Chapter Fifteen: Rise and Shine
Morgan PH
Carly turned over on her side, facing the window and letting the warmth of the morning sun soak into her bones without actually opening her eyes. She stretched out, like a cat, her limbs from fingertips to toes extended as far as they could go, reaching until she felt her back crack. Only then, with a small sigh of contentment, did Carly open her eyes. They drifted, automatically, to the opposite side of the bed even though Carly knew it would be empty. She reached out with her fingertips to lightly touch her husband's pillow, bringing her fingers to her lips.
A small smile playing about her lips, Carly turned back on her other side, only to have the smile widen when her eyes fell on a mug resting on her bedside table, steam rising gently from it. She sat up, drawing her knees to her chest and reached for the mug, inhaling the fragrant steam of her favorite tea. "Jase," she murmured, sipping gingerly at the hot liquid. Even after a night like the one they'd had, there was still this waiting for her; Jason never forgot. She took another sip, this one longer as the tea cooled, and closed her eyes, leaning her head against the headboard of the bed she shared with her husband and let last night replay itself in her head.
~"You know, don't you," Carly said, her words slow and sad and not a question at all. "You know. That this baby isn't yours," her hand caressed her stomach almost absently. "It's Sonny's."
Jason's eyes closed, briefly, before he turned and met her gaze, wordlessly. "Yeah," he said, finally, a tone Carly couldn't quite read in his voice, "I know."
She took a step back, her hands lifting as if to ward off the blow she could sense was coming. "How long?" Carly whispered. "How long have you known, Jason?" A dark pain flickered in Carly's gaze.
He started to rise, then thought better of it as he saw the look deep in his wife's eyes. Jason sighed, and for maybe the first time since she'd known him, he looked almost -- helpless. As if a thing that had always been solid ground beneath his feet was suddenly crumbling. "Since the beginning, Carly," Jason said, finally, knowing the truth was the only thing he had left here. "Since we found out you were pregnant."
It was Carly's turn to close her eyes, and when she opened them, her face was harder, rearranged into different patterns, darker ones. "Tell me the rest of it, Jase. C'mon," she urged, when he continued to look blankly at her. "What was the plan? Were you gonna, what, bribe my doctor to tell me only what you wanted me to hear? Gonna play with my head a little, make me start to doubt what was real?" Carly's voice rose, and a hysterical edge entered it. "I know, Jase, you could always send me back to Ferncliff and let me have the baby there. Then it wouldn't matter who was it's father 'cause I sure as hell wouldn't get to be my baby's mother!"
Jason had risen as Carly ranted at him, and at her last words, finally moved to close the distance between them, reaching out to almost forcibly draw her into his arms. Carly tensed, and resisted, her hands forming fists that beat against his chest, as the tears started to fall down her cheeks. "Hurting you, making you doubt yourself was never-- I'm sorry," he murmured, dropping his head to her shoulder, tears wet on his own cheeks. "I'm sorry, baby. So sorry."
"The one thing I thought you'd never do was lie to me, Jason," Carly stopped struggling in his arms, but she refused to soften either, the tears still falling down her face. "First, I thought you didn't know, that you thought this was our baby, yours and mine. Then, when I saw you look at Sonny at the hospital," she shook her head, and lifted the heels of her palms to his chest, pushing away and out of his arms, "I knew. I knew that every time I'd looked at you and told you how happy I was that I was finally getting it right, having a baby with you that we made together, out of love, you nodded and lied to me all over again!"
"Carly!" Jason said her name more sharply than he meant to, just trying to make her -- stop. He modulated his voice with an effort when he saw the expression on her face. "You make it sound like I wanted to hurt you. All I wanted was to keep you safe."
"From what? From who?" Carly demanded, not giving an inch. "From Sonny, Jason? From my own baby?" Her eyes flashed. "From the truth? God knows the truth and I haven't always been on speaking terms even, maybe even especially, when it comes to my kids and their daddies," she shook her head, her hands pressing against the slight curve of her stomach protectively. "But, you -- you never looked me in the eye and lied to me before. Not like this. Not about something like this."
"It wasn't about Sonny," Jason looked at her. "It wasn't about any of that. Carly, I was trying to protect you from -- the way you <b>were</b>. When I came back." He looked down then up again, and his words were rapid and soft. "Every day that I was away, I would think of you. And, it would always be laughing or dancing or even screaming at me. Then I came home, and it was like -- something was broken inside you." He blinked, hard. "You were so quiet, so--" Jason shook his head, not able to find the words. "And, I knew that most of that was about the baby, but I knew that I played a part in it. I left, I made it so you thought you only had Sonny to count on anymore. I swore I'd never watch your eyes go dead again. So I -- didn't tell you. I didn't plan it; I didn't see the way the future would be. I just -- didn't tell you. I didn't know the words, Carly. I don't give a damn who your baby's father is. All I care about is you," his voice was an agonized whisper, and this time, this time, when he reached for her, she didn't pull away.~
And, he had taken her to their bed, and she had held him while he cried, and he had held her while she did. And they had fallen asleep, in each other's arms. Carly lifted the cooling mug to her lips, taking another long draught. He loved her, she thought, and he wanted, more than anything in this world, to keep her safe.
Maybe, just maybe, that could be enough.
Lucy's hotel
"Room service," Lucy announced, as padded into the room, sliding in beside Blair on the couch, and placing the silver tray down on the coffee table in front of them, "one of the most deliciously delicious benefits of living in a hotel." She poured a cup of coffee into the mug and handed it to Blair, reaching out to tuck a strand of her friend's hair behind her ear. "How're you feeling?" she asked, gently.
"Caffeine-deprived," Blair said, deliberately lightly, taking the mug from Lucy with a grateful smile. As Lucy fixed her with one of her patented Lucy-stares, Blair sighed. "I'm fine, Lu, really. You know me -- I'm not gonna tear myself up into shreds because some guy decides he'd rather chase ghosts of what he can't have instead of be with me." Try as she might, Blair couldn't keep the traces of bitterness out of her voice.
"You're right," Lucy nodded, decisively. "I do know you. And, you may not tear yourself up, but you'll most certainly go after the man who broke your heart and do something very, very bad to him." She poured hot water from the second pitcher into her mug, dunking a tea bag into it with such force that it splattered onto the tray. Lucy winced as a hot water droplet landed on her forefinger, and she stuck it in her mouth. "You'd better be very, very, very careful, Blair," Lucy warned, indistinctly. "Sonny's not a man who handles betrayal very well."
Blair sat up sharply. "Neither do I," she said, her voice as silkily smooth as a sharp razor blade. She crossed her legs, managing to look deadly in an over-sized T-shirt, tousled hair and a clean-scrubbed face.
Lucy put down her mug, taking her finger out of her mouth and drew her legs under her as she turned towards Blair. "Don't do this," she said softly. "He's not worth it, and you're worth so much more."
Blair looked at the other woman, blinking back sudden tears. It had been a long time since someone had told her how much she was worth. "Why am I never enough?" she whispered. "Why do they always want more?"
"Oh, sweetie," Lucy reached out, enfolding Blair into a long, hard hug. "We are going to get through this, we're going to get your daughter home safe, we're going to make all the bad things go away," she stroked Blair's hair lightly, as she did her young daughter's. "Hey, this is you and me; there's nothing in this whole big ol' world we can't do together. Look," she gently disentangled herself, and reached down to pull something out from beneath the breakfast tray. She handed it to Blair.
"Oh, god," Blair half-laughed, half-hiccuped, as she took the faded blue-covered album in her hands almost reverently. She turned it over, finding the words she was looking scrawled in a familiar hand on the back corner. 'To Luce, my soul-sister. If your waters are ever troubled.... You know the drill, babe. I love you, B'. "I can't believe you still have this; remember when we used to listen to it day and night?" she whispered, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips, as Lucy laughed and nodded in recognition. "Troubled waters -- I've had too damn many of those."
"That's 'cause I wasn't there," Lucy announced. "Not that I've ever been accused of being a calming influence. But, I am very, very good at being a shoulder to lean on. And, the two of us, Blair, we can fix every single little thing broken in our lives." She clinked her mug against Blair's. "I've missed you, so, so much. I hadn't realized how much 'til this very second."
"Me either," Blair leaned her head against Lucy's shoulder for a moment, before sitting up and looking at her searchingly. "Luce? You're home now; you've got your daughter, safe and sound. What's broken in your life that needs fixing?" she asked, quietly.
"Oh, I'm -- you know me," Lucy began, looking away, her hands fidgeting slightly. "It's not my life if it's going smoothly. My friend Scotty, the father of my babies, he and I, I guess I just got used to having him around. He's," Lucy smiled sadly, her eyes faraway, "he's the most exasperating, bull-headed man I've ever known in my whole entire life. But, he's my Scott. And, I love him, and I will always love him. I just can't <i>live</i> with him. Finding that out almost destroyed him and me and our little girl, and it still -- it still hurts," Lucy's fingers made a fist, and she let her hand rest over her heart.
"I'm guessing then that this isn't his t-shirt I found in the spare bedroom," Blair lifted an eyebrow, plucking at the well-worn men's shirt she was wearing; when she had stumbled into Lucy's late last night, she hadn't been too picky about what she fell asleep in.
"No," Lucy flushed slightly, but only very slightly. "That belongs to a, a friend who was staying here for a little while. He was helping out with Christina in exchange for a place to sleep. A kind of baby-sitter," she over-explained.
"Uh-hunh," Blair said, wryly. "Not like any baby-sitter Starr's ever had. Details, Lu. Spill." She made a pitiful face. "C'mon; I need the distraction."
Lucy sighed, deeply, dramatically, staring at Christina's baby monitor, willing her child to wake up. Nary a sound emerged from the plastic rectangle, and Lucy turned back to Blair's knowing gaze, giving in. "Okay, okay. Well, it started when I was staying in that awful, disgustingly dirty cabin of Luke's. I decided to clean it--" Lucy broke off, glaring, her hands on her hips, as Blair burst into laughter. "I can push a broom around, Blair Daimler! Anyway, I had taken off my clothes so they wouldn't get messy when there was this knock at the door..."
Luke's
Luke looked up as he heard heels coming down the steps and reached down beneath the counter for another mug. He filled it from the pot resting on the hot plate, and wordlessly pushed it across the bar as Alexis walked into the main room of the club, still pinning her hair up and tucking her blouse back in.
Alexis ignored the offering, striding directly to the bar, and leaning across it. "Why didn't you wake me?" she demanded.
"'Morning, Natasha," Luke drawled, his eyes lidded. "Guess you're not a mornin' person. There's plenty more coffee where that comes from," he nodded at the cup.
Alexis shifted slightly on one foot, her face contrite. "Sorry, Luke. Thanks for the coffee," she picked up the mug, but didn't sip, turning it around in her hands. "I just have a rule," she blurted out a moment later. "No sleeping over. That makes this," she gestured between the two of them with the mug, "too--"
"Real?" Luke finished. He filled his own mug, then looked up at her. "Hell, 'Lexis, if it ain't real, then why the hell are we bothering?" He leaned across the bar, his eyes boring into hers. "You can tell yourself that this is just fucking, but you know better. You and me, Spencer and Cassadine, Luke and Alexis, this can't just be screwing on my office floor, however much easier that would be. There's more goin' on here, and you know it. Been more goin' on with us for going on four years now."
Alexis was silent for a long moment, and this time she sipped from the mug. As she swallowed, she winced, and put the mug back down. "What if -- that -- is all I want? All I can handle, right now?" she asked him, studying the bar as if the grain in the wood held all the secrets of the world.
"Then you wouldn't have come to me in the first place," Luke said bluntly. He reached out to her, placed two fingers under her chin and turned her it up to face him, caressing her cheek very lightly. "C'mon, babe, lie to me all you want. But don't lie to yourself." Luke grinned, slightly. "I ain't worth that."
Alexis closed her eyes, letting herself lean into his hand as it continued to trace the lines of her cheek. "Luke," she whispered, "I'm scared." Alexis opened her eyes and looked at him. "Do you know how complicated this is? Your ex-wife is married to my brother. Both of them go into twenty different kinds of fits if they found out about this."
"Lucky for us they're half-way across the world then," Luke said, not fully aware that this was the first time he'd spoken about Laura's marriage in anything even resembling a joke. "Know what, Natasha? The craziest thing about you and me just might be how little anyone's gonna care. In this town, it's not like we're the biggest story goin' on."
Alexis laughed. "That's actually -- oddly reassuring." She was quiet a moment, then she turned her head, pressing her lips against his palm. "I'm sorry," she said softly. "About snapping at you earlier." She turned to look at him, lifting her hand to his face. "I had a lovely night," Alexis murmured, smiling alluringly.
"Me too," Luke murmured in return, his eyes going heavy-lidded again, this time with passion. "Wanna stick around and see how good this mornin' really is?"
"I can't," Alexis said, reluctantly, her voice thickening as he continued to train his eyes on her. She shook her head, forcing herself to concentrate on reality. "I have a meeting with Lucy Coe this morning to finalize the divorce and custody papers. But," she paused, then plunged ahead into uncharted waters, "maybe we could meet for lunch? In public? And, test your 'no one cares about Luke and Alexis' theory?"
"My calender's free," Luke answered, with a grin, kissing her fingertips then moving away, looking at her over his shoulder. "'Course, babe, you gotta remember. It was just a theory."
<hr>
V's apartment
"Jax. You can tell me how delicious it is as often as you like," V gave him a skeptical look, her hands planted firmly on hips. "But, there is no way I'm drinking a power shake. It's green. And, it smells."
"Fine," Jax shrugged with a grin, taking a shake in either hand. "More for me. But, when you're dead on your feet and I'm still going, you'll regret it later."
"Jax, I love you very much. But, please believe me when I tell you that I will never, ever regret not drinking something that is the exact color, and," she added under her breath, "I'm guessing the texture, of my great Aunt Edna's shag carpeting."
"One day," he drained one glass, draping his long body across one of the stools in V's kitchen, "you are going to beg me for the recipe, and I'm going to refuse to give it to you, just on principle." Jax took a long sip from the other glass, then looked at V, across the counter. "So what has Jerry done now?" he said, directly.
V started, then smiled ruefully. "That's what I missed without you around, Jax. No silly games, no beating around the bush, straight to what matters." She reached across the counter, squeezing his hand lightly. "I really did miss you."
"Me too," he squeezed her hand back. "Could have used your clear eyed perspective a time or two lately. Chloe's in Milan," Jax answered the question in her eyes. "It wasn't love; it never was. Fantasy and fairy lights and my need to lose myself in someone and hers to have a real life happily-ever-after tale -- that's what it was. I'm fine," he added, as the pressure on his hand increased silently, and her eyes shone sympathetically. "Really, V, I am. No regrets. Chloe and I had fun, and I know, now, I can love a woman who's not Brenda. She's just not Chloe, either." He smiled gently, sadly, then leaned back slightly, loosing his hand to cross it across his chest as he studied her. "Now, about my idiot brother..."
V laughed her throaty laugh. "Persistent as ever," she said, crossing around the counter, to settle on the stool beside him. She turned until she was facing him, and paused, choosing her words with care. "I would never betray a confidence willingly, you know that, right?" Jax nodded, and she continued. "Jax, Jerry isn't all that seems. He hasn't been for a very, very long time. He's, actually, a whole lot more." V took a deep breath. "Jerry's a WSB agent. Apparently, one of the best they have."
Jax stared at her a long moment, silently, then burst out into laughter. "Either you're joking or someone's done a particularly fine job of pulling the wool over your eyes," he said finally, brushing a tear of mirth out of the corner of his eye. "Jerry? A WSB agent? Working for the other team, now that I could believe. But this? Sorry, V," he shook his head, "good try, but I'm not buying this one."
"Jax, is it really that hard to believe?" V asked quietly. His face sobered as he studied hers, and realized that, at least as far as she was concerned, V was telling him the truth. "You know the things your brother can do; you know what kind of situations he can get himself into and out of." She leaned forward, her eyes utterly serious. "When I was first told, it -- sort of made a lot of things click into place that hadn't quite seemed to fit, at first. And, I've done some checking; his record has been totally cleared. He was a man with a criminal record who skipped the country, and now his record's been cleared, as if it never existed??" V shook her head. "I was an officer. Things don't work that way. Not unless someone with a whole lot of influence is smoothing the way."
"But, Jerry never said anything," Jax said, slowly, as the realization that V's words held a hell of a lot of weight began to dawn. "He never told me or Dad or Lady Jane. Why wouldn't he tell us? Mum and Dad would have been so proud."
"I don't know for sure, but my best guess is that he was trying to keep you safe," V said quietly. "When I ran into him at GH--"
"He's here?" Jax's words overrode hers. "In Port Charles?" He stood up, pushing the stool away abruptly. "I have to go find him, get him to give me a bloody explanation for what the hell he thinks he's been doing!" Jax started to storm past V towards the door, when she caught hold of his sleeve.
"Wait, Jax," she said, "where are you planning to <i>go</i>? You're not going to find your brother stomping about Port Charles like this. Besides," V bit her lip, shamefaced, "if you wait, I can take you to him." Jax looked at her, curiously, and she continued, flushing darkly. "When I ran into him, he left a letter with me for Bobbie. I -- did something I shouldn't. I was so worried about him, and he's like my big brother, and he was acting so oddly, and I'm really ashamed, but -- I read it." She pressed her hands against her red cheeks. "He asked her to meet him, tomorrow afternoon, in the park. If you wait 'til then, I'll go with you to see Jerry."
Jax didn't say anything for a long moment; he reached out and gathered V into his arms, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "Thank you," he whispered, softly. "Thank you giving me my brother back."
"Better wait and thank me until after tomorrow," V said, wryly, pressing her face against his chest, her arms lifting to hug him back. "I have the feeling that Jerry's going to be less than thrilled to see either one of us."
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