AUTHOR: Sally
RATING: PG – PG13
SUMMARY: Not everything goes the way you want it, but sometimes you may get a second chance
DISCLAIMER: They’re not mine, what can I say? Well, one of them is…
THANKS TO: my betas, Beth and Chris… oh and Beth says you may need a tissue
FEEDBACK: yes please, I think I can handle it though if you’re going to be harsh please email me privately. My two betas have read it and liked it but I’m anxious to get a wider opinion.
"Kathryn, please?"
"No, Chakotay. I think enough has been said, don’t you? I certainly think enough's been done," she added sarcastically. "Just go, please."
He looked at her one final time and turned on his heel. He had a feeling it would be a long time before he ever entered her office again.
He knew the truth of it. He had blown it, big time. After years of ignoring rumour after rumour he had finally listened to one. His world had crashed around him in a drunken haze while he commiserated over reports of her impending marriage to Admiral whatever-his-name was.
Her name was Leyla. At least he knew that much when he had woken up in the morning. And shortly after that he had found out that she was a Vice-Admiral of Starfleet. Good going old man, he thought. She was also an ex of the aforementioned Admiral whatshisname. What had transpired between them was still a muddy mess. But he did remember waking up in her bed, with her curled up against him.
How had they met again? Oh yes, in the bar by Headquarters; a popular 'Fleet hangout. He had retreated there after uncharacteristically telling B'Elanna to get the hell out of his life. If he remembered correctly she had been trying to convince him that the rumour wasn't true. He had overreacted. He hadn't spoken with B'Elanna since although Tom had threatened him with bodily harm on the occasion they had had to run into each other.
So here he was, having found out the hard way that the rumour wasn't true and with one unholy mess on his hands. Leyla was pregnant and he was the prime candidate for the father. And Kathryn knew. He didn't know which was worse: Leyla's pregnancy or Kathryn knowing.
It was his own fault. He knew that now. It always had been and it always would be. They had returned from the Delta quadrant the previous year and when Kathryn had finally come to him, bravely acknowledging the depth of her feelings he had turned her down. He had no excuse except to say that possibly she had caught him at a bad time, a time when he was wondering why he had rejoined Starfleet thanks to the bureaucracy he faced at every turn. From that incident the friendship they had previously enjoyed on Voyager had disintegrated. Now she sat in her tenth floor office and he in his fifth floor equivalent and they barely saw each other. After that his pride had got in the way, although the love he had felt for her had not managed to diminish any. Then he had heard the grapevine gossip and from what he saw this particular tidbit looked to be true. Kathryn had been spending a lot of time with the Admiral; how was he to know it was merely on a professional level?
So here he was, with Leyla pregnant and an annoyed Vice-Admiral in the office he had just left. It hadn't been his idea to go visit V.A. Janeway but it had seemed that she had been put in charge of the refit of the ship of which he was now Captain. The conversation had been built around the USS Commodore but had drifted to Voyager and then to them. He had confronted her about the rumoured engagement; she had retaliated by commenting that she had seen him and Leyla together and that Leyla was beginning to be noticeably pregnant. She had been able to deny the one but he could not deny the other.
Years passed. They continued to avoid each other. Voyager reunions came and went with one or the other making up excuses not to attend. Tom tried to recreate the infamous Voyager betting pool, trying to predict on which occasion the pattern would screw up and either both or neither would attend. The joke fell flat; few people participated.
He was standing awkwardly, in the doorway of the store, when he saw her. His twelve-year-old daughter, Taya, was trying to exert her independence by making purchases herself and when it came to teenage fashion he was inclined to let her. He watched as Taya began a conversation with the older, gray-haired woman in front of her. Typical Taya, he thought proudly. No shyness or confidence issues there. The conversation must have turned personal because suddenly Taya's thumb jerked towards his direction and the woman turned her gaze. He caught her eye.
And it hit him. To be honest, it hit both of them, judging by the appearance of her expression.
After all these years of working in the same building, taking circuitous routes and different turbo-lifts he was finally now in a position to see her again.
Kathryn.
She completed her purchase before Taya and walked steadily towards him. With a start he realised he was in her line between counter and door and he began to step out of her way.
She laid a hand gently on his arm. "Hello, Chakotay," she said softly.
He smiled down at her, forcing back the resurrected years of hurt. "Hello, Kathryn."
"I have just met a remarkable young lady and she informs me that you are her father."
"That's right."
"You should be proud of her."
"I am. She's the best thing that ever happened to me." Though she should have only been the second-best, he thought.
"You and her mother have raised her well. She's a very polite, well-mannered person. Though I suspect she inherited some of her charm from you."
He swallowed. He didn't know what to say. The reaction to Taya was incredible. The mention of Taya's mother surprised the hell out of him.
She continued on. "Is her mother with you?"
"No." He took a breath. "She's not. Leyla was killed in the Taskett explosion."
It brought back memories for both. Five years previously Starfleet had suffered its worst tragedy when the warp core of the USS Taskett had expoded, killing all hands instantly.
Kathryn remembered. "I'm so sorry," she said, shaking her head. "You must have been devastated."
"More for Taya really," he replied. "Leyla and I split long before that."
"Split?" She raised her eyebrows at him.
"We only really stayed together for Taya's sake, but even that couldn't work out. Leyla wouldn't even consider marrying me," he added, ruefully.
They were saved from anything more by the young girl bounding up to them. "Hello," she said to Kathryn. "I see you met my father then."
"Actually," began Chakotay. "We'd met before. Kathryn was the captain of Voyager."
The girl's grin grew larger. "You're Captain Janeway? Oh, wow!"
"Actually, Taya," her father interrupted. "It's Admiral Janeway now." He had kept up an interest in her career.
Taya clamped a hand briefly over her mouth. "Oh, I am sorry."
Kathryn laughed. And to his ears it was the sweetest sound he'd ever heard. "Oh, please, call me Kathryn."
"Yes, ma'am," was the enthusiastic reply. An unspoken look passed between the two older people. "What?" Taya cried. "Oh wait, I remember. It's not crunch time yet."
They all laughed. "You've been telling stories, Commander," Kathryn accused.
"I confess I have."
"And will you tell me some more, Kathryn? Dad and I were about to go to lunch. Will you join us?"
Another silent look was exchanged, culminating with a slight nod of his head.
"I'd be delighted to accept," said Kathryn.
A short while later they sat in a restaurant, swapping stories and making Taya laugh one minute and gasp the next. By silent agreement they left out anything pertaining to them personally. I could get used to this, he thought. But I can't.
Taya got up and left them to visit the washroom. There was a small silence for a while. Then he finally got up the nerve to speak.
"Thank you for talking to me, Kathryn. You could have just walked by me back there."
She smiled at him. "I stopped on account of Taya really. I wanted to tell you how good a job you had done. I guess it really is mostly your doing."
He nodded. "She came to live with me when Layla died. After that I decided to move out of headquarters and work from home. It benefited both of us.” He paused. “I'm glad you like her."
"How could I not? Knowing her father like I do."
Silence.
Wanting to break it he summoned his nerves together. "Kathryn, I am so sorry for everything. The way I treated you that day. I made such a mess of things. And the worst of it is, I don't even recall why I got so mad at you." He tried to smile. "The memory loss goes with getting old I think."
She reached out and grasped his hand. The touch was electrifying yet comforting at the same time. "Chakotay, it's okay. There's no need for you to apologise. I chose the wrong time, that's all." She smiled back at him. "As for you getting old? I don't believe it."
"Oh no? These gray hairs are genuine, I'll have you know."
"If yours are, Commander, I guess mine must be too. In fact, I'm surprised we didn't turn gray all those years ago with what Voyager and her crew put us through."
They laughed contentedly for a minute.
"Kathryn?"
"Yes?"
He rushed on, not knowing what he would totally say or what her reaction might be. What could he possibly have to lose now? "Look, I don't know how you feel about me and I don't fully know how I feel about you. And I have Taya to consider now so I can't go rashly making decisions which might affect her. But could we start over, be friends?"
"Friends, Chakotay?" She looked across at him, over the rim of her coffee cup and he thought he would die with the mournful expression she was giving him.
"Friends. For now. I'm not saying that it doesn’t leave the way open for something else. But like I said, I have Taya to consider."
She lowered the cup back to the table and let go of it. "Yes," was all she said.
He let go of the breath he had been holding. "Thank you. And I know Taya would love to hear more of your stories, as long as you stay clear of any embarrassing ones about her father. But she does need a good positive female figure in her life."
"What about B'Elanna? Are you saying that she isn't a positive influence?"
"I don't see B'Elanna or Tom any more," he said. "We drifted apart."
"I know the feeling." She grasped his hand again. "Perhaps we should look them up sometime."
It was the use of the 'we' that got to him. It reminded him instantly of the aftermath, the reconciliation, of their big battle on Voyager concerning the Equinox. It was a gesture he had made back then. Now she was returning it.
Taya returned to the table. "Okay, let's go."
"Go where?" he asked.
"I don't know," she replied. "Somewhere." She turned to Kathryn. "Are you supposed to be somewhere this afternoon?"
"I don't think so. Why?"
"Because if dad doesn't mind, I want to spend some more time with you." She turned to her father. "Is that okay with you?"
He smiled. The two most important women in his life were right in front of him. Suddenly his future looked a lot brighter. "That's fine with me," he replied. "Wherever you ladies are going, I'm going right with you."
FINIS