Okee. These are quotes that I like. They are not necessarily related to Late Night or Conan. So don't be disappointed (like you weren't already...) Goodies: Conan's class day speech Deep Thoughts Conan's monologue from his first show back from the terrorist attacks I thought I'd be considerate and add the link to my second page of quotes up here. Last time I do that... A third page of quotes? *smacks forehead* I'm getting totally out of hand.... Random quotes from my UHON 101 class. Probably won't get 'em... "Do not try and bend the spoon. That is impossible. Instead only try to realize the truth. There is no spoon. Then you'll realize that its not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself." ~Spoon Boy, The Matrix~ "Life is like a box of chocolates; a pefunctory gift that no one really wants, and can never really return, because all you'll get in return is another box of chocolates." ~Cancer Man, The X-Files~ "You can't put a porcupine in a barn, set it on fire, and expect to make licorice" ~Dana Carvey, on 'Late Night' impersonating Ross Perot~ "...and he celebrates like a slave who made it to the North!"~Ray Romano, on SNL~ "Wait a minute. This sounds like rock, and or roll...."~Reverend Lovejoy, The Simpsons~ "We don't give out money, we depress and we alienate. That's what we do, and we do it well."~Conan O'Brien~ "Do me a favor. Don't come to me for tips on women anymore. If I choose to have a Roman orgy with farm animals in my free time, that is none of your damn business! That is none of anyone's business!"~Dr.Ross, ER~ "There's an information superhighway- build an onramp."~Louis C.K (I think),on 'Late Night'~ "This just in...go to hell!"~Kent Brockman, The Simpsons~ "Ewwww, Lambchop. How old is that sock?! If I had a sock on my hand for thirty years it'd be talking too."~Matthew Perry, FRIENDS~ "Worship the potato? The idea seemed silly to me. But then I thought, what else is more deserving of worship? It's simple, it comes from the earth, and it can kill you if you disobey it."~Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey (SNL)~ "Jay says, 'Stay tuned for Conan' and then Conan comes crashing through you TV set like a freight train bringing the funny."~Conan O'Brien~ "....Hotter than a dancing bobcat with its ass on fire!"~Dave Letterman, 'Late Show with David Letterman'~ "We all have our cynical days, some of us just live there."~Carmen Tatum-Veller~ Egon: "There's something very important I forgot to tell you." Venkman: "What?" Egon: "Don't cross the streams." Venkman: "Why?" Egon: "It would be bad." Venkman: "I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean 'bad'?" Egon: "Try to imagine all life as you know it stopping instantaneously, and every molecule in your body exploding at the speed of light." Ray: "Total protonic reversal." Venkman: "That's bad. OK. All right, important safety tip. Thanks, Egon." ~The Ghostbusters~ "When life gives you lemons, uh, make some fruity juice."~Conan O'Brien~ "Guess what? I just ate a half pound of nature's tastiest laxative!"~Drew Carey, The Drew Carey Show~ "Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching." "Yes Homer. I'm an angel. All us angels wear Farrah slacks."~Moe, The Simpsons~ "When I got this show it was a very difficult time for me, it was a really big challenge. I would not be here today if this guy hadn't made it so fun for me, and I love you. We all love you very much and we wish you the best."~Conan to Andy Richter at the end of his last show~ "I went flying like Mussolini from the balcony..."~George Costanza, Seinfeld~ "How would you diagram that sentence? How would you diagram that sentence?! Take a pencil out, sharpen it, and SHOVE IT IN YOUR EYE!"~Louis Black, on 'Late Night'~ "That's great Drew. You finally got the stick out of your butt and you're playin' pool with it."~Ian Gomez (Larry), The Drew Carey Show~ "Everyone will hate you. When you wear your underwear on the outside, people will say,`So you graduated from Harvard.' When you ask the hardware man how jumper cables work, he will say, `So you graduated from Harvard.' When I got my head caught in my niece's dollhouse, my mother said, `So you graduated from Harvard.'" ~Conan O'Brien, Harvard University commencements~ "Holy Smokes! You need booze!" ~Dr. Nick Riviera, The Simpsons~ Egon: "Let's say this twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. According to this morning's sample, it would be a twinkie 35 feet long, weighing approximately 600 pounds." Winston: "That's a big twinkie." Ray: "We could be on the verge of a fourfold cross rip. A PKE surge of incredible, even dangerous proportions." Venkman: "We just had a visit feom the Enviromental Protection Agency. How's the grid holdin' up?" Egon: "Not good." Winston: "Tell 'em about the twinkie." Venkman: "What about this twinkie?....." ~The Ghostbusters~ "If you can laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk." ~Conan O'Brien~ "It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark, and we're wearing sunglasses." "Hit it." ~The Blues Brothers~ "I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal-food trough water! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hampster and your father smelt of elderberries." ~French Soldier (John Cleese), Monty Python and the Holy Grail~ "If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I couldn't be more surprised." ~Clark W. Griswold Jr. (Chevy Chase), National Lampoons Christmas Vacation~ "I don't have to tell you things are bad, everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their jobs. A dollar is worth a nickel. Banks are going bust. Shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter. Punks are running wild in the streets and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do about it. And there's no end to it. We know that the air is unfit to breathe and our food is unfit to eat. We sit watching the TV while some local newscaster tells us that today we had 15 homicides and 63 violent crimes. As if that's the way things are supposed to be. We know things are bad, worse than bad. They're crazy. It's like everything, everywhere is going crazy so we don't go out any more. We sit in the house and slowly the world we live in is getting smaller and all we have to say is 'Please, at least leave us alone in our living rooms. Let me have my toaster and my TV and my steel-belted radials and I won't say anything. Just leave us alone.' Well, I'm not going to leave you alone. I want you to get mad. I don't want you to protest. I don't want you to riot. I don't want you to write your congressman because I wouldn't know what to tell you to write. I don't know what to do about the depression and the inflation and the Russians and the crime in the streets. All I know is that first you've got to get mad. You've got to say, 'I'm a human being, GOD DAMN IT! My life has value'...So I want you to get up now. I want all of you to get up out of your chairs. I want you to get up right now and go to the window and open it and stick your head out and yell, 'I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take this any more.'" ~Howard Beale (Peter Finch), Network~ John Hammond: "All major theme parks have delays. When they opened Disneyland in 1956, nothing worked." Malcom: "Yeah, but John, if the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists." ~Jurassic Park~ "All I ever wanted was a Barbie Dream House...a place that I could call my own, for me to share my joys and dreams with Barbie. That's when I heard it -- those four words that would haunt me for the rest of my days: IT'S NOT FOR BOYS." ~Conan O'Brien~ "Lisa, if you don't like your job, you don't go on strike. You just go in everyday and do it really half-assed." ~Homer Simpson~ "I gotta have more cowbell, baby. ...I got a fever, and the only prescription is a cowbell." ~Christopher Walken, SNL~ Homer: "Every time I learn something new, a little of the old gets pushed outta my brain, remember that time I took that wine making course and forgot how to drive?" Marge: "You were drunk!!!" Homer: "And how." ~The Simpsons~ "Hey, just because you don't know all my freinds, doesn't mean they aren't real..." ~Keith Rawlston~ "Stuttering....it's pretty funny." ~Max Weinberg, PSA~ "When I see a storm front coming, I'm all, 'What's up bitch?', and it's all, 'Not much Sir...'. And then I tell it to get back in the kitchen and make me a sammich. That's what you want in a weather man." ~John John Mackey (Tim Meadows), SNL~ " 'So,' Bobby said, 'you shot the sheriff.' 'He was the chief of police.' 'You shot the sheriff,' Bobby insisted. A lot of years ago, he had been a radical Eric Clapton junkie, so I knew why he liked it better this way. 'All right. I shot the sheriff-but I did not shoot the deputy.' 'I can't let you out of my sight.' " ~Chris Snow and Bobby Halloway, Fear Nothing~ "Stepping away from the door, I uclipped the glasses case from my shirt pocket. The velcro closure peeled open with a sound that made me think of a snake breaking wind, though I don't know why, as I'd never in my life heard a snake breaking wind. My aforementioned flamboyant imagination had taken a scatological turn." ~Chris Snow, Fear Nothing~ "I've got a solar system in my pants!" ~Rachel (whoreass) Huckabee~ "If they get offended they can percolate on out the door." ~Krystle Madison~ "I saw Miranda pivot. Who else saw that? She was trapped and she was looking for help. Then she turned and...Oh yeeeeeeaaaahhh...." ~Coach Matt King~ Mr. Phillips: "Is that enough room for a cow?" Andy (Pryor): "Yeah, I'd say so." Mr. Phillips: "Really?" Chris (Mabee): "No its not." Andy: "Yes it is. That's over 31,000 ft." Chris: "Have you ever raised a cow, Andy?" ~Mr. Phillips' Precal class~ "Prices so low, you'll think someone spiked the eggnog!" ~some radio ad I heard~ "I'm tired of hiding tampons in my socks,"..."it's tampontastic!" ~an ad I heard for Tampax tampons...~ "Good nutrition's given you some length of bone, but you're no more than one generation from poor white trash are you, Agent Starling? And that accent you've tried so desperately to shed- pure West Virginia. What's your father do? Is he a coal miner? Does he stink of the lamb? And, oh, how quickly the boys found you, all those tedious, sticky fumblings in the back seats of cars while you could only dream of getting out, getting anywhere, getting all the way to the F.B.I." ~Doctor Hannibal Lecter (Anthony Hopkins), "The Silence of the Lambs"~ "I've got a cherry blossom in my pants!" ~The One, The Only, Rachel Huckleberry~ "I'm going to take my key...and poke it in my eye. That's just how I feel, y'know?" ~Ms. Veller~ "Are you the police?" "No ma'am. We're musicians." ~The Blues Brothers~ Bartlet: "I enjoy your show. I like how you call homosexuality an abomination." Jacobs: "I don't say homosexuality is an abomination, Mr. President, the Bible does." Bartlet: "Yes, it does. Leviticus." Jacobs: "18:22" Bartlet: "Chapter, verse. And I wanted to ask you a couple of questions while I had you here. I'm interested in selling my youngest daughter into slavery as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. She's a Georgetown sophomore, speaks fluent Italian and always cleared the table when it was her turn. What would a good price for her be? While you're thinking about that, can I ask another? My chief of staff, Leo McGarry, insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 *clearly* says he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or is it okay to call the police? Here's one that's important cause we've got a lot of sports fans in this town. Touching the skin of a dead pig makes one unclean - Leviticus 11:7. If they promise to wear gloves can the Washington Redskins still play football? Can Notre Dame? Can West Point? Does the whole *town* really have to be together to stone my brother, John, for planting different crops side by side? Can I burn my mother in a small *family* gathering for wearing garments made of two different threads? Think about those questions, would you? One last thing: While you may be mistaking this for your monthly meeting of the ignorant tight-ass club, in this building, when the President stands, nobody sits." ~President Bartlet, The West Wing~ This list of quotes has gotten rather lengthy, so I'm gonna continue it on another page. I know that personally, having to scroll all the way down to the bottom is a pain in the ass... VENTURE TO THE SECOND PAGE OF IRRATIONAL QUOTES----> STUFF Back to the main page PICS BIO Info about the Max Weinberg 7 LINKS Show info
This list of quotes has gotten rather lengthy, so I'm gonna continue it on another page. I know that personally, having to scroll all the way down to the bottom is a pain in the ass... VENTURE TO THE SECOND PAGE OF IRRATIONAL QUOTES---->
STUFF
Back to the main page PICS BIO Info about the Max Weinberg 7 LINKS Show info
