Solution to Canada's Military Budget Problems
Scams, Hoaxes,
Urban Legends and Other False Information
http://about-the-web.com/shtml/scams.shtml
TIME CHECK
Scams, Hoaxes,
Urban Legends and Other False Information
http://about-the-web.com/shtml/scams.shtml
TIME CHECK
LETTER FROM AN '80s CHILD
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up - what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year 'round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death!And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But.... Now that I've reached my thirties, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.
You've got it so darn easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a darned Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't even know how good you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The internet--we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves!
And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter with a pen!--and then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
And there were no MP3s or Napsters! Those who wanted to steal music, had to go to the record store and shoplift it themselves! Try sticking a foot-square LP album under your jacket, buddy! Or we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and screw it all up!
You want to hear about hardship? We didn't have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was it could be your boss, your mom, a collections agent, your drug dealer, you didn't know!!! You just
had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like Space Invaders" and "Asteroids" and the graphics sucked! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And
there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! A tall guy sat in front of you, you were screwed!
And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning... D'ya hear what the hell I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK, you spoiled little devils!
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy! You're spoiled, I swear to God! You guys wouldn't last five minutes back in the '80s!
GREAT THINKERS OF OUR TIME1. Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
---Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest2. "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
---Mariah Carey3. "Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but I can't remember what they are."
--Matt Lauer on NBC's Today Show, August 224. "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
---David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.5. "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."
---Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti- smoking campaign.6. "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
---Winston Bennett, Univ. of KY basketball forward7. "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
-Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC8. "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
---Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks9."I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."
---Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.10. "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
---Former French President Charlie De Gaulle11."That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."
---A Democratic Congressional Candidate in Texas12. "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air
and water that are doing it."
---Former U S. Vice-President Dan Quayle13. "Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind."
--General William WestmorelandAnd last but not least-a parting word from Dan Quayle:
14. "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."Makes you feel pretty smart doesn't it?
TRIBAL WISDOM
The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that, "When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."However, in modern business, education and government, a whole range of far more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:
1. Buying a stronger whip.
2. Changing riders.
3. Threatening the horse with termination.
4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.
5. Arranging to visit other countries to see how others ride dead horses.
6. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.
7. Reclassifying the dead horse as "living impaired".
8. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
9. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase the speed.
10. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase the dead horse's performance.
11. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.
12. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
13. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
14. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.~Das
E-MAIL HOAX ALERT
http://about-the-web.com/shtml/scams.shtml
McAfee AVERT Labs would like to inform you of an email HOAX.This email message is just a HOAX. Although, the JDBGMGR.EXE file may become infected by a number of valid viruses (most commonly W32/Magistr@MM), the details of this HOAX message are not based on actual events.
We are advising users who receive the email to delete the message and DO NOT pass it on as this is how an email HOAX propagates.
JDBGMGR.EXE is the Microsoft Debugger Registrar for Java. In the event that this file has already been deleted, see the Removal Instructions on how to restore this file.
It uses this icon:
Below is the actual text from the message that may be received via email. There are numerous variations on these messages.
THE HOAX MESSAGE:I found the little bear in my machine because of that I am sending this message in order for you to find it in your machine. The procedure is very simple: The objective of this e-mail is to warn all Hotmail users about a new virus that is spreading by MSN Messenger. The name of this virus is jdbgmgr.exe and it is sent automatically by the Messenger and by the address book too. The virus is not detected by McAfee or Norton and it stays quiet for 14 days before damaging the system. The virus can be cleaned before it deletes the files from your system. In order to eliminate it, it is just necessary to do the following steps:
1. Go to Start, click "Search"
2.- In the "Files or Folders option" write the name jdbgmgr.exe
3.- Be sure that you are searching in the drive "C"
4.- Click "find now"
5.- If the virus is there (it has a little bear-like icon with the name of jdbgmgr.exe DO NOT OPEN IT FOR ANY REASON
6.- Right click and delete it (it will go to the Recycle bin)
7.- Go to the recycle bin and delete it or empty the recycle bin. IF YOU FIND THE VIRUS IN ALL OF YOUR SYSTEMS SEND THIS MESSAGE TO ALL OF YOUR CONTACTS LOCATED IN YOUR ADDRESS BOOK BEFORE IT CAN CAUSE ANY DAMAGE.
REMOVAL INSTRUCTIONS:
In the event that JDBGMGR.EXE was deleted erroneously, the following method may
be used to restore the file from backup:
-- Windows 95 Instructions --1) Click START - RUN
2) Type: EXTRACT /A C:\WINDOWS\OPTIONS\CABS\WIN95_09.CAB JDBGMGR.EXE /L C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM and hit ENTER
NOTE: The location of the CAB files may vary. If this does not work for you, try using your Windows CD-ROM path (ie. D:\Win95).
-- Windows 98 Instructions --Information on using the System File Checker to restore files
1) Click START - RUN, type SFC and hit ENTER
2) In the "Specify the system file you would like to restore" field, type
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\JDBGMGR.EXE and hit ENTER
3) In the RESTORE FROM field, type in the path to your WINDOWS CAB files
(ie. C:\WINDOWS\OPTIONS\CABS)
(ie. D:\WIN98 where D is the drive letter assigned to your CD-ROM)
4) Click OK and continue with the restore function
-- Windows ME Instructions --Information on using the System File Checker to restore files
1) Click START - RUN, type MSCONFIG and hit ENTER
2) Click the Extract Files button
3) In the "Specify the system file you would like to restore" field, type
C:\WINDOWS\SYSTEM\JDBGMGR.EXE and hit ENTER
4) In the RESTORE FROM field, type in the path to your WINDOWS CAB files
(ie. C:\WINDOWS\OPTIONS\INSTALL)
5) Click OK and continue with the restore function
-- Windows 2000 Instructions --1) Click START - RUN, type expand d:\i386\jdbgmgr.ex_ %windir%\system32 and hit ENTER
Note: this assumes that D: is your CD-ROM drive, and that you have the
Windows2000 CD-ROM in the drive. If this is not the case, d:\i386 should be
replaced with the path to your i386 directory.
-- Windows XP Instructions --Information on using the System File Checker to restore files
1) Click START - RUN, type MSCONFIG and hit ENTER
2) Click the Expand File... button
3) In the "File to restore" field, type %WinDir%\SYSTEM32\JDBGMGR.EXE and hit ENTER
4) In the RESTORE FROM field, type in the path to your WINDOWS CAB files. This may vary from machine to machine. It may be on a local drive, network drive, or CD-ROM
(ie. C:\WINDOWS\OPTIONS\INSTALL)
5) In the Save File in field, type in %WinDir%\SYSTEM32.
6) Click OK and continue with the restore function
ENVIRONMENTAL HAZARDS
This is apparently a real letter sent to landowner Ryan DeVries from the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. Wait till you read the response -- but read the original letter first.ORIGINAL LETTER
Mr. Ryan DeVries
2088 Dagget
Pierson, MI 49339SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
Dear Mr. DeVries:
It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond. A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.
A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2002.
Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that our staff may schedule a follow-up site inspection.
Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.
Sincerely, David L. Price
District Representative
Land and Water Management Division
RESPONSE
Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County
Dear Mr. Price
Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me to respond to.
First of all, Mr. Ryan De Vries is not the legal landowner and/or contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. I am the legal owner and a couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.
While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natural building materials "debris".
I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.
As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity. My first dam question to you is:
(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or
(2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request?If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued.
Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.
I have several concerns. My first concern is: aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation?
The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation - so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.
If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition, please contact the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them (they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter being unable to read English).
In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam right than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).
So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/2002? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.
In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears. Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!).
Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.
Alena Corness
Faculty Teaching Coordinator
Ext. 25477
George Carlin's views on aging
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions." How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!" You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five!
That's the key.
You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. "How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life . . . you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony . ... . YOU BECOME 21! YESSSS!!!
But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40.Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 .. . . and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.
And it doesn't end there. Into the 90s, you start going backwards;! "I was JUST 92."
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. "I'm 100 and a half!"
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
HOW TO STAY YOUNG
1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctor worry about them. That is why you pay him/her.2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.
3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. " An idle mind is the devil's workshop." And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
4. Enjoy the simple things.
5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. Be ALIVE while ! you are alive.
7. Surround yourself with what you love, whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.
8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.
10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER: Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.