"Voices In My Head"
Chapter 3
Jerome sat on the couch in a wife-beater and jeans watching a rerun of 'Hangin With Mr.Cooper' on TV, he had done nothing all day but sit and watch TV. Even when Cheyenne woke up and fixed breakfast he said nothing and got a cup of Milk and went back to his couch without a word.
'Damn you are a big prick when you want to be nigga.' The voice sneered.
Shut the fuck up.
Hey it's not my fault that you are in love with her!
Fuck you just be quiet for ONE-SECOND please!
Can't handle the truth mama's boy?
Go fuck a dog you asshole.
Come on! You would be so much better!
"Damn, shut the fuck up!" He yelled under his breath as Lisa, Kelton's girlfriend and his close friend walked in.
"Who you talking to Romo?" Lisa asked as she sat beside him in some plaid shorts and a white loose tank top holding his mail out to him.
"No one just thinking."Jerome replied taking his mail. "How did you get my mail?"
"I dunno it was in our mailbox." Lisa replied taking off her sandals as she laughed at the TV.
Jerome smiled at her, "So it's OUR mailbox now."
"Shit better not be nobody else's." She smiled as she thought of Kelton.
Damn make the girl uncomfortable why don't you.
Oh shut your fucking mouth! I done shit worse than that to her.
"So why Cheyenne look like hell this morning? Did you two fight?" Lisa asked turning toward him as he opened a piece of mail.
"Yea, we did. But Lis I think that shit should stay between me and Chy." Jerom replied his body tensing again.
Lisa rolled her eyes, "Well not if Marques talks about it at our table this morning. And then when we, Chy & me, were down at the store this mornin and the girl flinched at the very mention of your name."
Tsk, tsk, tsk you hurt her so bad she probably don't even want to be your friend let alone you girlfriend!
Please don't start!
Nigga you pleading with the WRONG voice, I thought you knew that?
I do but it don't hurt to try.
Jerome just looked at her, hurt in his eyes, "I -- didn't mean to hurt her like that, shit Lis you know that! You know how I feel."
She sure as hell does, you cry to her about CHEYENNE every fuckin chance you get!
OK asshole I'm NOT EVEN gonna give you the pleasure of fighting with you!
Oh! I bet mommy would be so proud!
Grrrr.
AH! Scary! ha!
"Yea, I do J, but you can't be lettin your feelings break your friendship up! Something's ain't worth ruinin the rest of your life for." Lisa replied patting his hand affectionately.
Out of nowhere a deep voice came into the room, "You know J she right, lovin her is not worth ruinin a life long friendship."
Oh you know I like this guy, he frustrates you! hehe
Ugh!
"Damn Mario can't a guy have a PERSONAL & PRIVATE Conversation? Where the hell you come from?" Jerome yelled jumping up as Mario walked in and closed the door.
"I was going to Druex's room and I heard Lisa in here and I wanted to talk to you anyway." Mario replied leaning on the wall.
Jerome took a step back, "Look, I want Cheyenne to love me the way I love her! I don't think that is gonna ruin her life shit! So why don't ya'll go live yo' fuckin perfect lives with yo' fuck perfect partners while I love someone with all my heart, and wake up every morning KNOWIN that it'll be just like yesterday!"
"Look J all we sayin is maybe you can love someone else, because we know you hurtin, and have been for along time, and she hurtin too. And we all care about ya'll, and we want the best for ya'll." Lisa replied calmly, looking into his eyes. Jerome had loved Cheyenne as long as Lisa had known him and before, and that was since 1993 maybe, she was tired of seeing him have meaningless flings with hoes who only wanted his money.
Jerome sat on the table that was behind him, "But I think she the one that is fo' me! And I refuse to change my opinion, just because you want me to!"
"When you gonna realize she don't love you? And actin like a fuckin bastard about it WON'T change her mind? Sometimes love is an amazin thing but when yo' whole foundation is at stake love should take the back burner for a while." Mario rationalized as Jerome shook his head mad as hell.
"Shit stop makin this about you! It ain't rational, love ain't somethin you plan! It sure as hell wasn't in my planner to love someone who loved me like a BROTHER! Love is irrational, that don't sense!" Jerome yelled his head in his hands.
Lisa stood up between the two , "Aiight you two, Mario, J is right nobody plans fallin in love. And J, Mario is just tryin to look out for you, he loves you, yo' one of his best-friends. So both of you stop this shit right now."
Jerome let out a tired sigh, "Then tell him I can't stop lovin her, I done tried that shit, and it ain't workin. When I go away with NO contact with her at all, she all I think about, when I be a bitch to her I hurt cuz I hurt her, and when I try to just be her friend she goes and looks at me like I'm her hero and I fuckin fall all over again."
"Come on Rome just try somethin new, cuz she ain't never gon' feel that way, and you know that. So stop frontin, get over her." Mario replied his voice soft and lovin but his words harsh and critical.
When Jerome looked up with hurt eyes Lisa replied, "How the hell can you be so cold to him right now? Actin like you know every fuckin thing won't get him NO WHERE, and you bein mean won't help either, shit! Yo' know, Mario not everybody can be so hard, some of us got REAL feelins that we show. J...I don't even know what to say, I want you to be happy, and you don't look happy."
"Ima be happy lovin her, is that aiight?" Jerome asked sitting back on the couch.
Lisa kissed his cheek, "It's fine J, I'm sorry."
Mario took Lisa's arm, "Let's go, J get some rest."
"Yea." He replied solemnly.
Damn he amazes me the way he can bring you back to Earth.
Can you please get the fuck out my head?
Hell naw I done left you alone long enough.
You know you really workin my fuckin nerves.
I know.
Then why yo' still bothering me?
It's my job, Jerome I may be annoyin but I'm keepin you from doing somethin stupid.
So you sayin you care about me?
Hey, hey, hey! Hell naw! I'm just sayin I'm damn good at doin my job.
Ha, Ha! I think you DO care about me!
I don't, I just get so much pleasure from pissinyou off, nigga.
Sometimes I think you enjoy rasin hell.
Then nigga you know me, you just don't know how much I love it.
Jerome had his head laid back on the couch when Cheyenne walked in, she stood at angle to him watching his chest rise and fall like he was in the middle of a nightmare. She trusted him, hell love could even be what she felt for him, but she didn't trust herself. He was like no other, he was strong, sensitive, amazing, her best friend, sometimes or most of the time her ONLY friend, and he was so, so...damn fine. That's the word that always got caught in her throat when he smiled at her, that's the words she used when she saw him in a suit for his cousin's wedding. Jerome Isaac Joned was fine in every form of the word, a damn good friend, more than likely an amazing lover, and a male dymn piece. He wasn't beautiful in a feminine way, he was beautiful in as in love beautiful. He was so beautiful you could look in his eyes and lay beside him and know you could find solace and protection. And Cheyenne didn't know if she could live with herself if she ever hurt that beauty.
But he loved her, she had heard it from his lips, he loved her. Maybe it wasn't exactly good to eavesdrop, but he was her best friend and she had to know what they were ganging up on him for. Of all the things it could have been for this was probably the least expected. But deep down she loved him, she didn't want to hurt him.
Hey NARRATOR what's taking so long, she needs to say somethin!
-- Hey! I'm writin this shit and I can write you out so shut up!--
Hey Rome I know you can feel her staring at you, look at her.
I can't and you know it.
Oh don't be so damn pathetic, just look at the girl.
I can't, she would see right through me.
"Romo." Cheyenne said as she sat beside him.
Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! YES!
He finally looked up and there she was. Her eyes glazed over in emotion and her face stained with tears, and her hair up in a lazy clip with pieces of hair falling down her face. "Cheyenne."
Say more than that nigga, come on!
What? Shit I'm tryin here!
She laid a hand on his face rubbing her thumb on his bottom lip, "I'm sorry, I didn't know."
She's touching you! Nigga be sweet, be suave, be lovely!
Lovely? Where the fuck did that come from?
Or Beautiful come on or some shit just don't bomb!
I thought you didn't care? Ha ha!
Oh shut up! This ain't the time!
Jerome laid a hand on top of her hand, "I never told you, so don't be sorry."
Being suave, but not obvious about it, can be everything.
Easy for you to say.
I know.
Ugh!
"But everything you did, everything you said -- I should have known. I can't believe you feel like this about me." She whimpered looking in his eyes.
Don't let her feel to guilty about now J!
What are you my coach?
Hell yea! I've been making you angry so when it's time to break down it could be easier.
And I thought I was a Schizophrenic.
Shit you could be!
Still an asshole huh.
Hey I could leave yo sorry ass hanging here!
Aiight!
"I want to love you, everyday of my life, I don't want you to wake up alone anymore. I want you to see that you can love a man, that you can love me." Jerome replied taking her hand.
"If I hurt you I wouldn --" Cheyenne whispered her tears stopping her words.
Don't let her hear herself say it. Stop her nigga!
How you be knowin when he right time to stop her is?
It's my damn job, I read the book!
So that's what you did when you weren't driving me crazy!
Go to hell Jerome, my crack dealer.
Jerome wiped her tears, "Chy you won't hurt me, you my best friend, you could never hurt me."
"I have before." Cheyenne whispered.
Damn nigga! You almost there! Say somethin sweet!
Like What?
Umm...like it was only becuase I loved you and I handled it and I know you wouldn't do it to me!
"But that was hurt that I dealt with cuz I loved you, I know you would never do it to me on purpose." Jeromereplied his eyes soft and his voice softer, that was what she meant by beautiful.
Shit, I'm good.
I got to give it to you, you are good.
"I wanna try, I wanna try an love you." Cheyenne replied as he kissed her, at first she was surprised but she let his lips take her over and she responded.
Thanks J.
Mmm.
Whoa, shit, fuck it!
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