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THINGS TO LIVE BY
1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
5. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
6. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to.
7. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.
8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
10. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred dollars and a substantial
tax cut saves you thirty cents?11. In the '60s people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
13. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.
14. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? (And I can't get anything happening in my hibachi with gasoline and a flame thrower)
15. You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: you're two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.Amar
THREE PROOFS
There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone "brother"
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Fathers business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.But the most compelling ! evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when he was dead, He had to get up because there was more work to do.
TRIVIA QUIZ
1) Basketball star Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and singer Frank Sinatra had what in common?
2) In what century does the 1979 film "Star Trek. The Motion Picture" take place?
3) What was Groucho Marx's real first name?
4) Who was the First black athlete to carry the American flag in the opening procession of the Olympics?
5) How many players are there on a men's lacrosse team?
6) What expensive fur do we get from an aquatic cat-sized rodent with orange teeth called the coypu?
7) What element is named after a state?
8) What part of the human body has the thinnest skin?
9) What temperature do honey bees maintain in their hives year-round?
10) What are the only two mammals that lay eggs rather than give birth to live offspring?
VOCAL PUZZLES
Solve the puzzles by saying them out loud, over and over, faster and faster, repeating the phrase, until you "hear" the answer.
Example: LAWN SAND JEALOUS (place) Answer: Los Angeles1. SHOCK CUSSED TOE (person)
2. SAND TACKLE LAWS (fictional character)
3. MY GULCH HOARD UN (person)
4. MOW BEAD HICK (book)
5. TALL MISCHIEF HER SUN (person)
6. CHICK HE TUB AN AN US (product)
7. THOUGH TIGHT AN HICK (thing)
8. AISLE OH VIEW (phrase)
9. TUB RAID HEAP HUNCH (TV show)
10. CARESS TROUGHER CLUMP US (person)
11. DOCKED HEARSE WHOSE (person)
12. THUMB ILL KEY WAKE OWL LICKS HE (place)
13. AGE ANT HUB BLOWS HEAVEN (fictional character)
14. THESE HOUND DOVE MOO SICK (movie)
15. BUCK SPUN HE (fictional character)
(answers below)
FAMOUS LAST QUOTES
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us."
~ Western Union internal memo, 1876."Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
~ Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre."We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
~ Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962."Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You're crazy."
~ Drillers whom Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist in his project to drill for oil in 1859."The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
~ David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s"No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris."
~ Orville Wright.
Automobile Acronyms
AUDI
Accelerates Under Demonic Influence
Always Unsafe Designs ImplementedBMW
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Works
Bought My Wife
Brutal Money WasterBUICK
Big Ugly Indestructable Car KillerCHEVROLET
Can Hear Every Valve Rap On Long Extended Trips
Cheap, Hardly Efficient, Virtually Runs On Luck Every TimeDODGE
Damn Old Dirty Gas Eater
Drips Oil, Drops Grease EverywhereFIAT
Failure in Italian Automotive Technology
Fix It All the Time
Fix it again, Tony!FORD
backwards --> Driver Returns On Foot
First On Recall Day
First On Rust and Deterioration
First On Recall Day
First On Rust and Deterioration
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found On Road, Dead
Fault Of R&D
Fast Only Rolling Downhill
Features O.J. and Ron's DNAGM
General MaintenanceGMC
Garage Man's Companion
Got A Mechanic Coming?HONDA
Had One Never Did Again
Happy Owners Never Drive Anything else. (I added that one.)HYUNDAI
Hope You Understand Nothing's Driveable And Inexpensive...MAZDA
Most Always Zipping Dangerously AlongOLDSMOBILE
Old Ladies Driving Slowly Make Others Behind Infuriatingly Late Every day.
Overpriced, Leisurely Driven Sedan Made Of Buick's Irregular Leftover EquipmentSAAB
Send Another Automobile Back
Swedish Automobiles Always Breakdown.TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This AutoVOLVO
Very Odd Looking Vehicular ObjectVW
Virtually Worthless
TRIVIA QUIZ ANSWERS
1) Basketball star Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and singer Frank Sinatra had what in common?
- They both weighed 13 pounds when born. Yikes!!!2) In what century does the 1979 film "Star Trek. The Motion Picture" take place?
- the twenty-third century3) What was Groucho Marx's real first name?
- Julius4) Who was the First black athlete to carry the American flag in the opening procession of the Olympics?
- Decathlon champion Rafer Johnson, in Rome in 19605) How many players are there on a men's lacrosse team?
- 10. 3 defensemen, 3 midfield players, 3 attackmen, and a goalkeeper.6) What expensive fur do we get from an aquatic cat-sized rodent with orange teeth called the coypu?
- Nutria7) What element is named after a state?
- Californium, first produced in 1950 by scientists at the University of California at Berkeley.8) What part of the human body has the thinnest skin?
- The eyelid - it is less than 1/500 inch thick9) What temperature do honey bees maintain in their hives year-round?
- An even 94 Degrees F10) What are the only two mammals that lay eggs rather than give birth to live offspring?
- The duck-billed platypus and the spiny anteater.
VOCAL PUZZLE ANSWERS
1. Jacques Cousteau
2. Santa Claus
3. Michael Jordan
4. Moby Dick
5. Thomas Jefferson
6. Chiquita Banana
7. The Titanic
8. I love you
9. The Brady Bunch
10. Christopher Columbus
11. Doctor Seuss
12. The Milky Way Galaxy
13. Agent 007
14. The Sound of Music
15. Bugs Bunny
Teachers Mainely Happy With Tech
By Katie Dean ~ Nov. 14, 2002
Wired NewsWhen Maine Gov. Angus King unveiled his plan to put a computer in the hands of every seventh-grader in the state, some thought the idea was as loony as trying to catch a laptop in a lobster trap. Teachers in particular were concerned. After all, they would be expected to use the machines with their students -- many of whom knew more about computers than they did.
A recent trip to three Maine schools offered a glimpse of how attitudes about the program are shifting: Many teachers are now more enthusiastic than dubious.
"I wasn't computer literate before this. I was definitely skeptical at first," said Steve West, who teaches eighth-grade science and social studies at Conners Emerson School in Bar Harbor and described himself as a bit of a Luddite. "Now, I couldn't be more excited about it. It's so user-friendly. It's so intuitive."
Both seventh- and eighth-grade students and teachers have had laptops since last spring at Conners Emerson. The school was chosen as a demonstration school for others in the region.
West said he was worried the iBooks would be more entertaining than educational for his students, like television. But the laptops have proven their worth, he said: They allow for more student-centered projects and give kids access to a variety of current documents and news sources. His classes recently worked on a lesson comparing the 1798 Alien and Sedition Acts to the USA Patriot Act. "I think we have to train kids to use technology wisely," he said. "I really hope this program succeeds. This is getting kids ready for the future."
Even those who felt comfortable using computers initially wondered if the state could afford it.
"I was ambivalent," said Mark Chappe, a seventh-grade reading, writing and astronomy teacher at Conners Emerson. "I didn't know how it would work out. I've lived in this state for a long time, and it's a state that struggles economically in a lot of ways.
"Once we started using it, I was blown away," he said. "I have kids who have terrible handwriting issues. This has really freed kids up who have trouble with a pencil and paper."
All summer long, Jody Grant, a seventh-grade social studies teacher at Mount View Junior High in Thorndike, said he worried about the possibility of technical glitches slowing down class. But for the most part, the transition has been smooth. "I've been really pleased," Grant said. "For social studies, they've been fantastic. I can't wait to use them for eighth-grade U.S. history."
Some teachers have complained that the amount of time devoted to preparing them to integrate the technology into their curricula has been inadequate. The state only provided two days of training for teachers during the summer. But for those seeking assistance with technology, organizations like SEED (Spreading Educator to Educator Developments) provide professional development. Also, more tech-savvy teachers chosen as regional integration mentors, or RIMs, are available to help their colleagues integrate technology into classes. There's a certain pride and camaraderie evident in the work that the regional mentors do. They jokingly refer to their group as "The Fellowship of the RIMs."
And teachers who have had less experience on computers seem happy to learn from their students. "The kids filled me in," said Ben Macko, an eighth-grade social studies, reading and math teacher at Conners
Emerson. "It took me a while to play catch-up."Max Crain, the technology teacher at Tremont Consolidated School in Bass Harbor, said, "I see more and more teachers doing more things along with their students. They start to learn from their students. "I think it's really important that the teachers realize that they don't have to know how to do everything in advance," he added.
Still, one teacher felt that spending money on the technology was irresponsible. "In a pure world where education was well funded, laptops would be wonderful," said Charlie Colson, an eighth-grade math teacher at Mount View Junior High. "I would suggest that it is an ethically and morally bankrupt position to spend $37 million on laptops when (in some areas) children don't get breakfast or don't have a safe place to go to school," he said. "It's not the best use of the money for the common good," Colson added.
Colson and his students do not have laptops yet. Eighth-grade students and teachers are scheduled to get them next year.
King spokesman Tony Sprague pointed out that the money for the program came from a one-time surplus. "There are always needs in the education area," Sprague said. "When the decision was made to go forward with the laptop program, we looked at how we could have a really large impact on the education of our students in Maine for what is, in reality, a very small portion of the total amount of money spent on education.
"The impact that it's having has far outweighed the cost of the program."
No trees were killed in the publishing of this Webzine. However a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced. This Webzine was created using only 100% recycled electrons.
The highway of life is full of flat squirrels that couldn't make up their minds.
People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use.
