Part fourteen of "Little blue world" - an AU series
by Jinny W
July 2001
Disclaimer: Paramount owns all. I'm just playing.
Summary: On a night when the problem of Sam's rescue still hangs heavily on the Liberty crew, Chakotay has a few beneficial conversations.
~~~
"What do you think?"
Chakotay opened his eyes and allowed a small smile to creep across his face.
"Amazing", he said, feeling the warmth where the liquid had trickled down his throat. "We have a drink a lot like this where I come from. It's called chocolate."
Rexal nodded as though not surprised. "Jarak is one of my small luxuries", she said. "I try to keep a store of the berries on board so I can mix up a brew when I most need it."
Chakotay glanced at the large jug of the steaming liquid Rexal had prepared. "It looks like you needed a weighty dose of luxury tonight."
She returned his smile, a knowing look in her eyes. "Jarak isn't just a drink, it's an experience to be shared."
Chakotay sank back into the comfortable chair, enjoying the soft sensation of the cushions behind his back. Half an hour earlier he had left the common room where Neelix had been teaching him yet another game to pass the time. Neither of them had seen Tom or Kathryn all evening. The small space seemed to shrink in on them, as small spaces often did, and they were beginning to feel tired of each other's company by the time Chakotay decided to slink away.
He'd been feeling dreadful for the past few days, mostly due to his embarrassment about the way he'd spoken to Kathryn the other night. Although they'd had a few short conversations since then, she hadn't once mentioned his behaviour, and was merely treating him with cool politeness. Her placidity only seemed to deepen the sense of shame which had settled like a knobbly stone in his stomach. If only she would raise her voice at him, or tell him how badly he was behaving. He withdrew to the ship's lounge to sulk in solitude, only to find Rexal already firmly ensconced in one of the comfortable chairs.
There was something about the Talaxian woman that unnerved him. She gave the outward appearance of friendliness, and talk between them flowed easily enough, but her sharp eyes missed little that went on. Often the most innocent sounding remark from her carried a possible double meaning. Chakotay had met many clever women in his life, but few could disarm him like this after such a short acquaintance. After half an hours conversation he felt quite drained.
It was late - nearly twelve o'clock - but as he didn't feel like sleeping he nodded when Rexal offered to make them a late night drink.
"I thought you were going to produce some more of that Labhruinn wine Neelix is so fond of," he said, cradling his warm mug. "I must admit I much prefer this."
"Your friends seem quite fond of it too," she observed. When Chakotay merely grunted she added, "Then again, Tom gives the appearance of being a man who is fond of many things."
Chakotay glanced at her sharply - not for the first time that evening - but she merely smiled at him and continued to placidly sip her drink.
"Tom does whatever suits him", he replied, trying to keep his moodiness at the subject out of his voice.
Rexal's grin disappeared, although her eyes still twinkled. "Do you mean as opposed to those who live their lives by higher principles?"
Chakotay considered her seriously for a moment, before nodding. "I think it's important to stand by the things you believe in."
"That is why you rebelled against your Federation, yes?" she said. "Neelix has explained the situation to me. You are either a terrorist or a freedom fighter, depending on one's perspective."
"Does anyone ever think of themselves as a terrorist?" Chakotay asked absent mindedly, glad not to be talking about Tom Paris.
Rexal laughed at that. "A very few. The honest ones, perhaps."
Chakotay smiled tightly. "If you say so. We all have our own justifications for what we do."
"Did you know that Neelix lost all of his family during a war with one of our people's enemies?" Rexal said suddenly.
Chakotay glanced at her in honest surprise. "No", he said. "But I don't know Neelix well. He doesn't speak much about his past."
"Loss changes a man, whether he speaks of it or not", she said.
Thinking of his own family and the friends he had lost in the DMZ, Chakotay could only nod. Rexal drank deeply from her mug, and seemed to be eyeing him speculatively over its rim.
"Of course, Kathryn has also suffered great loss in her life," she said in the same mild tone. "Her father and the man she was to marry, both being killed in the same accident." When Chakotay stared at her blankly, she continued. "But I see you did not know that either." She drained the last of her drink and rested her cup down on the table between them. "I had thought the two of you were close."
It was the most direct thing she had said all evening and Chakotay found himself unsure how to respond. He continued to sip his drink instead, the pleasure curiously dulled by the topic of conversation.
"We're friends", he said eventually, when it became obvious that Rexal was waiting for him to speak. "We've just had a little disagreement, that's all."
He expected her to offer some comment about the size of an argument that would cause Kathryn to hide herself away from him for most of the time since his rescue. Instead she seemed to change the topic completely.
"Do you know how long I have been captain of this vessel?" she asked him. He shook his head. "For seventeen years now", she said, with a small smile. "One gets very used to being in charge and having things all the way one likes them. Authority can be a hard thing to relinquish."
Realising she was still talking about Kathryn, Chakotay bobbed his head, and let her continue.
"When Neelix told me about this ship he had joined, I thought your situation very odd indeed. Two captains. An integrated crew. Very peculiar. And your particular circumstances - your crew was fighting against the organisation their crew represents. Enemies forced to work together by circumstance. How very poetic."
He smiled politely, still waiting for her to get to the point.
"When Neelix told me Kathryn had taken over the ship in your absence, I thought how very odd it must have been for her. I tried to imagine what I would do in her situation, how I would feel." She shook her head, her long braids rustling against her back. "I confess I did not envy her." She leaned forward slightly in her chair. "But you must be proud, being her friend", she said, "to discover that she did such a good job of it."
Chakotay felt his face flush at the memory of what he had said to Kathryn about the crew not really respecting her. Surely Rexal couldn't know about that? The weight in his belly seemed to swell at the thought, as though it was trying to gnaw at his stomach lining.
"And when he explained that she was chasing after the Nistrum to fetch you back", she went on, "I wondered at her loyalty. Why would she do such a thing, unless the crew were compelling her to? Why miss a chance to go back to the life she lived, why risk her life and the life of her other officers by going to rescue the man she was originally sent to capture?" Rexal leaned back against the couch, her eyes flashing. "But I think you already know why".
Chakotay ran through all the possible responses he could think of, discarding them all. "Why do I feel like you're lecturing me?" he asked instead.
To his surprise Rexal laughed shortly at that. "Probably because I am", she said. "And you might say this is none of my business-"
"Because it isn't", he cut in.
"Which it isn't", she agreed, still smiling. "But I have my reasons."
"Which are?"
"Two reasons", she said. "One - I like Kathryn. And two - you're behaving like a man who needs to be told what a fool he's being."
Chakotay bit back a harsher response, and merely said, "Why don't you tell me what you really think of me?"
"I don't know what I think of you", Rexal shot back sharply. "I barely know you. All I have to make my judgement on is your current behaviour. And I can't say I'm too impressed by it."
Chakotay could only stare at her, struck by the truth of her brusque words.
"Perhaps you have your reasons for the way you are treating Kathryn now", she said, a little more quietly, "I don't want to know what they are. That's your business. Before you came aboard both Tom and Kathryn had talked about what a clever man you are", she said, her eyes stern, "so a clever man should know when to take a warning seriously. Take some advice from someone with seventeen years of trading experience. If you wait too long for something you want, you might find it isn't available anymore."
She pushed herself forward on the couch, then stood. "Enjoy the rest of the Jarak", she said, nodding to the jug on the table. "Perhaps it is fitting that you should drink it alone."
And with that she was gone, leaving a thoroughly chastened Chakotay in her wake.
~~~
B'Elanna stomped into the mess hall, steam almost visibly rising from her head. From the corner table where he and Kes sat eating their dinner, Harry saw her enter, and quickly stifled a smile at her expression. He waved his hand in the air to attract her attention. She nodded curtly, then turned to collect a tray from the galley dispensary.
"Looks like someone's had a fun afternoon", Harry muttered to Kes.
Kes turned to follow his gaze, her eyes resting on B'Elanna's hunched shoulders as she stood being served.
"B'Elanna often seems tense", she remarked, turning back to Harry.
He chuckled. "That's putting it mildly".
"I'm sure everyone will feel more at ease when the others return," Kes said reassuringly. "How long do you think that will be now?"
Harry shrugged. "If all goes according to plan, we could meet up with them as early as tomorrow night. If they've been delayed, maybe the day after that."
He looked up as B'Elanna made her way towards them. She sat down, roughly dropping her tray onto the table. "Hello", she said gruffly, picking up her fork and starting to stab at her food.
Harry shared a quick look with Kes, then said, "So... I take it you had a good talk with Tuvok this afternoon?"
"The man is impossible," B'Elanna growled, taking a careful bite of her dinner. "Good", she mumbled, "not chili tonight." She began shoveling the food into her mouth more energetically. "He doesn't like most of the ideas his teams have come up with", she said, through a mouthful of food. "They're all still too risky. Hogan thinks he's come up with an idea which would enable us to extend our weapons range." She stopped eating and took a swig of water. "We could punch a momentary hole in the shields, large enough to beam someone through, if we get our timing exactly right, and still be far away enough not to alert Jonas."
"Could we beam Sam out then?" Harry asked.
B'Elanna shook her head. "No. We'd need to target her position first. We'd only have one shot at it, so it would be better to beam someone else in. But we could only do it with one person. Which Tuvok says is-"
"Too risky", Harry finished for her.
"'It is not Starfleet policy to send an away team of one'", she recited.
"When Neelix gets back he might have some ideas about how we can override his ship's systems", Kes suggested. "He knows them better than anyone else."
"True", B'Elanna agreed. "The problem isn't being able to overpower Jonas though. We know we have the better firepower. It's a matter of sneaking up on him without him hurting Sam."
The young Ocampan woman looked troubled. "Do you really think he would do something like that?"
"Yes", she said shortly. "But I don't intend to give him an excuse." She smiled thinly. "At least we think we've detected the wormhole again."
Harry frowned. "Do you think Jonas knows where it is too?"
"I don't think so. Neelix's sensors are fairly limited. He must be scanning sector by sector, and it has moved further than we expected." She smiled again, more humour in her face this time. "If we meet up with Rexal on schedule we might even get there before him, and put ourselves inbetween Jonas and the wormhole's aperture."
Kes' forehead wrinkled in concern. "But if Jonas knows he's trapped, won't that make him even more likely to hurt Sam?"
B'Elanna shook her head wordlessly. Harry answered for her. "Maybe he'll try and use her as a bargaining chip to get past us."
Kes turned her serious eyes back to B'Elanna. "Then why don't we offer to make a deal with him."
She snorted. "You're joking. What kind of deal?"
"Safe passage through the wormhole, if he returns Sam to us unharmed. We could let him take Neelix's ship, then we could follow through the wormhole in the Liberty - giving him a head start so he won't worry that we'd catch him again."
Both B'Elanna and Harry stared at her. "What?" she said.
They looked at each other. "It's so simple", B'Elanna said.
"Do you think it would work?" Harry asked her.
B'Elanna thought rapidly. "If we had some way of guaranteeing the trade. And if we knew that he wouldn't damage the wormhole once he'd passed through it..."
"It might work", Harry said, hope clearly shining on his face. "If his weapons were disabled somehow."
B'Elanna nodded, then poked her fork in Kes' direction. "When I'm done eating", she said, with the start of the first genuine smile Harry had seen in days, "you and I are going to go and pay a visit to Mr. Tuvok."
~~~
"Hey."
Despite his odd lack of tiredness Chakotay had just been considering leaving the comfortable chair and heading for bed when the soft voice from the doorway greeted him. He turned to see Kathryn standing there, her hands held behind her back.
"Hey", he returned.
"It's past twelve o'clock", she said, stepping into the room. "What are you still doing up?"
"Thinking. I was talking to Rexal for a while". He gestured to the mugs on the table before him. "She introduced me to this chocolate flavoured drink."
"Jarak? Yes, I know. I've had some."
Chakotay waited for her to say something more, but she merely lingered inside the doorway, watching him. On a sudden impulse, he said, "Would you like to join me? There's more."
He expected her to refuse and leave. Instead she nodded, and moved towards the couch opposite him.
"Why not?" she said, picking up the jug and pouring herself a drink. To his further surprise, she kicked off her boots and tucked her feet up under her on the couch, making herself comfortable for an extended stay. To cover his astonishment he busied himself refilling his own drink, then settling back against the cushions. They drank quietly for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. When he could no longer bear the uncomfortable silence Chakotay spoke.
"So... what have you been doing this evening?"
It was a lame question and he knew it. He had barely seen her for four days, and that was the best he could do? She raised an eyebrow, but said quietly, "Talking with Tom, mostly."
"Oh". He bit back his disappointment at her reply. Of course she'd been spending a lot of time with Tom. What else would she do? Hang around waiting to be insulted by him?
"We were just talking", she went on, as if sensing his thoughts. "He's a little infatuated with me," she added bluntly. "And I was completely oblivious. Well... maybe not completely. Mostly oblivious. So we needed to talk about it."
Chakotay stared at her in surprise at her honesty. "Oh", he said again.
Kathryn seemed to be hiding a smile at his reaction, but her eyes were serious. "I needed to explain why I didn't want to get involved with him right now, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Tom's a good friend. It took some time."
He'd been about to say "oh" again but closed his mouth instead. He realised with some discomfort that his own response towards her advances had been the polar opposite - hurtful, thoughtless, and selfish. It seemed that almost everything everyone was saying to him tonight contained some sort of rebuke. He began to wonder idly if any of Neelix's gaming strategies carried coded messages telling him what swine he was.
"I could add 'not that it is any of your business'," she went on, regarding him steadily, "but I think we're both adult enough not to start behaving that way."
Chakotay felt a small smile of relief work its way across his face. "That's very... adult of you", he said softly. As she raised her eyebrows again he added, "To be honest I expected you to tell me to get lost."
"It was tempting", she admitted, smiling wryly, "but I didn't go to all this effort to rescue you just to lose you again." As he continued to stare at her in bemusement she shrugged. "You did want to stay friends, didn't you? I didn't imagine that part of the conversation?"
"No", he managed, "no you didn't." He took a deep breath, all of his practiced apologies forgotten now that she was sitting in front of him, watching him calmly with those piercing blue eyes. "I wish you'd forget the rest of it though".
The corner of her mouth twitched again. "Is that an apology?"
He began to smile back, then grew serious. "Yes. I'm sorry. I was angry at Seska, and at myself. I was too... full of pride, I guess, at the way she manipulated me for so long. I shouldn't have said those things. You didn't deserve that."
She watched him steadily, as if waiting for more, then nodded slowly. "Alright", she said. "That will do for now."
"For now?"
She took a deep drink from her mug. "Those were some serious insults you hurled in my direction, mister. It's going to take some doing to make up for that. Not just one apology."
Her tone was light, but Chakotay recognized the truth behind her words. "Fair enough", he said. "I'll work on it."
"Good."
"Good."
They lapsed into silence again, both sipping quietly from their drinks, but this time the silence was more comfortable, more familiar.
"I have a proposal for you", Kathryn said abruptly. "Not that kind", she added as he winced slightly, "as your first officer. Something for you to think about."
Chakotay nodded, feeling slightly foolish, and noticing for the first time the padd she'd carried in with her, which now rested on the table between them. "Go for it", he said.
"It's about the transwarp drive", she said, draining the last of her drink and putting down the mug. "B'Elanna wrote me a preliminary report on it before we left the Liberty. She was going to examine the specs in more detail while we were gone. But I've had some time on my hands in the past few days to have a look at them myself." She went on quickly, ignoring the slight flush on his face at the mention of her isolation. "I don't think she'll be able to get it to work."
"Why? Or should I say why not?"
Kathryn held up a hand to forestall any questions. "It's not that I doubt B'Elanna's ability. You know that. There are a few problems here with the containment systems, but I'm sure she's been working on those. The main problem is structural. It's your ship."
"My ship?" he repeated.
"It's too old", she said simply, letting her hand drop back onto her knee. "We've had trouble with the structural integrity field running her at warp eight when we were chasing the Kazon. I don't think it could handle anything faster without flying apart."
"Isn't there anything you could do to reinforce it?"
She shrugged. "Nothing I can think of. Maybe B'Elanna or Harry have come up with something, I don't know. They had a team working on shield modifications in case we were going to enter the wormhole. They had some success there. The shields should hold under that type of stress. But as far as I can see, we won't be able to modify the Liberty's warp core without blowing up the ship."
"Alright". He let her words sink in for a moment, considering the options. "You said you had a proposal."
She leaned forward in her chair, her eyes gleaming. "A trade", she said. "You could trade the transwarp specs."
He looked at her in confusion. "With who?"
"With Starfleet."
He couldn't help chuckling at that. "Starfleet? Aren't you getting a little ahead of ourselves?"
"There's still the wormhole. And if that doesn't work out, we might find another way home. There's the female Caretaker out there somewhere. There might be other wormholes, who knows what." She held up her hand again to stop him interrupting. "No, hear me out." She edged forward again. "I'm thinking ahead, I'll admit that. The other day you told me that I hadn't really considered what would happen when we got back to the Alpha Quadrant."
"I didn't -"
"And you were right", she went on, talking over him. "You probably could have phrased it better, but to be honest, B'Elanna had already been prodding me to think about it. So I have been."
"And?"
"And I think I could take these specs to a Starfleet contact and get them to cut a deal."
His eyes still looked doubtful, but he seemed interested now. This was not what he had been expecting at all. "What sort of deal?"
Kathryn met his gaze, her eyes serious. "Amnesty. For whichever members of your crew want it. No prison. No trial. Just freedom, so long as they say they won't fight anymore."
Chakotay shook his head quickly. "But we don't want to stop fighting."
"You don't want to stop fighting", she corrected him. "You, and B'Elanna, and some of others still have a stake in what's happening in the DMZ." She leaned towards him, her face earnest. "Maybe I'm not really one of your crew", she said, "but I have been talking to them, and listening to them. I know there are members of the Maquis who want to stop living this kind of life. They've been on the run for a long time now. They're tired of fighting. They haven't kept going because they believe in your cause but because they have no other choice. Starfleet would arrest them if they could. The Cardassians would do worse."
He stared at her, measuring her words. "Maybe you're right-"
"I know I'm right."
"But what makes you think that Starfleet would agree to a trade like that?"
"For this?" Kathryn gestured to the padd with a humourless laugh. "They'd kill for it Chakotay. This technology has theoretical leaps that Starfleet scientists have been wrestling with for years. This could change everything."
He eyed her in silence, thinking about the proposal. It was a good idea, he had to admit. If the transwarp drive didn't work, the information was as good as useless to them. All of the Maquis ships were as old and fragile as each other. And if Starfleet would be willing to trade with them...
"Alright", he said eventually. "We should start thinking about a plan of action then. In case you're right."
She nodded briskly, her eyes shining. "Good", she said, sliding back against the couch. Her eyes fell on the nearly empty jug on the table, then moved back to Chakotay's mug. She looked up at his face, her eyes twinkling at a sudden thought.
"How much Jarak have you had to drink?" she asked.
"What?" He seemed surprised by the change of topic. "I don't know. About two or three mugs", he said. "It's a little addictive. Maybe because it tastes so much like hot chocolate."
"Or maybe because it has twice as much caffeine as coffee in it", she said.
Chakotay looked quickly down at the mug in his hand. "You're joking".
"I'm not."
"Oh". He rested the drink down on the table, glaring at it as though it had deliberately tricked him. He looked up at Kathryn and saw she was trying not to grin. "I was thinking earlier tonight that you and Rexal have a lot in common", he said. "Brilliant. Straightforward. Bossy. And both powered by caffeine, too, apparently."
She smirked. "Bossy?"
"Would you prefer assertive?"
"No", she grinned at him. "Bossy is fine."
"It's fine with me too", he said, shifting in his seat. "I do value your friendship, Kathryn", he said, suddenly serious again. "I'd hate to think that I've ruined that."
"No", she said, "but you did dent my hide some. You can't mend that overnight."
He nodded in understanding. It would take them a while to rebuild their relationship. For now he just felt glad she was willing to give him the chance.
"I'm not really tired", she said, turning in her seat and stretching out her legs so that she was sprawled comfortably sideways on the couch. He merely looked at her in puzzlement, unsure what she meant by that remark. She threw him a quick grin. "You don't quite have my tolerance levels, Chakotay. And you've just had the equivalent of about six cups of coffee. I don't think you'll be getting to sleep anytime soon."
He groaned. "Probably not", he admitted sheepishly. "I thought it was odd that I wasn't feeling tired yet."
"So I thought we could talk for a while", she said. "And seeing as I have the right to be bossy, I absolutely forbid you to discuss anything remotely serious. I think we could both do with some cheering up."
With those words he noticed that some of the weight had lifted from his stomach. Kathryn wasn't furious with him. She wasn't refusing to speak with him. She was here talking to him, giving him advice, and offering to be his friend. He realised, not for the first time in the last few days, what a first class idiot he really could be.
"I'd like Kathryn", he said. "I'd like that."
~~~
end of part fourteen
~ read part fifteen ~
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