Part seventeen of "Little blue world" - an AU series
by Jinny W
July 2001
Disclaimer: Paramount owns all. I'm just playing.
Summary: The crew say their good-byes to two friends, and discuss plans for the future.
~~~
Chakotay stood facing the crew, his mind blank. He felt exhausted. The events of the past day seemed like a bad holo-novel. He was the character who would have rather hidden at the back of the room but had to take a responsible role instead. As leader of a Maquis cell he had presided over many funerals but the job never got any easier. The words still came slowly, sounding hollow and out of place. To his great relief Kathryn had moved automatically to stand beside him at the front of the crowded cargo bay. She stood silently now, watching the crew and waiting for him to speak. He cleared his throat and began.
"We are gathered here to say good bye to two dear friends. Two people who, months ago, were strangers to us. They joined us on our journey and became a part of our family. We will miss them."
He paused, glancing over at Kathryn. She nodded slightly, then turned back to the assembly.
"Samantha Wildman was a kind and brave woman. She served with distinction as a Starfleet officer." She halted, casting her gaze over the group. Several heads were bent, others were raised so that she could see the tears in their eyes. Starfleet and Maquis alike, she noted, seemed equally distressed by their loss. "But Sam never judged people by their uniform", she continued, "or by what she'd heard about them from others. She was generous with her time and she made space in her life for all of us." She turned to face the makeshift casket, where Sam's body lay shrouded in blankets. "She'll be missed". A weight seemed to rise up from her stomach and lodged in her throat. She bobbed her head towards Chakotay to indicate she had finished. He stepped forward again.
"Normally we send the bodies of our dead into space. But given our unusual circumstances -" he glanced involuntarily towards the viewport, where the glistening wormhole beckoned to them "- we've decided to take Sam's body back to her family." He cast his eyes around the room. "Would anyone else like to speak?"
For a moment no one moved. After a brief pause Hogan stepped forward and made his way slowly up to the casket. He rested one hand beside it, then turned to face the crew.
"I think that at a time like this", he began slowly, "Sam would know the perfect song to sing to us." A few faces smiled sadly. Kathryn brushed a tear from her cheek. "In the past two months she taught me more depressing folk songs than I ever thought existed." Hogan glanced around the room as he spoke, his voice unsteady. "She also taught me more than that. Sam had every right to hate being here with us. She'd left behind her husband, her job, her life. But she never complained. She just joined in and tried to make things a little better." Hogan lowered his head then glanced at the motionless body again. "Thankyou, Sam", he whispered, "for everything." At the look of deep loss on the young man's face Kathryn felt her tears threaten to spill over again.
When Hogan had made his way back into the crowd Chakotay spoke. "There's someone else we need to bid farewell to." He glanced across the room to where Neelix stood holding hands with Rexal. "We were going to arrange a quick party for Mr. Neelix, but given the circumstances," he swallowed hard and continued, "Neelix has decided he'd like to slip away more quietly. He'll be leaving us momentarily, but I couldn't let him go without thanking him for all the joy he's brought to us over the last eight weeks." While Chakotay had been speaking, several crewmembers moved quickly through the room, passing out half-filled glasses.
As Chakotay took a glass from the proffered tray he added, "Mr. Murphy assures me this is his finest batch of homebrew to date." Several crewmembers managed to chuckle at that. Chakotay looked around at them all making sure everyone had a drink. "Please take this opportunity to say goodbye to another kind hearted soul." He raised his glass in Neelix's direction. "To Neelix", he said, "may his journeys be safe and his life long."
The crew echoed his toast. Some clinked their glasses then downed the drink in one gulp. Others took tentative sips before dissolving into fits of coughing. The wiser crewmembers, or at least those who drank regularly with Jack Murphy, merely mimed sipping their drinks. Before Neelix could respond to the toast Kathryn's voice rose above the group.
"I'd like to add my few words", she said loudly. When quiet returned, she elevated her glass again towards the now blushing Talaxian. "To Leola root", she said. Chakotay raised his eyebrows at her but she merely smiled and kept going. "Labhruinn wine, sing-alongs in the mess hall, special hot pot dinners, late night cocoa deliveries, and to love." She inclined her glass in Rexal's direction, then took a sip of the remaining liquid, while the crew echoed her last few words. "To love".
When a hush settled over the room Neelix spoke. "Leaving friends is never easy", he said. "Even still, I wish the circumstances could have been different. I thank you all for your hospitality, your kindness, your feedback on my cooking." A few smiles appeared at that. Neelix gazed around the room, smiling sadly at the now familiar faces. "I wish you all well in the last stage of your journey. My thoughts will be with you."
As the assembly broke up, many crewmembers moved towards Neelix to say goodbye in person. Rexal moved away to give them room, walking towards Chakotay and Kathryn.
"I am sorry for your friend", she said softly, when she reached them.
Kathryn nodded wordlessly, squeezing then releasing the Talaxian woman's outstretched hands.
"I don't know how to thank you for all your help", Chakotay said to her.
One side of Rexal's mouth twitched but she met his gaze seriously. "Think carefully about all we've spoken of together, Captain", she said. "And that will be reward enough." She turned back to Kathryn. "How is your other crewmember? Young Kes?"
Kathryn managed a weak smile. "Our doctor says she'll be alright. He's down in the sickbay with her now, monitoring her progress."
Rexal nodded. "Good. I'm glad. Neelix was torn enough leaving such a friend, but I know it eased the pain to think of the opportunities that still await her with you."
Chakotay nodded and managed a tight smile. "I thought if she'd died I wouldn't have forgiven myself for letting her go." He glanced grimly at Kathryn. "But Doctor Zimmerman said she survived because of her unique physiology. Her immune system was able to adapt much more quickly to the poison, enabling the doctor to treat her. If we'd sent anyone else they would have died."
"There is danger in every choice", Rexal said quietly. "Does he know how they were poisoned? I thought Kes performed a medical scan on Samantha before she returned?"
"She did", Chakotay's face took on a angry cast. "Jonas used a chemical that was transmitted through their clothes onto their skin. It took about ten minutes to work its way through the blood stream."
Rexal's face seemed to pale with shock. "A diabolical agent."
"He put his hands on their shoulders", Kathryn said tiredly. "Right in front of us. We didn't know he had something hidden. The doctor thinks perhaps he had a small device attached to each wrist. But we have no way of knowing for sure."
Rexal's eyes narrowed. "You treated him with honour", she said slowly, "by letting him return ahead of you, even though he was blackmailing you. And this is how he repaid you?"
Chakotay shook his head. "Honour didn't have much to do with it. To be honest at the time I just wanted to be rid of him. As long as he left the wormhole alone, we didn't really care what he did when he got back to the Alpha Quadrant."
"Now we care", Kathryn said quietly.
Rexal touched her shoulder briefly in understanding. "Well", she said straightening, "I must prepare my ship for departure, so you can return to your homes." She held out her hand for Chakotay to shake. "How do your people say it... good luck, Captain."
He clasped her hand and shook it firmly. "Thankyou. And to you."
Rexal again took Kathryn's hands in her own, pressing them fondly. "You should not worry so. All will be well."
Kathryn gave a hollow laugh. "Do you know something that I don't?"
Rexal let her hands drop. "You must have faith, Kathryn Janeway", she said softly. "With faith you can conquer all."
And with that enigmatic remark she turned and began making her way through the crew to the door.
"Any idea what that means?" Kathryn said to Chakotay.
He shook his head. "No," he said, smiling wryly, "but that woman's said enough mysterious things to keep me second guessing myself for weeks to come."
Without thinking Kathryn took his hand in her own and began to lead him from the room. "Come on Mr. 'Honour didn't have much to do with it'," she said softly, "we've got a wormhole to get through."
~~~
"Hey".
B'Elanna's soft voice broke into Chakotay's reverie.
"Hi".
He continued to stare out the window of the mess hall, from which they could see the energy distortions of the wormhole, piercing shades of blue forming energy arcs as far as their horizon now that the Liberty was inside it.
"It's pretty", B'Elanna said. "I never thought about that."
"About what?"
"About what a wormhole looks like from the inside."
"Humph".
B'Elanna touched his shoulder gently. "Are you okay?"
He turned to her with a small smile. "I'm fine. This is all a little... overwhelming. I came here to get away from everyone."
B'Elanna folded her arms across her chest and turned back to the view. "Well, no one can deny that Jonas didn't deserve his head start. He probably expects us to be right up his backside." When Chakotay winced slightly she added, "Sorry, that came out wrong."
"That's alright. I understand."
B'Elanna glanced around the mess hall. Apart from the two of them the room was deserted. "Where's Kathryn?"
Chakotay shrugged. "She said she had a few things to prepare before we get through this. And she wanted to stop in and see Kes as well. How long do you think it will be now?"
It was B'Elanna's turn to shrug. "I don't know. Sorry. Harry and I tried to calculate the time it would take, but with the limited scanning ability in here we only came up with our best guess. It should be at least another fifteen minutes now."
Chakotay grunted and moved to sit down at the nearest table. B'Elanna joined him, choosing a chair which would still allow her to view the spectacle outside the viewport.
"What is it that you'd like to know?" he said bluntly.
"Who said I want to know anything?"
Chakotay raised an eyebrow. "Come on Torres, I know you. You have that 'I'm going to try and be diplomatic if it kills me' look on your face. It's a very pained expression, you know. What's on your mind?"
"Tom Paris." B'Elanna gave him a penetrating stare. "What's going on with you two? What are you fighting about?"
"Who says we're fighting?"
"Tom hasn't been himself lately. He's been grouching around the ship, making snide comments left right and center. Mostly about you."
Chakotay ground his teeth together but his voice remained light. "How is that different to his normal behaviour?"
"It's Kathryn, isn't it?" When Chakotay didn't respond B'Elanna sighed. "You two are fighting about Kathryn." She rolled her eyes. "How enlightened of you."
"I'm not fighting with anyone."
B'Elanna glared at him. "Fine, don't tell me about it".
Chakotay shook his head. "B'Elanna, there's nothing to tell. Kathryn and I..."
"Are in love," she finished.
He frowned. "I didn't say that".
"You don't need to say it. Everyone knows it's true. It's romantic as hell and damn impossible as well. Or romantic because it's impossible", she added. "No wonder Tom feels like he can't compete."
Chakotay looked annoyed at that. "This isn't a competition."
She looked at him hard. "You didn't know did you? About Tom?" She sighed again. "For a people person you can be remarkably unperceptive."
"I did have a leave of absence, thanks to Seska", he snapped.
She leaned closer to him, drumming her fingers on the table. "You must have noticed the way he acted around her."
Chakotay grunted. "I don't understand Tom Paris at all. The two of us have nothing in common. How am I supposed to interpret his behaviour?"
"By using your eyes", B'Elanna straightened in her chair, then continued in a calmer voice. "For someone like Tom, Kathryn is..."
"A challenge?"
"No. Redemption," she said.
Chakotay looked puzzled. "Redemption?"
B'Elanna gave him a small smile. "I think he envies you, not just about Kathryn. For your clarity of vision. Your certainty about why you do what you do."
Chakotay fell silent for a while, thinking over her words. B'Elanna stared over his shoulder at the swirling currents of the wormhole, her own thoughts wandering.
After a while Chakotay stirred. "What did Harry say when you told him about the cloaking device? You haven't had a chance to tell me."
B'Elanna pulled a face. "You wouldn't believe it. The first thing that he said was that the Treaty of Algeron isn't applicable outside of Federation space."
Chakotay smiled. "True. But it won't be long until we are in Federation space."
"I know", she said, "That's what I told him. Then he said that we were already defying Federation rule, so why is this any different? He didn't even mention Starfleet's possible interest."
"It's a fair point."
"Not what I expected though." She sighed again and started tracing patterns on the tabletop with her fingertips. "Neither was Kathryn's reaction." She glanced up at him with a wry smile. "Sorry. You were right about telling her."
"Sounds like you were right about Harry", he said. "Have you two gone over the plans properly yet? We need to know what components to get hold of and how long this will take."
She shook her head. "Harry only had a quick look at it before the funeral. I think he was too distracted to take it in. But I have a fair idea. Just because Starfleet didn't have cloaks on their ships it doesn't mean we didn't learn how they work in engineer's school, you know."
"I though maybe they kicked you out before you got to that part."
"Funny."
"So what do you need?"
She gave him a measured glance. "How much do you understand about cloaking devices?"
"I know the basics," he said.
B'Elanna sat back in her chair, preparing to give him a small lecture. "A cloak uses gravitational lensing to create a distorted image of the ship so that someone looking at it won't see it. But it does more than that. It has to be able to deflect all the EM and other energy emissions directed towards it so that they pass around the ship without any loss of speed or obvious defraction. So you need to distort the space around the ship to speed up those emissions."
"With you so far, that's all basic theory."
"Okay. The cloak also has to be able to balance the radiative emissions from the warp drive and to scatter all of the type of energy, including EM radiation and gravitational fields, coming from the ship itself."
Chakotay nodded.
"This design is fairly close in that regard to the most recent experimental cloaks that the Klingons are using. They use a highly sophisticated system of mapping to adapt to the energy dispersal pattern around the ship. That means that the field actuators are able to compensate for a whole range of variables." B'Elanna gestured in the air as she spoke, as if illustrating her account. "Now, the main problem with any sort of cloaking device is the enormous amount of energy it requires. That's one of the reasons why cloaked ships don't use their shields at the same time."
Chakotay rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Energy is not something we have a surplus of."
"That's the exciting thing about this design". B'Elanna's eyes lit up as she went on. "It uses a unique type of energy converter which cycles power through the warp field controllers, nullifier cores, and the cloaking generator coils without shortchanging any of the components. I still need to run an analysis of the power distribution, but as far as I can tell this design is much more energy efficient than anything the Klingons - or the Romulans for that matter - have come up with. Energy efficient enough for a ship our size, and in our condition, to use."
"Good news", he said. "So what do we need?"
B'Elanna began counting off the points on her fingers as she spoke. "Firstly we need to set aside part of the computer core as an independent control mechanism, to control the cloaking generator coils. The response time needs to be as quick as we can possibly make it, which is why I'd need to isolate its functions. Secondly we need to establish a network of refractometers on the outside of the hull of the ship to provide the computer with its input data. We can design a prototype with what we have but we'd need extra materials to produce a comprehensive network."
"Right."
"Then we need to put together the nullifier core. That's the part of the device which dissipates the emissions produced by our own ship. Some of the earlier models had problems with heat being trapped within the space between the cloaking field and the ship's hull. They had to compensate for that by colouring their hulls..."
Chakotay broke in. "B'Elanna. Please don't get sidetracked. I'm having enough trouble keeping up as it is."
"Sorry", she said. "Fourthly we need cloaking generator coils. That's what directs energy emissions around the cloak. We already have some of the components we'd need for the graviton polarity source generator. That feeds into a series of subspace field distortion amplifiers, which are phase synchronized by a network of conduits. We'd need to put in tetryon compositors to eliminate the buildup of tetryons in the conduits. So we need those parts from somewhere too." She pursed her lips, thinking quickly. "Then we'd use a series of subspace field generator coils which direct and focus the energy output. They're similar to warp coils. We could construct them ourselves but again, we don't have the components. And finally, I'd need to put in a series of plasma coils to power the cloak. That means I need a plasma buffer to ensure that the coils have an identical energy frequency. That I can do."
Chakotay looked wearied by her analysis but nodded. "I'm assuming you've written all this down."
"More or less."
"And you're confident we can get hold of all these components?"
She nodded. "I can't give you a time frame yet though. We'll need to stretch our contacts a little. And hope that when we get back sympathy for our cause is running high enough to gain us a few more helpful friends."
Chakotay smiled at her tightly. "When we get back", he said quietly, "we have to hope that many things will go our way."
B'Elanna glanced again at the view from the window. She wanted to ask him what he and Kathryn had been planning, if he knew what she would do, and if she had considered staying with them, but something held her back.
"I guess we'll find out soon enough", she said instead. About a lot of things, she added silently.
~~~
Kathryn stared down at Kes' inert form. The young woman's face was pale, but otherwise she showed no sign of the pain which had consumed her body hours before. Doctor Zimmerman sat by her bed, a padd in his hand.
"She needs to sleep", he said softly. "Her own immune system has done most of the work."
Kathryn nodded. She was about to reply when Tom Paris stepped through the door. On seeing Kathryn he stopped then managed a forced smile.
"I just came to check up on her", he said quietly, gesturing to the bed.
"She needs to recuperate", the doctor whispered. "You should come back and visit later."
Kathryn nodded again. "Let me know when she wakes up", she said.
"I think I'll make a ship wide announcement", Zimmerman said dryly, "saying 'let the parade of visitors begin'."
Kathryn took Tom's arm as they left sickbay together. "I'm glad I've caught up with you", she said, "I've been meaning to talk to you."
To her surprise Tom merely nodded. "Yeah," he said, "me too."
"Oh?"
"I wanted to apologize to you."
"Apologize?" Kathryn frowned at him. "What for?"
"For what I said about Kes. I was wrong. I heard that if anyone else but her had gone over there Jonas' poison would have killed them too."
"That's what the doctor said."
"I shouldn't have blown up like that at you. I'm sorry."
"Maybe you should be saying that to Chakotay too."
Tom snorted. "I don't think so."
Kathryn touched his arm again, forcing him to slow his quick pace to match her own. "I thought we talked about this, Tom. I thought you understood the reasons for my decision."
"I do understand", he said. "Really I do. I don't like it, but I understand."
"Then why are you behaving like this?"
He shot her a weak grin. "You think this is all to do with you?"
"Isn't it?"
"No."
"Oh", she said. "Then tell me what's wrong."
"Alright", Tom admitted. "It isn't entirely not to do with you. But it isn't just that you turned me down. You may find it hard to believe", he went on mockingly, "but I have been rejected once or twice in the past. And it isn't even what's going on between you and Chakotay. Or what isn't going on, if you want to keep insisting that."
Kathryn's brow furrowed in confusion. "Then what is it?"
Tom was silent for a few moments. "This is not about us, or about Chakotay. This is about me. A while ago when Harry was getting into trouble, he and I were talking about how much he disliked it here. He told me that he felt like he didn't fit in, but that I seemed to." He shook his head. "He was wrong. I've been able to get along here, but that's something different."
"Do you want to fit in here?" she said.
"No, not really", he conceded. "But no one likes to feel that they're an outsider. That's what Harry was feeling, when they were calling him Ensign Dim. When you and Chakotay thought he might be the saboteur". He smiled but there was no humour in the gesture. "Now the tables have turned. B'Elanna has been working on something that's secret - I don't know what but it seems important. And from what I can tell, Harry's in on that mystery."
Kathryn stared at him, abashed she hadn't thought how their actions might be interpreted by others.
"I'm not surprised", Tom continued. "Chakotay has no reason to trust me. I was willing to sell the Maquis out once before when I signed on to Voyager, he knows that. Harry's the one who has shown his integrity." He shoved his hands into his pockets, as if trying to add a casual air to his admission. "I know we've all had to think about what's going to happen when we get through this wormhole. I got to thinking that the two people who are closest to me here are you and Harry. Harry will leave here the wiser for his experience. He's more confident in his abilities, more outspoken. And you", he shook his head again, "when I look at you Kathryn I can see how much you've changed since we came aboard two months ago. You fit in here." He lowered his voice as they rounded another corner. "I can't get this picture out of my mind, of him asking you to stay here. And you saying yes."
Kathryn stopped, staring at him in disbelief. "Tom, that's... that's crazy. I don't fit in here. I'm certainly not planning to stay and fight with them."
"Really?" he said, his tone disbelieving.
She began walking again. "Alright, I admit I've come to admire and respect this crew. Most of them, anyway", she allowed. "Some have become my friends. And because I have friends here it's possible my sympathies for the Maquis situation have increased."
Tom's eyebrows shot up. "Possible?"
She ignored his sarcasm. "But there's a big difference between sympathizing and wanting to join up, Tom. I'm still a Starfleet officer. I took an oath to uphold the principles of the Federation and I still believe in that oath. I still believe that Starfleet is an organisation with good intentions and integrity."
"Do you?" he sounded amused. "I stopped believing that a long time ago."
"Then maybe you are the one who fits in here," she said, not meeting his gaze.
Tom came to a halt as they reached his cabin door. "Kathryn", he said softly. "I've been distracted lately because I have a few things to work out." His blue eyes met hers, all traces of levity gone. "But I'd say you do too. Do you think Starfleet is really going to ease up on this crew because you think they're decent people?" He shook his head slowly. "Maybe they'll chase Jonas with a little more vigour now he's killed a Starfleet officer. But as far as they're concerned the Maquis are still fair game. All of them." He keyed in his code and the door slid open. "And they're going to expect you to rejoin the hunt", he added.
Kathryn stared at him dumbly, unable to think of a suitable response.
"Chakotay", she began. He turned to look at her, holding the door open with one arm. "Chakotay is a good man", she finished softly.
Tom met her gaze, his eyes still serious. "Is that enough?" he replied.
She shook her head wordlessly. Tom reached out and touched her shoulder. "You'll be okay", he said, "no matter what you decide to do. The Janeways are a tough breed."
"I guess I should go pack", she said, trying and failing to manage a smile.
Tom nodded. "See you on the other side", he said.
"Tom", she called out before he could let go of the door.
"What?"
Kathryn bit her lip, inexplicably feeling tears rising to her eyes. "See you in the Alpha Quadrant", she said.
Tom grinned at her, the first genuine smile she had seen from him in days. "Not if I see you first", he said.
~~~
end of part seventeen
~ read part eighteen ~
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