No Longer



Note from Piper:

Hey, guys! guess what? It's me again. Here's another fic I've written. I got the idea from a fic somewhere... it's also an AoS fic, but I forgot the title, even the author. anyway, here it is!




She is back.

So?

I crossed my arms in front of my chest as I saw her walking up to my ship. I was the one who spotted her walking on the streets of that island where we were docked. My eyes followed a certain redhead, and I knew at once that it was she. She looks at me, only at me, and she wears a smile on her lips as she approached. But soon, her smile died as she saw me in my full profile.

I looked down on myself. I was wearing the same outfit I've always worn before: black tights, white shirt, black vest. I wore the same clothes I've worn ever since she left me. I looked at her again, making sure that my face is devoid of emotions. She walks straight to me, her face serious.

“Sinbad,” she breathed.

I didn’t respond. Her eyes seemed to have hardened by my lack of response. I don’t care. That wasn’t enough.

“I’m back.” She said.

“So I see.” I said, my voice lacking the emotions thatI should have felt, that she was expecting me to feel.I turned around, away from her. Then I stopped. “Your cabin is as it was before. I was about to let another use it, but then I thought otherwise. You might return.” I informed her. Not a sound was heard from either of us.

“Where are the others?” she asked, noticing the fact that the ship was practically deserted. Still I didn’t face her. I waved a hand as I spoke in a carefully modulated voice, a voice that I am sure she did not recognize. “They are having a tour of the island. I gave them the week off. They should be back by the third day from now.”

Silence.

Then I heard it. Footsteps across the deck. She went down to her cabin.

Silence.

I looked out to the sea. I closed my eyes, and I feel the wind against my skin. The cold, harsh wind. I opened my eyes when I heard her footsteps again. She was right behind me, and I knew it at once.

“So… what happened while I was gone?” she asked, for at once she was at topside with me.

I turned around. This time, I want her to see my face as I spoke. “The same. We still lived our lives. We went on.” I smiled a smile without mirth. “It’s funny, you know.”

Her eyes softened a little when she saw my smile.“What is?”

“I almost didn’t notice that you were gone.” I said, my eyes not reflecting the hurt that my heart was feeling. I was beginning to wonder for how long I continue on with this charade of mine, for how long could I go on to be this uncaring slob.

The eyes hardened again, even harder than the wood wewere standing on. She pressed her lips to a thin line.“That is funny.” She said, looking down on the floor.

For a few minutes, we just stood there, saying nothing to each other. I refused to give in to my desire of asking her anything. Our eyes didn’t even meet, for I knew that mine would betray the emotions that I was experiencing as of that moment, and hers would just be full of anguish. I might be forced to drop this cool demeanor and run to her, an act that I had promised myself I would never do again.

I heard her expel a long, haggard breath, and then she walked to me, held my shoulders with both her hands, and looked at me straight in the eye. Her eyes were swimming with tears she refused to shed. “Damn it, Sinbad? Why are we so formal with each other?” she asked.

“What did you expect, Maeve? You were gone for two years. I grew up. You grew up. For all I know you’re not the same Maeve I befriended before.” I answered.

“Apparently you’re not the same Sinbad I befriended before,” she whispered, her voice equaling mine with its lack of emotions. I looked at her eyes, and I noticed that the tears were gone, too.

“We changed.” I said, disentangling myself from her grasp. Her fingers, with that brief contact, already left their imprints with my flesh.

She shook her head. “No. You’re wrong, Sinbad. I didn’t change. The only person who changed radically is you.” She stared at me, daring me to defy her statement. I did nothing of that sort. I only looked at her, and for the first time I noticed that what she said was true.

The dress she wore now is the same dress she wore before. Her hair still glints under the sun, though it was slightly longer. Her eyes still looked the same, big, beautiful stars on her face. She didn’t change, not in the slightest bit.

“I grew up. I became the one I should have been before. I’m not the same boy you left. I grew up. I am what I should have been from the beginning.” I defended myself. Damn it, why should I be on the defensive?

“Yes, you grew up.” She said. In a small, sad voice she added, “You grew up to be very different from the Sinbad I once knew.”

“The Sinbad you once knew is a fool.” I said in a hard voice. “He lets his emotions run everything for him. He doesn’t think before he act. He foolishly thinks of himself as a hero.”

“Ah, but indeed he was a hero, for the people he had helped, for the lives he had changed. He was a hero, both in appearance and in heart.”

“But Maeve, appearance isn’t everything.” I said, smiling insincerely.

“Yes, that’s true.’ She said, softly. “But the heart is. And the way I see it, you are nothing compared to the Sinbad of before. You are not even the palest shadow of him. You are nothing.” She turned away from me, and began to walk away.

“Don’t you dare walk away from me, woman!” I shouted before I got hold of myself. I was surprised that I yelled at her. How could I do that? And when I saw her body stiffen, I know that she is surprised, too.

She turned to face me, smiling that sad smile, a single tear rolling down on her cheek. “You see?” she whispered, but still I can hear her. “You just proved my point. You are nothing. Nothing.” And with that sheran below deck.

I turned around. I combed my fingers through my hair. This… everything is just her fault! If she hadn’t left me… all alone, all alone…I wouldn’t have changed! This is all her fault! I cursed under my breath, and decided to let her know what I feel. It’s time for me to admit my emotions like a true man, face them as I have done with those enemies I had faced before. I stomped my way below deck, and then opened the door of her cabin. I can see that she visibly jumped. She wasn't expecting my arrival.

“What do you want?” she asked warily.

“I want us to talk.” I answered.

“Go away, Sinbad.” She said. “We already did that, and I don’t think it did any good.”

I grabbed her arm, and forced her to face me. “We will talk whether you like it or not. Do you hear me?”

I saw the brown fire flared in her eyes. She yanked her arm away from my grasp. “Fine. You talk.” She turned away from me.

Then suddenly she faced me. “You know what? I’ll go first. What the hell happened to you, Sinbad? And no, don't you start on me by telling me you grew up. Stop feeding me that crap. I've had enough of those topside. What happened to you?” she asked me, exasperated.

“You want to know what the hell is going on? You want to know why I changed into this?” I asked her.

“Yes! Damn it, I want to know the truth!”

“It’s all because of you!” I thundered. I walked to and fro, encircling her in the crowded cabin. “You left me, Maeve. You left me that night. I went crazy afterwards. Do you think it was fun for me to think that you were dead? That you were thrown overboard, and I wasn't able to save you?”

“Answer your own questions, sailor, for I think you know what my response would be.” She said, venom dripping from every syllable.

“No, I rather hear you say it. For once, Maeve, listen to me. If not as your captain, as your friend. Why did you leave me that night?” I said, my tone softening a bit.

“As a friend, Sinbad?” she asked me sarcastically. I winced at the tone of her voice.

“You don’t know what you are saying. I don’t think we are friends anymore. Not after the way you treated me upstairs.” She glared at me before she went out of the cabin.

“Where are you going?” I asked her, following her.

“Where do you think I’m going? I’m leaving. Goodbye.” She said, not even bothering to look at me.

“You are not leaving me again!” I yelled to her. dare give me orders, sailor! I am no longer a part of your crew, remember? So don’t you dare tell me what to do, because you have no right to do so!" She shouted back.

That was when I noticed that we were no longer alone in the ship. Doubar, Firouz, Rongar and Bryn were back. And now, they just stood there, gaping at us. Maeve moved to them, nodded, and then walked out of the Nomad.

I smiled as brightly as I could to the others. “You're back early,” I commented. Doubar ignored my comment, looked at her departing figure, and then strode to me. His eyes were flashing. "Would you mind telling us what happened in here?” he asked.

“Don’t even bother,” I mumbled. My head was beginning to throb.

“Sinbad! I demand that you explain this incident to us!” Bryn said, for she had noticed the tears that were streaming down on Maeve’s face before she left. She planted her hands at her hips, and pinned me with a glare.

“Please, just leave it alone.” I muttered, physically and emotionally strained. I threw a glance outside the Nomad. I saw Maeve’s figure walking her way into the crowd. She stopped and looked back at the Nomad. I looked away, afraid that our eyes would meet.

“No, we would not lay it to rest unless you tell it to us, Sinbad! We have the right to know!” Firouz said.

“All right, then!” I shouted, fed up with their incessant ramblings and questions. They want to hear it, fine. “I told her what I felt after her leaving this ship. That is all.”

“Somehow I sensed that she didn’t like what you said. ”Bryn said, her distaste evident in her expression.

I looked at her. “Who cares what she thought about it? I told her what I think and that’s that.”

“I’ll go after her.” Bryn offered. She looked at Doubar for permission. Doubar just nodded.

“No! Don’t!” I said. “Let her leave! If that’s what she wanted to do, let her be!” But she just ignored me. She ran out of the Nomad.

“Now look here, little brother. Did you even bother to let her explain as to why she had left us? My silence gave him my answer.

“I see. So you didn’t even give her the chance. How could you, Sinbad?” Firouz asked me.

”How could I what?” I asked him back.

“How could you be this… this… arggh!” Firouz shouted.

I stilled. I never did saw Firouz act that way before.

“You… Sinbad… how could you do that to her? She came back, Sinbad. She came back, to us, but most especially, to you, and what did she get from you? You almost bit her head off with your callous remarks and your uncharacteristic behavior!” He said.

“You don’t understand!” I said to him.

“Yes, yes I don’t understand it, Sinbad. I don’t understand why you can’t admit to yourself that you love her, my friend! Don’t you think it is time for her to know that?” Firouz asked.

I shook my head. “No, No, NO! that’s not it! What’s the use of my telling her everything when she would just leave me again? What’s the use of it? Tell me!”

I could see that Firouz had turned to Doubar for help. He sighed, and then spoke.

“Brother, whoever said she will leave you again?”

“But she did that already. Can’t you see? She left me again!”

“That’s because you drove her away.” Doubar answered me.

“No! She left because she doesn’t want to be here, with me!”

“Sinbad, any woman would leave you if you would show them the same treatment you showed Maeve!” Firouz stated.

I looked at Firouz, then at Doubar, then at Rongar who was silently watching all of these. I saw him nod tome, his face grim, and I knew for once that he is agreeing with Doubar and Firouz.

I turned away from them. “It’s very easy for all of you to say that, because you’re not me. No, you know what? I don’t have to explain anything to you. Why don’t you just mind your own business? Leave my life alone, let me worry about it!”

“Oh, so now you’re shutting us out, too?” Doubar asked, crossing his arms in front of him. “If I may just say this to you, brother, you have foolishly acted and behaved around Maeve. You’re an idiot, Sinbad, an imbecile to ever think of her as the reason for everything that has happened to you. No, the reason for everything is yourself. You mourned her loss, and now that she has come back you just send her out.” He said in a harsh voice.

I glared at him. “You don’t understand.” I repeated.

“Yes, I don’t understand it, brother, on how you had become this insensitive. I don’t understand why you have become the person you once hated. I don’t understand why you keep hurting the persons you love. ”And with those words he left me.

Firouz looked at his departing figure, sighed, then turned his eyes on me. “Sinbad, there is still time. She is still near. Tell her, please, for the peace of both your hearts.”

I placed a hand on my forehead. They are all correct, everything they had said is true. There is still time. I can still make things right between us.

I smiled my thanks to Firouz, and to Rongar. “Tell my brother that I am following what he has told me. Tell him that I had awakened.” And with those words I left the ship. I walked and walked, looking around me as I did so. I cannot see any red-haired woman anywhere. Suddenly, a tap at my shoulder made me turn around.

It was Bryn. “I hope you are here because you are going to apologize to that girl.” She said, her voice giving away her irritation towards me.

I nodded, and then smiled at her. “That I am going to do. By the way, where is she?” I asked.

She smiled at me. “Finally, you have come to your senses. She’s in there,” she said, pointing towards a small, nearly deserted tavern to our left.

“Thank you, Bryn.” I told her.

“No problem.” She said, before turning on her heels.

I breathed deeply, trying desperately to calm my jittery nerves, and then I started to walk to that tavern.

I opened the door, and there she was. She was sitting there, her hair wrapping itself around her like a cloak. An untouched glass of ale was her only company. I walked to her slowly. Then, I reached out, and placed a hand on her shoulder.

She turned around, and said nothing.

“Maeve, can I… can I talk to you for a moment?” I asked.

She lowered her lashes. I thought she was going to refuse me, but then she looked back at me and nodded.

I sat beside her. “I’m sorry, Maeve,” I said sincerely.

“For what? You only told me you don’t want me back. If that’s what you really want, I respect you for it. I don’t stick around where I am not welcomed.” She said.

“No, no, that’s not it. Please, just listen to me.” I looked deep into her warm brown eyes. “I don’t know what possessed me to say those things to you. I know that I have hurt you…”

“Yes, yes you did hurt me. You don’t know how much, but you did.” She admitted, her voice cracking.

I held her hand between both of mine. “I know how much, Maeve, because whenever you hurt, I hurt too.” I squeezed her hand. “I am so sorry. I guess I was just…afraid, because… because…”

“Afraid? You? Of what?” she asked me. “I’ve watched you defeat many enemies. I watched you fearlessly slaying one monster after another. Tell me, how can a slayer like you be afraid?” I detected a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

I sighed. “Yes, Maeve, I am afraid. I am very afraid that I will only lose you again… and that I cannot bear any more.”

“But Sinbad… I have returned. I am not going away. But what I don’t understand is… is why…” a tear dropped on one cheek. I wiped it away with my finger.

“I don’t understand it myself. I guess, I just want to make you feel the hurt I felt when you left me.”

“I did not leave you intentionally, Sinbad. If given the chance I would have never left you at all. But it has to be done… I have to get stronger. I had to practice my magic more. That was why I was kept away. ”She looked at me again. “Which is why I was hurt when you told  me that you never noticed my absence. You make it sound as though it was nothing, whereas for me, our parting was agony…”

“ It was agony for me too, Maeve. More than you’ll ever know. I’m so sorry for hurting you, when I could have just said, ‘Hey, welcome back.’” I said, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

Her expression still somber,  she whispered, “I wish you did…”

“Maeve, please, listen to me. I want you to be back on my ship. I want to sail with you again. Do you know that my every waking day is incomplete, because I know that you  won’t be there when I get up? That all around me I see faces, faces that are not important because they are not yours?” I made her look at me. “Please, Maeve. Please come back. And I'm not telling you this because I was once your captain…” She cut me off. “You still are.” She said.

I smiled, but I think it is time that she knows the truth, so I tried again. “I’m not telling you this because I am your captain. I am telling you this because…” I took a deep breath, and then went on,“ because I don’t want you to leave me again. When you left me, all I can see is the dark… you are my candle, Maeve. You are my candle in the night. You give me hope… you give me joy… and most of all, you give me love…”

She stared at me with wide eyes. “Love…?”

“Yes, Maeve. Love. Because I am in love with you. More than you’ll ever know. More than words can express. More than…” I see her expression brighten, her eyes shine… “You know, for a sailor such as yourself, you tend to talk too much.” She said, and before I even know what hit me, she was in my arms, my mouth yielding to hers…and I knew at that once that she had forgiven me for hurting her… and that she loved me, and she had agreed to stay… without use of words I knew that she is mine, and I no longer need to feel alone… that together we no longer have to face the world as individuals, but as one being… that the rain clouds are no longer blocking the sun, and that she and I have to hide from each other … no longer.

The End!




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