I'm Always Chasing Rainbows

Chapter 1:
julian had just left sheridan at the cafe... 'you've got the lives of three people in your hands' julian had said toher.... and she was dep in thought of not wanting to hurt any of them...just then she remembered the roses hank gave her...she was so upset that she didn't get them...he'll probably feel bad that she forgot all about them... beth was also going to the youth center to bring luis some coffee.... when the two women got there hank had was just getting ready to leave...and luis was putting the baseball equipment away...they saw the two women walkingin "hey what are you still doing here...."hank asked sheridan but before she could answer her phone rang... "hello..."she was a bit relieved that she didn't have to talk to hank right then and there... 'sheridan...i just want you to know that next time please inform me of your plans...ahead of time so that i may prepare my speech to father...about your choice in men....though not as bad as officer lopez-fitzgerald...hank benett is still of the inferior class...' with that she slammed the phone shut.... "who was that..." hank asked "who else...but my dear brother..."she was being sarcastic.... "so what are you doing here should you be getting ready..." "hank..."she had a tone of anger in her voice..."i don't need this right now okay..." "need what...i just asking why you aren't getting ready yet...i expect that you would take your time in getting ready..." "noo...for god's sake i'm 26 years old...and if it's not my father or brother telling me what to do...it's another man..." "whoa...sheridan i didn't mean anything by it...you look flustered...let me get you a glass of water...." "i do not need a glass of water..."she must have said that too loud cause luis came over.... "is everything okay?" he wasn't really asking hank...the question was directed to sheridan... "i'm fine...i'm sorry hank...you didn't deserve that....i'm just really under a lot of stress right now...julian just makes me irritable..." "maybe you need to take a breather..." luis smiled at her and offered her the couch in his office... ten minutes later...sheridan came out...more calmed...hank was still there waiting for her...so was beth...she was clearly annoying luis by her being too helpful... "i'm always chasing rainbows..."hank was singing as he waited...and sheridan came out and heard him singing it... "i know that song..." she went towards him "where did you hear it..." "oh...some really old movie...i think it was with frank sinatra and doris day..." (by the way that is where i got the idea...frank's big hit in the movie is this song...except 'i'm always chasing rainbows' is all i remember of the song so i improvized...) "funny...i know that song....i'm always chasing rainbows..." she said the words, but started singing it slowly..."trying to find...not a pot of gold...but warmth of love from the loneliness so cold...i'm always chasing rainbows..." she was in a almost meditative trance and luis and beth came over...luis thought she had a beautiful voice..."trying to find...the sunshine after the rain....i'm always chasing rainbows..." she choked back a sob "always in vain..." "wow sheridan...you never told me you could sing..."hank put his arms around her...she pulled away from his arms and walked towards the door..."sheridan what's wrong..." "i just remembered where i heard the song before..."she had her backs turned to them... "where?..."luis asked...because he remembered the song from the movie...but the lyrics didn't go they way she sang...though the tune was the same... she turned and faced them...tears had welled in her eyes..."my mother..."she has having trouble controlling the sobs now "it was the lullaby she sang to me..."she knew that she would fall apart soon...so she left in a hurry...to her sanctuary...her loneliness.... i know it's sad...but this isn't even the saddest part....
~*~blessed be~*~
LilLdyFarscaper

Chapter 2:
hank was about to follow her when luis stopped him and said that he would.... "look pal if anyone's going to comfort my girl it'll be me..." "hank...first of she's not your girl...and second you'll probably add to her suffering...you saw how aggitated she got with you...let me clear things up with...""no luis..." hank was sounding aggressive "look hank i don't have time for this...just stay here..." luis got to sheridan's cottage just a minute later then she did... "sheridan..." he said gently...he let himself in... "look luis...i don't need you of all people to see me breakdown right now..." but it was too late the tears were overfolwing and she couldn't hold them in anymore..."it's okay to cry sheridan..." "no...no it's not okay...cause it's weakness...." he came towards..."look luis please just leave..." "so what you can cry all alone..." "yes...exactly...i want to just have a good long cry by myself..." she said bitterly "i don't think you should be alone in this state..."he put his arms gently on her... "i'll have you know something luis...i have had only myself to comfort me all these years...and i'm not about to start relying on people more then already do....""well mama...always says..." she cried out..."my mother...." she pulled away from him "you know...i don't even know what she looks like...i used to think that i could hold her face in my memory forever...but one day i woke up and i couldn't see it anymore...can you believe that....." "sheridan...." he remembered when sheridan's mother died...because his mother lost her best friend...he tried to comfort her(sheridan)...but she wouldn't let him hold her... "and for the first time...in so long...i can hear her voice...i can't i remember her...it's like her whole being was erased from my memory...but i can hear her voice..." flash to scene years ago (sheridan isn't having this...just as a set the mood kind of thing...) "i'm always chasing rainbows...in vain...."the woman sang softly... "why are you crying mommy?" the little girl sat up from her bed... "mommy's just sad...that's all...""how come..." "oh sheridan...i wish i could give you a different life...we're trapped here...with them controling us...you've got to promise me...that when you grow up...you will not let them take away your freedom...you've got to be brave and don't let them push you around..." "i promise mommy..." the woman broke down crying and the little girl put her arms around her..."i'm always chasing rainbows....."

Chapter 3:
"i used to love this one poem called 'the courage my mother had' (a famous poem) you want to know why.." she didn't wait for his answered but continued as if talking to herself..."because it was about me...it was about the author's mother dying...and she talks about all the characteristics her mother had...but when she died...she left her daughter none of those things...only weakness...she wished that her mother could have left her courage..." this time when luis pulled her close she didn't pull away...only cried into his shoulder... after she cried she felt drained and fell asleep...after tucking her in he left...he knew that hank would go over ther if he didn't tell him that sheridan wasn't in the state to go out....leaving the cottage luis saw another side to sheridan crane...the side that truely needed protecting...and that he wanted to stay and hold till she knew she was safe...he also felt a void in him...all this time he was complaining about his father...sheridan didn't really have a father either....but at least he had a mother sheridan didn't...they had a lot more in common than he found out at the date...it made him think about his own father...maybe it wasn't too late for forgiveness after all...maybe his father did leave for a good reason....he still had memories of how good a man his father was...which made him even more sympathetic to sheridan...she didn't even have those of her mother.... he went to the youth center right away... "luis how is she...will she be okay to go out tonight..." "hank..."luis annoyed at his friend's insensitivity "she's in a really bad state right now...i don't think you should push her...she really needs to be alone...""yes...i think luis is right hank...luis do you need some help on those documents..." "no beth.."he was also annoyed at her...she was just pushing him too...the way hank pushed sheridan...only she was doing it more subtle..."i need to go home and talk to my mother right now..." he didn't even bother to look at the expressions on their faces..instead all he could focus on was asking his mother some questions.... "luis...it's none of your business...nor is it any of mine..." "mama don't you care about sheridan..." luis asked almost with anger "of course i do....that's why i'm going to see her right now..." she was getting her coat on...hoping he would leave it at that... "mama...i want to know what happened to her mother..."pilar sensed that by the tone of his voice he was really concerned about her... she signed..."luis...tell me...do you have strong feelings for sheridan...?" "i don't know mama...i just don't know...what i do know is that i didn't like seeing her like this..." he sat down and leaned his forehead against hishands... "well...her mother's death was a tragedy...sheridan was s affected by it...she had gotten really sick...and when she got better..it just seemed as if she forgot her mother ever existed..." "are you talking like amnesia or something..." luis the officer was nowalert... "well the doctors called it select amnesia...her pain was so unbareable that she blocked the memory from her mind...." "that's awful...how did her mother die..." "it's not a story i care to tell luis...even for me it's unbareable..." luis gave her a puzzled look... just then sheridan came into the kitchen...her face was still flushed from crying... she was breathing heavily as if she'd been in such a hurry..."pilar...i need you to tell me how my mother died..."her voice was full of desparation....

Chapter 4:
"sheridan..." both pilar and luis stood up... "please pilar...you have to tell me the truth...""i can't..." "pilar...i know what happened...i just need to hear it from someone else to be sure...i don't know how but i remember evrything..."luis offered sheridan a chair and a glass of water... "it's too horrible..."pilar shook her head and looked away from them "fine then i'll say it...did my mother commit suicide..."when pilar didn't look up sheridan covered her face "so it's all true..." "sheridan..."luis reached for her...she looked at him with tearful eyes "i remember everything luis...she was so unhappy...and she lived like that just to be there for us...but then she couldn't take it anymore...and i saw her...i saw her die..." and through tears and sobs she told him...even though he protested... "i saw her...in the garden...she had a bottle of pills and some kind of alcohol...and she wasn't dead when i got there...but she was barely alive...she couldn't even move anymore...and she told me to remember eveything that she told me...that it was the most important thing...to listen to what she told me about letting them control my life...she said that no matter how bad julian got that he was still har son and my brother...she said that he strived for father's love that he would do anything to please him...she told me that i'd have to take of him...and love him no matter what...and i could have gotten help....but i didn't...she was smiling...for once she was looked so peaceful...she said 'sometimes you have to let people go sheridan' and i stayed with her...i didn't want her to be alone when she died......does that make me a murderer...."luis couldn't answer her he was still at a disbelief of what she had to endure...but he just held her...he wanted to just hold her and take all of the pain away.... "sheridan you're not a murderer...you were only five years old...and your mother didn't commit suicide...i found you in the garden that day remember...i saw there with you when your mother died...i tried to take you away but you wouldn't listen...so i stayed there with your mother too...it was all i could do...she was dying already...in the end all i could do was keep my promise to love you and take care of you as my own...that's why when they took you away i was heartbroken...i didn't keep my promise..." pilar too was crying now...and sheridan when to comfort her...the two women comforted each other and cried..."yes you did...you were the one there for me while i grew up...maybe only for a couple of years...but during those years...i learned how to be careing and different from my father and brother...but what do you mean my mother was dying already.." "she had cancer...the pills were her medication...she didn't want you watch her die like that...so she pretended everything was okay...that's why it came as a shock to you when she died...her only happiness was her children...and julian has become as ruthless as his father already...so you were her world...she wanted you to be very happy..." pilar noticed for the first time that luis not only cared for sheridan but that he truely loved her...he stayed here and heard the truth of her past...and the painful look on his eyes she could tell was of the helplessness that he felt...she gave sheridan a hug and left the two alone...

Chapter 5:
now that everything was cleared up...and that she knew her mother didn't take her own life...she took a deep sigh of relief...and she needed to talk toluis "luis thank you so much..."she whispered...her head was lying on hisshoulder... "can't believe you had to go through all of that...i wish i could take all your pain away.." he drew her closer... "well it helps just to be in your arms..."she smiled at him..there faces being so close to each other he couldn't help but want to kiss her...he had aske dher on their date..this time she made the move...she pulled his head down to meet her lips...they kissed slowly and lightly... when the kiss ended...both felt light headed..."you know something..." "what...?" she was busy playing with his hair... "i'm always chasing rainbows too..." he smiled at her...."and i think i've just found the rainbows end..." with that she couldn't help but kiss him..."so have i..." this is one of my favorite songs by my favorite band...which i think sets the perfect mood... "crystal"-fleetwood mac originally-buckinghamnicks (which are in fleetwoodmac) do you always trust...your first..initial feeling special knowledge..holds true...bares believing.... i..turned..around..and the water was closing...all around...like a glove...like the love that had finally...finally found me.. then i knew...in the crystaline knowledge of you...drove me..through the mountain...to the crystalike and clear water fountain...drove me..like a magnet..into the sea...into the sea...yeah... how the faces of love..have changed..turning the pages and i have changed..but you..you remain ageless.... i..turned..around..and the water was closing...all around...like a glove...like the love that had finally...finally found me.. then i knew...in the crystaline knowledge of you...drove me..through the mountain...to the crystalike and clear water fountain...drove me..like a magnet..into the sea...into the sea...yeah...

THE END