Life Before the Computer
An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano!Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out!Compress was something you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for awhile!Log on was adding wood to a fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode!
Cut - you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu!I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead!
Microsoft is preparing new versions of its mouse that will be fitted with wheels that tilt as well as roll. The innovation means that users will be able to scroll vertically as well as horizontally without using on-screen navigation bars. Wired and wireless versions of the mice are due to officially announced by Microsoft in early September.Buttoned up
Since the vertical scroll wheel was introduced, it has become a very popular way of moving quickly through documents.Now 80% of the mice sold have a centrally-placed scroll wheel. Microsoft's new mice will have the wheel sitting in a tilting cradle that means it can be used to scroll from side-to-side and help people browse documents, spreadsheets or webpages that do not fit neatly on a screen.
Viewing large documents or spreadsheets usually involves recourse to the scroll bar that is usually found on the bottom edge of a window. The mice will also have a feature that lets people switch between open applications by pressing down on the scroll wheel instead of using the Keyboard.Microsoft's new mice are due to go on sale in the UK at the end of September.
Peripheral rival Logitech said that it had no plans to introduce a competing mouse that adds vertical scrolling. It also questioned Microsoft's decision to stop scroll wheels clicking as they are spun back and forth.
Logitech said research with consumers showed that they liked to get some feedback from a mouse when they were using its buttons.
Natural Wonders of the World
The most commonly cited natural wonders of the world are::Mount Everest (Nepal), Grand Canyon (US), Niagra Falls (US and Canada), Victoria Falls (Zambia, Zimbabwe), Yosemite Valley (US), Nile River (Egypt), Harbor of Rio de Janeiro (Brazil), Great Barrier Reef (Australia), Ayers Rock (Australia), Matterhorn (Switzerland), Rainbow Bridge National Monument (US), Paracutin Volcano (Mexico), Bay of Fundy (Canada), Mount Fugi (Japan), Mount Kilimanjaro (Tanzania), Krakatoa Island (Indonesia), Iguassu Falls (Brazil, Argentina), The Northern Lights.
"Don't Worry, Mom -- It's Just a Phase" -- Noreen Tahir of Rockville. "God Must Love Stupid People -- He Made So Many" -- Jooch Nam. "He Rules the Roost -- But I Rule the Rooster" -- Susan Haug of Alexandria. "You Can Only Be Young Once, But You Can Be Immature Forever" -- Pat S. Donnelly of Annandale, N.J. "Admit Nothing, Deny Everything, Make Counter-Accusations" -- Nigel Lindsay-Kerr of Tukwila, Wash., who sounds as if he'd know how to do well in the Other Washington, too. "People Like You Are the Reason People Like Me Need Medication" -- Andrew Fuller. "My Inner Child Is an Honor Roll Student" -- Debbie FitzSimonds of Shady Side. (For a man only) "Don't Assume I Fix Things" -- Fil Feit. "And on the Eighth Day, God Created Golf Courses" -- John Pope. "I Was God's Gift to Women, But I Have Been Rewrapped and Placed on a Closet Shelf" -- Jerry Duncan of Annandale. "Retired -- Know It All and Got Plenty of Time to Tell You About It" -- an anonymous voice-mailer. "Fifty Is the Ultimate F-Word" -- Peter Tannenwald of Northwest Washington. "I've Gone to Find Myself. If I Get Back Before I've Found Me, Please Keep Me Here" -- Jonathan Howard. (Front) "Randolph-Macon Woman's College . . ." (Back) "Not a Girls' School with No Men, but a Woman's College with No Boys" -- A Reston reader. "Can I Buy You a Drink or Do You Just Want Money?" -- Jacqueline Shubert of Southeast Washington. "I Have a Short Attention . . ." -- Eileen Dunnington. "Remember When Sex Was Safe and Skydiving Was Dangerous?" -- Andrew Visser. "Before You Can Be Old and Wise, You Must First Be Young and Stupid" -- Walter Grant of Gilbert, Ariz. "Retirement -- Twice as Much Husband for Half as Much Money" -- Carol Prier. "I Took the Road Less Traveled, and Now Where the Heck Am I?" -- Wendy Arend. "Two Rights Do Not Make a Wrong. They Make an Airplane" -- an e-mailer who asks to remain anonymous. "Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up" -- same e-mailer. "Heck Is Where People Go Who Don't Believe in Gosh" -- same e-mailer yet again. "We Have Enough Youth -- How About a Fountain of Smart?" -- Gina DiPoppo. "At the Mention of My Name, Golf Balls Tremble" -- Tony Glassford of Fredericksburg. (Seen aboard a baby) "A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words -- With My Grandma, You Get Both" -- Elizabeth L. Ritter. "I Love Cooking With Wine. Sometimes I Even Put It in the Food" -- Jane Missel. "Protons Have Mass! And I Didn't Even Know They Were Catholic" -- Steve Duggan. "Never Go to Bed Mad. Stay Up and Fight" -- John Pope. "The Secret to Life: Breathe In. Breathe Out. Repeat" -- Jay McCarthy. "A Dog's Parents Never Visit" -- Richard Miller. "Retired -- I Was Tired Yesterday and I'm Tired Again Today" -- a male voice on my voice-mail. "You Spend the First Two Years of Their Lives Teaching Them to Walk and Talk -- and the Next 16 Telling Them to Sit Down and Shut Up" -- Martin Randolph. "I Killed a Six-Pack Just to See It Die" -- John McNamara of Hyattsville, who noticed this one while tramping along the boardwalk in Ocean City. "Will the Information Superhighway Have Rest Stops?" -- Gillian Mills of New York City. "Your Kisses Left Something to be Desired -- the Rest of You!" -- Bill Manigault, another Ocean City stroller who saw it on the boardwalk. "Don't Hate Yourself in the Morning -- Sleep Till Noon" -- an e-mailer named Contented Cat. "Madness Takes Its Toll -- Please Have Exact Change" -- Athena Knight of Northwest Washington. "Though I Look Old, Yet I Am Strong and Lusty" -- originally the brainstorm of an Englishman named William Shakespeare ("As You Like It," Act 2, Scene 3), seen aboard someone's chest at Camden Yards by Dave Smith. "Warning! I'm Two!" -- Shirley Franklin of Temple Hills, who saw it aboard her 2-year-old grandson for a good reason: She bought it for him. "The Top Ten Reasons to Procrastinate. 1. . . " -- Reuven and Rachel Goren. "My Back Goes Out More Than I Do" -- "A grandmother from Bethesda." "You Can Either Agree With Me or Be Wrong" -- Lex Martin of Northwest Washington. "If Jimmy Cracks Corn and Nobody Cares, Why Is There a Song About Him?" -- Arthur Reidell of Northwest Washington. "Now How Did Our Oil Get Under Their Country?" -- Paul G. Maiorana of Arlington. "Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time" -- Carol Church. "I Can't Be Overdrawn! I Still Have Some Checks" -- Hazel A. Garland of Edgewater. "OK, Who Put a 'Stop Payment' on My Reality Check?" -- Karen Reznek. "Take My Advice -- I'm Not Using It" -- Bernard Yaboff of Bethesda.
CLASSIC HOPE(S): ON TURNING 70
"You still chase women, but only downhill."ON TURNING 80
"That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing."ON TURNING 90
"You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."ON TURNING 100
"I don't feel old. In fact I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING
"I ruined my hands in the ring ..... the referee kept stepping on them."ON SAILORS
"They spend the first six days of each week sowing their wild oats, then they go to church on Sunday and pray for crop failure."ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR
"Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'."ON GOLF
"Golf is my profession. Show business is just to pay the green fees."ON PRESIDENTS
"I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six."ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER
"When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, 'Congratulations. You have an eight-pound ham'."ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL
"I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it."ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY
"Four of us slept in the one bed. When it got cold, mother threw on another brother."ON HIS SIX BROTHERS
"That's how I learned to dance. Waiting for the bathroom."ON HIS EARLY FAILURES
"I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the
audience threw at me."ON GOING TO HEAVEN
"I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality."
Now that Uday & Qusay have been eliminated, a lot of the lesser-known family members are coming to the attention of American authorities.
Among the brothers:Sooflay ..................the restauranteur
Guday................... the half-Australian brother
Huray.................... the sports fanatic
Kuntay &Kintay.....the twins from the African mother
Sayhay....................the baseball player
Ojay........................the stalker / murderer
Gulay......................the singer / entertainer
Ebay.......................the internet czar
Biliray......................the country music star
Ecksray...................the radiologist
Puray.......................the blender factory owner
Regay......................the half-Jamaican brother
Tupay......................the one with bad hair:Among the sisters:
Lattay........................the coffee shop owner
Bufay.........................the 300 pound sister
Dushay......................the clean sister
Phayray.....................the zoo worker in the gorilla house:
Sapheway..................the grocery store owner:
Ollay..........................the half-mexican sister:
Gudlay........................the prostitute:More will no doubt be discovered.
TRIVIA
What is Jell-O made of?Believe me, you don't want to know. The gelatin in Jell-O is made up of boiled bones, hides, and sinews from pigs and cattle - basically any left-over animal parts. To make the gelatin taste and look good, food coloring, sugar, and flavoring are added.
