the Grille

V watched in slightly morbid fascination, as Scott drummed his fingers on the tablecloth, rocked his chair back on his heels, ran his other hand through his hair, and glared at everyone who walked in the door who wasn't Lucy. All at the same time. She turned to Alexis, who was busily making notes on a yellow legal pad. Nudging her friend, V murmured, "I think Scott might explode if this doesn't happen soon."

Alexis lifted her eyes, watching Scott for a moment. She rolled her eyes, then slapped her palm down on the table once, watching with pleasure as Scott's chair banged down on his foot as he yelped in pain. He glared at Alexis. "Baldwin. Get it together," Alexis said briskly. "Think of it this way: final law review, Judge McCracken, the last thing you can show is how nervous you are. C'mon, Scott, you're the king of the last minute save. Don't blow this before Lucy even walks in the door."

Scott's glare intensified for a moment. "This isn't law school, Davis; it's my life. It might be just another case to you, but it's a hell of a lot more for me!" he scowled.

"I know that, Scott. Why do you think I put up with you? It certainly isn't your charm, and you're not paying me that much," Alexis retorted. "And, since I actually have some perspective on this situation, unlike you, I'm trying to give you some very good advice. Calm. Down."

V looked back and forth between the two attorneys and reached out to place her hand over Scott's, preventing him from tapping. "Hey, Scott. The one thing that Serena wants, more than anything else, is for you to come home again, with her mom and baby sister," she said quietly. "Hold onto that, if you can't think of any other reason to do what Alexis says."

Scott turned his glare on her, then deliberately slid his chair slowly up to the table, taking a long slow breath, and nodded once. "Okay." He ran his hand through his hand once more then looked at V. "Thanks," he said, gruffly. "For the reminder."

"You're welcome," V responded, her bright smile dimming as she caught sight of two figures entering the restaurant behind Scott. "Now, Scott, remember what I just said," she started hurriedly, as Alexis let out a groan. "This is for Serena and she needs her mom and you really, really can't do anything--"

"Looks like the gang's all here," drawled a familiar, despised voice above Scott's head. Scott whirled in his seat to see Luke Spencer, Lucy at his right hand, standing behind him. "You really gotta do somethin' about that hair, Baldwin," Luke smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes, as he deliberately slung an arm around Lucy's shoulders. "Gets spikier every time I see you."

"Luke, when it comes to hair, you don't get to talk," Alexis snapped, interceding quickly. "I've seen pictures from when you actually had some; your whole life has been, apparently, one bad hair day."

"Yeah, but the difference is, 'Tasha, I got style," Luke turned to grin at her. "Baldwin just has a recedin' hairline, and a whole lot of hair gel."

Scott pushed his chair back, and stood up, his eyes locked, not on Luke, but on Lucy's, where they'd been since he'd turned around. "Lucy," he said, almost tentatively, then stopped. She looked back at him, uncharacteristically silent. "I've missed you," Scott murmured, the words slipping out without him meaning to let them. "So has Serena."

Lucy let out a shuddering sigh. "Oh, pal," she whispered, "I've missed you and my little Punkinhead, too. More than you know. How is Serena? Is she -- okay?"

"She's confused, Lucy. She misses her mother and her sister, and she doesn't understand why they left her." Scott paused. "How's Christina?" he asked quietly. "Where is she?"

"I left her with a friend," Lucy said, her eyes filling with tears. "She misses her daddy," she whispered. Luke's hand lifted to brush the tears off Lucy's cheek, as she closed her eyes, unable for a moment, to go on.

It was more, suddenly, than Scott could handle. He took a step towards Luke, his hands flexing and unflexing. "Get your hands off my wife," Scott growled. "This is all your fault, Spencer!"

"I'm not the one who tried to take a kid away from her mother, Baldwin," Luke barked back, stepping slightly in front of Lucy, and moving closer to Scott. "Don't try and pin this one on me; you made this mess all on your own. Not my fault if I wasn't in the mood to help you mop it up."

Alexis stood up, quickly. "We're not here to assign blame, gentlemen," she said, moving forward. "We're here to try and find a solution to this situation that works for everyone. Something that would be a lot easier without your presence, Luke," she added, giving him a look. "I wasn't -- aware that you were going to be here this evening."

"You think I'm gonna leave Lucy alone to be attacked by you and her jerk husband, you better think again, Counselor," Luke snarled back. "I ain't leavin'."

"Is that what you really think, Lucy?" Scott demanded. "That you need Spencer to defend you from me? Is that what we've become?"

Lucy pulled away from Luke, and before Scott could react, took a step away from him too. She shook her head, once. "I don't know what we are anymore, Scott. But, I do know this; I'm not going to be a prize for you all," she included Luke in her gaze, "to fight over. This was a bad idea," she backed up another step. "I shouldn't have asked Luke to come; maybe I shouldn't even have come at all. I'm -- I'll be in touch," Lucy saw Scott's arm reaching for her, and nimbly stepped away, turning and practically fleeing out of the door.

Scott called her name, and started to follow her, but Luke stepped in his path. "Let her go, Baldwin. Lucy made it pretty damn clear she doesn't want you around."

"Lay one hand on me, Spencer, and I'll rip it out of it's socket! What the hell is it with you and my wives?" Scott demanded, lifting up his hands to shove Luke, hard, in the middle of his chest.

Before the Grille could become the next site of the WWF, Spencer vs. Baldwin, V jumped up, stepping in between the two men. She turned her back on Luke, deliberately, and faced Scott. "Don't do this," she said, quietly, her even, modulated tones draining some of the tension out of the situation. "Scott, hitting Luke isn't going to solve anything; it won't make Lucy come back to you. And, if you end up in prison, your little girl loses both her parents. It's not worth it; he's not worth it." She lay her palm against his chest, lightly, warningly. "Walk away from this fight; win the battle."

Scotty stared at her a long moment, then took a single step back, not looking at Luke. If he met his smirking, sneering eyes even once.... "Fine," he said, looking at V. "Fine. But, I am not giving up on my family."

"No one's asking you to," Alexis reassured him. "We'll try this again, soon. Under less -- explosive circumstances."

Scott nodded, barely looking at her, grabbed his coat and stalked off. V met Alexis' gaze; Alexis mouthed 'thank you' to her, then V hurried off, after Scott, and Alexis turned to Luke. She stared at him a long moment, then ironically began to slowly applaud. "Nice, Luke. Very, very nice. This could not have possibly gone worse, thanks to you."

"Don't blame me, Natasha. Baldwin blew this one, all on his own, the minute he tried to keep Lucy from her baby girl. You don't mess with a mama bear's cubs. And, Baldwin doesn't deserve a second chance." Luke sat down, reaching for a half-full Scotch on the table and draining it in one gulp.

Alexis sat, gingerly, across from him. "Let's all stop and give thanks, right now, that you don't get to decide what the rest of the world does and does not 'deserve'," Alexis said, acidly. "You're hardly qualified, especially when it comes to mothers and children, don't you think?"

Luke glared at her, grimly. "That's the third time you've made a crack about me and my kid, Alexis. Better think real hard before you make it four times. And," he leaned across the table, "maybe you should think about why the hell you're so damn obsessed about my kid. You think I wanted to let her go off and live with Count Vlad? You think that's what I wanted for my kid?"

"Then it was your job to change it, to fight for her!" Alexis burst out. "That's what fathers do, Luke, they fight for their daughters. They don't just -- leave them to be raised by other people. Fathers are not supposed to drop out of their children's lives; they aren't supposed to never tell their daughters that they love them until after they're dead, and it's too late." She stopped speaking abruptly, realizing, suddenly, what and who she was talking about.

As did Luke, finally. "Natasha," he said slowly, "I ain't Mikkos. And, my kid knows who I am, and that I love her. But, what can I offer her here, huh? A room above a goddamn bar?" He shook his head, his fingers clenching the glass in front of him tightly. "Lu needs her mother, and she's got," his mouth twisted, "her brother. And, his wife -- Emily loves my kid. And, so do I." He sat back, hard. "Why the hell do you think I let her go?"

Alexis blinked back sudden tears; no way was she going to cry in front of Luke Spencer, of all people. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice thick. "I have no right to judge you, Luke. And, I know you love your child. I have my own -- issues with fathers and daughters. And, I'm letting them color this whole situation." Alexis sighed, passing her hand over her eyes. "I probably should never have taken this case," she said, her voice low.

"I'll drink to that," Luke said, doing so. He signaled the waiter to refill his glass and Alexis'. He studied her a long moment. "Your father was a fool, Alexis. And, his mistakes are dead and buried; they died with him. Don't bring old ghosts back to life, baby. You'll never win for chasing 'em. And believe me when I tell you Mikkos just ain't worth it. He lost out, Natasha, not you." Luke hesitated, then slowly, he reached out, touching her palm with his.

Alexis started, looking up to meet his eyes with hers, tears, despite herself, falling slowly down her cheeks. She gripped his hand lightly. She didn't say anything; what could she say? She was, more than a little, aware of the irony of being comforted by her father's murderer. For this moment, in this moment, that didn't seem to matter. All that mattered was that he held her hand, and understood. And, understood.

Harborview Towers

"I already said thank you, Jerry," Lucy turned to look at him, exasperated. She punched the button for the elevator, hard. "Isn't that enough?"

"Lucy, I checked. Babysitters get paid at least eight dollars an hour," Jerry's eyes twinkled as he leaned lazily against the wall. "Way I see it, since Christina is kind of under dispute, so to speak, I should get a premium. Twenty dollars an hour seems fair to me."

Lucy gave him a look, then handed Christina to him as the elevator doors opened. "We'll discuss payment later; right now, I have to go see someone. And, you have to wait. Right here." Lucy stepped into the elevator and started to press the button for the penthouse.

Jerry's foot stopped the doors from closing. "Nuh-uh," he said, slipping inside the elevator, Christina heavy in his arms. He turned to face an exasperated Lucy, as the elevator closed and started moving up. "Lucy, you left me with Christina earlier this evening, when you went to see your bastard of a husband. You came back, not an hour later, close to incoherent, start throwing things in a bag, and end up here, without telling me why or what you're planning. And, now you're telling me you're going up to the apartment where I know damn well Sonny Corinthos lives, alone?" He shook his head. "Don't know why, but I care too much about your hide to let that happen."

"I am not going to see Sonny, thank you very much. Not that it would be any of your business if I were, Jerry Jacks," Lucy's hands were planted firmly on her hips. "But," one of her hands slid down, plucking at the edge of her shirt, as she spoke, almost grudgingly, "thanks. I think. For -- caring."

Jerry grinned, suddenly, sliding Christina to his hip. "You're my only current source of income, Lucy. I've got a vested interest to insure that you and this beauty stick around, a while longer."

Lucy couldn't, quite, suppress a smile as the doors opened. She did, however, manage to place a hand in the middle of Jerry's chest as the elevator doors opened on the penthouse floor. "Jerry. I promise you I'm coming back down, and that I'm going to be fine. I need to see an old friend -- who is not Sonny, okay? And, I need to do it alone. Can you please just wait in the lobby for me?"

Jerry looked at her, then sighed dramatically. "Fine. But, thirty minutes, that's all. Then, I start to teach Christina the finer aspects of poker."

Lucy laughed. "Like you could teach my beautiful baby girl anything she doesn't already know." She bent down to kiss Christina lightly on the head, then paused, and pressed a swift kiss against Jerry's cheek. "Thanks, Jerry. For -- taking care of my little one. Now," she pushed him back into the elevator, pressing the down button, "go away." Lucy watched until the doors closed, then sighed, and marched over to Penthouse 4, knocking on the door.

Blair opened the door a moment later, took one look at Lucy, and drew her into her arms, hugging her tightly. "Oh, Lu," she said, stroking Lucy's hair lightly, "what happened?"

Lucy pulled away, walking across the penthouse. "I saw my husband; it -- I couldn't look at him." She lifted her head to look at Blair. "For so long, Scott has been my very best pal. Even when I was so mad at him I could spit nails, I always had this connection to him, always. He was -- my partner-in-crime, my best friend, my daughter's father. You know all the stories, Blair; I've written them to you. But tonight, I looked into his eyes, his baby-blue eyes that I see on Serena's face, and," she bit her lip, "I knew. That it was over. We were over, Scott and I. I still love him, I always will. But, I don't know how to forgive him. And, I'll never be able to go back to what we were."

Blair smiled, sadly. "Sounds like me and Starr's father. I'll love Todd until the day I die. But, I can't trust him, and I'll never -- be with him again. It's hard, Lucy. I know. Realizing that, about Todd? It was the hardest thing I ever had to do."

Lucy took two quick steps towards Blair, reaching out to take her friend's hands. "Blair, let's go away, you and me and our girls. We could go stay with Aunt Charlene; it'd be just like when you lived with us, for those two years. And, I could take you to my spa in New York. Think of it -- you and your Starr, me and my girls, a day of beauty and a delicious hour-long massage, and then weeks and weeks and weeks with Aunt--"

Blair was shaking her head before Lucy even got finished. "Lu, I can't. I can't." She pulled her hands away from Lucy, crossing her arms tightly across her chest and walking over to the window, looking out across the evening. "Starr's in Switzerland, Lucy."

"Then, bring her home, Blair. I want to meet your gorgeous little girl; I've seen so many pictures--"

"I can't, Lucy!" Blair snapped, turning to face her oldest friend, tears bright in her eyes. "If I bring her back to the States, they'll take her away from me!" Her eyes closed, and she spoke, painfully. "I made a stupid, stupid mistake, Lucy; I married -- the scum of the earth, a man I thought I loved who ended up being pretty damn close to the devil. To make a long story short, when our marriage fell apart, it got really ugly, and Max -- Max managed to do the one thing he knew would hurt me most." Blair opened her eyes and looked at Lucy. "He got a court order calling me an unfit parent, and he tried to take my little girl away from me. Her daddy found out about it, and he panicked, and he threatened to take her away from me, if Max got his hands on her. So, I sent her away. With my aunt Dorian; Max can't touch her there. And, I left Llanview, and ended up on Sonny's private island, where he picked me up, out of the sand, and put me back together." She let out a long, shuddering breath. "And now -- now, I'm trying like hell to figure out a way to get my baby back. Sonny's helping. So, much as I would love to run away with you, Lucy, I just can't."

"Blair," Lucy whispered, looking at her friend, "why didn't you come to me? I would have moved heaven and earth to help you."

Blair shook her head. "When was that, Lucy? When you were fleeing with your own daughter, trying to keep her from being taken away?" She took a deep breath. "Starr's safe. And, happy. And, you know me; no way in hell Max Buchanan is gonna mess with my family and get away with it alive." Her eyes flashed murderously.

"So that's why you're with Sonny," Lucy mused, knowingly.

"That's -- part of it," Blair hedged, not quite meeting Lucy's eyes.

"Blair Cramer, don't tell me you're letting those deep dark bedroom eyes of Sonny Corinthos' get to you! Those dimples are about as deep as his capacity for breaking hearts, Blair. I love Sonny; he is one of my dearest, best friends, and I would trust him with my life. But, my heart?" Lucy shook her head decidedly. "Not in a million years. Much as I love him, Sonny's awfully good at breaking those."

"And, he's in love with another woman," Blair said, directly, her eyes clear. "I know all that, Lucy; I'm not stupid. And, I've made more than my share of mistakes when it comes to men. I just -- I care about him, that's all. But, I can walk away anytime."

"You know what your problem is, Blair Cramer?" Lucy joined Blair at the window, sliding her arm around her waist. "You've just got the biggest heart."

"Look who's talkin'," Blair shot back, squeezing Lucy's hand lightly in return. "You know, when this is all over, and you have your babies and I have Starr, safe and sound, I can't think of anything better than goin' to visit Charlene. I've missed her. I've missed you, Lu."

"I've missed you too, Blair. More than I knew 'til you showed up at that stinky ol' cabin Luke took me to. We can't ever lose touch again, you and me." Lucy hugged her tight for a long moment, then slipped loose. "But, right now, I'd better head back to Christina before she starts smoking cigars and playing five card stud." Lucy laughed at Blair's look, and shook her head. "Don't ask." She walked over to the door. "Ta, you. Take care."

How pale is the sky that brings forth the rain
As the changing of seasons prepares me again
For the long bitter nights and the wild Winter day
My heart has grown cold my love stored away
My heart has grown cold my love stored away

Blair blew Lucy a kiss as she left, then, as the door closed behind her, walked slowly back to the window she'd just been gazing out of. She reached in her pocket, pulling out a much worn, much loved photo and pressed it close to her breast, closing her eyes. She didn't need to look into Starr's beautiful, beautiful eyes to see her daughter's face. Every time she closed her eyes, there it was. "Oh, baby," Blair whispered, moonlight on her face, "soon. I promise, angel. Soon."

Get me through December
A promise I'll remember
Just get me through December
So I can start again

Carly lit the last candle, just as she heard the elevator doors open and close. She hit play on the CD player, and turned around, with a practiced smile as Jason walked in the door. This was what she'd chosen; this was what she owed him. For picking her up, for making her whole again, or at least, trying his damnedest to do so. No way was she gonna wreck that. This baby, this family, was his. Theirs. And, that was -- the way it was. No going back. Her smile faded, as she looked into her husband's eyes. "Jase?" she asked, then trailed off.

Jason looked around their apartment, the candles and music and her face all full of a fragile hope, full of -- their future, and closed his eyes. Could he keep this one last secret? Could he just -- not tell her what he knew, about Jerry, about her? He opened his eyes again, and looked into his wife's eyes, and knew. Yes. Yes, he could do this. Yes, he would do this. He would protect her, with his silence, with his life. This was what he owed her. For loving him, for forgiving him again and again, or at least, moving past what he'd done, when he left her. No way was he gonna wreck that. Jason shook his head. "Nothing. Business -- a long day." He held out his arms, and she moved slowly into them. "Dance with me?" he asked her, and her arms automatically lifted to his shoulders, as they began to sway to the music, moving so sweetly, anyone watching would have said that there was nothing between them but love. No secrets, nothing hidden, no darknesses. Only light.

I've been to the mountain left my tracks in the snow
Where souls have been lost and the walking wounded go
I've taken the pain no girl should endure
But faith can move mountains of that I am sure
Faith can move mountains of that I am sure

Sonny stepped off the elevator, weary to his bones and beyond. He'd been just -- walking for hours. No clue where he'd been, or what he'd done. All he knew was that it was over. It had been over the minute he'd walked out that door, all those months ago, he'd known that. But, now -- now she was carrying Jason's baby. And, she had made a life with him. And, it was over. He paused, his eyes drawn, unwillingly to the penthouse where she lived, where she'd made that life. And that baby the thought came, unbidden, into his head. He swore, under his breath, as flickering light that was unmistakably candlelight seeped out from under the door and the soft strains of a love song found his ears. Sonny looked at his own penthouse knowing who was waiting there for him and knowing just as truly that there was no way he could face her tonight, swore again, bitterly, then turned on his heel, moving swiftly back into the elevator. And, away. Just -- away.

Get me through December
A promise I'll remember
Just get me through December
So I can start again

V followed Scott into his silent house; they hadn't said a word in the car on the whole ride home. She paused, in the door of the kitchen, watching as he went to the cabinet, pulling out a glass, half-filling it with apple brandy. He drained the glass, almost on auto-pilot, then stood over the sink, staring blindly at the window. His hand raised suddenly, and the glass flew out of his hand, smashing into a thousand pieces in the sink, and Scott turned, quickly, moving to the kitchen table, and sinking down, his shoulders shaking, into a hard wooden chair.

V moved, finally, standing behind him, still silent, as if sensing that to speak would be to break him. She simply stood, her very presence as much a balm as she could make it, and finally, quietly reached out her hand, placing it on his shoulder, lightly. Letting Scott Baldwin know, that however dark it seemed, he was not alone.

No divine purpose brings freedom from sin
And peace is a gift that must come from within
I've looked for the love that will bring me to rest
Feeding this hunger beating strong in my chest
Feeding this hunger beating strong in my chest

Lucy looked across the hotel room, from the rocking chair by the window, meeting Jerry's eyes. When they'd brought Christina back here, she'd asked him, in an impulse and knowing he had no other place to stay the night, to come in, to help her put Christina down. Lucy was, this night, awfully sensitive to all parents who, for whatever reason, were missing their children. As she knew Jerry was missing his unnamed daughter, had been missing her all the years of her life.

She stood up, walked over to him, and placed a sleeping Christina gently in his arms, tracing her baby's soft cheek with one finger. Jerry started to speak, in a whisper, and Lucy reached out, laying her finger across his lips. "Your arms looked like they needed a baby," she murmured. Jerry reached up with his spare hand, catching her fingers with his, and bringing them slowly to his lips. They stood that way, a long, long moment. The mother, her baby, and the man who, more than anything, wanted to be a father.

Get me through December
A promise I'll remember
Just get me through December
So I can start again

How she had gotten here didn't matter. Why she was here didn't matter. All that mattered was that he needed not to be alone with his thoughts -- and so had she. And, so, they'd come here. And, walked up the stairs. And, opened the door to his lonely, cold room. And -- made it not so lonely, or so cold.

Alexis lifted her hand to his jawline, her finger light as feathers. She was aware that her hands were trembling. Not with fear, but simple need. This man, this man, despite every instinct she had, had somehow offered her what no one else could, tonight. Understanding. Comfort. Truth. Her lips followed her fingers, and Luke Spencer's lips met hers, the cold moon shining down on them in his iron bed against the small window in his room above Luke's. Alexis' arms twined about his neck, and their eyes met, and there were no words. No need for words. No need for anything. Except, for the space of one night, each other.

So I can start again*

*"Get Me Through December" -- Natalie Macmaster

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