Carly's apartment
couple of days later
Carly looked up from the papers in front of her; she had been trying, and failing, to concentrate on the books from her and Courtney's business. Though they mostly split the work and decisions straight down the middle, the books were Carly's sole responsibility; Courtney and math didn't mix. Tallying up expenses and writing out bills had seemed like a good thing to bury herself in, instead of thinking of her ruin of a life, but she had been less than successful. The persistent knocking at the door was something of a welcome break. "Coming," Carly called, glancing at the baby monitor to make sure Ginia was still sleeping. She stood up, walking quickly to the door, pulling her hair back in a loose ponytail.
"Jase! Hey," Carly said, guarded pleasure in her voice. She and Jason did a pretty good job of mostly avoiding each other these days; for him to seek her out was pretty rare. "I'm glad you came by; I've been," she bit her lip, "needing you." She looked at him more closely. "What is it, Jase? Is something wrong?"
Jason shook his head. "No," he said, bluntly. "I just came by because I wanted to tell you good-bye." Jason looked at her, his face still, calm; Carly had a sudden flashback to that night a million years ago, when she'd been the one on the other side of the door, wet, alone, afraid, pregnant. He'd looked at her much the same way then, like he knew his place in the world, and was -- content with it. It was that look that had saved her life a million times over; it was that same attitude that had doomed anything they ever could have had, in the end.
"Good-bye?" Carly looked at him, ushering him inside with her hands on his shoulders, pushing him from behind. She dropped her hands to close the door and then perched on the back of the couch, facing him. "What're you talking about, Jase? Are you going out of town or something?"
Jason was silent a moment, watching Carly. "I'm moving, Carly," he said, finally, unsure what her reaction would be. There had been a time when he could have predicted it, down to the smallest nuance, but now -- things hadn't been the same between them for a long, long time. "To San Francisco. It's not just a trip; it's a pretty permanent thing. Carly," his voice softened, "I'm not plannin' on coming back."
"San Francisco?" Carly met Jason's gaze, stunned. She hadn't expected this blow. "Why? What the hell's in San Francisco?"
"Lark," he said, simply. Jason ran his fingers over his chin. "She got a scholarship to a med school there; it's a big deal for her. She's moving there, and I -- I'm goin' with her."
"Wow. I don't-- Damn, Jason, I don't know what to say. You're moving for Lark? What has she got that I never had, that Robin never--" Carly shook her head, stopping her rising voice. "For the first time in my life, I think I feel sorry for Robin Scorpio." Carly studied his face a long moment, then lifted her hand to his cheek slowly. "Are you happy, Jase?" she asked softly.
He nodded, without hesitation. "Yeah," Jason said quietly. "You know how before I could never see my future? What was coming? I can now," Jason tilted his head slightly. "It's Lark; she's my future. I know that," he added, no doubt or hesitation in his voice.
"But, I need you," Carly wailed, shoving him lightly with her open palm. "Jase, I really need you right now; you can't go!" She looked up at him, unshed tears bright in her eyes.
Inexplicably, Jason started to laugh, and Carly glared at him. "Carly," he reached out his hand and grasped her arm lightly, "when has trying to make me feel guilty ever gotten you what you wanted?" he asked, grinning gently at her.
Carly held the glare a moment longer, then laughed, reluctantly, leaning her head forward until it was resting against his chest. She lifted her arms to hug him. "She's not good enough for you," Carly muttered, into his shoulder, tears and laughter mingled in her voice.
Jason laughed again. "At least she's not Robin," he said, wryly, slipping his arms around her and hugging her back, guilelessly.
Carly let out a sharp bark of laughter at his words; whatever else Lark had done to him, she'd apparently taught Jason irony. Carly wasn't sure she was so thrilled about that one. "Very funny, Jase," she said dryly, lifting her head to look at him.
He placed his fingers under her chin, turning her face towards his. "What's wrong, Carly?" Jason asked, finally. Carly tore her head away from his fingers, her jaw setting, as she remained silent. "Sonny," he stated, no question in his voice.
"Damnit, Jason," Carly pulled out of his arms, wrapping her own tightly around herself. "Leave it alone! You're going; I'm not your problem to solve anymore. I never was." Jason looked at her, silently, unexpressionlessly, and Carly finally sighed, and shrugged, her words coming in a short, explosive burst. "He told me he loved me, and he needed me, and I walked out on him. Happy now?" she glared at Jason.
"Why?" was all he asked, folding his arms across his chest as he looked at her.
"Because he's a jerk, and he, he--" Carly broke off, closing her eyes. She pressed her palms against her cheeks. Why could she still, despite all that was between them, not lie to this man? She was silent a long moment, then she opened her eyes, looking at Jason. "I'm scared," she said in a small voice.
"You?" Jason slid his arm around her waist, pulling him to him in a comfortable, easy move. "Caroline Benson, scared? Carly, you're the bravest woman I know."
Carly reached up her hand to touch his cheek, smiling softly. "Thanks for that," she said, quietly. "But, I'm not, you know. Not when it comes to love. That terrifies me, Jase. Getting hurt again, getting left, coming in second-best," she shook her head once, her head bowed. "I can't do that again," she admitted.
Jason bent his head to cover hers, pressing his lips against her temple without thinking. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry what I made you feel, that I made you scared. Because I did that. I put you second, made you feel like your love wasn't worth enough all on it's own. I don't -- regret things, Carly, you know that. But, I regret that; I'll regret that "til I die," he , brushed her hair back from her cheek. "Because you are worth that, and more." Jason paused a long moment. "And, Sonny knows it, even if I never did, before. I've seen him, the way he watches you. He knows," he added, finally.
Carly looked into the eyes of the man who had once been her whole life, her whole heart. The man who would always have a little part of it to call his own, even if the rest of it was someone else's. She reached up, wrapping her arms around his neck and hugging him, hard, her face pressed against his shoulder. She held him a long time, his own arms holding her just as tightly, before lifting her face to look at him. "Oh, Jase," Carly breathed, wistfulness and nostalgia and goodbyes throbbing in her throat, "we had a time, didn't we, you and me?"
"Yeah," Jason's voice was thick with memories of his own. "We did, Carly. We did." He ran his hand over her hair, tenderly, dropping his lips to her forehead and holding them there a long moment. "I love you," he whispered.
"I love you too, you bastard," Carly slid her arms up to his shoulders, wrapping around his neck from behind and pulling his lips down to her. She kissed him, a long, chaste kiss, then broke away, tears running unchecked down her cheeks. "I'm really gonna miss you," she whispered. They held each other a moment longer, then Carly slid out of his arms, pushing him towards the door. "Go. Tell Lark she screws this up, I'm gonna fly down to California and kick her ass," Carly said, half-laughing through her tears.
Jason paused in the doorway, and reached down, tucking a stray strand of Carly's hair behind her ear. "You're a fighter; it's what you do best, Carly." He paused. "Okay, so it's what you do second-best." Jason grinned, and Carly aimed a mock-punch at his stomach. His grin faded as he looked at her. "So fight, Caroline. You love him. Fight for him." He touched her cheek lightly, one last time, one last look, then slipped quietly out of the door, shutting it almost soundlessly behind him.
Emily's apartment
"Lark!" Emily exclaimed, holding her friend's hand. She looked at Lark's face, at the joy and happiness that Lark couldn't quite hide behind a blasé expression. Emily reached out, hugging Lark tightly to her. "I can't believe it! Jason proposed? You're going to marry my brother? When, where, how? Tell me everything!" Emily demanded in one quick breath, sitting on the couch, and tugging Lark down beside her.
"When -- right before the Nurses' Ball. Where," Lark giggled, "outside Frank's house. And how -- sweetly, honestly, simply," a soft look, rare but becoming to Lark, crossed her face. "Jason gave me the ring, and told me Robin had taught him what it meant to wear a ring like that on your left hand. And," she smiled, "he asked me to wear it," she held up her left hand, "on this hand because he wanted that, he wanted to spend his life with me. It was very Jason and very -- perfect."
"Wow," Emily said softly, looking at her friend. A bright smile crossed her face, and she hugged Lark tightly again, squealing with delight. "When are you getting married? Can I be in the wedding? I am so happy for you, both of you," she said, her words tumbling over one another in excitement.
"Yes, of course you'll be in the wedding, Em," Lark looked at her friend. "There wouldn't be a wedding without you. But, it's probably gonna be a while off, not "til I finish school at least. And -- you might have to travel a ways," she glanced down then up again. "The scholarship to USF, I got it. I'm -- we're moving to San Francisco."
Emily looked back at Lark, stunned. "I am so happy for you," she said, then laughed as Lark gave her a look. "I know, I know, I don't sound happy; I'm still, like, absorbing. But," she tucked one leg underneath her, "I know how much you wanted this, and you so deserve it. You are going to be such a good doctor. And," she smiled, "an even better sister. Congratulations, you," she hugged Lark again.
"Thanks," Lark said softly, into Emily's hair. "You know, the hardest part about this is going to be missing you, Em. You're my best friend, the first real friend I've every really had. What am I gonna do without you and our late night Ben and Jerry feasts?"
"You? What about me? Just when things are really happening between Lucky and me, just when I need your expertise, you take off," Emily cried, half-laughing. "When are you leaving?"
"Soon. The program starts in the fall, but we have to find an apartment, and Jason's got to find a job." She narrowed her eyes, reaching out her hand to tilt Emily's face towards her. "What do you mean, things are starting to happen with you and Lucky?" Lark demanded.
Emily flushed, turning her head away, then turned back to Lark, unable to hide the smile that was like sunshine washing across her face. "I'm falling in love with him," she admitted. "I think -- I think maybe I am in love with him. Oh God," Emily pressed her hands against her face, "I never knew that it could be like this! It's like -- I don't know, like lightning and summer storms and the way sun feels on your face at the beach. I just feel -- more who I am with Lucky than I ever felt without him. I always did, you know. Even before, when I was with Lucky, it was like things were clearer, sharper. I just never knew it before," Emily shook her head, dropping her chin to the back of the couch. "Lark, I have all these feelings I never had before, and it terrifies me. I mean, I'm happier than I've ever been, but -- scared to death at the same time." She rolled her eyes, sighing dramatically. "I am totally babbling."
"No, babe, you're not," Lark placed her hand on Emily's head. "You've just fallen, hard. God, the first time I looked at Jason. . ." she shook her head with a smile, a faraway look in her eyes. "It was just like you said, like lightning. All that other stuff too, but that came later. You know, I always figured that when you did fall in love, it was gonna be something to see," Lark grinned. "It's almost enough to make me stick around. Almost," she added.
"I wish you would," Emily said wistfully, then shook her head sharply. "No, I don't. I mean, I do, but -- you've earned this, Lark. You're going to be such a good doctor, and an even better sister-in-law." She drew her other leg up to her chest. "Even if it means losing a roommate."
"But, you know," Lark leaned forward, her eyes dancing as an idea occurred, "that does present a very -- interesting opportunity. You've got an opening for a roommate, and you've got a boyfriend. Seems like they could be one and the same. You could convert my room into a study," she added slyly.
Emily flushed. "Lark--"
"Em. Look, I'm not totally oblivious to what's going on here, okay? Lucky stayed over for breakfast the other day; the two of you are happy. It's all good, as far as I'm concerned. I know you don't need the money, but," she shrugged, "Lucky's good for you. You look -- I don't know, more confident, more yourself, I guess, than I've ever seen you look. It looks good on you, Em. And, if I'm going all the way across the country and taking your brother with me, I like the idea of you happy, here."
Emily stood up. "It's a thought," she said, her tone making it obvious that she didn't want to discuss it any more. "But for now, let's just concentrate on you, okay? In honor of your scholarship, and your engagement, one last Ben and Jerry night, just you and me. Sound good?"
Lark grinned. "Sounds perfect," she said, standing up and looping her arm through Emily's as they walked to the kitchen, loudly debating the merits of Chunky Monkey versus Cherry Garcia.
Alexis' office
She felt him before she saw him. A small sound he made, the way his footsteps sounded, or maybe just an awareness of his presence -- whatever it was, it gave her enough warning to at least semi-prepare, before turning in her chair to face him. "Sonny," Alexis turned in her chair behind her desk, not smiling but not entirely unwelcoming either, "I've been expecting you."
Sonny paused. "I'm sorry; I tried to see you sooner but--" He sighed. "That first night, I couldn't find you anywhere, and then I figured I'd give you your space, let you breathe, figure things out."
"Thank you," she said, quietly. "That was thoughtful of you. But," Alexis rose and walked around her desk, keeping a careful distance, "you've always been that with me, at least. Or tried to. Which is maybe the same thing."
"I didn't try hard enough," Sonny lifted his eyebrows, rubbing his chin with the fingers of one hand. "I'm a selfish asshole, Alexis, one thing I know about myself, it's that." He lifted a hand towards her. "Don't bother to deny it."
Alexis lifted her own eyebrow in turn, her arms crossed across her chest. "I wasn't planning on denying anything," she said; Sonny half-grinned in response. "What I was going to say was that I knew that, going in. You didn't paint any pretty pictures for me, Sonny. The illusions I had I made on my own. You're," she bit her lip, pausing for a long moment, then lifted her eyes to Sonny, "you're in love with Carly. I know that. I knew that, the first moment you kissed me."
He shook his head. "I treated you badly, "Lexis. You're right; I never -- let go of my ex-wife. Maybe I never will, I don't know. I tried to, thought I wanted to, but I was lying. To myself, much as I was to you, maybe, but that doesn't change anything." Sonny was quiet a long moment. "I do this," he said, his voice low. "Try to hide from the pain in someone else's arms. I used you, and I--"
"Allowed myself to be used. I'm not a stupid woman, Sonny; I knew what was going on long before I walked in on you and Carly at the Nurses' Ball." Alexis caught his eye. "I'm not letting you off the hook. I'm just -- not letting myself off either. I did this, as much as you did." She hugged herself tightly. "Lucky for both of us it's over. Before either of us did too much damage."
"I never wanted to do any damage to you," Sonny's voice was raspy. He looked at her, his eyes full of dark fire. "You are so beautiful, and sexy as hell, and so damn smart and full of fire. I wanted -- I thought I could lose myself in you." He took a step towards her, and stopped. "You're worth so much more than what I gave you."
Alexis shook her head once, her tone acerbic. "I'm not a saint, Sonny," Taggert's strong arms flashed through her mind, and she shook her head again. "Don't make me out to be one. We're both adults, and we plunged in too fast and too deep, without thinking about the consequences." She was silent a long moment, the pattern on her rug suddenly fascinating. "You have a child together," she said suddenly, her voice low. "And you love her, and I'm not Carly's biggest fan, but I saw the way she held you -- she loves you. You're a family, and you owe it to that little girl of yours to try and make that family work. Take it from someone who knows," Alexis' voice throbbed, "just how much family means. I should have told you all this when you came to me and asked me to handle your divorce. Sometimes I'm slow," she attempted a small smile. "It doesn't happen often, but occasionally."
Sonny reached out, tracing the curve of her cheek with a single finger. "Thanks for the advice, Counselor," he whispered, roughly, his dimples flashing briefly. "And, Alexis," his hand rested against her cheek, "thank you. For-- Thank you."
Alexis turned her face, leaning it against his palm briefly, her eyes closed, then stepped away from him, back behind her desk. "You're welcome, Mr. Corinthos," she said, briskly. "If this concludes our meeting," she glanced at her watch, tapping it with a finger, "I really have to be going."
Sonny stepped back, grasping his hands behind his back. "Right," he said, picking up her cue and running with it. "I'll -- I guess I'll see you when I see you, then."
Alexis nodded. "It'll probably be a while, Sonny," she said quietly. "I think I need a break from you, in both the personal and professional arenas. Sonny," she called to him, his hand on the doorknob. As he turned to look at her, she stopped, not quite sure why she had called him back. "I just wanted to say -- I wish you happiness. Truly," Alexis said, finally.
Sonny smiled briefly, sweetly. "Thank you," he said again, quietly.
As he turned and walked out of her office and out of her life, Alexis Davis sank down shuddering in her chair, dropping her head to her hands. She remained frozen for a long space, not crying, not thinking, not really doing much of "anything, other than concentrating on breathing. When she finally lifted her head, it was to reach for the phone. Alexis hesitated a long moment before dialing a number. She waited, chewing on her lower lip, for the person on the other end to pick up. "Marcus?" Alexis sighed, deeply, closing her eyes, and making a decision. "It's Alexis. I'd -- if you're free, I'd really like to see you."
