Chapter 4:  More Repercussions 
 

           By the time she reached the bridge, Kathryn had calmed down slightly.    Although she had barrelled down the corridor from sickbay with steam almost visibly coming out her ears, a short period of reflection in the turbolift had allowed her to realize that she had no logical reason to be upset. 
Well, she could be angry because of what effect this news would have on her crew – particularly Tom, but, personally?  She had no claim on Chakotay.  She had indulged herself in fantasies occasionally, yes, but no one knew about those.    She had never been sure just how aware he was of what she felt for him.    Sometimes, gazing into those enigmatic brown eyes, she was convinced he knew, but then maybe not.  One thing was sure:  she wouldn’t be telling him now. 

           As she walked to her chair, he glanced up and gave her a slight smile, and it occurred to her that his report of their experiences on that planet had left out a lot.   She wondered what else had been omitted.  Before confronting him, however, she had better send him to sickbay.   He should hear the news from B’Elanna. 

           “Commander, please report to sickbay.  Your presence is required by the doctor.” 

           “Captain?” 

           “Now, Commander.  And when you have finished there, I wish to see you in my ready room.” 

           Looking very puzzled, but complying, Chakotay rose and left the bridge.  Tom glanced over at Harry, an eyebrow raised, but the latter shrugged his shoulders. 

            “Pay attention to your station, Mr. Paris.  Tuvok,  you have the bridge.  I’ll be in my ready room.” 

            “Very good, Captain.”  Tuvok’s expression did not change, but he was just as curious, both about sickbay’s sudden demand for the commander and the captain’s very clipped tone of voice 
           Chakotay arrived in sickbay to find B’Elanna in the midst of deleting the doctor’s program. 

           “B’elanna!  What the hell are you doing?!” 

           “I can’t kill him!  But I can sure as hell get rid of him!   That interfering, sanctimonious, no good p’takh!!   He had no right to do what he did, no right at all!!   This time he’s gone too far!!” 

            He grabbed her arms and pulled her away from the console just as she was about to hit the touchpad that would send the doctor’s program into permanent oblivion. 

            “B’Elanna, stop!  You can’t delete him!  We won’t have a doctor!” 

            “I don’t care!!”  she screamed.  And then she burst into tears. 

            Chakotay was absolutely stunned.    B’Elanna never cried.  What on earth had happened to provoke such a reaction?   Tears worried him far more than anger.   He put both hands on her shoulders and then  pulled her against his chest and rubbed her back. 

             “Ssh, B’Ela.   Don’t cry.  What’s happened?” 

             Even as he spoke, she pulled away from him wiping her eyes with her sleeve. 

              “Chakotay….  Oh god!  I don’t know how to say this.  Chakotay, 
I’m pregnant.” 

               “Hey, that’s great, B’Ela.  What’s there to cry about?  Doesn’t Tom want the baby?” 

               “It’s not Tom’s baby – it’s yours.  And that stupid, -----  doctor went and blurted it all out to the captain!!” 

              Chakotay fell back against the nearest solid object, which fortunately was the biobed, or he would have ended up on the floor.  Oh! My! God!  Oh, no!  He stood there completely stunned without the faintest idea of what to do next. 

               “Now do you see why I wanted to delete him?  He had no right, no right at all to say anything to her!   I don’t know what’s the matter with him, but if I can’t delete him, at the very least, I am going to reprogram him into a robot!  By the time I’ve finished with him…” 

               He finally found his voice and stopped her.  “B’Elanna, don’t.  It’s too late.  What’s done is done.  We have to figure out where we go from here.   The captain has requested a meeting as soon as I leave here.  I think you better come, too.  We’re going to have to come clean, B’Ela.” 

            “Oh, Chakotay, I know.  But what am I going to tell Tom?” 

            “We’re going to do what we should have done in the first place.  We’re going to tell them both everything.   I think I will ask the captain to delay our meeting until we’re all off duty.    A more informal atmosphere might help.” 

            “Nothing’s going to help,” she groaned. 

        _________________________________________________ 
 

              The captain proved agreeable to the commander’s request, and agreed to meet with him, Torres and Paris after evening meal in his quarters.  She had met Tom in the corridor and, when it became obvious they were both headed to the same destination, he asked if she knew what was going on. 

           “Tom, I think we better wait until we’re all together.  I do know but it’s not something I’m ready to discuss yet – certainly not in the corridor.” 

           “O-kay, Captain.  I’ll try to be patient.  B’Elanna is very upset; I hope this meeting will shed some light….?” 

           “I’m sure all your questions will be answered.  Here we are.”   She was trying to project an air of captainly calm but inside, the emotions were roiling.   Tom’s questions weren’t helping.  Trying to quiet her nerves, she took a deep breath and pressed the chime.    As the door opened, they could see Chakotay sitting on the couch while B’Elanna paced back and forth in front of him.   She jumped, startled, as they entered – apparently she hadn’t heard the chime. 

           “Captain,  Tom, please come in and sit down.    Would anyone like anything from the replicator before we start?”  He’s making it sound like a perfectly normal staff meeting, Torres thought.  And realized she wasn’t being fair.  This was hard on Chakotay, too.    She knew how he felt about the captain – his dreams were going up in smoke just like hers. 

            When both refused, Chakotay called B’Elanna to sit so they could start.   Janeway had placed herself on the couch, and  Tom was across from her in an armchair.  He pulled B’Elanna down but she couldn’t stay still.   “Sweetheart, calm down.  You’re making me nervous,” he told her. 

              Chakotay began. 

           “When B’Elanna and I were captured, the leader of the hunting party made it clear he wanted her.    We hadn’t been in their camp more than an hour when he tried to drag her into his tent.    The shaman stopped him that night, and the next evening, after they spent the whole day trying to decide what to do with us, he took our hands and joined them.   It seemed to indicate to everyone that we were mated, which was fine with us.  We just wanted this fellow to leave her alone. 

            “But that night, he and two of his cohorts attacked her and came damn close to raping her.  I heard her scream and was able to beat them away from her, but then he started in again about wanting her.  The shaman walked away apparently washing his hands of us.   This guy ripped her clothes off and threw her at me.  His meaning was clear.  Either I claimed her there and then, or he would take her.   Since we were obviously on our own at that point, there really wasn’t any choice – I claimed her, right there in front of the whole camp. 

           “And that’s the whole truth.  Maybe we should have told you, but to be frank, both of us were feeling pretty unsteady about what happened.  It seemed best to let sleeping dogs lie.  And, to be blunt, if B’Elanna hadn’t gotten pregnant, no one but us would ever have known.  If either of you have a problem with this, well I’m sorry.  But I don’t know what else I could have done.  I couldn’t let them take her.” 

           Kathryn and Tom sat silent for nearly a minute.  Then Tom got up and walked over to B’Elanna, who had stayed by the window the whole time.  He put his arms around her and hugged her very tightly.  She turned her face into his shoulder and hugged him back. 

           “Chakotay,” he said.  “I am very glad you were there and found the courage to do that.  And,” to B’Elanna, “I’m glad you let him.”  And he buried his face in her hair and rocked her gently. 

            Chakotay breathed a big sigh of relief.  They had just gotten past a major hurdle.  He looked at Kathryn who hadn’t moved.  Her face was an unreadable mask.  Oh-oh.   She was mad – she only wore that particular expression  when she was trying very hard not to show just how angry she was.   Chakotay sighed again. 
 
              For her part, Kathryn Janeway was trying to hold on to the shattered remnants of her emotions.  She wanted to throw something, hit someone, scream, something!   But she couldn’t.  Not only was she the captain, and captains didn’t behave that way, but she had no right to complain about Chakotay’s behaviour.   He hadn’t done anything wrong; in fact, he had done the only thing he could to save a crewmember under his command from a terrible abuse. 

           She knew why she was so upset.  She was jealous, plain and simple.  She had imagined them together for so long that she was actually pea green with envy when B’Elanna got to do what she had always wanted to – and couldn’t.  At that moment, if Chakotay had made any move at all in her direction, she would have thrown protocol out the airlock and jumped him.  But he stayed sitting on the sofa.  Kathryn tried not to grind her teeth.  She had to get out of there.  She got to her feet, turned to speak … and heard her 
comm badge chirp. 

            “Captain to the bridge! We are under attack!” 

             And immediately after:  “Commander Chakotay!  To the bridge!” 

             They all flew out the door and headed in different directions, B’Elanna to engineering and the other three to the bridge.   Janeway tapped  her badge.  “Report.” 

             “Captain,” came Harry Kim’s voice.  “Two large warships, unknown configuration, just dropped out of warp right in front of us.  I don’t know where they came from.   I think they might be using a cloaking device of some kind.   They are powering up weapons.” 

            “Shields up, Mr. Kim!  Weapons, stand by.” 

            “Aye, Captain.  Should we go to red alert?” 

            “I’m almost there, Harry,” as the turbolift moved up the shaft. 

            The doors opened, and the three hurried to their posts.  “What have they done?” 

             “Nothing else, Captain.  They’re just sitting there now.” 

             “Are their weapons still powered up?” 

             “Yes, Captain.” 

             “Very well.  Hail them.” 

             “This is Captain Janeway of the starship Voyager.  Please identify yourselves and state your intentions.” 

             Dead silence, then a garbled reply which gradually took on form as the universal translator kicked in. 

             “Captain Janeway, I am Grelth of the Haidarr.  You are in our space. 
State your intentions.” 

             “Grelth, we are only passing through on a long journey to get home.  We did not realize this was your space.  We hope you will allow us passage.” 

              Another silence, even longer.  “Proceed to the star system two (unintelligible) ahead.  Your request will be dealt with there.  Make no attempt to escape.  We will escort you.” 

               She rubbed her eyes; well, at least they hadn’t started shooting first.   “Mr. Paris, do as the man says.    Engage.”  And she sat down wearily. 
This had been one hell of a day, and it wasn’t over yet. 

          __________________________________________________ 
 

            As it turned out, the Haidarr, while not overly friendly, were reasonable; permission to cross their space was granted in exchange for information and star charts of the parts of the Delta Quadrant through which they had already passed.    They remained under escort the entire way, which was not such a bad thing, when Janeway stopped to think about it.  At least they didn’t have to worry about anyone else attacking them.  She attempted, without success, to get some idea of how their cloaking devices operated, but hit a complete dead end.   That was classified.  She wasn’t really surprised;  Starfleet would have done the same thing. 

             Three weeks later, the lead Haidarr ship hailed them.  It turned out to be their friend Grelth. 

             “Captain, you have reached the perimeter of Haidarr space.  Safe journey.   And Captain, a word of warning:  there are other races ahead who are not so tolerant as ours.”  And their escort peeled away and disappeared. 

              Voyager continued on alone. 
 
 
 
 

Chapter 5:  Repercussions Resolved 
 

           The time in Haidarr space and the distractions that dealing with an alien race always provided, had allowed all concerned to put B’Elanna’s condition on a back burner for the time being.    Tom had made his feelings known from the start, and B’Elanna found that, with his support, she was actually starting to look forward to being a mother.   Once Chakotay was able to slow down and contemplate the idea, he too began to like the idea of parenthood;  although how they were going to sort that out, he had no idea.  Well, they would adapt, as Seven stated so often; they always did. 

            Kathryn had gone into full captain mode, which really wasn’t a surprise.  It was the only way she could deal with her emotions.    She spent all her off-duty time either alone in her quarters or with Seven.   Chakotay was unable to have any kind of discussion with her unless it directly involved the ship or crew.    He knew from experience that she would have to work through it on her own;  there was nothing more he could do. 

            The doctor, who had been duly chastised for his error, was also uncharacteristically subdued.   Tom wondered if his reticence was due to the fact that he realized just how close he had come to permanent oblivion.    Whatever the reason, he certainly was very quiet.   Tom actually found himself missing the acerbic comments and sarcastic remarks. 

             A week after the Haidarr left them, their warning was proved true.  In the middle of the night, a tremendous bolt of energy shook the ship violently.    Several of those crew who were in bed and sound asleep found themselves tossed to the floor.   Anyone standing was thrown hard into the nearest solid object.   Alarms sounded as a second bolt hit.  The captain dashed for the bridge, still in her nightclothes, and met the senior crew as they poured out of the turbolift. 

            “Report!” 

            “Captain, we are being fired on by three ships of unknown origin,”answered Tuvok.  “Weapons are unknown but are causing considerable damage.  Shields are down to forty-eight percent.” 

             “Do we have weapons?” 

             “Phasers are at only fifty percent; we still have photon torpedo capability, but the aft launcher on the starboard side has taken a direct hit.  It 
is losing stability.” 

             “Bring all weapons on line and prepare to fire.” 

              During this exchange, Chakotay had been scanning the alien ships, looking for any weakness or tactical advantage he could find. 

              “Captain, the rear shielding around their engines is thin;  it might be possible to get a photon through and disable them.  But we have to get behind them.” 

             “Mr. Paris, can you follow up on that, find a way of circling around?” 

             “Give me a minute, Captain.   If we cut power for one minute to our engines, make it seem as if we’re dead in the water, then drop straight down three thousand meters, I think I could do it.  We need to catch them by surprise.” 

             “Do it.  Bridge to engineering.  B’Elanna, on my mark, cut power to the impulse engines for exactly one minute.  Then reengage and go to maximum output.” 

             “Bridge, this is Ensign Vorik.  Lieutenant Torres is …unavailable.  We are preparing to cut power.  Ready on your mark.” 

              No one on the bridge had time to wonder where Torres was.  Janeway gave the order, the alien ships started to close in and then power came back on.   Voyager dropped like a stone, ducked around behind the nearest ship and took out its engines with one shot.  As the second began to swing about, it was also disabled.  The third didn’t wait around and quickly disappeared. 
 
              “Status.” 

            “Captain, there has been some damage to the aft torpedo launchers, and to decks seven, ten and eleven.  Warp engines and impulse engines are on line.    Structural integrity is at eighty percent and holding.  Shields are still at forty eight percent,” reported Tuvok. 
 
           As he finished, the doctor paged them.  “Sickbay to bridge.  I am being inundated with numerous injuries, everything from scrapes to multiple fractures.  I need Mr. Paris immediately and anyone else who can be spared to help.” 

            The captain nodded to Paris, and Chakotay rose as well.  “I can help, Captain.” 

           “Very well, Commander.  If things stay quiet, I will come down, too.  It sounds like he needs all the help he can get.” 

            Paris and Chakotay disappeared, and Janeway remained in her chair for the next half hour, checking the status of her ship.  Repairs were under way and everything seemed to be returning to normal – when she remembered what Vorik had said in response to her initial call to engineering.   The more she thought about it, the more peculiar it seemed.  Where could B’Elanna have been?  In fact, now that she thought about it, she remembered Torres saying she was going to work on that troublesome relay in jefferies tube 29, the one that led off from main engineering.  But that had been hours ago.   She shouldn’t have still been there when they were hit. 

             “Janeway to Torres.”    There was no answer.  “Janeway to Torres.” 
And then Chakotay’s voice responded.  “Captain, you better get down here.” 

             She hurried into the turbolift, her mind starting to race over the possibilities.   This did not sound good, not good at all.  B’Elanna in sickbay – what had happened?   And why hadn’t anyone called her? 

             She entered a scene of complete chaos – bodies stacked all over the place, on chairs, on the floor, the most seriously injured on  the biobeds.  The doctor’s helpers were stepping gingerly around them as they tried to sort them out and get the least wounded tended to and out of the way.   And more were coming in, hobbling, clutching assorted limbs, faces contorted in pain.                                              She looked around and finally spotted Chakotay at a biobed against the far wall.  She worked her way over and found him leaning over an unconscious B’Elanna. 

          “Chakotay, what happened?” 

          “Captain, she was in the Jefferies tube when we were first hit.   She was thrown around pretty hard and in the initial confusion, no one remembered she was there.    It was only when you hailed her that Vorik thought to send someone to look for her.    She was unconscious and  hasn’t yet come around.  There’s more.   She’s miscarried – she’s lost the baby.”  And his head bowed down. 

           “Oh no!  Oh Chakotay – I’m so sorry!”  And Kathryn really was sorry, she realized.   She put an arm around him; he turned into her embrace, put his head on her shoulder and wept. 

           “I wanted that baby, Kathryn.  I was really starting to like the idea of being a father.”  She held him close and patted his back.  After a few minutes, he raised his head.  She reached up and gently wiped his face with her fingers.  “I know, Chakotay.  I was looking forward to seeing it, too,” she whispered. 

           He stared at her for a moment.  “Do you mean that?  You aren’t angry anymore – about everything?” 

           “Not really, no.   We need to talk, Chakotay, but this certainly is not the time or place.  Later.  Now, does Tom know what’s happened?” 

           “Yes, Captain, I know,” said Tom from behind them.  He looked very pale but determined not to break down while he was still needed. 

            “Chakotay, Captain, we need help over there, but one of you should stay with B’Elanna until she wakes up.” 

           “I’ll stay, Tom.  Chakotay, you go with him; you’re better at this than I am, anyway, and it will keep your mind occupied.” 

           “Very well.  But let me know when she comes to.  Let us both know.” 

          “I will.” 

          An hour passed and finally sickbay started to quiet down.  The walking wounded had already been sent to their quarters to rest; the more seriously injured had been made as comfortable as possible.  Janeway had checked in with the bridge several times, but all remained quiet there.  Repairs were proceeding well and should be completed in another six hours.  Seven had gone to engineering to help and was now firing off orders, in full Borg mode.   B’Elanna would be appalled, Janeway knew.  Better not tell her when she woke up – why upset her? 

           As Janeway sat and stared at her chief engineer, it occurred to her that she had never heard her side of the story.   She had been so angry at the time that she hadn’t even considered how B’Elanna might have felt.  Certainly, the woman was not an easy person to know, but nevertheless, she should have made some effort.  She felt very guilty about that.  She had let her feelings for Chakotay get in the way – again.   Well, another long talk to have, once all this was over.   If, of course, B’Elanna wanted to talk to her. 

           A low moan attracted her attention;  finally B’Elanna was coming around.   A monitor on the panel beeped and the doctor scurried over, tricorder in hand. 

           “That’s good;  she’s starting to wake up on her own.  I didn’t want to bring her around with stimulants.  She needs the time to heal.” 

            “The baby’s gone, doctor?” 

            “Yes, Captain.   Mr. Paris, Commander, if you can spare a moment, Lt. Torres is waking up.” 

             Both came up to the biobed and stood, one on each side.  B’Elanna opened her eyes to four very concerned faces.    She tried to sit up, but instantly realized that was not a good idea.   She groaned in pain.  Everything hurt, she must be covered in bruises, and her stomach – what was the matter with it?  where was the baby?!   And she knew. 

            She closed her eyes again, as the tears started to seep through.  She’d lost it.   She turned her face to the wall.   Tom looked at Chakotay and Janeway, and then reached over to hug her as best he could.     They turned and left.   They would see her later; right now Tom was the only one who could comfort her. 

         ___________________________________________________ 
 

           Kathryn and Chakotay walked down the corridor on the officers’ deck.   No time like the present, she thought. 

           “Chakotay, are you going back to bed or would you like to join me for that talk?” 

           “Kathryn, I…. well, all right.  I won’t sleep anymore tonight.” 

           They entered her quarters, she went to the replicator and ordered coffee for her and an herbal tea for him.   She brought the mugs back to the couch and sat down beside him.    They sipped in silence while each composed their thoughts. 

           “Chakotay, tell me what you’re feeling.” 

            “Now?   I guess, resigned and very sad, and still angry.  I don’t know – it’s all a jumble.   What about you?” 

            “Sad, too.   And angry.  Wondering how it could have been prevented….” 

           “It was an accident;  there wasn’t any way to prevent it, well unless you’d tied B’Elanna to her bed for nine months.  And certainly that wouldn’t have happened.   No, Kathryn, accidents happen;  this was one.” 

           “Yeah, I guess.  I just wish – well, as you say.  It’s done.   Are you going to be okay?” 

           “In a while, yes.   It’s crazy, you know.   When B’E first told me she was pregnant, I nearly died of shock.  And all I could do was wonder what you thought.  Not how she was doing, not about the baby, only what was going through your head.   Then later, when you were obviously so mad and I couldn’t get through to you, couldn’t get near you, I started to think more about what it would mean – to me and her and Tom.   And I guess she was doing the same thing. 

           “Just two days ago, she told me how happy she was.  She, B’Elanna Torres, the last person you would expect to want motherhood!  And she was happy!   I felt so much better when she said that.  And I knew then, that even though this child was the unintended result of our actions, I was glad of its conception;  I wanted it, too.   And now….oh Kathryn, what am I going to do?” 

           She took his mug, put it beside her own on the table, and pulled him in tight against her.   His arms wrapped around her as he trembled.  She was a little frightened.    Even through all the Seska debacle, she had never seen him this devastated.  Of course, the circumstances had been different, but nevertheless, they had thought that baby was his.   And she, for one, had been damn glad to find out it wasn’t. 
 
           “Hold on, Chakotay.  Hold on to me.  It’s all right.   I won’t let you go.”   She repeated this several times until finally she felt him start to relax.  He lifted his head, then moved back and started to stand. 

           “Where are you going?” she asked. 

           “I better go back to my quarters, Kathryn.  You don’t need me like this.” 

           She stood as well, took his hand and led him to her bedroom.  “You’re not going anywhere but into that bed.  I’m not leaving you alone, Chakotay.  Get in – and don’t argue.”  And she pushed him down, pulled off his boots and climbed in beside him.  She wrapped her arms around him and stroked the back of his neck. 

           “Go to sleep.  That’s what you need.  Sleep.  I’ll be here.”  He was too tired to do anything but obey. 
 

     ________________________________________________________ 
 
 

           Chakotay awoke some time later.  He couldn’t think at first where he was, and then it all came back to him.   He turned his head and found an auburn head resting on the pillow beside him.   The head’s owner had her back to him but he could feel her warmth.    He contemplated the head for a while, debating, and then thought oh! what the hell! and snuggled up against her.   She moved back into him in her sleep and he draped an arm across her chest.    She felt so nice and soft;  he needed nice and soft right now.  He pushed his face right into her hair and nuzzled her neck.  Ooh!  Smelled good, too.    He wriggled as close as he could. 

           Kathryn came to slowly and wondered when she had gotten a heating pad.   She couldn’t remember but she certainly had one now.   Then she turned her head, and felt the hard warm body behind her.  Right behind her.   Oh yes.  And it came back to her just who the heating pad was and how she had acquired him.   She lay still trying to decide if he was awake or not, then turned over to look straight into his eyes.  Answered that question. 

           “Chakotay, you okay?   How are you doing?” 

           He thought for a minute.  “Better, Kathryn.  Better than I was.   I guess the sleep helped.  What time is it, anyway?” 

           “0300.   Too early to get up for the day.   Can you go back to sleep, can I get you something…?” 

            “No, thanks.  I’m fine.   Guess I’m not used to having anyone else in the bed;  been a long time.” 

            “I know what you mean,” she replied with feeling. 

           He hesitated for a moment, then said,  “In sickbay, you said there were things we needed to talk about, but not then.   Would now be a good time?” 

           Trust Chakotay to go to that, she thought.     Well, it probably was as good a time as any.  Might as well make herself comfortable.   She smiled at him.   “Now would be fine.”   She paused.   Where to start. 

           “When the doctor told B’Elanna and I that you were the father of her baby, I was stunned.   It hadn’t occurred to me that you had ever had, or could ever have, sexual relations with her.    And,” this was the hard part, “it absolutely enraged me.   The idea that she got what I had wanted for years.  Pure and simple, Chakotay, I was jealous.  Blindingly jealous.   I couldn’t see past that – even when you explained the situation.  Even when Tom, bless his heart, approved what you had done.   You had made love to her, not me, and furthermore, she was carrying your child.   It took me a long time to be able to see beyond that.   In fact, it took B’Elanna’s losing the baby to make me realize how irrational I had become, and how unfairly I had treated both of you.” 

           He started to speak, but she stopped him.  “Let me finish – I’ve gotten this far.  I know now that I was so angry because I love you so much.  I guess I’ve known for a long time, but I couldn’t admit it.   It was easier to pretend it didn’t exist.   But when I found out about B’Elanna, I couldn’t pretend anymore. 

           “I don’t know nowadays what you feel for me.   I do know that  apparently, no matter what happens, I will always love you.   I can’t make it go away.”   And she stopped and exhaled slowly, wondering what he was thinking. 

           Chakotay was stunned by her admission.   For years, he had loved her to distraction, but had never been sure what she felt for him.   Now he knew.  And knew also that his dreams were still intact. 

           “Kathryn.   Oh Kathryn, my heart has been yours since we started out nearly seven years ago.   Loving you has become part of me, as much as breathing.    I can’t stop, and I don’t want to;  for the rest of my life, I will love you.” 

           He gazed into her eyes;  she let him see all that she was feeling.  No masks now.   “Chakotay,” she whispered, “kiss me.”   So he did. 

The End