phone. She refused to go on like this, her mama had always said, 'Life's a prison when you are in love alone'. And somehow, no matter how hard she tried, she had failed, she had fallen in love without the man.

     There was a knock on the door, Teressee could smell the soft lavender through the door, it was Delei, "Come in Lei."

     Delei opened the door slowly, Delei didn't know how Teressee felt because if she had Delei would have sent Mario her way, "Hey Ressee, how yo' doing? I ain't heard from you since you came here and I was worried. And so was Ms.Lucy, so I decided to come check on you."

Teressee took a slow breath and looked at Delei, "Lei I'm fine, don't worry I just needed to be alone."

"Now Ressee come on, nobody needs to be alone, and plus Mario was worrying me calling me and asking me about where were you, how you were, and why you weren't returning his calls." Delei said looking around the room and sitting on the bed beside Teressee.

Teressee took a deep breath and laid her head on her best friend's arm and sarcastically replied, "Wow I didn't know he cared so much."

"Now Ressee you know he does, but really...why aren't you returning his calls?" Delei asked wringing her hands, a nervous habit.

Teressee looked around her room, "So Lei, is mama cooking?"

"Ressee stop! Please confide in me once, just once! All these years we  been best friends and you never once took that great wall down long enough to just tell me what was wrong with you!" Delei said in desperation, she was right, in the years they had been friends Teressee never once let her into her mind.

"I smell greens so I guess she is." Teressee replied as though Delei never said a word.

Delei gave a loud sigh, "Yea she is."

I guess in all the years and things they have gone through as friends Teressee always did have a way about pushing people away quickly. Even Delei, Mario, and especially Ms.Lucy, her mother, but it seemed the only person who could talk to her was her father Allen. He loved all his kids but some how Teressee was his favorite, she talked to him all the time, did everything for him, and he would give her the world if he could. Even as a child his only girl was his sunshine, her three brothers -- Ray, Chris, and Chaz - they had the same amount of love and respect and would be given the world at the drop of a dime, Teressee always had that place in Allen's heart.

But even in this moment she would hide away with her pain, there was a knock at the front door as Delei and Teressee were getting up from the table. Ms.Lucy answered with haste Teressee walked into the living room and stopped dead in her tracks, there was De'Mario Thorton standing in the Wilson living room. Looking neat and tidy, as usual, but there was this sense of urgency in his eyes, and his voice as he spoke to everyone, giving an extra look at Delei who scoffed in return.

"I came to speak to Teressee if that's OK." Mario said toward Allen who sent an interrogating glance at his baby girl, who lowered her eyes.

Allen smiled at his wife, "That's fine."

Ms.Lucy walked toward her husband intertwining their arms, she stopped and addresses Delei, "Come help me wash the dishes sweetie."

As they left the room Teressee followed them with her eyes, then he spoke, "Ressee, what's going on?"

"What do you mean?" Teressee asked sitting down on the couch looking at her hands.

"Why are you avoiding me? Why did you leave your apartment and didn't tell me? Why are acting like I'm your enemy and not your friend? Why aren't you there when I need you anymore?" He said all in mostly one breath, he sat beside her and looked at the floor.

"What would you do if you thought you would live your entire life without happiness? Wouldn't you leave it all and try to find a new way?" Teressee replied almost throwing his questions to the wind.

"I always thought you were happy, Ressee." Mario replied, seeing it all through the eyes of an innocent victim as usual.

"Well, you were wrong Mario, I'm not and haven't been for a long time. And to answer your questions I'm not treating you like an enemy, I didn't want to tell you where I was going, and how am I gonna be there for you when I can't seem to be there for my own self. Mario don't ask questions you know the answer to...I'm tired of you avoiding things you don't want to hear." She said standing up, and looking away from him.

"I could be there for you...we are friends you know." He said standing behind her rubbing her arms.

"Mario stop it, you don't care about what happens to me, you just want me to make Lei like you and you know it's never going to happen so please just leave my house and me in peace!" Teressee finally yelled and opened the door, to the cold dark night.

Mario walked to the door and looked over at her, and stared into the beautiful black face before him, "You know Ressee that I care about you, always have and always will, and if you think I don't then you have me greatly mistaken."

Teressee closed the door behind him as he spoke the last words; she wasn't always rational when it came to Mario. So it took all she had to just tell her parents goodnight and tell Delei goodbye and go quietly to her room. Everything she did was quiet, but inside her pain was screaming her tears were silent when her heart was yelling.

*****

"Ressee honey please just eat a little cake!" Ms.Lucy pleaded with her youngest child.

"Mama please, I don't want any!" Teressee said pushing that plate back at her mother.

Allen walked in and sat down at his plate and looked at Teressee, "Now baby girl, you eat a little of that there cake for your mama, now. You hear?"

Teressee looked at her father hearing his southern accent just drip off his tongue; she picked up the fork and frowned down at the chocolate cake that sat in front of her. "Yes sir."

She had been deep in thought most of the day and the last thing on her mind was eating some chocolate cake. Her mother got up and went back over to the stove, "You know Chaz and Ray are supposed to come home this weekend." Her two brothers were in college and were out for a break. Ray was in his last year of college; Chaz had two more years, and her oldest brother Chris was already graduated.

"Well good it'll be nice to see the boys, now won't it Rese?" Allen asked wiping his mouth with his paper towel.

Teressee looked up at her dad, for the first time noticing that look in his eye. That was the look he always got when he was worried, and if there was one thing in the world she hated to do was worry her dad. Teressee threw on a quick smile, "Sure will be daddy."

"Well, you know Chaz has the nice red-bone girlfriend of his, Cheryl, and Ray is coming out a relationship. So no talk of marriage just yet, but they will soon, I know just as Chris did." Ms.Lucy stopped her ridiculous ravings and thought for a moment, "Well, I have to say Chris did just perfect with Jewel, nice girl she is and my grand-baby will be gorgeous!"

"Now Lu, don't jump to conclusions Chris and Jewel aren't giving us any grand-kids yet. Don't push it." Allen said standing kissing his wife and daughter, "Well I'll see ya'll." And he walked out the door for work.

Ms.Lucy moved to say something to Teressee but she moved too quickly, "Yea I'm gonna go back to the apartment, OK?"

Ms.Lucy looked quite surprised herself, "Well OK Ressee, well then we will see you when the boys come home right?"

"Sure will, bye love you." Teressee said quickly and gave her mother a kiss, and walked out the door.

Ms.Lucy watched her youngest child walk out the house, letting a concerned sigh slip through her lips. Teressee had a lot to learn, life was only starting for her and she still hadn't learned the most important lesson of all: trust. Living behind a black face was hard enough, but without that little piece she wouldn't survive.

Teressee walked into her apartment and looked around for any sign of Delei, who rented the apartment with her, "Lei? Are you here?"

There was no answer so she threw her keys on the table and went looking through the mail lying on the table. Bill, bill, coupon, magazine, letter -- addressed to a Miss Teressee Wilson with no return address. Teressee sat down on the window ledge and opened the letter, it smelled of male cologne and expensive cigars. It read:

My Ressee,
          After seeing you the other day I knew there was no way I was going to get anything done without saying something. Ressee I always thought of you as the perfect friend, but then there was always those moments when I looked in your eyes and I saw the perfect girlfriend. See sometimes you make me smile from morning till night and that always seemed weird to me because friends was all we were. But then as the days and months went by I realized why, you were a lot more to me than anybody in my world. You taught me more, you supported me more, and you definitely loved me more. And I started to feel the same, and that just didn't seem to sit right with me...so then I started to question just about everything in my life. Like maybe the sun wasn't meant to shine, maybe the moon was meant to glow. Maybe the only part of the day that's supposed to be normal is sunset. Maybe the blue, reds, and contrast violets are supposed to straighten a person's tiring day. One never knows, one could only wish God would bestow upon us that wisdom.  See that's just part of the wisdom I wish to be blessed with.
I don't know if this letter will help or hurt, I just know that I want you to know the truth, that I do care about you, more than Delei or anyone else could ever understand. You really surprised me when you made that statement the other day that I didn't care about you and you couldn't be there for yourself. I always though that was for me to do, I mean to be there for you. I just hope that maybe you will let me make you happy. And that's all that really matters Teressee, penny for your thoughts, nickel for your love? To tell you of my relationship with Delei, we strictly friends and nothing more. Teressee I would do anything if you would just let me in, for once don't push me away, please. Let me teach you to trust me. I apologize if you thought I took all you did for me for granted because I didn't.

              Your Mario


        Teressee just closed the letter and sat it beside her; she looked out the window and didn't move a muscle. Everything was still sinking into her brain, she always thought that he didn't appreciate all the love that she gave him, or all the things she did for him. Mario never acted like he could express himself all that well, and to her of all people. She felt like crying, she felt like dancing, she felt like screaming it just seemed to good to be true. But what got her was his statement on her lack of trust in him and everyone else.

     She finally stood up and walked toward her room and just as she got there, there was an urgent knock on the door. She walked over and opened it, and there he was again, for the second time in a day. Standing in front of her, except this time the neat and tidy De'Mario was replaced with the confused and comfortable Mario.

     "Mario come in." Teressee said letting him in watching him walk. Mario had a way of walking that made her tingle. Call it a 'pretty boy' walk if you want, but it was mastered and perfected to his body, no one else could walk like that and get the same reaction.

     "Thanks," Mario said as he sat down on the couch and looked around and spotted the opened letter on the windowsill, "I see you got my letter."

    Teresse sat on the chair in front of him, "Yea I did, I just finished it. Mario did you mean all that?"

     Mario looked at her incredulously, he didn't believe she just asked that, "Of course I did Ressee, why else would I sit down and put all down for you? It's what I felt and I thought maybe you should know."

"I just don't understand..." Teressee started but Mario quickly interrupted.

"You don't need to understand anymore than this: I adore you and I want you to trust and love me." Mario stood up and sat beside her, his eyes looked right into hers. Her breath stopped short in her throat; it was like his stare went right to his soul, deeper and deeper with each second. His cologne surrounded her, her head felt like it was spinning.

Teressee finally got her voice back, "I want that too."

Mario lifted her head she stood up, she was still looking up at him, and his lips lightly touched hers. It was like the whole world took on a silvery-white glow, and time just stopped. She had never felt anything as soft as his touch, and at that moment she didn't care to either. Teressee finally pulled away and laid her head on his shoulder as his arms engulfed her.

    After she didn't say anything Mario whispered, "A penny for your thoughts?"

"Life is good, life is really good." She replied a giggle escaping her throat.

     Mario smiled to himself more than her, "Same here, same here.

     Sometimes a little faith is needed to push along the process of fate, sometimes all you need is a penny and you could learn all you need to know.

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