We walked in the mess hall, and he was still smiling. Most of the crew was wearing civilian clothing, but some were still in uniform, like Trip. I don't know when I started to think of him as Trip, possibly after he convinced me to stay onboard Enterprise and break off my betrothal. I would have to find someone to break the mental link soon. My betrothed would have had his broken by the priests on Vulcan, but as there were no Vulcans here, I would have to find a human to help me. I had considered Hoshi Sato, as she knew the Vulcan language, but in order to break the link, a mind-meld would be required. I did not think she was psychologically prepared for such intense mental strain, nor would she be able to help me with the emotional backlash.

     We walked by the ensign who had hummed with me. She was laughing at something her date had said. She saw me, looked at my dress, Trip-was he my escort? My date?-, and winked in approval. It seemed I had made a friend, however distant. We continued walking, and ended up with Hoshi Sato and Malcolm Reed. I dropped my hand from Trip's arm.

     "Great party, huh?" Malcolm asked.

     "Uh, I don't know, we just got here. Is it?" Trip asked. Malcolm nodded, glanced at Hoshi, and smiled.

     "Sure is," he said.

     "Hey Malcolm, why don't you get me some punch?" Hoshi asked.

     "Sure thing. Back in a flash." I looked at Trip.

     "Hey, T'Pol, would you like something to drink as well?" he asked.

     "Yes, thank you." I replied.

     "Non-alcoholic?"

     "Please." Trip went after Malcolm.

     "So?" Hoshi asked.

     "So?" I replied, somewhat confused.

     "So, what's gotten into you? You're wearing a dress, humming, you've got Trip getting you drinks. People might think you're acting human."

     This concept hit me like a ton of dilithium. Me? Human? Becoming the one thing I most feared and yet desired? I reviewed the past few days. It was indeed plausible that some of the crewmembers might begin to think of me as a human. I displayed the outward signs of emotion, engaged in the completely illogical activity of humming, allowed my emotions to control me-I was out of control. Perhaps the cause of all this illogical activity was in my broken-yet-unbroken mental link.

     "It suits you," she said.

     "Humanity?" I replied, starting to put up my emotional shields and feeling my face return to it's usual hardened expression, one I had worn with a non-emotion nearing pride through the most trying of circumstances.

     She must have seen my expression. "Oh, no. I meant your dress. It's beautiful. Is it in the supply facility, or did you have to order specially?"

     I relaxed my face. There was no threat here, and I planned to enjoy myself while I was here and my emotions were semi-intact. "I made it. Myself. By hand. I don't know if the dress itself is on the ship, but the pattern is. Do you really like it? It took me a week to make." I don't know what possessed me to say the last two sentences; they had just popped into my head and out my mouth before I could stop them It wasn't a lie, just unlike me not to tell the whole truth. If I were human, I mused, I wonder if I would feel guilt over such an untruth?

     "Really? Oh, wow, it must have! Yes, I really do. The color is just perfect on you. I think," she cocked her head to the left in thought. "I think I'd rather have it in dark blue or purple. What do you think?"

     I found myself tilting my head just like Hoshi had. The ship light made her hair seem slightly purple, but her eyes always seemed bluish-black in color. I was about to suggest a dark indigo, when Trip and Malcolm cam back with our drinks.

     "A punch for milady-" Malcolm said as he handed Hoshi her drink.

     "-And some fruit juice for mine," Trip said, smiling as he handed me mine. I was "his lady" for the night. I felt a little lighter than I had a moment before. I felt almost pleased. But somehow more importantly, I felt as though I belonged. Not just to him, but I felt as though I belonged at the party, on the ship, with the crew. A little shiver ran down my spine; I guessed it was another aspect of my newfound emotion of pleasure. I sipped the juice, looking straight into his eyes as he did the same.

     "Cheers," he said softly. I raised my eyebrow slightly and felt the corners of my mouth pulling upward. I smiled. I couldn't believe it; I had smiled. And not only that, he smiled back. How many aspects of this one emotion, happiness, were there? I now understood why Humans laughed, made friends, chased their dreams, engaged in such frivolous activities, dressed up, and had parties. I now understood why humans loved, and why they considered love the best emotion. It was because they loved to be happy, because happiness felt so wonderful. I had an intense desire to be human in that moment of total comprehension. And I also remembered a word, a human word that one of their 20th century authors had made up to describe that total comprehension, but at the moment, I couldn't recall it. Not that the word itself mattered, though. It was the concept that was important, I knew that. I grokked-that was the word, grok-happiness. I felt like flying.

     "Would you like to dance, T'Pol? I mean, if- you- "

     "Yes, that would be- " I searched for the word, almost startled. This was one question I hadn't expected, and I didn't exactly know how to respond. "-nice." He smiled, eyes twinkling, and held out his hand. I took it. "I don't exactly know-" I started.

     "Then that'll be our secret. Just follow my lead. Put your hands on my shoulders, I'm going to put mine on your waist. Don't worry about what the other people are doing-"he turned his head toward Malcolm and Hoshi, who were giggling childishly, and apparently at us. My mind suddenly filled with questions. Were Trip and I so mismatched, so opposite each other personality-wise that merely the sight of us dancing together caused amusement? Or perhaps it was just me, T'Pol, the wicked, cold-hearted, emotionless Vulcan who caused them amusement? And Hoshi, I had just been talking with her; she had not seemed malicious or spiteful, why would she be laughing at me?

     Trip touched my face with his hand, and I turned to look at him. He looked almost sadly at me, and smiled slightly. "Like I said, don't pay any attention to other people, just concentrate on the music. I know you can hear it, with those pretty pointed ears," he touched the point of my right ear lightly, and another shiver ran down my spine, this one stronger. He had no idea how sensitive Vulcan ears were, or exactly what touching another's ears on Vulcan meant. I wondered if he still would have touched my ear if he had known what it meant. A little part of me, deep inside, hoped he would have. He must have felt my hands tighten slightly on his shoulders. "I'm sorry. I won't do it again, I promise," he said, looking embarrassed. "Just listen to the music, and try to pick out the beat. This song has a four-beat, so just move your feet so you're always in front of me. Hey, you're good at this! I thought you said you didn't know how to dance."

     He grinned when I replied, "Dancing in step to the music is remarkably similar to many Vulcan exercise routines, which are also conducted to music. Although, I must point out, no music on Vulcan is quite this complex."

     "What can I say? We Humans love complexity, especially when we're trying to relax. Does that make any sense at all?" I shook my head, and he laughed. "Didn't think so. It doesn't make any sense to me either, if that's any consolation." He had a nice laugh. I wondered what mine would sound like, if I ever laughed. Would I ever get a chance to laugh? Would I ever feel like laughing? What would cause me to laugh? The thought of never laughing upset me for some reason.

     "What's wrong? Did I say something? I take it back, whatever it was." He looked very concerned.

     "It's not you. It's just-. You will think it is illogical," I protested. How could I admit that I was afraid of not laughing? How could I admit that I wanted to act like a human? He would think me weak.

     "No offense, T'Pol, but just about everything you've done since you decided to stay has been pretty illogical to me. Tell me, I promise you'll feel better afterwards." he pulled me a little closer to him, and I moved my hands so that they were at the base of his neck. I wanted to stay like that forever. I thought about it for a moment and decided to take a leap of faith and trust him.

     "I am afraid I will never laugh." Trip stopped dead in his tracks, and let go of me. I did the same, and stepped backwards.

     "Oh." He scratched his head with a very confused expression on his face. "Wow. Um-"

     "Nevermind, forget I said it." I tried to pull his arms to my waist, but he pulled away. It was too late to take it back, though not for lack of trying. I hadn't wanted to upset him, but I had. I felt an instinctive urge to run to my quarters and not come out unless we were at Vulcan.

     "No, no. This is important. Come on, let's sit down." He took my arm and we walked over to some chairs in an unoccupied corner of the mess hall and sat down. He turned one chair toward another, and motioned for me to sit down. I did, and he sat down in the other one. He sat forward, and put his hands around mine. I shivered again. If pleasure was all about irrational feelings and thoughts and shivering, I mused that someone was bound to ask me if I was cold sometime soon.

     "T'Pol, why are you afraid you will never laugh, if laughing is a display of emotion? Aren't Vulcans not allowed to have emotions?"

     I looked at him for a long time. His logic was indisputable. I was behaving very illogically, and I had no idea why. I suddenly felt very afraid, like something catastrophic was going to happen any second, and had an intense desire to curl up in a fetal position and hope I would wake up from this dream-turned-nightmare. I finally spoke.

     "I am afraid I will never laugh I do not know why. Yes, I am not supposed to feel emotions. But I have been. And I do not know why." He was right and wrong at the same time. I did feel a little better, but I also felt worse. I felt like I was empty, guilty perhaps, which was understandable enough, given that I wasn't supposed to feel at all, but the emotion wasn't quite guilt. But I knew it felt bad. I felt as though I was going to vomit and faint all at once. Neither option looked favorable, considering Trip's head was about a foot away from me. Nonetheless, that was how I felt. And it felt horrible to feel that way.

     "When did these-feelings start?"

     "Approximately 7 days ago."

     "Why'd you say 'approximately'? Don't you know? You'd think something as un-Vulcan as emotions would have you meditating and purging before you could raise an eyebrow. Why did you allow this to go on for a whole week? Why didn't you talk to Doctor Phlox?" He went on asking questions for another minute or so, and then, all of a sudden, I couldn't see. Everything around me became to appear as though viewed through a whitish haze. I felt something slightly warm go down my cheek, like how I had imagined his fingers would feel, but his hands were still on mine. It ran down the side of my nose, around my mouth, and to my chin. Then it stopped, and I felt something drop on my hand. I looked down, and I saw a drop of water fall from my cheek onto my thumb. My face suddenly felt very cold where the thing had touched me, and I realized I was crying. Trip had stopped talking, but I only realized it when I looked up at him. I felt my head get very light, and I saw the world around me grow black from the outside in as I fell forward and into Trip.

~*~*~*~*~

A supernova of thanks to everyone who helped me (forced me ;-)) to write this. And and even bigger supernova of thanks to Blue Mercury Girl, who Beta'ed this for me. Thank you! =A=Casey=A=

On to Chapter 3