Elmo knows where you live... (Elmo on "The Simpsons," after Homer balked at making a $10 000 donation to
                                                                                    PBS)
Celebrating one year on June 26th (I can't believe we made it to one year. Something actually kept my
                                                                                    attention for once)
Back, refreshed, and as mediocre as ever! (After my week long vacation to Montreal)

I'm not having this baby out of wedlock! (Lois, in a flashback episode of "Malcolm In The Middle")

"How did it come to this?" (Dharma, "Dharma & Greg")

We don't drink much around here to celebrate   ("Steve Carey," The Drew Carey Show)

Don't expect much    (Our May Sweeps cover page)

Her brain's not big enough for the shell, let alone the peanut (my best friend, describing her mother)

We always talk about single parents at home, but we never talk about single home parents
(guest star Scott Thompson, imitating Kitty, "Dharma & Greg")

Where there are two whores, there's always a Tina  (Tina Fey, "Saturday Night Live")

It's time to take the "Kate" out of fornicate! (Lewis, "The Drew Carey Show")

What happened to my piece of the cake? (Opening credits to "Gimme a Break")

Sunshine, lollipops & gunshots.... (I once used this as a subject to an email. I never got a repsonse)

I'll do things that'll make your toes curl (a song my best friend and I made up called "Hetero Girl")

I'm not gay but I'll give it a whirl (our favorite) (Another line to "Hetero Girl")

Better than a bucket of chicken. (My very first, very lame one. Quick death ensued)