Zine 36
Collated by William Hillman
Let's say it's 6:15 p.m. and you're driving home (alone of course), after an unusually hard day on the job. You're really tired, upset and frustrated. Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to radiate out into your arm and up into your jaw. You are only about five miles from the hospital nearest your home; unfortunately you don't know if you'll be able to make it that far. What can you do? You've been trained in CPR but the guy that taught the course neglected to tell you how to perform it on yourself. Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack, this article seemed to be in order.
How To Survive A Heart AttackWithout help, the person whose heart stops beating properly and who begins to feel faint, has only about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness. However, these victims can help themselves by coughing repeatedly and very vigorously. A deep breath should be taken before each cough. The cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest. And a cough must be repeated about every 2 seconds without let up until help arrives, or until the heart is felt to be beating normally again.
Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital. Tell as many other people as possible about this, it could save their lives! From Health Cares, Rochester General Hospital via Chapter 240s newsletter AND THE BEAT GOES ON ... (reprint from The Mended Hearts, Inc.publication, Heart Response)
We were the lucky ones
Congratulations!
- According to today's regulators and bureaucrats, those of us who were kids in the '30s, '40s, '50s, '60s, '70s or even the early '80s, probably shouldn't have survived.
- Our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paint.
- We had no childproof lids or locks on medicine bottles, doors, or cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets.
- Not to mention the risks we took hitchhiking. As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags. Riding in the back of a pickup truck on a warm day was always a special treat.
- We drank water from the garden hose and not from a bottle.
- Horrors! We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we were never overweight because we were always outside playing. We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle, and no one actually died from this.
- We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then rode down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
- We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. No cell phones. Unthinkable!
- We did not have Play stations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, personal computers, or Internet chat rooms. We had friends!
- We went outside and found them. We played dodge ball, and sometimes, the ball would really hurt.
- We fell out of trees, got cut and broke bones and teeth, and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. They were accidents. No one was to blame but us. Remember accidents?
- We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it. We made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out any eyes.
- We rode bikes or walked to a friend's home and knocked on the door, or rang the bell or just walked in and talked to them.
- Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Some students weren't as smart as others, so they failed a grade and were held back
- to repeat the same grade. Horrors! Tests were not adjusted for any reason.
- Our actions were our own. Consequences were expected. The idea of parents bailing us out if we got in trouble in school or broke a law was unheard of.
- They actually sided with the school or the law. Imagine that! This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, and inventors, ever. We had freedom, failure, success, and responsibility --- and we learned how to deal with it. And you're one of them!
Congratulations.
Why Men Are Just Happier People!
- Your last name stays put.
- The garage is all yours.
- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- You can be president.
- You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
- The world is your urinal.
- You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
- Same work, more pay.
- Wrinkles add character.
- Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
- People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
- The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
- One mood, ALL the time.
- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- You know stuff about tanks.
- A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
- You can open all your own jars.
- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
- If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
- Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
- Everything on your face stays its original color.
- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
- You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
- You almost never have strap problems in public.
- You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
- You don't have to shave below your neck.
- Your belly usually hides your big hips.
- One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
- You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
- You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
- You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes
The fastest time is 10 minutes, 15 seconds (a new world record) established
in 1999. (The person who made that record was participating in a contest
sponsored by the Empire State Building). He had to climb a total of 1,860
steps to make it from street level to the 102nd floor. The average person
climbing one stair every 2 seconds would take 1 hour and 2 minutes.
Scion of one of American country music's leading dynasties,
she was at the microphone from the age of 10
By Tony Russell
Saturday May 17, 2003
The GuardianWith her husband Johnny Cash and an extended line of children and stepchildren in the business, June Carter, who has died aged 73, belonged to American country music's first family. But she herself had been born into a rich musical inheritance. Her mother was Maybelle Carter, a seminal country music guitarist and a member, with AP and Sara Carter, of the original Carter Family, one of the most successful radio and recording groups of the first age of country music.
In the late 1930s, sponsored by Kolorbak hair dye, the Carter Family's broadcasts - originating from radio station XERA in Del Rio, Texas, but transmitted, to avoid federal regulations, from just over the border in Mexico - radiated across the US and Canada. Almost all the second-generation Carters joined the family group: first Sara's children Joe and Janette, then June and her sisters, Helen (obituary, June 18, 1998) and Anita. All were singing and playing on radio before they were in their teens; when June sang the Engine 143 into the XERA microphone for the first time, she was only 10.
After the Carter Family broke up in 1943, Maybelle and her daughters, working as Mother Maybelle and the Carter Sisters, found a new radio home on WRVA in Richmond, Virginia, where they became a leading act on the Old Dominion Barn Dance. After similar stints in Knoxville and Springfield, Missouri, now aided by a young guitarist named Chet Atkins (obituary, July 2 2001), they settled in 1950 on the leading barn-dance show, Nashville's Grand Ole Opry.
June played the autoharp in the group, but her forte was playing "Aunt Polly", singing comic numbers with an exaggerated hillbilly accent and a wide toothy grin, hitching up her gingham skirt to reveal button boots and executing a clatter ing buck-dance - "one of the silliest-looking vaudeville jigs," she said, "that a girl could ever do."
Life on the road for a teenage girl in a group was hard. "The old circuits sometimes called for five shows a day," she recalled. "While everyone [else] was dating, I was busy riding everywhere in our old Cadillac, setting up the PA system, and taking money at the door. My body ached. Then I stopped a show with a routine, and I was hooked. There would be no turning back now. I would not go to college, would not marry Freddie Fugate back home and raise children, cook three meals a day and be an average American housewife."
In 1961 the Carters went on the road with Johnny Cash. Helen and Anita took time out to raise families, but June stayed on, cowriting with Merle Kilgore one of Cash's biggest hits, Ring Of Fire, which, she claimed, symbolised her feeling of being engulfed by him. On an English tour in 1966, they drew a larger audience in Liverpool than the Beatles. Already a successful recording duet, scoring hits with It Ain't Me Babe, Jackson (which won a Grammy for Best Country Duet in 1967) and Guitar Pickin' Man, June and Johnny made their professional alliance personal when they married in 1968, after he proposed to her on stage in London, Ontario.
It was the second time for him, the third for her; she had been married in the mid-1950s to the country singer Carl Smith, and later to a contractor, Rip Nix. Her support enabled Cash to break a long drug habit and repair a faltering career. She also reinforced his Christian faith, and in later years they often appeared with the evangelist Billy Graham. By 1969 Cash's TV show, featuring the reassembled Carter sisters, was nationally networked and he had won an armful of awards.
He and June continued to record duets, such as If I Were A Carpenter (another Grammy winner, in 1970), If I Had A Hammer, The Loving Gift and Allegheny, while June had success on her own with A Good Man (1971) and the 1975 album Appalachian Pride, produced by Cash. Meanwhile the intertwined Carter/Cash dynasty continued to produce talented artists. Carlene Carter, June's daughter by Carl Smith, deserted her country roots to make brash rock records.
In the 1950s June studied acting in New York, at the suggestion of the director Elia Kazan, who spotted her while scouting for locations in Tennessee. She took occasional movie roles, including the part of Robert Duvall's mother in The Apostle (1997). She wrote an autobiography, Among My Klediments (1979) and a book of reminiscences, From The Heart (1987). In 1999 she recorded what was effectively a musical autobiography, the album Press On, and won another Grammy.
Earlier this month June had open-heart surgery, apparently successfully, but she went into cardiac arrest; and for several days was on life-support. This was terminated at the request of her family. She is survived by her husband, seven children and 13 grandchildren.
Valerie June Carter Cash, country music singer, born June 23 1929; died May 15 2003.
NEW WORDS
Each year the Washington Post asks its readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it either by adding, subtracting or changing only one letter and supply a new definition. Enjoy the 2002 winners.
- Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
- Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly
- Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
- Giraffiti: Vandalism painted very, very high.
- Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
- Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
- Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
- Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit)
- Karmaggeddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
- Glibido: All talk and no action.
- Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
And the winner: A PARABLE OF POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an ass.
One day a boy and an old man were walking through a village with their donkey. The boy rode on the donkey, and the old man walked. As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.Later, they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame, he makes
that little boy walk." They then decided they both would walk! Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey.Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey. The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral, of course, is that if you try to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one.
How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers Telemarketers suck big time. Here are some proven ways to rid your life of these clowns for good...1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "
3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
4. (This works great if you are male) Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you.
6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.
7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"
8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"
9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
10. If the Telemarketer is selling raffle tickets, tell him or her that you work for the same company, and that employees cannot participate.
11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "OH MY GOD!" and then hang up.
12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask if he/she will give you their home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" and proceed to hang up.
13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
14. Tell them it is dinnertime, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speakerphone while you continue to eat at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation. For added effect, clanging of cutlery and dishes is recommended.
15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.
16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon how's your momma?"
19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up... louder... louder!
20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.
BBC News ~ 2003/05/28
Video games 'good for you'
Keen video gamers now have one more excuse to keep on playing. US scientists have found that regular players of shoot-em-ups, such as Half-Life and Medal of Honour, have much better visual skills than most of the population. The researchers have shown that gamers were particularly good at spotting details in busy, confusing scenes and could cope with more distractions than average. The two scientists also found that with a little game playing the visual skills of anyone can be improved.
Sight skills
Researchers Shawn Green and Daphne Bavelier pitted keen players of computer games against people who never play in a series of psychological tests that measure basic visual skills. The tests demanded that subjects match shapes appearing in a series of circles with ones displayed at the side of the screen. Although video game playing may seem to be rather mindless, it is capable of radically altering visual attentional processing. Keen players were vastly better at this task, and completed it much faster, especially when the test was made more difficult by the circles being filled with distracting shapes. Gamers also showed their skill in another experiment that measured "attentional blink" which captures how easy it is to
catch someone's attention. The test asks subjects to identify a symbol flashed up very soon after the appearance of a first one. The second symbol appeared between two-tenths and half a second after the first symbol. Gamers managed to correctly identify the second symbol correctly far faster than non-players. "Video game playing enhances the capacity of visual attention and its spatial distribution," wrote the researchers in a paper published in the journal Nature this week.Training day
To ensure that it was experience with computer games that was refining visual and attentional skills, the researchers trained subjects on a variety of games and then tested them again. The subjects were trained on two different games. One group played the WWII shooter Medal of Honor and the second group got to play the classic puzzle game Tetris. After training for an hour per day for 10 days, the subjects were put through the tests again. The players who had been wrestling with Medal of Honor showed a significant improvement in visual and attentional skills. By contrast, the Tetris veterans showed almost no change in these skills. "By forcing players to simultaneously juggle a number of
varied tasks, action video game playing pushes the limits of three rather different aspects of visual attention," wrote the researchers. They added: "Although video game playing may seem to be
rather mindless, it is capable of radically altering visual attentional processing." The study was commissioned by the US Government's National Institute of Health.
What philosophers (okay, one is better described as a theologian) were the cartoon duo "Calvin and Hobbes" named after?
Calvin is named for theologian John Calvin, while Hobbes is named for philosopher Thomas Hobbes.
By: Michael R. Neece , President and CEO , Interview Mastery.com
Tips For A Great Job Interview
1. Hey! What are you looking for?:
Interviewing is just like playing darts. The interviewer's screening criteria is the target while each dimension of your talents represent a dart. At the start of the interview you must first find the target and then decide which 3 of your "experience darts" you are going to throw at the target. "What skills do you feel are required to be successful in this position?" is an effective question for you to ask at the start of the interview to discover what is most important to this interviewer and what they are most interested in learning about you. If you don't ask an "opening" question, you're trying to shoot darts in the dark because you don't know where the target is.2. Ask Questions:
It is your responsibility to make sure the interview is an interview and not an interrogation. You do this by asking questions throughout the interview. If you don't ask questions you force the interview to be an interrogation. If you remember only one item from this article, remember this. That is why it's mentioned twice in this article.3. Specific Examples:
Interviewers ask questions about your experience to predict your future performance. Provide specific examples of your work and life experience to impress the interviewer. Describe what you have done. Focus on the actions you took and the results achieved. Be as specific as possible. Interviewers are less interested in what "the team did" or what you were "responsible for". They want to know what YOU have done. Behavioral Event Interviewing is a strategy used by skilled interviewers where they are trained to ask you for specific example of your experience.4. How do you like me so far?:
At the conclusion of each interview ask each interviewer for their assessment of your background. Ask them what they feel your strengths are and what concerns they have about your ability. Interviewers form opinions about you based on a 45 minute meeting called an interview. The potential for misunderstanding and miscommunication is enormous. Ask a couple questions at the end to make sure they understand your experience and talents accurately. This can make all the difference on whether or not you get the offer.5. Visual Aids:
Bring visual aids whenever applicable to convey the quality of your work. You can even prepare a few powerpoint slides or one page document to communicate your perspectives. Visual aids could include, writing samples, pictures of projects you worked on during school, etc. Visual aids can include anything that you feel helps you convey what you have done and what you can do for a potential employer.
