1. Money isn't made out of paper, it's made out of cotton.
2. The 57 on Heinz ketchup bottle represents the number of varieties of pickles the company once had.
3. A rat can last longer without water than a camel.
4. Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks, otherwise it will digest itself.
5. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp paper.
6. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a tittle.
7. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continually from the bottom of the glass to the top.
8. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.
9. A female ferret will die if it goes into heat and cannot find a mate.
10. A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.
11. A 2x4 isn't. It's 1-1/2 x 3-1/2
12. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.
13. Every person has a unique tongue print.
14. The 'spot' on 7UP comes from its inventor who had red eyes. He was albino.
15. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.
16. During the chariot scene in 'Ben Hur' a small red car can be seen in the distance.
17. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents daily.
18. John Wilkes Booth's brother once saved the life of Abraham Lincoln's son.
19. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.
20. Chocolate kills dogs! True, chocolate effects a dog's heart and nervous system, a few ounces is enough to kill a small sized dog.
21. Daniel Boone detested coonskin caps.
22. Playing cards were issued to British pilots in WWII. If captured, they could be soaked in water and unfolded to reveal a map for escape.
23. Most lipstick contains fish scales.
24. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.
25. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.
26. Dr. Seuss actually pronounced Seuss such that it sounded like Sue-ice.
27. Ketchup was sold in the 1830s as medicine.
28. Leonardo da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time.
29. During the California Gold Rush of 1849, miners sent their laundry to Honolulu for washing and pressing. Due to the extremely high costs in California during these boom years it was deemed more feasible to send the
shirts to Hawaii for servicing.
30. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class.
31. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.
32. The number of possible ways of playing the first four moves per side in a game of chess is 318,979,564,000.
33. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and lower, because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.
34. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.
35. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!
36. The numbers '172' can be found on the back of the U.S. $5 dollar bill in the bushes at the base of the Lincoln Memorial.
37. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan, there was never a recorded Wendy before!
38. The very first bomb dropped by the Allies on Berlin during World War II killed the only elephant in the Berlin Zoo.
39. There are four cars and eleven lightposts on the back of a $10 dollar bill.
40. Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors, also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.
41. If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.
42. Bruce Lee was so fast that they actually had to SLOW a film down so you could see his moves. That's the opposite of the norm.
43. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.
44. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's 'Born in the USA'
45. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original Halloween was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.
46. The original name for the butterfly was 'flutterby'!
47. The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.
48. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.
49. Roses MAY Be red, but violets ARE, indeed, violet.
50. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand.
51. Casey Kasem is the voice of Shaggy on Scooby-Doo and Robin on the Superfriends.
52. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with.
53. Charlie Chaplin once won third prize in a Charlie Chaplin look alike contest.
54. In Gulliver's Travels Jonathan Swift described the two moons of Mars, Phobos and Deimos, giving their exact size and speeds of rotation. He did this more than 100 years before either moon was discovered.
55. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!
56. Sherlock Holmes NEVER said Elementary, my dear Watson.
57. An old law in Bellingham, Wash., made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.
58. Sharon Stone was the first Star Search spokesmodel.
59. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.
60. Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries.
61. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a spacesuit damages them.
62. Back in the mid to late 80's, an IBM compatible computer wasn't considered a hundred percent compatible unless it could run Microsoft's Flight Simulator.
63. Bats always turn left when exiting a cave.

Different Perspective on the New York Tragedy This is a picture that was taken of a tourist atop the World Trade Center Tower, the first to be struck by a terrorist attack. This camera was found but the subject in the picture had not yet been located.

Comments:   One inevitable byproduct of a disaster of the enormity of the September 11 attacks is the dissemination of sick jokes that seem to make light of human tragedy. The so-called "Tourist Guy" is one of the first clear-cut examples related to this event. The photo and accompanying text (circulating in various versions) are fake.

It's a bit on the small side, but if you look closely at the picture you can just make out a panoramic view of Midtown Manhattan behind the blissfully unaware subject, indicating that the photographer  is facing north. Only one of the planes that hit the World Trade Center on September 11 approached from that direction: the first, American Airlines Flight #11, which struck the north tower (One World Trade) at 8:45 a.m.  The trouble is, the  north tower had no rooftop observation deck such as pictured here. Even if it had, it wouldn't have been open to tourists at that hour.

You have but to ponder these further discrepancies to demolish the photo's credibility completely:

Why isn't the fast-moving aircraft blurry in the photo?

Why doesn't the subject (or the photographer, for that matter) seem to be aware of the plane's high-decibel approach?

The temperature was between 65 and 70 degrees that morning. Why is this man dressed for winter?

How did the camera survive the 110-story fall when the tower collapsed?

How was the camera found so quickly amidst all the rubble?

Why has this one-of-a-kind, newsworthy photo not appeared in any media venue?

As to the question of why anyone would invent a hoax as gruesome and insensitive as this in the first place, I would simply point out that the emergence of sick jokes is more the rule than the exception in the wake of tragic events such as this. Much as we might not like to accept it, the behavior is common and reflects a perennial aspect of human nature and one way people cope with the unthinkable. The example before us shows how, in the words of folklorist Alan Dundes, "one person's tragedy may become a point of projection or catharsis for the fears and anxieties of others. Remember, people joke about only what is most serious."

With thousands of people said missing and presumed dead as of this writing, it doesn't get much more serious than this. 

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Dilbertisms

1. "As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building
using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and
employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning
quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA.)

2. "What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will
encounter."  (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. "E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should
be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat
Company)

4. "This project is so important, we can't let things that are more
important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United
Parcel Service)

5. "Doing it right" is no excuse for not meeting the schedule.

6. "No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been
working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let
you know when it's time to tell them."
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

7. "My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that
only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and
she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected."
(CIO of Dell Computers)

8. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

9. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When
I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss
work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change
her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me."
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

10. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not
going to discuss it with the employees."
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

11. We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is
to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the memo
mentioned above."
(Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

12. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning
a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon
enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until
tomorrow to ask for it!"
(New business manager, Hallmark Greeting Cards)

13. And the winner!!  As director of communications, I was asked to
prepare a memo reviewing our company's training programs and materials.
In the body of the memo in one of the sentences I mentioned the
"pedagogical approach" used by one of the training manuals.
The day after I routed the memo to the executive committee, I was called
into the HR director's office, and told that the executive vice
president wanted me out of the building by lunch.

When I asked why, I was told that she wouldn't stand for perverts
(pedophiles?) working in her company. Finally, he showed me her copy of
the memo, with her demand that I be fired-and the word "pedagogical"
circled in red.

The HR manager was fairly reasonable, and once he looked the word up in
his dictionary and made a copy of the definition to send back to her, he
told me not to worry. He would take care of it. Two days later, a memo
to the entire staff came out directing us that no words, which could not
be found in the local Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos. A
month later, I resigned.

In accordance with company policy, I created my resignation memo by
pasting words together from the Sunday paper.
(Taco Bell Corporation)

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Work Vs Prison

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Just in case you ever got the two mixed up. This should make things a bit more clear.

IN PRISON...you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell.
AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle.

IN PRISON...you get three meals a day.
AT WORK...you only get a break for one meal and you pay for it.

IN PRISON...you get time off for good behavior.
AT WORK...you get more work for good behavior.

IN PRISON...the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.
AT WORK...you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for
yourself.

IN PRISON...you can watch TV and play games.
AT WORK...you get fired for watching TV and playing games.

IN PRISON...you get your own toilet.
AT WORK...you have to share with some idiot who pees on the seat.

IN PRISON...they allow your family and friends to visit.
AT WORK...you can't even speak to your family.

IN PRISON! ...all expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required.
AT WORK...you get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct
taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.

IN PRISON...you spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out.
AT WORK...you spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.

IN PRISON...you must deal with sadistic wardens.
AT WORK...they are called managers.

So............... why is it again that we work?

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Regarding job layoffs in the Canada.

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Joe Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock (MADE IN JAPAN) for 6 a.m. While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG). He put on a dress shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA), designer jeans (MADE IN SING APORE) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA).

After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO) to see how much he could spend today. After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) and continued his search for a good paying CANADIAN JOB.

At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day, Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL) poured himself a glass of wine (MADE IN FRANCE) and turned on his TV (MADE IN INDONESIA), and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in ......CANADA.....

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A Poem for Computer Use

A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the father of a goat.

Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.

A Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3-in. floppy
You hoped nobody found out

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while.

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode.

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu.

I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head.
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead

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TWO COWS

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DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none.You feel guilty for being
successful. You vote people into office who put a tax on your cows, forcing
you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then
take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbour. You feel
righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.

SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbour.
You form a co-operative to tell him how to manage his cow.

REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none. So?

COMMUNIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You
wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:

You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell
both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a
gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the
other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on
the 2nd one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts
stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to
lunch. Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on
unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow
school.

GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of
beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around,
you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have
some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count
them again and learn you have 12 cows.You stop counting cows and open
another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th, 5-year plan in the last 3
months. The Mafia shows up and takes over how ever many cows you really
have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION:
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which is two. You don't milk them
because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.You kill them and
claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

POLISH CORPORATION:
You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to
milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION:
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking
one. Some of the people who like the brown one best vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't
figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state
tell you which is the best looking one.

NEW YORK CORPORATION:
You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the
leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas

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One-Liners

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1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some people don't have film.
2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
4. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
5. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
6. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?
7. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
8. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.
9. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
10. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
11. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
12. He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged.
13. She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the Juneflower.
14. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
15. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
16. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
17. Pardon my driving. I'm reloading.
18. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
19. Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
20. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial costs and blamed it on the high cost of living.
21. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
22. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
23. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.
24. You can't have everything, where would you put it?
25. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
26. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.
27. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.
28. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish  and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
29. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
30. Shin: A device for finding furniture.
31. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
32. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
33. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
34. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.
35. I wished the buck stopped here; I could use a few.
36. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
37. When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
38. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak