Trivia 7 Edition
COMMENTS FROM A 21st CENTURY TEACHER APPLICANTLet me see if I've got this right. You want me to go into that room
with all those kids and fill their every waking moment with a love for
learning. Not only that, I'm supposed to instill a sense of pride in
their ethnicity, behaviorally modify disruptive behavior, observe
them for signs of abuse and T-shirt messages.I am to fight the war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases,
check their backpacks for knives, guns or other potential weapons
and raise their self-esteem.I'm to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship and
fair play, the value and benefits of a multi-cultural society, critical
thinking skills, how to balance a checkbook and how to apply for a job.I am to check their heads occasionally for lice, maintain a safe
environment, recognize signs of potential antisocial behavior, offer
advice, write letters of recommendation for student employment and
scholarships, encourage respect for the cultural diversity of others,
and, oh yeah, always make sure that I give the girls in my class
50 percent of my attention.I'm expected to be working on improving my teaching by taking courses
and attending professional development sessions on my own time during
evenings, weekends and the at my own expense. After school, I am to
attend committee and faculty meetings as well as mark students' work,
read their journal entries, and prepare the materials needed for the
next day's classes.I am to be a paragon of virtue larger than life, such that my very
presence will awe my students into being obedient and respectful of
authority. I am to pledge allegiance to supporting family values, a
return to the basics, and to my current administration. I am to
incorporate technology into the learning, and monitor all Web sites
while providing a personal relationship with each student. I am to
decide who might be potentially dangerous and/or liable to commit
crimes in school or who is possibly being abused, and I can be sent
to jail for not mentioning these suspicions.I am to make sure all students pass any provincially and federally
mandated tests and achieve the learning outcomes specified in the
curriculum documents for all subject areas, whether or not they
attend school on a regular basis or complete any of the work assigned.
Plus, I am expected to provide sufficiently differentiated instruction
so that all learners are successful, regardless of their mental or
physical handicap or learning style. I am to communicate frequently
with each student's parent by letter, phone, newsletter and grade card.I'm to do all of this with just a piece of chalk, an obsolete computer
with no software, a few books, a bulletin board, no planning time and
a big smile, all on a starting salary that ensures that my family gets
much of its food from the local food bank.Is that all? And you want me to do all of this and expect me
NOT TO PRAY?
The World's Funniest Joke -- Official
Thu Oct 3,10:34 AM ET
By Corey UllmanLONDON (Reuters) - After a year of painstaking scientific research, the world's funniest joke was revealed on Thursday.
In a project described as the largest-ever scientific study into humor, the British Association for the Advancement of Science ( news - web sites) asked Internet users around the world to submit their favorite jokes and rate the funniness of
other people's offerings.More than 40,000 jokes from 70 countries and two million critiques later, this is
it:
"Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn'tResearchers found significant differences between nations in the types of jokes
seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his
phone and calls emergency services.He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"
they found funny.People from the UK, the Republic of Ireland, Australia and New Zealand
preferred gags involving word play, such as:
PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."
Americans and Canadians favored jokes where people were made to look stupid.TEXAN: "Where are you from?"Meanwhile, many Europeans liked gags that were surreal or made light of serious subjects such as illness, death and marriage:HARVARD GRAD: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences
with prepositions."TEXAN: "OK -- where are you from, jackass?"
A patient says, "Doctor, last night I made a Freudian slip, I was having dinnerMarriage-mocking also featured in the top American joke:
with my mother-in-law and wanted to say: 'Could you please pass the butter?'"But instead I said: 'You silly cow, you have completely ruined my life.'"
"A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.Death earned big laughs in Scotland:"He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: 'Wow that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.'
"The man then replies: 'Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.'"
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."And animals figured prominently. Take the number one joke in England:"Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, 'I slept with your mother!'The survey revealed other fun facts:"The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
"The first again yells, 'I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!'
"The other says: 'Go home dad, you're drunk.'"
-- Of the countries rating the highest number of jokes, Germans, perhapsResearchers said no one ever found it funny.
surprisingly, laughed the most. Canadians laughed least.-- If you want to tell a funny animal joke, make it a duck.
-- The most frequently submitted joke, at 300 times, was: "What's brown and sticky? A stick."
The findings can be read at www.laughlab.co.uk
