Chapter Eight: The Truth Hurts, Love Heals
*Warning* I am NOT a Téa fan. Nor was I a Todd/Téa fan. But, closure is a good thing. And, on the whole, that is what this chapter is.
a little less than a week later
Todd strode through the park on his way to the radio station, his hands in his pockets. Just as he was about to step through one of the smaller sections, and over the fence to the street, he was brought up short by a familiar voice.
Téa knelt a few feet away from him, talking to a young boy who was about to join a class and a teacher grouped together by the fountain. She laughed once, and tugged gently on the cord to the boy's hooded jacket. "Remember, lovey, your grandma Dorian's going to pick you up from school this afternoon, okay?"
"Okay," he said, starting off at a run to join the rest of his class. He spun around when he was half-way there. "Adios, Téa!" he called, waving at his step-mother.
She laughed again, "Adios, Rio mijo!" She waved until he turned around, happily chatting with his classmates. Téa rose, brushing off the knees of her pants as she did so. She turned around, meeting the eyes of the man standing a few feet behind her with a startled gasp. The color drained from her cheeks as she looked into his impassive face. "Todd," she whispered. She lifted her head, regaining her composure, "I heard you were back."
"News travels fast," he said, his voice giving away nothing, his eyes wary.
"Llanview's a small town. And you're big news, or so you always said," she murmured. Téa reached up to smooth a strand of her hair behind her ear. "Cassie told me when she came to drop River off."
"At the rectory?" Todd asked.
Her lips tightened slightly. "I guess I'm not the only one about whom news travels. Yes, that's where I live now, Todd. That's my home." When Todd didn't react, she went on. "Cassie also said, um, that she saw you when she went to pick Starr up. At Blair's."
Todd spoke slowly, unsure of where this was leading, unsure of anything with this woman, but not wanting to go where he thought she might be headed. "I went to see my daughter, Téa."
"Right. Well, I'm sure Starr was glad to see you; she's really missed you." Téa looked down, studying the concrete at her feet for a moment. She looked back up again, her forehead creased, "I, uh, I hope that just because you're back doesn't mean that Blair's going cut back on my time with Starr. Those visits really mean a lot to me. And, I think they mean something to Starr, too."
Todd sighed, a slightly exasperated tone in his voice. "Blair does what's best for Starr, Téa. She always has."
Téa looked back at him, an old resentment raring it's ugly head. "There was a time you didn't think that," she said, sharply.
"Yeah, well, there was a time I thought marrying you was a good idea," he shot back, more than a little irritated at her pot-shots at Blair, but not willing to examine the source of the irritation.
Téa was silent a long moment as Todd shifted his weight, making no apology for what he'd said. Suddenly, she smiled briefly, a smile with hurt in it, but not entirely unmeant. "Point taken, Todd," she blinked back the tears that he still had the power to make appear. "Point well taken. My God, what were we thinking??"
"Yeah. Look, I'm not really in the mood for one of your lectures, Téa, so I'm just gonna take off," he turned to leave, drawing his coat closer about him as if chilled.
"Todd, wait a--"
He turned back, glaring at her, "We're not married anymore, Téa. I don't have to listen to you. Take it up with the good ol' Reverend!"
"Todd!" She almost stamped her foot, "Please! I just-- I just want to talk to you for a minute. I'm not angry anymore, okay?" she pled, looking at him, then down, trying to gather her thoughts and emotions. "I'll admit, I was for a long time, but I'm not anymore."
"What? Your husband been teaching you about turning the other cheek? Forgiveness?"
"No," she said quietly, but quickly. "But he has been teaching me about marriage."
Todd groaned loudly, taking a step backwards. "I'd rather listen to you shriek at me than hear about the state of marriage according to Reverend Andy." He threw his head back, "God, I'd rather read the Banner than listen to that crap!"
Téa threw up her hands, her eyes flashing. "You know, this is part of why our marriage was such a disaster! You never listen to what I say; you just hear what you want to hear!"
"I don't want to hear this!"
She took a step toward him, her hands clasped in front of her. "Todd, I'm trying to apologize!" she snapped.
There was a long moment of silence before Todd spoke up slowly, "Well, that would be a first."
Téa shook her head, "No. But, it would be the first time I'd be apologizing for the right thing." She looked at him, a slightly nervous expression on her face. "Look, Todd, this is really hard for me to say, okay? So, can you just let me get through it without interrupting?" He shrugged slightly, looking briefly past her. She rolled her eyes. "I guess that's the best I'm going to get. Okay then," she took a deep breath, "I'm sorry. Todd, when we got married, at first, well-- ancient history, we both know the reasons behind that. But, the thing is, maybe that marriage made a lot more sense than what happened after. At least, we were honest--with each other if with no one else. In a warped and twisted way, granted, but we knew what we were doing and why. And then, it just went wrong," she sat down on the adjacent bench, not looking at him as he stood uncomfortably by, his hands still in his pockets. "I saw something I wanted, and I decided to create it if it didn't really exist. No matter who I hurt; no matter what the cost."
Todd shifted his weight, growing bored. "Téa, what the hell are you talking about?"
She wrapped her arms around her body, still not looking at him. "I wanted so badly to belong, to have a family, to be loved and needed, that I decided without asking your consent, to just make your family mine. Even though I knew it was -- hers." Téa paused, then went on. "And then I did the worst thing of all. I made you believe that you were nothing without me. That the only way you'd be whole was with me at your side." She leaned back, brushing her hand through her hair as Todd looked down on her piercingly. "I didn't do it consciously. Or maybe I did, I don't know. But, I did it. And I called it love. But, you can't only love part of someone, and you can't try to force them into a mold of who you want them to be. That's not love." Téa looked up at him, whispering, "What we had, it wasn't love."
Todd held her gaze with his own for a long moment. It was funny; he had been so angry with so many people when he was away--he had never stopped to think that she might be one of the people he was angry at with good reason. And, now, now that he recognized the anger, he was able to--just let it go. He sat down beside her on the bench, looking at this woman who he had thought he'd loved feeling--not much. Sorrow, maybe, at hurting another woman, but none of the soul-tearing guilt that he had felt when he had hurt Marty or Blair. Todd looked at Téa, maintaining a distance between them. "It wasn't love," he repeated. "I wanted it to be."
"No," she smiled sadly, "no you didn't. You wanted Blair; you always have. I wanted it to be love. I'm sorry, Todd; just because I did what I did in the name of love, doesn't make it alright."
He shook his head, uncomfortable with anyone giving him the benefit of the doubt, even her. "I hurt you, too, Téa. I hit you," Todd looked down then back up at her, "and, you're right, Blair--Blair was always there. I'm sorry that I hurt you."
"I know," she said, "but thank you for saying it." They both sat there in silence for a few minutes, then Téa gathered her leather briefcase, glancing at her watch. "I'd better go to work; I'm later than I had planned to be. Todd, I'm glad I ran into you, and I'm even glad you're back," she met his eyes, almost reaching for him, but restraining herself. He was not hers to reach for; he never had been. "For Starr's sake," she smiled a sad look in her eyes, like saying good-bye to a dream or a fairy-tale, as she rose, and walked away, not looking back.
Todd sat a minute longer, mulling over what had just gone on before he too rose to go to work. And then, he thought, the penthouse flashing through his mind complete with current occupants, then to home. It's been long enough; only one more obstacle left. I'm ready to come home, all the way.
