Title:  Candy Coated Water Drops
Summary:  Not all things that look good on the outside are good on the inside.
Author:  Nine - geocities.com/docseven2000, geocities.com/ninthsaturn
Rating:  PG-13, implied sex.
Codes: C/T, J&P
Archive:  FanFiction.net, Ninth Moon of Saturn, all others - not until after New Horizons is up.  ;-)
Disclaimer:  No infringement intended.
Feedback - Yes, please.  Resistance is Futille.  ninthsaturn@yahoo.com

He had taken a seat at a secluded table in the filling mess hall.  He sat alone, observing.  Absently, he took a sip from the cup in his hand, not really tasting the velvety liquid that passed through his lips.  He had too much on his mind to pay any attention to the meal before him.  She would be coming in a few minutes to eat another empty lunch and return to her empty job.  He didn't have to ask her to know things weren't right.  He could see the ever present glint of sadness in her eyes no matter what she was doing or who she was with.  It worried him.  She'd been lonely before, angry and closed off, but it was different this time.  Very different.

Just then the object of his observation entered the mess hall slowly, following the daily routine of grabbing a tray from Neelix and finding a good place to sit.  She took a spot not far and sat alone with her meal.  He couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness as he watched her, seeing that she wasn't the same woman he'd come to call an intimate friend.  She'd changed so much in the past year or two and not for the better.  She didn't seem to even have that spark of fire anymore that made her who she was.  "Oh, B'Elanna," he whispered softly, watching her steadily, not caring who noticed.

Taking another small sip, he watched as Harry joined her.  "Hey, B'Elanna," he heard Harry say with his usual friendliness.

"Hello," she answered softly, withdrawn.

Harry took a bite of the contents on his plate.  "I have a new project I'd like you to help me with," Harry said hopefully.  He could see something wasn't right too.

"Maybe later," she murmured, absorbed in her lunch.

"Okaaay," Harry said teasingly.  "But I know you'll really like it."

She took an exasperated breath and hissed, "I said not now."

Harry looked at the table.  "Okay, okay.  Sorry."  He stood with his tray.  "I guess I'll go see what Tuvok's up to," he said, moving to sit with the Vulcan.

He shook his head, taking another drink.  This was not B'Elanna, the good-natured, fiery woman that would have tackled any project Harry could think up.  He sighed.  She was more like a butterfly with broken wings.  What could have done this to her?  What could have made such a dramatic change in someone he cared so much for?  He had his suspicions and he'd bet any replicator rations that he was right.  And that made him angry.  He was by nature calm and cool headed, but he also was very protective over B'Elanna.  He would have wanted to talk her through her decision before the wedding, but there just hadn't been time.  When they returned from the race everything had happened so fast that he simply didn't have time to get to her and make sure this was the best thing for both she and Tom.  He clenched his fist shut.  He should have made time somehow.  Just a stray moment amidst the planning and organizing, anything that could have kept this sadness from happening to her.  Rubbing his temple in frustration he exhaled and watched as she stood, returned her tray and left.  He ached inside to watch her, to see her eyes so dull and listless.  With a hiss of the doors she was gone and his usual lunch companion sat across from him, watching the line of his vision.  "Anything you care to talk about, Chakotay?" she asked, concerned.

He closed his eyes and shook his head.  "It's nothing either of us can solve right now, Kathryn," he answered softly, smiling wanly.  "Hopefully it will solve itself in time."

B'Elanna sighed as she walked tiredly down the long hallways that lead to her home.  All she needed was a shower, a nice cup of hot chocolate and to lay down.  Hopefully Tom would be elsewhere tonight.  Not that she didn't look forward to seeing him every night, but sometimes she just wanted to be totally alone so she could rest without having to worry about another person's wishes.  When the doors hissed open, however, she realized that she wasn't going to have that luxury tonight.  Entering, she immediately sat down and said, "Hey," to Tom as he sat and watched television.

"Hey." Tom said, smiling.  "Where's my hug?"

B'Elanna rolled her eyes.  "I didn't exactly see you rushing off the couch from the TV set to hug me," she said, pulling off her boots.

Tom sighed and looked back at the television.  "Sorry."

B'Elanna rolled her eyes as she threw her boots to a corner and cuddled into the chair.  "How was your day?" she asked softly.

"Fine," he answered, still watching.

She shook her head and stood.  "I'm going to take a shower, Tom."  He only nodded.  B'Elanna sighed and retreated to the bathroom.  Peeling off her uniform, she wasted no time entering the shower and letting the nice hot water run over her.  Leaning against the shower wall, she closed her eyes and enjoyed being in the one place she could be alone to think.  She hated when Tom acted like that.  He seemed so absorbed in that stupid set that she now wished she hadn't taken the time to make.  It was always for him, she noticed.  Everything was done to make sure he was having fun and had something to look forward to after a long day.  With a sigh, she opened her eyes and touched the water.  "That can't be true," she murmured, watching the trails of water that ran from her fingertips and on down her arm.  He does things for me.

Suddenly the doors hissed open and with a grin he entered the shower with her.  "Hey," he said, playfully touching her cheek.  "I thought I could use a shower too."

B'Elanna repressed the urge to sigh and forced herself to smile.  "I guess you could take one with me."

Tom grinned and tickled her sides.  "You guess?  That's not very encouraging."  He bent to kiss her neck.

B'Elanna held her breath for a moment, wishing she were someplace else.  She didn't know what was wrong, but she felt like she was going to cry. Come on, Torres.  Get a hold of yourself.  She shivered as his touch grew more serious than playful.  His lips found their way to hers and she closed her eyes, trying to forget the pain inside for once while her husband made love to her.  She forced herself to focus on him and the kisses he showered on her face.  But it just wasn't in her.  She furrowed her brow and leaned back, letting him rain his passion onto her flesh.  She just couldn't focus on this now.  Opening her eyes, she ran her fingers through his hair and smiled softly as he kissed her shoulder.  Oh Tom, I'm so sorry, she thought, wishing she could be what he was looking for at the moment.  He pulled back for a moment and smiled, touching her cheek.  "Everything okay?" he asked staring into her eyes.  She smiled softly and nodded, rubbing her cheek against his hand.  He looked down at her lips for a moment before diving in for another kiss.  That was all the answer he needed before letting go and taking things further.  She sighed.  It seemed more and more that this is what he was looking for.  If she expressed any unhappiness then his touch could make it all better in his eyes.  And she supposed that that was the way it should be.  But why did she feel so empty inside?  She whimpered, holding back her tears.  What is wrong with me? she thought angrily. He's a good husband.  What reason could I have to be unhappy?  With a sigh she wrapped her arms around him, hugging into him as if seeking some sort of comfort as he drew her closer.  Closing her eyes, she held tightly to him, letting herself get lost in him.

It was growing closer to midnight and still Tom could find no rest.  There had been something about her tonight that wasn't right.  He sighed and sat up, looking at her laying there beside him, sound asleep.  She was so beautiful this way.  He gently ran a hand across her hip and watched as she stirred.  Running his fingers through his hair, he got up and stood to face the window.  There was something so peaceful about the night and yet he couldn't find a place within him that could echo the peace around him.  He could feel something beginning between he and his wife.  He had sensed it even before they had married.  Somehow he thought being married would fix it, but it seemed that whatever was wrong had only gotten worse.  He had to fix this somehow.  But how does one fix a problem they can't even identify?  How could he understand what was going wrong and make it right?  He turned his head as she turned in bed and opened her eyes.  "What's the matter?" she asked sleepily.

Tom smiled softly and folded his arms.  "I just can't sleep," he answered through a yawn.  "B'Elanna, how was your day?"

B'Elanna swallowed and sat up.  "It was fine.  Nothing spectacular.  Why?"

He shook his head.  "No reason.  Just thought I'd ask.  I haven't really taken time to find out how you were lately."  He crawled back onto the bed and lay on his stomach, watching her.  "How is everything?"

She took a breath.  "Everything is fine, Tom.  Is something bothering you?"

He shook his head.  "Not really.  I just noticed you were kind of tired today.  I would hate it if you over-worked yourself."

With s smile she rolled her eyes.  "I can handle it, Tom.  Don't worry about me.  I've been doing this job for seven years."

"Maybe that's the problem," he commented, rolling over.

"What is that supposed to mean?" she said.

He smiled.  "Just that we've been stuck on this ship for seven years doing the same thing over and over again.  Maybe you and I should put in for a transfer."  He poked at her side.

She placed her hand on his forehead.  "Are you feeling well?" she asked as he batted at her hand.  "Where would you like to be transferred to, Tom?  Borg cube?  Or wait, maybe we can take the Flier back to Talax.  I'm sure they would find your child-like antics very endearing."

Tom smirked and grabbed her hand, holding it above his head and examining every detail.  He sighed.  "I know.  Transfer is out.  Maybe you and I could just spend a good year on the holodeck in some humid tropical paradise where we can walk around naked all day."

B'Elanna laughed and snatched her hand back.  "I'm sure you'd find that fun.  How about I program you a holographic version of myself while I program a version of you?  Then it won't have to take me years to train you."

He grinned and poked her side again.  "Very funny, B'Elanna.  Back on topic...are you sure everything is okay?"  He took her hand and rubbed it, looking up into her brown eyes.

She paused for a moment, watching him watch her and then sighed.  "I'll be fine, Tom.  I'm just having a rough week."

Tom kissed her hand and nodded, not totally satisfied that this would be the last of it.  He hoped it would be.  He didn't want B'Elanna to be in pain, but he wasn't so sure things would work themselves out.  But he had nothing to go on.  She certainly wasn't telling him if something was wrong.  That worried him.  She'd opened herself up a lot to him over the course of their relationship, but there was still so much about her that he had to learn.  So much that she had yet to let him see.  She always held things in and not betrayed any weakness, even if it was something that she couldn't handle by herself.  He wanted her to let him inside all the way so he could fix whatever she needed him to, but the reality was there were some parts that she just wasn't going to let him see yet.  There were parts of him that he wasn't ready to show her even still.  "I love you," he said softly, reaching up to grasp her hair.

She nodded softly.  "I know."  She smiled and bent down, kissing his lips before curling up into him, draping her arm over his stomach.

Tom smiled and ran his fingers through her hair, staring up at the ceiling.  "How about we save up some holodeck time and take a day or two off?  I'll clear it with the captain and then we'll have a little vacation."

He could feel her nodded.  "That would be nice," she said sleepily.  She was about to drift off again any moment.  Yawning, he decided that he was probably not far from finding sleep either, so kissing her head, he laid his head back and closed his eyes.  He felt better now that he'd gotten to take time to talk with her.  It was a start anyhow.  Hopefully she would tell him if something further was wrong, but for now their little talk was enough.  After another yawn and a few scattered thoughts it didn't take Tom very long to finally fall into rest.

Chakotay smiled as he poured another cup of coffee for Captain Janeway as they sat in his quarters for breakfast.  "You're kidding," he said as the Captain informed him of Voyager's star pilot's latest prank.

She grinned.  "Not at all.  Harry fixed about twelve replicators before he realized Tom had him running around for nothing."  She laughed.  "I hear he was pretty mad afterwards."

Chakotay shook his head and grinned.  "Poor Harry."

Janeway took a sip from her cup.  "So I take it things with B'Elanna aren't running smoothly?" she said, setting her cup down and picking her fork up.

He shrugged.  "I don't know anything for certain, Kathryn, but I have a feeling she's not doing too well."  He took a bite.

"It's got you worried, though."  She waited for his answer.

He nodded.  "I know her better than perhaps anyone on board.  Better than Tom even and she's not acting like herself.  It kind of worries me.  I've never seen her quite like this."  He sighed and looked out the window absently.  "She's unhappy."

Janeway smiled softly.  "Chakotay, with a friend like you I'm sure she'll get through this bout of sadness just fine.  Perhaps she's homesick."

Chakotay shrugged and traced the rim of his coffee cup.  "I don't think so, but I can't discount it either.  I don't know.  Maybe I'm just seeing things that aren't there."

"Could be," she said, picking her coffee up again.  "All you can do is keep an eye on her.  Maybe all she needs is some time off.  We'll be taking shore leave with the Vahari in a day, so maybe she'll take that opportunity to rest."

Chakotay smirked, his dark brown eyes glistening.  "Do you plan on resting, Kathryn?"

Janeway spread her arms innocently.  "You know me."

He laughed.  "Yeah I know you and she can be just as bad sometimes.  Especially when she's unhappy.  Then she really throws herself into her work.  I'm sure Tom'll get her off Voyager though.  I just hope it does her some good.  She's a complicated woman."

"Why don't you have a talk with her?  See how she's doing."  Janeway sipped her coffee.

He sighed.  "I could I guess.  I just hope I can catch her alone."

Janeway smiled.  "Husband or not, a girl's gotta have her own time.  I'm sure she would welcome spending time with an old friend."

Chakotay grinned.  "Hey, watch it with that old stuff, will you?  I've got a birthday coming up in a week."

"You do?" she asked teasingly, pretending she had forgotten.  "Imagine that.  I think we should have the Doctor give you a check-up.  Make sure everything's still in good condition."

Chakotay laughed and shook his head.  "You better stop, or I might ask the crew to pitch in and have you thrown in the brig as my birthday gift.  I bet I can get even Tuvok in on it."

She waved her hand and smirked.  "I wouldn't recommend it.  So, what do you really want for your birthday?"  Chakotay smiled gently, looking out the window again.  "I think I know what you want," she said softly.  He looked at her and she sighed.  "Chakotay..." she began, trailing off.  She was uncertain what to say, but she could tell by his eyes that even if he wouldn't admit it, he wanted something that was unreachable now.  "I could see it all morning in your eyes whenever you talked about her and now I can see it more than ever."  She watched him with concern written in her gray eyes.

He waved her words off and shook his head.  "I know, Kathryn.  I gave up on those thoughts even before they got married."  He looked down at his half finished plate.

Janeway reached across the table and took his hand.  "I had no idea you felt that way about B'Elanna."

He smiled almost shyly.  "Well, it's nothing I was ever sure about.  I really don't know how I feel to be honest.  I'm happy for her, that she's found someone that can make her happy."  He sighed at himself and absently rubbed at the back of his neck.  "It's just something I'll have to work through.  I'll be all right."

She gave his hand a squeeze.  "Just be careful.  I don't want you to get hurt."  She gripped her coffee cup, took her last drink and stood.  "Everything will be fine," she said, patting his shoulder.  "We should probably head to the bridge."  Nodding, he pushed his plate back and joined her as she left his quarters to begin the day's work.  As the turbolift hissed open she turned and looked at him sympathetically.  "Just remember what I said.  Be careful."

He nodded.  "I will," he answered quietly, following as she entered.  "I will."  He sighed and leaned against the wall as his captain called for the bridge.  So she could tell his feelings for B'Elanna went beyond that of friendship.  Not that he cared.  She'd come to be his best friend over the years and he knew he could trust her with his secret.  He'd been hiding it quite well for some time, but his worry for B'Elanna had stripped his shield away, betraying his emotion.  He was going to have to be more careful.  There was no point in telling B'Elanna of his uncertain feelings.  It would only worry her.  She wouldn't want him to hurt.  She had such a good heart and under all that tough acting exterior was a genuinely caring woman.  Any man would be lucky to have her.  Chakotay sighed as he stepped onto the bridge with the captain and laid eyes on the lucky man who did have her.  Treat her right, Tom.  Give her all of you and you will have a great treasure, he thought as Tuvok went to his post, giving command to Janeway.  Chakotay sat and watched Tom at the helm for a moment.  There were times when the old feelings came rushing back, making him wish he were the one that held her heart.  This was going to be one of those days he suspected.  He chided himself.  He wanted B'Elanna to be happy and he just couldn't bring himself to trust anyone else to do the job right.  But it simply was not to be.  She had made her choice and even if it had been made in haste the choice still remained and a wedding had taken place, cutting any possibilities off forever.

"Report," Janeway said, interrupting his thoughts.

"The Vahari hailed us five minutes before you got to the bridge," Kim spoke up.  "They said that all preparations have been made for the crew to take shore leave and they look forward to our arrival tomorrow.  A dinner will be prepared for the senior staff and Prime Minister Lhene says he looks forward to meeting us."

"I'm looking forward to the whole thing," Paris said, looking to Kim.  "If half of what they say is true then we are in for a great vacation."  Harry smiled back at his friend.

Janeway leaned back in her command chair.  "I'm certain we're all looking forward to this vacation."

"Even you?" Chakotay said, smiling his characteristic smile.

She nodded with a half smile on her face.  "Even I plan on relaxing this time around, Commander."

Paris turned and grinned.  "Not even one data padd, Captain?" he asked, eyebrow raised as if daring her to deny that she would find some sort of work to do.

Janeway smirked.  "Not even one, Mister Paris."

He smiled with a look that plainly said, 'Yeah right,' and Chakotay smiled good-naturedly as he half listened to Paris and Janeway playfully bantering.  The other half of his concentration was thinking of her, drawing more and more of his attention over until he was totally absorbed in his thoughts.  He could still imagine that sad glint in her brown eyes and it made a chill go through him as he fought an instinctive impulse to go to her now.  He sighed, hearing Tom's voice again for a moment before sinking back into his own thoughts.  Just how much of him really did hope that it was Tom causing her this pain?  If it were Tom's fault then he could still have a chance at having her.  He frowned, knowing the complete wrongness of his thoughts.  This was another man's wife he was thinking about.  Besides, he'd gotten over those possible feelings long ago.  Dismissed them because she was happy with Tom and because he wasn't even sure there was anything past the love of a best friend there.

"Is there something wrong with him?" Tom said, snapping him back to reality.  Chakotay looked up at the grinning pilot.  "Chakotay?"

He smiled sheepishly.  "Sorry.  I was just thinking."

Tom feigned concern.  "I was getting a little worried there.  Your birthday's coming up and..." Tom started, grinning.

"All right," Chakotay said, holding up a forestalling hand.  "Enough with the birthday jokes.  I'd like to see all of you get away with teasing the captain on her birthday."  He turned to her.  She was smiling, but he could tell by her eyes that she was trying to convey her earlier advice to be careful and not let himself be hurt.  He only nodded to convey to her that he would be all right.  And he would be, he knew.  The only thing he was concerned about was B'Elanna and getting to the bottom of what was causing her this distress and trying to fix it for her.

He sat there in the mess hall, alone again.  This time his intent was not to simply observe, but to go to her.  Tom would be on duty in sickbay again today, causing him to miss lunch with her again as well.  It would be a perfect time for her to talk without Tom's influence on her answers.  Chakotay exhaled and tapped his fork to his plate absently.  It seemed like it was taking forever for her to come.  But she did, eventually, again taking a plate from Neelix and again sitting alone.  Chakotay stood and quickly went to her before someone else could take her attention.  "Hello," he said softly, sitting across from her.  "Mind if I join you?"

She looked up and smiled.  "Not at all," she said.  "How have you been?  Any special birthday plans?"

Chakotay smiled and shook his head.  "None that I am aware of, though I'm sure someone around here is organizing a surprise party.  At least I hope so."  He couldn't help but grin as she laughed.  He loved her laugh.  "Actually, I'm more interested in how you are."

Immediately her face became more serious and she took more interest in her meal.  "Things are fine."

He left it at that for the moment.  The mess hall was no place to discuss anything remotely personal.  "I was kind of hoping we could get together some time."

She nodded.  "Sounds like fun.  Maybe you could come rock climbing with me."  Suddenly she laughed.  "I tried to get Icheb to join me once, but he thought I was making romantic advances on him and decided that it wasn't proper for us to 'see' each other."

Chakotay laughed.  "You're kidding."

She grinned.  "No.  He actually asked the Doctor what to look for when someone takes interest."

He shook his head.  "And so another Borg learns lessons from the Love Doctor."  B'Elanna smirked at that.  "But what would you have done had he returned your interest?" he asked, eyebrow raised and cheeks dimpled as he grinned.

B'Elanna rolled her eyes.  "I would have probably had to send Tom after him in a jealous rage to get him to lose interest."

Chakotay laughed.  "That would have been something to see.  Seven would have Tom's hide if he went after Icheb."

She shook her head.  "You're finding this very amusing, aren't you?"

He smiled and pinched her arm a little.  "I think it's cute."  His eyes must have betrayed something because for a moment she smiled as she shared his gaze, but then she suddenly blushed, looking down quickly.

"It was cute, I'll admit."  She smiled again.  "He avoided any contact with me for two weeks after that.  I guess by then he realized that our affair was completed and he could trust me to remain platonic again."  She shook her head and looked at the table.

Chakotay licked his lips and looked down at his plate.  "So, when did you want to go rock climbing?"

B'Elanna furrowed her brow.  "Well, how about tonight?" she asked hopefully.  "Tom and I don't have any plans.  Or is it too soon?"

Chakotay shook his head.  "Not at all.  18:00 hours?"

She nodded with a smile.  "Perfect.  I'll let Tom know and meet you there."  She stood.  "I should get to engineering.  See you later."

He smiled as she turned and left.  "See you," he said softly, staring after her.

"I just don't see why you had to make it tonight," Tom said as she pulled her climbing gear on.  "I might have had special plans for us." He paced.

She stopped and looked at him.  "You don't, do you?" she asked, knowing the answer and sitting to lace her boots.

He exhaled.  "That's not the point.  The point is you could have cleared it with me before saying you would be somewhere without me."

She stopped lacing her boot.  "Clear it with you?  What, are you my father now?"

He sighed.  "That's not what I meant and you know it, B'Elanna.  I just meant that it would have been nice of you to make sure that I wasn't planning on anything."

She rolled her eyes.  "Tom, you never plan anything like that.  You don't have any plans made so I don't see what the problem is.  You've eaten alone before when you wanted to go work on your car and you didn't need me there to eat it with you then and you don't need me with you now.  You'll survive and in a few hours I will be home again."

Tom bit his lip and flopped down on the couch.  "I just like being able to see you when I get home from a long day."

B'Elanna sighed.  "We talked having our own interests before, Tom.  You are free to take Harry or whoever to work on your cars and I can rock climb with my friends.  Remember that discussion?"

He nodded.  "I know.  I just thought you'd be taking Captain Janeway or Seven or something."

B'Elanna stared.  "Are you jealous?  Over Chakotay?"

Tom frowned.  "I just like having you home."

She stood.  "Well, like it or not, sometimes I won't be home.  I do have a life, Tom.  And friends."

Tom didn't say anything, only frowned and turned on the television.  With a sigh B'Elanna didn't say anything, only turned and left, hearing him say, "Maybe I'll just take one of the Delaney sisters to watch me race next time," smartly as the door closed.

She balled her fists and for a moment was tempted to return and teach him a lesson he'd never forget, but she wasn't going to let him make her late for an outing with Chakotay.  Instead she resolved to simply muttering, "Idiot," as she stalked angrily down the corridor, warding off any interference from passing crewmen with just the look in her eyes.  By the time she reached the holodeck she'd cooled off.  Some.  "Computer, activate program Torres Omega Five Six," she commanded.

"Program running," the computer intoned.

B'Elanna took a calming breath and forced herself to relax.  She was here to have fun.  When she got inside she saw him leaning against a large rock facing the door.  He smiled warmly.  "I was waiting against the wall when suddenly this large rock formation appeared just inches away.  Kind of surprised me, but at least it warned me so I could strike a cute pose before you entered."

She rolled her eyes.  "Very cute.  Wanna get started?"  She immediately walked to the rock, touching it as if the feel would connect her more to the task at hand.

He ignored her haste and looked over the rock.  It wasn't very high, he noticed.  "Not very intimidating, is it?" he said, teasing her, knowing it would make her angry if he dared to suggest she would have trouble with such a small climb.

She turned.  "If you must know, I was trying to start you off small so you could keep up without falling off.  If you would like though, I'm sure the computer can create us a nice huge mountain."  She eyed him seriously.

"B'Elanna," he said, laughing.  "I was only kidding you.  No need to get angry."

She sighed.  She couldn't take her anger out on him.  It wasn't his fault.  So she smiled and turned away.  "Well, your birthday is coming up," she said, hinting.  "How old are you gonna be again?"  She peeked over her shoulder at him.

He grinned.  "Don't play cute with me, B'Elanna.  Last time you did that you ended up on the floor getting tickled to death."

She sniffed.  "Only because I let you."  She smiled and picked a place to start climbing.

"No rope?" he said, watching as she concentrated on climbing the narrow foot holes in the rock.

She didn't look back at him.  "You said yourself that it didn't look intimidating.  To add a little challenge to the climb we'll try it free hand."

Chakotay sighed and threw his ropes and equipment down.  "Okay," he said softly, looking for a good place to begin.

She smiled to herself.  "It's not really that tough.  Just work slow and make sure you have good footing."

He watched as she kept up a nice pace.  Taking one last look at the blue sky above, he began his ascent.  He wasn't quite sure how to bring up the problems she might be having.  Something had happened tonight though, he'd bet.  So, he started with that.  "Did our plans ruin anything Tom had planned?" he asked as he concentrated.

B'Elanna kept on.  "Tom never has anything planned," was all she volunteered.

Chakotay nodded to himself.  "Okay.  Well, you just seemed miffed when you came in.  Is everything all right?"

She sighed.  "It's nothing really."

"Would you like to talk about it?  We've been friends for a long time and I'd like to think you could come to me with any problems you might be having and vise versa."  He waited.

She paused.  "I don't know," was all she said.  For the rest of the trip she remained silent and he was content to let her stay so.  He couldn't push her to talk, but he couldn't help but worry that she wouldn't.  She needed to talk things out before the burdens got to heavy for one person alone to carry and he could just about guess that she wasn't talking to Tom.  Catching up to her, he could see the sweat beading on her forehead.  Even still, she was beautiful.  His eyes traced her every feature between steps and each curve and tone he memorized again and again until they reached the top.  He pulled himself over the edge and sat back against a large stone to catch his breath.  His eyes wandered to where she was sitting and he couldn't help but watch as she wiped her brow and caught her own breath.  She was so beautiful, but there was something wrong with the picture.  Her eyes.  They were weary and sad.  "So, you want me to talk about what's bothering me," she said softly, looking at him through her brown eyes.  He nodded.  She exhaled.  "Well, there isn't much to tell.  I went home and Tom acted like a jerk."

Chakotay sighed.  "Does he do that a lot?"

She looked away.  "Not all the time, Chakotay.  Please don't think you have to have a talk with him.  Lots of marriages have problems."

He shook his head.  "No, I'm not going to talk to him.  I just want to know about you, B'Elanna.  I've been noticing that you seem a little down lately.  I just want to do what I can to help."

"I've been fine," she said.  "It's just been a rough week."  She didn't meet his eyes.

He moved closer to her, taking her hand softly.  She watched as he rubbed the curves on her palm.  "Will you let me be there for you?"

This time she looked up.  She shared his gaze for a moment and he could see the tears forming in her eyes.  "Chakotay," she whispered.  He gave her hand a squeeze and with that she leaned into him, ready to let the emotions that threatened to over take her spill out through the tears she couldn't control.  He simply held her softly, rubbing her arm, letting her vent all the hurt and anger she'd been feeling.  B'Elanna rarely showed her weaknesses in front of anyone and Chakotay knew that some burdens could be just too tough to bear alone.  She needed this time to simply be held while she cried and let herself be weak.

"It's all right," he said gently, holding her and wishing he could take everything that was causing her this pain away from her.  He would take it upon himself if that would take it from her.

"I know," she said when she calmed herself.  "Don't get me wrong. I know roses and romance doesn't last forever, Chakotay, but it seems that all he wants lately is dinner, sex and sleep.  I come home and he's too busy watching TV to say anything until I talk and whenever I'm unhappy he comes to me and thinks that his touch and sexy words are going to take it all away and make it better again and it just doesn't.  He expects me to go with him and share his interests, but when I suggest something I like he just finds a reason for it to be stupid.  I know he's new at marriage, but it just hurts sometimes."

Chakotay bit his tongue against the choice words he was tempted to say denouncing Tom and the way he was treating B'Elanna.  It would only make her mad at this point.  "I know it hurts.  Tom's not very perceptive when it comes to another person's feelings it seems."

She pulled back.  "Now you're mad at him.  Please don't go off and have a fight with him because of this."

Chakotay shook his head, though every instinct told him to end program and have a little talk with a certain pilot.  "I won't."  He clenched his fist.  "B'Elanna, can I ask you something without you getting angry?"

She looked him over.  "What?"

He sighed.  "Why did you marry Tom?  Really."

She stared for a moment.  "Because I love him."

Chakotay looked at her skeptically.  "Are you sure that's the only reason?  Because you knew you wanted to spent the rest of your life with Tom."

She stood up.  "Of course," she said hotly.  "Why else would I marry him?"

"Security," Chakotay said softly, looking over the edge of the rock and across the grassy field that the holodeck had created.

She slit her eyes and watched him.  "Chakotay, I love Tom and he loves me.  There wasn't any doubt that we would be married someday."

He gave her a penetrating gaze and said gently, "Are you sure?"

Pursing her lips, she stared off at the horizon, refusing to answer.  She had doubted even the day before he proposed that they would ever be married.  She had even almost broke things off with him.  "All right.  So I had a few doubts.  Who doesn't?"

Chakotay sighed.  "I'm not saying that you should never have married Tom, B'Elanna.  I think maybe it was too soon though."

B'Elanna sat down on the rock floor.  "So it was a little quick.  Like I said, it would have happened eventually."

"But neither of you were ready."  It wasn't exactly a question.

"Of course we were ready," she said, sounding a little less sure than she'd wanted to.

"Are you sure?"

She frowned.  "Will you stop asking me that?  Pretty soon I'm going to be questioning whether or not I'm sure I'm B'Elanna Torres."

He licked his lips and crawled to where she sat, taking her hand.  "But you aren't B'Elanna Torres," he said almost sadly.  "You're B'Elanna Paris."  He couldn't help the tears that formed in his eyes. I'm over you, he thought, knowing now it was a lie.  Janeway's realization had been his revelation and he couldn't hide it even from himself now.  He did love her.  Perhaps he'd known all along and refused to let himself believe it.

She bit her lip.  She could see it in his eyes...every ounce of caring and love for her that he had in him.  "Even if I wasn't ready at the time, it's done now.  That's not going to change," she said, tears beginning for form in her own eyes as she trembled.  Oh, Chakotay, she thought, wishing she didn't have to know this.

He knew it wouldn't change.  He'd thought he had accepted it too.  Closing his eyes, he lay his head in her lap and rested there, wishing he hadn't come climbing, knowing that that was a selfish thought.  He hadn't come for comfort of his own problems, he'd come for B'Elanna.  But for some reason he simply didn't have the will or strength to get up from her lap just now.  "I'm sorry," he whispered as she ran her fingers softly through his hair.

She wiped a tear from her cheek and looked down at him.  "Looks like I'm not the only one who needs to talk."

Tom stared at the wall, TV remote in hand.  The television wasn't even on.  Frowning he again said, "Computer, time?"

"The time is 01:13 hours," it responded.  Tom sighed and tossed the remote onto the opposite side of the couch.  Where are you, B'Elanna? he thought angrily.  Each moment that passed was an eternity.  Normally this type of thing wouldn't bother him.  He realized that she had to have a life all her own and friends all her own and he was fine with it, but with the strange way she'd been acting lately it made him wonder.  She was very closed with him now.  She told him nothing of the way she was feeling or why or if he'd done anything wrong and what would have been a normal night with Chakotay now worried him.  What if this is why she was so sad and so closed?  What if she were seeing Chakotay...had been since before they were married?  She had been about ready to break things off with him, he knew, until he asked her to marry him.  He thought that would fix all their problems, but what if it had only made them worse?  Tom closed his eyes and leaned back against the couch, wishing to fall asleep so he could forget these problems that were trying to cover him.  He didn't even hear when she came in.

"Tom?" she said uncertainly.

Tom jarred awake and looked up sleepily.  "Hey," he said, rubbing his eyes.  "Where have you been for so long?"

She sat down in a chair nearby.  "Chakotay and I were talking."

"Ah," he said, nodding curtly.

B'Elanna sighed.  "Please don't be mad, Tom.  He and I just had to talk some things out."

He gazed at her for a moment.  "Talk things through, huh?  Like what?  Why can't you talk to me about things?"

She crossed her arms and looked at the floor.  "I can talk to you about things, Tom.  It wasn't my idea to talk about stuff, okay?  He wanted to talk."

Tom nodded.  "Okay, so what did you two talk about?"

She glared at him.  "We talked about how things were with each other, Tom.  What difference does it make?"

"I just want to know.  You said you could talk to me about things."  He leaned back, arm draped over the arm of the couch, and watched her, waiting for her to answer. "How are things with you?"

She sighed.  "Things are fine."

He blinked.  "How are things with Chakotay?"

"Why are you getting so mad at me?" she asked.  If he even suspected Chakotay loved her he would blow up.

"I'm not," he answered.  "I'm just asking you questions.  How is Chakotay?"

She shook her head and muttered, "He's fine," as she began removing her boots.

Tom shrugged angrily.  "Okay, you don't spend half the night talking through being fine, B'Elanna."

She tossed her boots down and stood.  "I'm going to take a shower, Tom."

He stood up with her.  "Fine.  You want to talk in there, we can."

B'Elanna crossed her arms.  "Okay, you want to know what we talked about?  I talked about how all you do is sit there watching TV and race your cars.  I talked about how much it hurts that you never want to do anything I want to and how you think sex always fixes it.  Are you satisfied?"

He stared, shocked.  He had no idea those things were bothering her and maybe if he had he could have changed it, but he was too angry to answer kindly to his wrongs.  Instead he yelled, "Well, you never want to come racing with me!  You never tell me anything and instead you go and climb rocks with Chakotay!"

"I've been racing with you!" she yelled, pointing at him.  "I've done everything you wanted to do together.  But when I want to do something I enjoy with you...this is pointless.  I don't want to argue about this with you, Tom.  I'm going to take a shower now."  She turned to go.

"Are you sleeping with Chakotay?" he asked, crossing his arms and waiting.

She turned, slowly.  Through gritted teeth she said, "I will answer that question one time, Tom, and if you ever ask me again it will be over.  No."  Trembling with anger she turned and if the bathroom had had a traditional door he knew she would have slammed it shut.

He exhaled an angry breath and went to the bedroom.  He wasn't ready to believe her just yet.  There was something strange in her eyes when he asked her how Chakotay was and she hadn't answered right away.  Grabbing his pillow and a sheet from the closet, he went back into the living room and made himself a bed on the couch.  Laying down on his stomach and pulling the sheet over him, he closed his eyes, determined to put the fight out of his mind.  But it was no good.  He could hear the water running and it echoed through him as a constant reminder of the angry woman it poured over.  He rolled over onto his back and closed his eyes.  Within seconds he was staring at the ceiling.  The hurt he was feeling made his stomach sick.  So marriage isn't what you wanted from me?  I wish you would have told me that when I asked, he thought, wishing he knew what to do about this situation. I gave up my future because I thought you wanted me.  I wish I had known. He closed his eyes again.  The noise of the shower seemed so loud to him for some reason.  He angrily pulled the sheet over his head and tried to drive the sound from his attention, but it only grew louder as the moments passed.  Well, if you want him, you can have him.  He sighed and rolled to his side, facing the couch and just when he thought she would never get out of the shower, the water stopped.  He still couldn't relax though.  It was going to be a very rough night.

Chakotay awoke to the dry tone of the computer saying, "It is now 06:13 hours."

"All right," he said tiredly, rolling from his stomach to his back and looking up at the ceiling.  He was very tempted to simply call the day off. That's what you get, he thought wryly.  He knew his body would pay for staying up all night, but what he and B'Elanna had gained in talking was well worth it.  She'd been able to be honest with him and able to tell him what what wrong and in so doing, realized that she wasn't alone.  She could depend on him.  He smiled.  She'd looked a lot better when they had finally decided to get some rest.  And he felt good about being there for her.  He only wished that he could do something to fix the problem she was having, but he couldn't change Tom.  Only Tom could do that.  He sighed and rolled to his side.  Maybe they would make up on this little shore leave.  He hated the selfish thoughts that came to mind after that thought, but he couldn't stand the thought of her going through a painful reckless marriage that should have been more thought out and prepared for.  He didn't blame Tom for all their problems.  They both had made the decision to get married without thinking it through more.  They both genuinely cared for each other, he was sure, but he wasn't too prepared to accept that they were ready to take such a large step.  By the way B'Elanna talked he suspected that she had chosen to marry Tom more out of desperation in trying to find anything to fix the problems between her and Tom, and he didn't doubt Tom might have done the same thing.  Not that he could blame them.  They had been together through a lot and losing that would make things very different for both of them.  He just hoped they wouldn't end up paying for it in the end.

With a sigh, he got out of bed tiredly and made his way into the bathroom to take a morning shower.  Stripping his night clothes off, he stepped into the sonic shower and turned the water on.  The water hit him and messaged tired shoulders as he leaned forward and closed his eyes, letting it rush over him.  He was still very tired and again considered taking at least the morning off to rest, but he knew that they would be reaching Vaharis soon and he would want to explore this virtual paradise that the Vahari bragged over.  He opened his eyes, now a little more awake, and grabbed the clean rag that hung on a small rack on the wall.  But he needed cleansing more than any soap could provide.  He need to wash his freshly rediscovered feelings away and let himself be her friend without any selfish desires clouding his judgment.  So, as he washed his body, he tried to let his feelings go too, but when his shower ended he realized that his love for her would always be a part of him.  It wasn't something he could just wash away.  Stepping from the sonic shower, he grabbed a towel and began to dry himself off.  Why do you haunt me now, B'Elanna?  Why did things have to change?  He sighed and threw the towel to the floor and went to his closet.  It was time to face the day.  After he'd dressed and prepared himself, he left and went straight to the mess hall for a quick bite to eat.  As he took a tray from Neelix, Captain Janeway motioned him to sit with her.  With his characteristic smile he thanked the Talaxian and quickly went to her table to join her.  "Morning," she said to him, taking a sip of her coffee.

"Morning," he answered, still a little tired.

"Rough night?" she asked.

"No," he answered.  "Not really rough.  B'Elanna and I just stayed up pretty late.  We had a long talk though, so it was worth it."

Janeway nodded.  "Did you find out what was wrong?  How is she?"

"She's okay.  Just having a rough time."

"I see," she said, taking a bite of her breakfast.  "Well, I'm sure having you around will really help.  It's important to have someone to talk to."

Chakotay nodded.  "Well, I'm certain she knows she can talk to me.  I made it as clear as I could that I'd be there for her no matter what."  He stared out the big window at the stars.

She watched him for a moment.  "Did you tell her?"

He sighed and looked back at her.  "I didn't have to.  I couldn't hide it from her."

She gazed at him sympathetically.  "How did she handle it?"

He shrugged.  "She took it well."  He traced the rim of his glass absently.  "She was sorry that she couldn't be what I needed and I told her that it was okay.  She was all I wanted her to be, even if I couldn't have her.  The important thing is that it didn't hurt our friendship.  I think it made us closer actually.  We can sort of be there for each other."

She smiled softly.  "You and she have a good friendship, Chakotay. That's something very precious."  She looked at him gravely.  "And if the time ever comes that you need to make certain decisions I just want you to remember what a good and solid relationship you two have.  Don't let anything change it."

He looked down at the table, knowing what she meant.  Being there for her wasn't enough if he couldn't let her go too.  "I'll do what's right, Kathryn."  He looked back into her eyes.  "I won't let anything change."

She nodded.  "Good."  Suddenly, she stood.  "Well, I need to get to the bridge.  Take your time."  She picked her tray up and pet him on the shoulder as she walked past.  He sighed and leaned over his plate to finish eating, wondering how hard it would be to do the right thing if he ever had to make the choice.  He didn't know if he could do it.  He took a bite and looked over the mess hall.  All of the people there seemed happy and untroubled, no doubt thinking of the shore leave they would begin today.  And then she entered and the expression on her face told him that he wasn't the only person there with problems.

She silently took a breakfast tray from Neelix and sat down across from him.  "Morning," she said tiredly, rubbing her cheeks and looking up at him.

"Good morning."  He watched as she frustratedly broke her bread and took a bite.  "Did you get any sleep?"

She rolled her eyes and only offered, "He's a jerk."

Chakotay sighed.  "I take it you two had an argument when you got home last night."

"He was just being his childish self, Chakotay."  She tore the bread again.  "He thought it was his job to make sure I got to bed on time and I told him it wasn't.  It was a difference of opinion."  She shook her head and took a bite from her plate.

He took a bite and said, "Maybe this shore leave will help you two cool off, B'Elanna."  He just wanted to be helpful.

She nodded and looked at her plate.  "Yeah, if we even spend it together.  I don't know if I want to be with him."

"B'Elanna," he said, forcing the words to come out for her sake.  "You need to work things out as best you can.  If he's going to be a jerk, fine.  Just make sure you try."

She gazed at him through unreadable eyes.  "Fine," she said finally.  She sighed.  "I'll talk to him, Chakotay, but if he continues to act the way he's been then Doc might have to spend the night with him just repairing the damage I'll do."

Chakotay grinned.  "I have no doubt of that."

She smiled despite the turmoil inside.  "I'll break every bone in his body," she said matter-of-factly.

"I wonder how many women have said that phrase throughout history," he commented, examining his glass.

B'Elanna grunted.  "I wonder how many women have had to deal with Tom Paris throughout history."

Chakotay took a drink.  "Probably more than should have."  He set the glass down.  "Well, you know if you need me I am here.  I'll be taking Voyager for a while while Captain Janeway visits the planet, but I'll be down soon enough."

She nodded.  "Sounds good to me.  If Tom starts acting too much like a jerk I'll just find you."  She smiled at him.  "After I break his arm."

Chakotay grinned and grasped her hand, shaking it.  "Deal."

Captain Janeway rubbed her hands together and watched him as he sat there, staring at his console.  He wasn't his usual self today, she could tell.  Too easily Chakotay and B'Elanna could make him out to be the bad guy, but she knew him differently.  Sure, Tom had his problems and sometimes did the wrong thing, but she knew him enough to know that he wasn't a bad person.  He was a person that was convinced everyone thought he was bad.  He knew that everyone on Voyager was there for him, was his family, but how quickly would he be ready to accept the lie that everyone believed the worst of him?  She certainly didn't believe the worst of him, but expected only the best of him.  Sometimes he fell short of that, but no one can put forth their best all of the time.  He was a genuinely good person with a good heart.  His change over the last seven years had proven that.  But when you've been told all your life by any number of people that you aren't what you should be, that this wasn't good enough or that wasn't done correctly, over the years it becomes easier to believe.  Pretty soon you either become obsessed with proving them wrong or you give up and begin to live up to their expectations.  She knew all too well what it was like to be the child of a highly regarded Starfleet Admiral.  Only she had chosen the first path, doing all she could to become the perfect officer.  Tom had chosen the other path, knowing that no matter what he did it was never good enough and simply letting himself become the bad person that his father made him feel like.  And now these problems with B'Elanna.  Marriages at times did have trouble, but Janeway knew that if B'Elanna left him angrily he would be in danger of becoming that person he was so many years ago.  Of course, she didn't know how bad these troubles between them were, but she could tell he was pretty distressed.  She would have to have a talk with him.  "Captain," Harry Kim said, interrupting her thoughts.

She turned to look at him and said, "Yes?"

He grinned.  "The Vahari are hailing us."

Janeway smiled and stood.  "On screen."  Seconds later a very pale man with dark eyes came on the screen, taking her mind off the troubles her crew members were having.  "Hello," she said with a polite smile.  "I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway."

He nodded and returned her smile.  "Captain Janeway," he said in a voice thickly accented.  "At last we meet.  I'm Prime Minister Lhene.  I take great pleasure in welcoming you and your crew to Vaharis.  I hope you and your senior staff will enjoy dinner in my home tonight.  My wife looks forward to meeting you."

"My crew is very thankful for your hospitality and we would be pleased to join you for dinner.  And I offer you and your family a tour of Voyager."  She watched him and waited patiently for his response.

"My family would be pleased to see your ship.  Please, beam down at will and enjoy all Vaharis has to offer.  I am sending the coordinates to the city Solace, where I will await your arrival."  He smiled gently, his dark eyes betraying little aside from the hospitality he offered.

Janeway nodded politely and said, "We'll be down shortly.  Janeway out."  The view screen flashed back to it's usual starry background and she turned to Chakotay as he entered.  "Commander, you have the bridge," she said with a smile.  "Tuvok will return shortly to relieve you in time for dinner at the Prime Minister's home."

Chakotay returned her smile and sat down.  "Aye," he said as she left.  He inhaled deeply and looked forward, almost missing the expression Tom had on his face when he turned.  Almost.  Pretending he did in fact miss it, Chakotay stared ahead as Tom walked by, but could see from his peripheral vision that Tom was glaring at him.  He sighed.  It was better to let Tom do what he wanted than to start an argument now.  He had no doubt that in a few days the anger would be gone and things would be back to normal and hopefully better.  Chakotay frowned, rubbing his thumb against his finger in thought.  Tom better hope things got better.  He didn't like the young pilot's attitude and new at marriage or not, he wouldn't stand for the mistreating of B'Elanna.  But how far could he put himself into this without making her mad?  How much would B'Elanna take from Tom?  B'Elanna was complicated.  She was a tough girl and wouldn't take anything bordering on mistreatment from anyone, but this was different.  He could tell by the way she talked that she didn't know what to do.  She knew that relationships required giving, but she wasn't clear on how much to give and how much she could take.  But no one was born with that, he realized.  It was something that had to be learned.  Well, they would be given a good opportunity to learn more on Vaharis.  Hopefully they would make up and get past the fighting.  He hoped so...for B'Elanna's sake.

"Welcome to Vaharis," Prime Minister Lhene said jovially as Janeway approached with a few members of the crew.

Janeway smiled.  "Prime Minister," she said in acknowledgment.  "I want to thank you for allowing my crew to enjoy your wonderful planet."  She looked around.  "It certainly looks every bit the paradise that you described.  This is Lieutenant Commander Tuvok," she said, motioning to each of her crew.  "Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres and her husband Lieutenant Tom Paris and Ensign Kim.  Commander Tuvok will be leaving us in a bit to take command over Voyager so that my first officer can join us for dinner.  Our ship's morale officer, Neelix, will be joining us shortly as well as the Doctor and Seven of Nine, our astrometrics officer."

Lhene cocked his eyebrow at this.  "Seven of Nine?  Is that not a Borg name?"

Janeway smiled and waved her hand as if to forestall any preconceived judgments.  "She's not Borg any more, Prime Minister.  She was a child when she was assimilated and was part of the collective until we liberated her from the Borg."

"Assimilated as a child," he said gently.  "Unfortunate.  We've lost a few ships to the Borg.  Truly a sad thing when loved ones are lost to such a monster race as the Borg.  But this is a happy occasion, Captain Janeway.  I offer you a personal tour and your crew here may enjoy any part of Vaharis they wish.  I will see they are alerted when dinner time comes."

Janeway smiled.  "Thank you, Prime Minister."  She turned to her crew.  "Have fun."

B'Elanna put forth a good deal of effort into ignoring him as he walked silently behind her.  She stopped at a nearby stand on one of the long commerce streets in Solace.  The vendor there walked to her excitedly.  "Welcome to Solace City!  I am Hjati and I would be pleased to serve you.  I have the finest fabrics on Vaharis."

B'Elanna only smiled and declined, saying, "I just want to look, thank you.  If I need help I'll let you know."  The man smiled and rushed off to another potential customer.  B'Elanna picked up a sheer purple fabric and held it up to the sunlight.

Tom sifted through several layers of different fabrics, not completely interested, but doing anything to ignore her.  He sighed, picking up a nice red lacy fabric, knowing what B'Elanna would look like in it.  He turned to show her.  "Look, B'Elanna," he said low, holding it over to her.  "You'd look good in this."

She shook her head.  "Naturally," was all she offered, pushing it away to pick up a shiny gold material.

He gripped it tightly.  "What's that supposed to mean?"

She didn't look at him.  "Nothing," she said simply.  "Don't you have somewhere to go?"

He frowned.  "I'm just trying to be civil with my wife, B'Elanna.  I'm sorry that it's not good enough for her."  He tossed the fabric down.

She turned to him.  "You act like a jack ass one night and then the next day want to make up without so much as an apology?  I don't think so, Tom."  I can't believe him, she thought angrily.

He looked away and exhaled, picking up a bolt of blue material.  "Well, since neither of us are going to agree on certain issues I thought we could just move past it and forget it."

She laughed.  "This isn't some difference of opinions where we can agree to disagree, Tom.  You acted like a jerk.  That's all there is too it."  She picked up a few materials and matched them together almost absently, which irritated him.

"Fine," he said, flinging the bolt down.  "If I am such a jerk, why don't you go hang out with Chakotay."  He turned and walked away before she could get a word in, and she had plenty of things she had wanted to say at that moment.  With an angry sigh, she turned and picked up a dark green material.  Control yourself, she thought.  The last thing she was about to do was give him the pleasure of an argument in front of these hospitable people.

Chakotay gazed down pensively at the data padd that he could muster no motivation to concentrate on.  Today was a lazy day and he couldn't wait to get to the planet surface.  He wanted to know how she was.  All he had to do was casually run into them and then his curiosity would be satisfied.  "Computer, time," he said for the second time in the past hour.

"The time is 16:57 hours," it said calmly.

He stretched his arms out and yawned.  Three minutes and he was free.  But he didn't have to wait for his answer.  "Torres to Chakotay," said her slightly miffed voice over the comm system.

"Chakotay here," he said, concerned.

"I know you get off in a few minutes and was wondering if you would meet me down here just to hang out."  She sounded sad again and Chakotay inhaled deeply.

So help me Tom, if you've...he thought, but stopped with a shake of his head.  He couldn't let himself get angry right now.  She needed him.  "Sure, B'Elanna.  I'd love to."  He looked up as Tuvok entered.  "Tuvok just got here so I should be down in a minute."

"Good," she said.  "I'll be in the main square by a large fountain.  See you soon.  Torres out."

Chakotay stood, grateful for the Vulcan's slightly early return.  "You have the bridge," he said as Tuvok nodded.  It took every effort not to rush down the halls.  He needed to get down there and see what was wrong.  It seemed like it was taking longer than usual to traverse the many halls between he and the transporter room.  Finally, though, he made it and with a brief acknowledging nod, he rushed to the transporter pad and said, "Beam me to the main square."

"Aye, Commander," the young ensign said, engaging the system.

Within seconds he went from the plain decorum of the transporter room to a beautifully lush city that was on the edge of dusk.  He looked around and spotted a large fountain.  He stopped for a moment and just watched her as she sat on the ledge, touching the waters and looking more beautiful than the sunset that served as her backdrop.  "Hello," he said softly.

She turned and smiled up at him.  It would have been a moment made for them had she not belonged to someone else.  "Hey.  I'm glad you came."

He sat down beside her.  "I'm happy to be here with you, B'Elanna, but what happened?"

She looked away at the sunset.  "I don't want to talk about him, Chakotay," she said softly.  "I just want to have a good time with what's left of the night."

Chakotay took her hand and said, "Okay," softly.  "We can do that."

She looked back at him with hurt in her brown eyes, but a smile on her lips and he wanted to just take her pain away and bear it himself if it could help.  But he knew it wouldn't.  He sighed.  Instead of forgetting the feelings he was having he felt like they were getting deeper and more consuming.  Janeway's words haunted him as he stood with her.  Don't let anything change it.  He wouldn't.  He just wanted to be there for her.  But how could he ignore her beautiful eyes when she smiled?

Tom sighed as he looked out the window of the small cafe they were in.  "Why does she have to talk to Chakotay?  Why not Captain Janeway?"

"They're friends," Harry said after swallowing a drink of his Hessara Juice.  "Would you be jealous if she came and talked to me about what's going on?"

Tom frowned.  "I am not jealous and no I wouldn't feel the same because...well..you're you."

Harry shook his head.  "You are jealous and you wouldn't be angry because you know I don't feel that way about B'Elanna."  He took a drink.  "You don't know what Chakotay feels."

"I'm not jealous," Tom insisted.  "If she wants to go running to him all the time then fine.  She can have him."

"She's not doing anything she shouldn't," Harry said.

"You don't know that.  They've been friends for so long..." he began.

"So have Captain Janeway and Commander Tuvok," Harry cut in.

Tom sighed.  "Well, plus there is the way Chakotay looks at her, Harry.  I know he feels something."

Harry shook his head.  "You don't know that.  He's been her friend for a long time, Tom.  It's only natural that he cares about her.  I care about her and that doesn't mean I'm secretly in love with her."

"Whose side are you on, anyhow?" Tom asked, taking an apathetic sip from his cup.

"I'm not on any sides,"  Harry answered.  "I'm just trying to help you.  I think you're overreacting."

Tom frowned and looked back out the window.  "Yeah maybe."  He sighed.

Suddenly a man approached.  "Lieutenant Paris and Ensign Kim?" he inquired.

Tom nodded.  "That's us."

"I have been ordered to escort you to Prime Minister Lhene's home."  He looked around.  "I had thought your wife would be with you?"

Tom shook his head and stood with Harry.  "No.  She's elsewhere."

The young man didn't seem disturbed by this.  "No matter," he said.  "I'll inform someone when we reach the prime minister's home.  If you will accompany me."

Harry grinned as Tom rolled his eyes and they followed him from the cafe into the dimming dusky streets of Solace City silently.  Tom gazed off at the sunset, occasionally looking for B'Elanna while they walked.  But she wasn't there.  He sighed, wondering where she was.  Maybe he had been overreacting.  Just when had everything gone wrong between them?  It was a question he asked himself almost every five minutes.  He found no answer.  He just wanted things to be normal again.  Just a few days ago they had made soft love in the shower and now they were barely speaking.  Maybe he was wrong.  She was probably looking for him now.  He frowned when they reached their destination, wishing that they would have run into her before they reached the large house.  The young man opened the door and Tom was amazed at the beauty of it and it made him miss having a home on Earth.  He smiled, imagining he and B'Elanna having a nice home like this where they could raise children, but it seemed so fake and far away.  And then he saw her.  She was laughing and talking with the crew and sitting beside someone who laughed with her and gazed at her with caring eyes.  Tom's fists clenched.  So she had gone to be with Chakotay after all.  Maybe he wasn't wrong.  "Ah, Lieutenant Torres," the attendant that had lead them to the house said.  "There you are.  I had thought you would be with your husband, but I'm glad you made it here."

She stopped laughing and turned.  "Oh.  Thanks."  And then she turned back to Chakotay.

Tom frowned angrily and sat across from her.  Somehow that house seemed even further than Earth itself and he didn't think that it would seem any closer by the end of this shore leave.

Tom fidgeted as he waited for her to return to their quarters.  With each minute that passed he could feel the anger in him rise at her absence.  The shore leave hadn't gone too well for them after the dinner.  In fact it got nothing but worse.  After dinner they had been invited to spend shore leave in one of Solace City's finest hotels, so they left dinner together and silently retreated to their room.  Both of them had huffily went about their business before bed, both of them afraid to talk.  But the uneasy silence didn't last long before he asked her what she and Chakotay had done.  That discussion had only ended in an argument and her leaving.  She didn't spend one night with him after that and fervently avoided any contact with him since.  But now they were back on Voyager for the first night since their return and she had to come home.  So now he waited.  "Computer, locate B'Elanna Torres," he snapped, picking up a photo of her.

"Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres is in the holodeck."

Tom clenched his fist and exhaled.  "Computer, list occupants of the holodeck."

"Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres and Commander Chakotay," the computer answered gravely.

He took a deep breath and tried to muster up some control.  Enough was enough.  She was with him before, she was with him now and he had a pretty good idea who she spent the shore leave with.  Running his fingers through his hair, he looked around, trying to think straight through the anger that clouded his mind.  But it was no good.  He was too furious.  So, letting his anger take complete control, he rushed from his quarters and took the shortest route to the holodeck.  This was too much, her spending every free moment with him.  "Computer," he said as he approached the holodeck.  "Are the holodeck doors locked?"

"Negative," it answered.

This was good.  Instead of having to override the lock he could simply go in and find her.  When he got in he saw a boxing ring, but no one was there.  "B'Elanna," he called out, getting no answer.  He exhaled and looked around.  Spotting a door on the other side of the room, he went to it and opened it.  It led to a locker room.  He immediately saw Chakotay's back as he rummaged through a locker.  All Chakotay was wearing were a pair of boxing shorts.  His jaw tightened at that, knowing B'Elanna was here just moments ago.  "Where is she?" he asked angrily.

Chakotay turned calmly.  "She left.  She said she was going home."  He paused and watched Tom a moment.  "Tom, I think you should calm down.  What's wrong?"

Tom laughed.  "Wrong?  My wife spends a week with another man and you want to know what's wrong?  Are you sleeping together?"

Chakotay widened his eyes.  "Of course not, Tom.  We wouldn't do that to you."

"Oh, I don't know about that," Tom said, pacing and glaring at him.  "Don't think I haven't seen the way you've been looking at her lately, Chakotay.  Deny that you have feelings for her."

Chakotay threw the used holographic towel into his locker and turned his back to Tom.  "Look, I'm not going to argue with you about this.  B'Elanna and I are just friends.  She was feeling down so we talked about it."

Tom walked back into his field of vision.  "Stay away from her, Chakotay."

Chakotay pulled his uniform out and tossed it on the bench.  Holding a fresh towel, he leaned against the locker and glared at Tom.  "If you don't want B'Elanna to come to me when she needs a friend then you talk to her.  I don't make her decisions for her."  He tossed the towel onto the bench and waited.

Tom inhaled sharply and got closer.  "Stay away," he said dangerously.

Chakotay moved even closer and said through gritted teeth, "Don't start something with me that you can't finish, Pilot.  I'm not here to take her away from you, but I sure as hell am not going to let you control her life.  Now why don't you go somewhere and cool off, okay?"

"No, I want to settle this here," he said, pushing Chakotay backward.

Chakotay regained his footing and pointed angrily.  "I'm warning you, Tom.  I'm not going to play around with you."

Tom pushed him again.  "Who's playing?"

This time Chakotay pushed him back.  "Are you sure you wanna do this, Tom?  You wanna fight with me?"

Tom didn't answer with words.  Instead he threw the first punch, igniting a very violent and angry fight between the both of them, Tom taking his jealous rage out on Chakotay, Chakotay finally getting to vent his frustration on Tom for the way he was treating B'Elanna.  And it wasn't a short fight either.

Captain Janeway glared back and forth at the two of them as they sat in her ready room.  She had to maintain her angry expression to keep herself from laughing at how awful both of them looked, Tom with his black eye and his disheveled uniform and Chakotay with a cut over his eyebrow and messy hair.  Not to mention the smug and fury filled glances they shot at each other.  She took a breath to say something, then paused.  With a shake of her head she waved her hand and sat back in her chair.  "I don't even want to know who or what started this." She stood and turned her back to them.  "I don't want to go through reminding you how childish your actions were, how close I am to sending you to the brig."  She turned back to them.  "Stop looking at each other."  She watched as they looked down at her desk.  "I don't care why you two are mad at each other.  All I want is for you to remember that you are aboard a Starfleet vessel, acting as Starfleet officers, and the way you two behaved today was definitely not befitting your role as such.  I'm not going to be your mother, stopping every fight you decide to get into.  Stop now and start behaving like two fully grown men or I'm going to treat you like children and send you to your rooms permanently."  She waited.  "Do you have anything to say?"

Chakotay was the first to look up.  "I'm sorry, Kathryn," he said while Tom rolled his eyes.

"You're treading a thin line, Mister Paris," Janeway said, hands on her hips.

He sulked a little, but looked up at her softly and said, "I'm sorry."

She nodded.  "Okay, it's good you two are sorry, but I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."  She waited again.

Tom and Chakotay both looked at each other, puzzled, then realized what she meant.  "He started it!" Chakotay said after a minute.

Tom stood up.  "I did not!" he yelled.

Janeway put her hand on Tom's shoulder.  "You two don't want to get in a fight in my ready room.  And unless you do want to spend the rest of our trip thinking over the way you are acting in your quarters, I suggest you apologize to each other right now."

They were silent for a moment before Tom sat down and looked at the floor.  "I'm sorry," he said through gritted teeth.

"Yeah," Chakotay said, looking also at the floor.  "Sorry."

Janeway sat on the edge of her desk, crossing her arms.  "Not the best, but it will due for now.  I don't want to hear about this happening again.  Dismissed."  Chakotay stood immediately and left.  Tom turned to leave but before he could Janeway said, "Wait, Tom."

Tom stopped and looked down.  "Look, I know it shouldn't have happened and I know you think I'm more to blame that he is, but..." he said.

She held up a hand.  "Tom, I don't blame you any more than Chakotay.  I just want to know what's going on."

He sighed and sat down.  "I'm losing my marriage.  That's what's going on.  Chakotay is taking her away from me."

Janeway rubbed her brow and closed her eyes.  "Are you sure you are losing your marriage to Chakotay and not something else?"

He shook his head.  "I don't know what to think anymore."

"Tom," she started, pausing.  She didn't want to hurt him anymore than he was.  "Remember that discussion we had the day before you two got married?  I remember before you left you make a joke about hoping she didn't break up with you before the big moment.  I didn't think anything of it back then, but something tells me you were at least partly serious.  Were you?"

He looked at her desk, tracing imaginary patterns.  "I guess so."

"Why is that?" she asked.

"Because she about to break up with me right before I asked her to marry me," he answered.  "I mean I knew we were having problems but...I don't know."

She watched him for a moment.  "You thought it would fix things."

He nodded.  "Yeah," he answered quietly.

Janeway took a deep breath and sat down.  Just as B'Elanna needed to talk, she knew Tom did and now was the time.  "Oh, Tom," she said gently.  "I want you to talk this out with me."

Chakotay walked down the halls alone until he reached his quarters.  Things were getting out of control now.  Things would only get worse for B'Elanna too.  Entering his quarters he sank down into a chair and closed his eyes.  "Oh, B'Elanna," he groaned, dreading the next few days.

"Yes," he heard, causing him to jump.  He opened his eyes and saw her coming from his room, wearing his bathrobe.

"B'Elanna," he said, standing.  "What are you doing here?"

She smiled softly.  "Harry told me about the fight," she answered, walking towards him slowly.  "I thought you could use some comfort and I also came to wish you a happy birthday."  She reached him and gazed into his eyes.

"You remembered it was today," he whispered, returning her smoldering gaze.

"I remembered," she said, letting the robe fall softly to the floor.

He couldn't stop himself from looking down at the soft curves of her now nude body.  Swallowing, he took a step back and tried to keep control of himself as she pressed her warm body against his.  He closed his eyes.  "This is why me and Tom fought," he said with a smile, stepping away from her.

Her heard her laugh as she wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him back to her and rubbing his back.  "I know and if this is what he expects of me then I'm not going to disappoint him."  She unzipped his uniform and touched his back.

Chakotay opened his eyes and looked into hers again.  To take another man's wife, his friend's wife of all women, struck him to the core as being wrong.  But what if his touch could erase her pain?  Her eyes pleaded with him as she pulled his shirt off and threw it to the floor.  She pushed him back down to the chair and climbed onto his lap, pushing her lips over his and moaning into his mouth.  He could very easily lose himself in her as she touched him softly.  But it was wrong.  He couldn't have her like this.  She was hurt and looking for anything to get back at Tom with.  He whimpered as he returned her kiss, trying to force himself to stop before it got to the point where he couldn't end it.  "Stop," he breathed as she smiled, touching his lips.

"We both want this," she said softly.

He shook his head as she kissed him again.  "Stop," he breathed again, pushing her back.  "We can't."   She smiled and ran her hand softly across his belly.  He exhaled and slid from under her and stood, catching his breath.  Holding out his hand as she moved towards him, he said, "B'Elanna, as much as I want you I can't let you do this out of anger.  I can't be the other man.  It's wrong."  He gazed at her longingly.  "I just can't," he said gently.

She crouched down and gathered his robe around her.  "I'm sorry," she whispered, looking down.  "I'm just so confused."  She looked at him with tears in her eyes and sank to the floor with her hand covering her eyes.  "I don't know what to do."

He immediately went to her and pulled her into his arms.  "I know," he said softly, kissing her forehead.  "I know.  But we'll get through this.  I promise."  He closed his eyes and held her tightly, letting her vent her tears on his strong shoulder.  And each hot tear that slid down his bare skin made him wince with pain until he himself let tears spill as he grieved her heartbreak.  "Shhh," he soothed as he ran gentle fingers through her soft brown hair.  "I promise."

She wiped the still streaming tears from her eyes as she made the seemingly long trip back to her home with Tom.  Just when did her life become so confusing and hard?  She paused outside her quarters and composed herself.  She couldn't let Tom see her like this.  Wiping the last tears from her cheeks, she straightened her uniform and hair, then proceeded in.  To her relief, Tom wasn't there.  She let out the breath she'd been holding and sank onto the couch, grabbing a pillow and holding it to her chest as she let a few more tears fall.  Where would things stand when Tom returned?  Would he be enraged again or would he simply ignore her?  She sighed, wondering if he had asked the computer where she was.  And he would never believe that she and Chakotay hadn't had sex if he knew she had been there.  Where was he, anyway?  "Computer, locate Tom Paris," she said, leaning back against the arm of the couch and fingering the pillow.

"Lieutenant Tom Paris is in the captain's ready room."

She narrowed her eyes.  "Still?" she whispered to herself.  She didn't want to think of anything just now, but there was nothing she could do to clear her mind of the turmoil inside.  She'd been hurt a lot in these past few months, but for the first time she felt like her heart was truly breaking.  And there was nothing she could do to stop what was happening.  She could only sit back and watch as her life seemed to fall apart around her.  Happiness seemed so far away.  Her brown eyes brimmed with tears as she looked at the television set she'd made for Tom.  Sliding off the couch, she went to it and gently touched it's top as if it would return her to that time.  When nothing was wrong and she was sure of herself and of Tom.  She closed her eyes and snuggled herself into a chair nearby, wishing the pain would go away.  And moments later, in a blanket of sleep, it did for a time.

Tom took a breath as he stood outside the commander's quarters.  He wasn't sure he could do this, or if Chakotay would listen, but he knew it was the right thing to do.  So he pressed the door buzzer.  "Come in," he heard him said sadly.

Tom swallowed and entered.  Chakotay was sitting on his couch, shirtless and staring at the stars.  Tom sat down in a chair and watched the stars with him.  "Every time I see you, you seem to be half naked," he commented, a small and wan smile on his face.  "I'm starting to think you want me."  Humor had always been a good way to break the ice.

Chakotay looked at him for a moment, wondering why he'd come.  But his face gave way to a little grin.  "Now there's something I hadn't considered."  He looked back away then, back to the soft Delta Quadrant backdrop.  "There are times I can almost feel Earth out there in that sea of stars.  Those times I need to be home, I guess."  He sighed.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Tom agreed.  "Sometimes it seems like home is around the next nebula and then come times that it feels like there are too many stars between me and home to ever hope of seeing it again."  He locked his eyes on one star, wondering where it was and who else in the universe was looking at it at that moment.

Chakotay was silent for a few moments, not seeing Earth in those stars, but home.  The home in someone's eyes that he knew he might never have.  All he longed for now was peace.  "I gather you didn't come here to talk about the stars or Earth."  He turned to watch the pilot and he could almost see the young boy behind those blue eyes, unsure and still trying to figure out how to work through life.  He himself still wasn't always sure how to proceed or why things happened the way they did.  And even in his anger for the way Tom had been treating B'Elanna, he still could find a place of compassion for the younger man who made the wrong choice to try and fix a problem that might not have even been repairable.

Tom drew his eyes from the stars and looked directly at Chakotay.  "I'm sorry," he said simply.  "I was wrong and I'm sorry."

Chakotay nodded, knowing Tom was sincere.  "I'm sorry too, Tom."  He shook his head.  "We were both wrong."  He reached across to Tom and grasped his hand to shake it.  They had come through a lot of hate and bitterness towards one another, and through it all Chakotay did feel a bond with Tom, a genuine friendship.  And seeing Tom's pain made him feel empathy for the deep scars Tom had suffered and was about to suffer for this problem with his wife.  "It's important that we have peace between each other.  I never wanted to hurt you.  I just wanted B'Elanna to be happy."

Tom nodded softly.  "I know.  And I should have wanted that too, but I was too focussed on the pain I was in to see that she needed to reach out to someone."  He swallowed.  "I don't know where things are going to go, Chakotay, but I want you to know that if she needs you, I won't cause her pain for it.  Whether or not she and I can be together, I still love her and want her to be happy."  He stood.  "I'm ready for whatever the future holds, Chakotay.  Captain Janeway and I had a long talk and she made me realize some things that I needed to see.  But I'm afraid for B'Elanna.  She's a tough girl, I know, but I also know that her heart can break just as mine can.  Will you be there for her?"

The commander watched him for a moment.  So many things had changed in Tom through this ordeal, so many things in himself too.  "I will be there," he answered simply.  He would always be there for his B'Elanna.

With moist eyes, Tom smiled.  "Thanks.  Now I need to get home and have probably the hardest conversation I've ever had with someone."

Standing, Chakotay clapped him on the shoulder.  "I wish you luck, Tom.  Either way it goes and I mean that."

The pilot nodded and smiled.  "I know you do."

As Tom turned to leave, Chakotay stopped him.  "Tom," he said seriously.  "You'll both get through this.  I know it."

Tom only smiled and gave a small wave as he departed.  So he'd made peace with someone he never thought he could completely have peace with.  Now if only he could make up with B'Elanna.  When he had said he was ready for whatever came, he meant it.  If he and B'Elanna couldn't be together it would cause him pain, no doubt, but he would make it through this.  His captain's words would stay with him for a long time, even if he never told anyone.  She'd made him see a lot of things about himself and about those around him that he'd never even bothered to think of in the past.  And their conversation had been hard, but in the end he was grateful.  Once again he had a debt that he could never repay.  He could see now what was important and what wasn't.  He sighed as he stood before the door to his quarters.  It was now or never.  And so, taking a breath, he entered.  She was asleep on a chair.  He smiled and sat on the couch.  "B'Elanna," he said gently.

She stirred and awoke.  "Tom," she said softly, sitting up.  She looked at the floor, not knowing what to say and waiting for angry words.

All he said was, "Is it over?"

Then she met his eyes.  "I don't know," she replied truthfully.  "What do you think?"

He exhaled and gazed at her.  "I don't know.  A part of me says that there is still hope for us, that we can fix this."

"And the other part?" she asked, wrapping her arms around her leg as she brought it to her chest.  She laid her head on her knee and watched him.

His eyes reflected sadness.  "Then a part of me says that this was over before you even said yes.  B'Elanna, I don't even know if you are the one that can keep me happy for the rest of my life.  I thought you were, but I just wasn't sure when I asked you to marry me.  And I don't want you to have to try and force yourself to settle for me if there is someone else you want."

She blinked back a few tears.  "Tom, it's not like that."

"Even if it's not, I don't want you to miss out on some other future that might come along if you are stuck with me.  B'Elanna, I don't want to try and work out a loveless marriage.  I know we'll always care for one another, but if it's not real love, deep love, then we should cut our losses here and move on."  He looked at his television.  "If we can't fall in love again, then we'd only be selling ourselves short."

"Tom," she said, wiping her cheeks.  "I don't want to hurt you, but I just don't know anymore."  She wiped at her tear stung eyes.  "I thought marrying you would settle things and make me fall in love with you again, but it didn't.  It only made the problem worse.  I do love you, Tom, but I'm not sure it can be the kind of love that you need.  I thought it would fix things."  Her brown eyes mirrored the pain in his as she whispered,  "But it didn't."

He nodded, blinking back tears of his own.  "I'm glad you're being honest with me.  And I'll be honest with you and admit that I thought asking you to marry me would fix the problems in my own heart.  I guess I'd grown so comfortable that I didn't even notice things were changing and when you tried to end it between us, instead of moving on, I grasped onto whatever I could hold and asked you to marry me."  He smiled wanly.  "I guess I was wrong.  I never thought it would hurt us this much.  I thought we were meant to be.  Written in the stars.  But I failed to see that I didn't feel it.  I certainly never treated you like I felt it."

"So where do we go from here?" she asked quietly.

He shrugged.  "I don't know."  He gazed at her, knowing that what he'd feared was going to happen.  It was truly over.  "This should never have happened, B'Elanna and I'm sorry for asking you to marry me.  I thought it was the right thing to do and instead it caused you more pain."

She closed her eyes.  "I'm sorry too.  Do we..divorce?" she asked, not liking the taste of that word on her lips.

Tom thought about it.  "Captain Janeway suggested something else, should the worst happen," he said carefully.  He looked into her eyes.  "Annulment."

B'Elanna inhaled.  Annulment.  She searched within herself and even thought she hated to admit it, her marriage to Tom was something she did regret, for both their sakes.  If they have never married then things would never have escalated to this level.  Even as she had said her vows she had lingering doubt that she dismissed as wedding jitters.  Annulment.  It sounded better than divorce.  She nodded and said softly, "I think that would be best."

He looked at the floor, no doubt hurting.  "All right," he said quietly.  "We'll talk to Captain Janeway tomorrow."

She stood.  "I never meant to hurt you," she said.

He went to her, encircling her in his arms.  "No, it wasn't your fault.  Neither of us wanted to hurt each other.  It was just a mistake, that's all.  We'll make it through this.  Chakotay is there for you and I can talk to the captain and we can even be there for each other."  He looked into her eyes.  "I still want us to be friends, B'Elanna.  Even if we can never be together in marriage, we can still be friends."

She nodded and wiped her eyes before resting again on his shoulder.  As he held her she searched herself and was surprised to find that her heart hadn't broken after all.  It was painful, giving up on something she'd always thought she'd have, but at the same time it was healing.  She felt like her heart had been freed of the pain she suffered and she had the strange feeling that even though times were dark now, things would seem a whole lot brighter tomorrow.  She hugged him a little harder.  He would always be special to her.  And when she finally pulled back, she smiled.  "I guess we have a lot to talk about," she said.

He nodded and touched her hair.  "Yeah," was all he said.  "I think we should."

"Come in," he said to the third visitor tonight.  But this time he knew who it was.  He smiled when Captain Janeway came in and sat down beside him.  "Hello," he said.

Kathryn returned his smile.  "I came to see how you were holding up.  Did Tom stop by?"

Chakotay nodded.  "Yeah, he did.  I was shocked.  He seemed quite...changed."

"He and I had quite a talk," she said, looking out the window at the stars.  "He and B'Elanna have a lot of healing to do."

"You care quite a lot about him, don't you?" he said softly, touching her hair.

She met his eyes and finally nodded.  "Yes I do."

"Come here," he said gently, drawing her into his arms.  He knew the feeling all too well.

She laughed, but rested against him.  "Comforting me when I came to comfort you."  She smiled as he stroked her hair.

He shrugged.  "I suppose comforting you helps to make me feel better.  And when all this is over maybe Tom will remember how much you cared and see the treasure he could have in you."

Kathryn exhaled.  "Yeah, maybe.  If he and B'Elanna end things."

Chakotay giggled.  "Just promise you won't give him the same speech you gave me."

She laughed and poked his side.  Then all was silent for a moment before she asked, "Are you all right, though?"  She looked up at him.

His eyes were distant as he nodded.  "I'll be fine, Kathryn.  I have a feeling that things are going to get better and that healing can truly begin for all of us.  What about you?"

"I'll be okay.  I just want Tom to be happy as much as you want B'Elanna to.  I think things will work out the way they are supposed to."  She smiled and leaned back against her strong friend.

Chakotay smiled and looked out across the stars and even if he didn't have B'Elanna right now and Kathryn didn't have Tom, he felt that tonight home was a step closer for all four of them.

He sat alone the next night, in his night pants, watching the stars again.  He hadn't heard from B'Elanna aside from the small wave she gave as she and Tom went into the captain's ready room.  He would have given anything to have been a spider under that table.  They spent a long time in there and their expressions betrayed nothing when they finally left.  He'd expected B'Elanna would tell him something at least, to let him know if she was all right or not, but it was going on midnight and nothing.  He sighed and said, "Computer..." just as his door buzzer rang.  "Come in," he said.  He smiled as B'Elanna entered.  Standing, he hugged her to him.  "How is everything?"

She smiled softly and said, "Well, me and Tom got an annulment."

Chakotay pulled back and touched her cheek.  "I'm so sorry," he whispered.

She nodded a bit sadly and sat down.  "It's okay.  Tom and I are gonna be fine.  We did a lot of talking last night and this morning and we both agreed that it was the best thing for both of us.  It simply wasn't there anymore."

He sat beside her.  "How do you feel?"

"It's painful," she admitted. "But healing."  She smiled and gave him a side glance as he rubbed her back comfortingly.  "I feel better than I have in weeks.  I just hope he'll be okay."

Chakotay grinned.  "I think he'll be all right.  Someone's keeping watch over him."

She poked his side.  "What's this?" she asked.

"I just happen to know he's got someone like you have in me," Chakotay answered, touching her hair.

B'Elanna smiled softly.  "That's good to know.  I don't want him to be alone."  She looked into his eyes.  "I don't want to be alone either."

He smiled gently and pulled her into his arms as he laid back against the arm of the couch.  "I want to take things slowly, B'Elanna, but you aren't alone."

She took a breath and kissed the chest that she rested against.  "Okay," she whispered.  And she too wanted to take things slow.  She didn't want anything to threaten what she had with Chakotay, even her own rashness.  She closed her eyes and rested there against him, feeling peaceful for the first time in a very long time.

Chakotay smiled softly and rubbed at her back as he felt her go limp over him.  "I love you," he said as she slept soundly.  It would take a while, but he would see her completely through this before letting her dive into a relationship with him.  But something told him that it wouldn't be too long before she was ready to let herself be happy with him.  He gently took some of her hair into his fingers and closed his eyes, contented to fall asleep with the woman he loved on his chest.