"I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows."
"There's only one thing to do in a situation like this...*strut*"
"What's everyone's problem? I'm glad we're stranded. It'll be just like the Swiss Family Robinson, only with more cursing. We're gonna live like kings. Damn hell ass kings!"
All three were ~Bart Simpson~, but from different episodes of ~The Simpsons~
"Calm down, Neddilly-diddily-diddily-diddily.... They did their
best.... Shoddilly-iddily-iddily-diddly... Gotta be nice....
hostility-ility-bility-dility- Aw, hell, diddly-ding-dong-crap! Can't you morons do anything right?"
~Ned Flanders, The Simpsons~
"Human beings do not live forever, Reuven. We live less than the time it takes to blink an eye, if we measure our lives against eternity. So it may be asked what value is there to human life. There is so much pain in the world. What does it mean to have to suffer so much if our lives are nothing more than the blink of an eye?" He paused again, his eyes misty now, then went on. "I learned a long time ago, Reuven, that a blink of an eye in itself is nothing. But the eye that blinks, that is something. A span of life is nothing. But the man who lives that span, he is something. He can fill that tiny span with meaning, so its quality is immeasurable through its quantity may be significant. Do you understand what I am saying? A man must fill his life with meaning. That I do not understand yet. A life filled with meaning is worthy of rest. I want to be worthy of frst when I am no longer here."
~David Malter, The Chosen~
Claudine:"Quite spacious, though."
Conan:"Did you just say, 'It's quite spacious'?"
Claudine:"Yeah, for the money. Everything's relative."
Conan:"Oh, okay. I-I almost went completely apeshit. I could've flipped out. When you said, 'Quite spacious', I almost started killing people. It was weird."
Claudine:"Well y'know, compared to some places that are more money..."
Conan:"Right, yeah."
Claudine:"You kind of get what you pay for, for square footage."
Conan:"If you were just coming out of like a phone booth, and you wer wearing a Parka- this would be spacious."
~Conan O'Brien, (in a remote) helping Andy Blitz find an apartment~
"It's hard to pity a fool if you get too close."
~T, on 'T Secrets'~
Takar: "We will be continuing our research. If you make no further attempts to interfere, I assure you that the fatality rate will be minimal, though there may be some deformities. And I would be willing to share our final data with you."
Janeway: "You know where you can put your final data."
~Captain Kathryn Janeway (Kate Mulgrew), "Scientific Method" (STV)~
"I'm too poor to have a folder, so I just stuff things down the front of my pants."
~Rachel Huckabee (on why all of her papers look so rumpled)~
"You know what I said yesterday about controlling my anger? I was wrong. I can't control my anger and I wish I wasn't about to say what I'm about to say. But- you suck, and you can kiss my white, Irish ass!"
~Dennis Leary, The Job~
Mark: "I'm sorry I was a...what was I today?"
Doug: "A vicious, humorless, pain-in-the-ass."
~Mark Greene (Anthony Edwards) and Doug Ross (George Clooney), ER~
"A lot of top guys had dark moods. Winston Churchill- he drank a quart of brandy before breakfast. And- and Napoleon. He was a moody fuck too."
~Sylvio Dante (Little Steven Van Zandt), The Sopranos~
"I'm fucking King Midas in reverse here. Everthing I touch turns to shit."
~Tony Soprano (James Gandolfini), The Sopranos~
"Here's one of the firemen now. Sir, will you be able to save the house?"
"Hell no. That sucker's gonna burn to the ground."
~SNL~
Paulie: "The Skip seeing a psychiatrist, how's that sit with your ass?"
Sylvio: "I usually do sit with my ass. Why don't you sit with yours?"
Paulie: "Hey. Pat Cooper over here...."
~Paulie (Tony Sirico) and Sylvio, The Sopranos~
"So, get high and bring your trumpet everyone..."
~Jay Leno (I know, but I still like the quote)~
"Yeah, and God said to Abraham, 'You will kill your son Isaac.'
And Abraham said, 'I cant hear you, you'll have to speak into the microphone.'
And god said, 'Oh I'm sorry, is this better? Check, Check, Check, Jerry pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here.' "
~Stewie Griffen, 'The Family Guy'~
Thanks Matt and Seth...
"My glasses aren't straight, they're bent. They're pretentious bisexual glasses."
~Marie Landis~
"When I take action, I'm not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt. It's going to be decisive."
~George W. Bush~
"The other day I was walking along the Hollywood walk of fame and I stumbled across Tony Danza's star....And I urinated on it yelling, "And who's the boss now?!"
~Zach Galifianakis~
"I dropped a can of coke while I was playing my game on n64 and I was like- 'Oh, anyway.' So I opened it up while it was between my legs and then it was like a volcano of coke between my legs!"
~Rachel, whose quotes all seem to relate to her crotch..., Huckabee~
"Comedy comes out of pain- if it don't hurt, it ain't funny."
~Brent Spiner~
"If you never learn anything else in this class, you'll learn where hookers come from."
~Coach Hendrix, American History/English~
"If your evil genie actually does grant your wish and I disappear, the only person you'll have left to contend with around here will be yourself. And when you really get to know that person, oh, dear God, you'll scream so loud that Satan will want to rip up the contract you signed at birth just so he can get some sleep."
~Dr. Cox to Dr. Kelso, Scrubs~
"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."
~Jon Stewart~
"Because it is my name! Because I cannot have another in my life! Because I lie and sign my name to lies! Because I am not worth the dust on the feet of them that hang! How may I live without my name? I have given you my soul; leave me my name!"
~John Proctor, The Crucible~
Data: "Lal, I am unable to correct the system failure"
Lal: "I know"
Data:"We must say goodbye now"
Lal: "I feel--"
Data:"What do you feel, Lal?"
Lal: "I love you, Father"
Data: "I wish I could feel it with you"
Lal: "I will feel it for both of us...Thank you for my life..."
~Data (Brent Spiner) and his daughter Lal, ST:TNG~
Dusty was wearing white cotton pants, a white pullover, a white denim jacket, and a white cap with RHODES' PAINTING printed in blue script above the visor, which should have lent some credibility to his claim. He considered asking the leery guard if the neighborhood was besieged by professional burglars disguised as housepainters, plumbers, and chimney sweeps, but instead he simply said, "I'm Dustin Rhodes," and pointed to the lettering on his cap. "That man up there is part of my crew."
"Crew?" The security man scowled. "Is that what you call it?"
Maybe he was being sarcastic or maybe he was just not good at conversation.
"Most painting contractors call it a crew, yeah," Dusty said, staring up at Skeet, who waved. "We used to call ours a strike force, but that scared off some homeowners, sounded too aggressive, so now we just call it a crew, like everyone else."
~from Dean Koontz's False Memory~
"You lie!"
"I never lie when I've got sand in my shoes, Commodore."
~Lt. Cmmdr. Geordi LaForge (Levar Burton), ST:TNG~
Mother: "Stop it, John Thomas, or I'm going to tell Daddy that you were climbing on his boat."
John Thomas: "I'll tell Grandma you were playing with Daddy's penis!"
~ER~
"...So, that said, the first thing you're gonna need is a place to make your sandwich. My suggestion would be a plate. So reach into your cupboard and grab a plate. Any will do. No, that's a bowl. Plates are flat. Right, yes, that's flat, but it's a cutting board. Plates are going to be round. Yes the bowl is round, but it's not flat, is it? Just.. Christ, forget it. Grab that cutting board you had in your hands. Perfect. Put it down. On the counter, not the floor. Much better. Alright, you're ready to start. You need bread. Personally, I prefer either wheat or sourdough, but you might prefer white, rye, pumpernickel, a French roll...you're just staring at me. What do you mean you don't have any bread like that? Like what? What kind of bread do you have? Wonder. Fine, it's pre-sliced..."
~A quote I found on a profile. Don't know whose though...~
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