Chapter Four: Suffer the Little Children
the next morning, Starr's bedroom
Blair laughed as Starr twirled around the room watching herself in her mirror with delight as her skirt belled out around her knees. "Mommy," she asked, meeting her mother's eyes as she watched her in the mirror, "how come I get to wear my pretty dress today?"
"Well, I just had a feeling that today was gonna be a special day, baby," Blair said, smiling. "I'm going to go down and check on -- a surprise that's waiting for you downstairs; you finish getting ready, okay?"
"'Kay, Mommy," said Starr, stepping over to her miniature vanity table and starting to brush her long hair with great precision. Blair paused a moment in the doorway, smiling gently as she saw herself in miniature in her daughter, then slipped away to face the other person who her daughter reminded her of, the man who she sometimes saw in their daughter's laugh or fierce independent streak, the man who two years ago, had broken her little girl's heart.
"Todd," she said as she rounded the top step, pitching her voice low so that Starr wouldn't hear. "Todd, Starr's co--" Blair stopped, her foot poised above the next step, scanning the empty living room. "No," she whispered, "no, not again." She rushed quickly down the stairs, taking in the neatly folded blankets and the absence of Todd's jacket. "You cannot do this to me, to her again, Todd Manning!" She spun around, as if if she willed it hard enough, she would see him standing there where she hadn't before.
Blair kicked the leg of the couch in frustration, then collapsed on the same couch burying her face in her hands, hot angry tears beginning to form in her eyes. "Well, I didn't think you'd be all cheery wishing me 'good morning', but I kinda expected more than this," drawled a voice from the doorway. "What, you think I ran off again? I left a note," Todd nodded at the desk.
Blair snatched up a piece of paper and read out loud. " 'Blair, I'll be back later, Todd.' " She turned back to him, her hand on her hip, sarcasm dripping from her lips. "Real heavy on the details, Todd. What, 'I'll be back' was supposed to reassure me? Where'd you go anyway?"
He looked at her then thrust several white paper bags in her direction in answer. "Breakfast," he said in response to her puzzled glance. "Well, you know, it's the least I could do; you didn't have to let me crash here last night. I, I really appreciate that, Blair."
She took the bags, opening one and peeking in, the anger fading quickly from her face replaced by pure pleasure. "Todd! You remembered! Chocolate chip pancakes; I haven't had these since --" She broke off, remembering that the last time she had had them, Todd had brought them to her then, too. "Thank you, Todd," Blair said softly.
"Yeah, well, whatever," he said stepping past her towards the kitchen. "You got any normal food in here? Those pancakes, blech--"
The next voice he heard arrested him where he stood. "Mommy," called Starr, "can you tie my ribbon?" Starr stepped carefully down the stairs very conscious of not mussing her pleated red plaid dress. Her eyes were on her feet until she reached the bottom of the stairs. Todd stood perfectly still watching his daughter as she descended the stairs. She looks even more like her mother, he thought. She's so beautiful. He took a single step towards her, starting to speak, then stopped as she looked up at him.
For a single minute, Starr's face flooded with pure joy. Then, the joy faded, and abruptly, still looking at her father, she burst into tears. Blair moved quickly to her daughter with a quick glance at Todd. "Baby, what is it?" She knelt by Starr who threw her arms around her mother's neck and buried her face in Blair's neck refusing to look up. "Starr, sweetheart, it's your Daddy. He's come home, honeybee."
After a long interlude in which Blair continued to stroke Starr's hair soothingly and Todd looked on helplessly, his face broken, Starr spoke up quietly, her face still firmly lodged in her mother's shoulder. "For how long?"she whispered.
"Oh, sweetie," Blair looked at Todd, accusation warring on her face with compassion. Part of her wanted to shout 'look, look what you broke in our daughter and left me to put back together'. And yet there was still that other, deeper part of her that wanted to open her arms and sweep her family, him included, into a long healing embrace. Instead of either, she simply held her wounded child and looked at her equally wounded ex-husband.
Todd finally moved forward until he was standing directly behind Blair and Starr. "Starr," he said hesitantly, "hey, kiddo, I -- I really missed you. Look," he crouched down so he was on her eye level, "I know that I really messed up, leaving before, and I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, Starr. Daddy was -- kinda sick, and I had to go away to get better. I didn't want to leave you, you know that. You gotta know that. Starr, you -- you are the best. The best that I am, the best that your mom is, the best. And I love you, Shorty. I love you more than anything. And I'm not leaving you ever, ever again. Not ever; I swear it."
The easy tears that Todd hated began forming in his eyes as his daughter, his lifeline, refused to even meet his gaze. Suddenly, she spoke from Blair's arms. "Princess Shorty," she whispered.
"What?" Todd said quickly, moving to his knees. "What did you say, Starr?"
Starr lifted her head and looked at her father who had been her closest friend and her world and her best love for the first years of her life. "Princess Shorty, Daddy, not just Shorty."
"Yeah," Todd said, his voice cracking. "Princess Shorty." He opened his arms tentatively, and Starr came into them as naturally as -- well, as naturally as a daughter running to her beloved father. He buried his head in her silky hair and held her tightly for a long, long moment as Blair watched, tears coursing down her face.
Todd shifted so that he could look in his daughter's face. "Hey, we're letting breakfast get cold. You want some pancakes?" He waited for Starr's nod before continuing. "And after breakfast, we can go down and check out my car; it's so full of presents, I could barely see out the back window to drive."
Starr giggled and ran over to the bag of pancakes, pulling out the styrofoam container and heading for the kitchen. Todd turned to Blair. "Thanks," he said softly.
"For what?" she asked, her voice still thick with unnamed emotion.
In answer, Todd simply jerked his head towards the kitchen. "You're a good mother, Blair," he added, not meeting her eyes.
"Hey, Todd, you said it a long time ago." He looked at her, puzzled. "We did get at least one thing right." Todd nodded slowly, his face beginning to crumple. Blair took a step towards him, touching him lightly on the arm. "C'mon, let's go eat breakfast." Her hand still on his arm, Todd Manning and Blair Daimler went in to eat breakfast with their daughter, all three of them together for the first time in over two years.
