PLEASE DON’T
FEED THE MODELS
My
business travels finally took me to the Big City last week. I didn’t actually realize it until the day
before I left though. My boss told me I
was going to Long Island. Long Island
turned out to be Long Island City, which is actually in Queens. Now Queens isn’t in Manhattan, but it’s
awfully close.
I
only went for a day. Can you imagine
it, commuting from Charlotte to New York for a day? The best part of the trip was finishing up my work by 2:30. My flight back didn’t leave until 8. What to do?
I
went hiking of course. It was a sunny, warm, beautiful day, so it seemed like
the thing to do. Well, it wasn’t your
typical hike, but I think anytime you walk for several miles for the sole
purpose of walking, you can call it a hike.
From
Queens, I took the subway into Manhattan.
$2 and an easy 15-minute ride took me straight to Times Square. I started my hike there. After wandering around Times Square for a
while, I headed down Broadway. My goal
was to walk down to the Empire State Building, before heading back up Park
Avenue to Grand Central Station. What
was the worst that could happen? I was
confident I could handle Manhattan.
After all, I’ve seen plenty of Seinfeld reruns.
I
headed down Broadway, passing an amazing variety of humanity. I heard all sorts of languages as I weaved
through pedestrians, bicyclists, pigeons, taxis, and more. On the way, I kept my eye out for something
I could buy for my wife. I don’t
usually bring gifts back from my travels.
She’ll buy my excuses that there’s nothing for sale in Memphis but Elvis
dolls, and nothing in Augusta but golf crap.
Those claims wouldn’t fly after returning from New York City though.
I
was pretty sure the Empire State Building was somewhere around 33rd
street, but I couldn’t find it. There
were plenty of tall buildings around, of course, but certainly none a hundred
stories high. Where could it be? I leaned up against a building, and studied
my little map of Manhattan. It looked
like it should be nearby, but I didn’t see it in any direction. How could I not see it? It’s the single biggest thing in all of New
York. I gave up and crossed Park
Avenue, glancing over my shoulder as I did.
And there it was. I had been
leaning up against it the whole time.
Apparently all of the other buildings had blocked my view of the
tower. This was kind of like not being
able to see the tree for the forest. I
felt rather sheepish, like I’d just spent an hour searching the house for my
glasses while wearing them.
I
headed back up Park Avenue, still looking for a suitable gift for Christy. Every fourth store sold cell phones, and she
already has one of those. The rest sold
clothes. I have no doubt that Christy
would’ve been happy with many of the things in those stores, but I also have no
doubt that I would’ve failed to pick any one of them.
Finally
I found myself at Grand Central Station.
The station is certainly impressive, but here’s a surprise – it’s
relatively quiet. At least it’s quiet
compared to 42nd street. Go
figure.
Grand
Central Station has a number of shops in it, and I was sure I could find a gift
there. I nearly bought a candle for $20
that I could’ve found in Charlotte for $5, but that seemed silly. Finally I wandered into the Discovery Channel
Store, of all places, where I found a 6 pack DVD featuring our National Parks
for only $30. This gift would be more
for “us”, but it would have to do. It
was certainly better than a candle.
From
there, I caught a taxi back to LaGuardia airport. New York has a world-class public transportation system, but it’s
still impossible to ride a train from Manhattan to the airport. I’m sure the taxi cab drivers union would
throw a fit if anyone ever suggested that, so I had to take a cab. I caught a ride with a young Rastafarian,
who, surprisingly, didn’t smell like marijuana. I was hoping that he’d be a bit more mellow than the typical New
York cabbie. He was, to the extent that
he didn’t drive on the sidewalk a single time!
He still drove like he was in a Nascar race though, so I will forever
refer to him as Junior. Junior Marley.
I
got to LaGuardia early, as I had expected bad traffic and delays getting
through security. Neither happened,
because I was early, of course. On the
way through security I did notice a young, blonde girl that was pretty despite
being horribly scrawny. She looked like
she could use some help from Sally Struthers.
These weren’t the reasons I noticed her though. I noticed her because of the T-Shirt she was
wearing. It read, “Please do not feed
the models”. Classic.
I
had dinner at the worst Chili’s ever.
The menu had 5 items, and one was soup.
Soup seemed particularly unappealing, since it was about 110 degrees
inside the airport. To make matters
worse, the Chili’s was strategically located next to the security screening
area. Hey, there’s nothing like
watching barefoot travelers being groped by people in uniform to stimulate the
appetite.
Back to Hiking and Backpacking Trip Reports
Please remember to Leave No Trace!