As I look inside the window and see Sheridan sitting on the couch
clutching
the rose I gave her in her hand, the pain in my chest becomes almost
unbearable. She's crying and my heart is breaking for her - and for
me.
Nothing makes any sense to me. Nothing except the way I feel about
her. I
can no longer deny it. I'm in love with her. Hearing her say there was
no
hope for a future between us was almost more than I could handle. I
went
numb inside.
I know I could have told her what she wanted to hear, but I would have
been
lying and I won't do that. She deserves so much more than a man who
would
lie to her. Why can't she see that I would never do that? Why can't
she see
that I would never and could never use her? But most of all why can't
she
believe in me? Why can't she believe in us?
I watch as more tears fall from her eyes and unable to stop myself I
move
toward the door. I take a second to look inside the tiny window and
when I
see her bury her face in her hands, I can't help myself from turning
the knob
and opening the door.
She looks up at me with that tear filled blue eyes and as our eyes
meet, I
know I have to find a way to convince her that I never said those
things she
thinks I did. But how? She' so convinced she saw and heard me on the
wharf
that night, but I know I didn't say those things. I just wish I could
remember that night better. The only thing I remember with clarity is
the
kiss we shared that night. I remember it very well. It was like
nothing I
had ever felt before and I know I will never fell it again. Not unless
I can
get Sheridan to change her mind about our future. Change her mind?
Yeah
right, the woman doesn't change her mind. She's too damn stubborn.
"Sheridan," I say as I step into the room and close the door behind me,
this
time locking it so we won't be interrupted yet again. "We need to
talk."
"I'm not sure there's anything left to say." She says getting up from
the
couch and placing the rose back in the vase. "I thought we pretty much
said
it all."
"No," I say walking toward her and talking her by the arms. "There is
still
plenty left to say."
"Like what?" She asks as she searches my eyes. "What else is there to
say?
Nothing can change what I saw and heard. You won't admit to it so
there's
nothing left to say."
"I won't admit to it because it's not true. Sheridan," I saw staring
deep
into her eyes begging her to trust me. "Have I ever given you a reason
to
doubt me? Other than the night you think you saw and heard me down on
the
wharf?"
"No," She says shaking her head and pulling back out of my embrace.
She
looks back at me with fresh tears in her eyes and the knot in my chest
tightens its grip. "But I know what I saw and I know what I heard. It
was
you, Luis."
"What is it going to take for you to believe me?" I ask. "What do I
have to
do to prove to you that I would never and could never use you?"
"There's nothing you can do, Luis. I stood there on the wharf like a
fool and
heard you say you were using me. I saw your face and I heard your
voice. You
can't prove you weren't there when I know you were."
"Prove it."
"What?" She asks clearly confused.
"If you saw and heard me that night on the wharf then prove it to me."
"I... I can't."
"Why not?" I ask walking toward her. "You say it happened so you
should be
able to prove it to me. Unless of course you're saying I'll just have
to
trust you, which would really bother me because you have no proof."
"But I wouldn't make something like this up!"
"No of course not, but you can't prove it can you? Just ask I can't
prove I
didn't say those things, you can't prove I did, which means we both
have to
trust what the other says."
I watch her take a deep breath as my words slowly start to sink in. "I
get
it now. You're trying to confuse me so that I'll forget what I saw and
heard. Well it won't work! I know what I saw Luis and I know what I
heard!"
"I don't want to confuse you, Sheridan. I just want you to believe in
me.
Obviously you can't and that…" I can't finish the thought because my
throat
suddenly becomes too tight to talk. I turn and walk toward the door,
praying
the whole way that Sheridan will stop me. That she'll tell me she
believes
me. But she doesn't. She doesn't say a word and that tells me more
than I
want to know.
As I open the door and walk back out into the cool crisp air, I realize
Sheridan is right. There can be no future between us. She doesn't
trust me
and without trust there is nothing. Shaking my head, I shut the door
then
lean back against it wishing for something that I know will never be.
THE END
Here's Sheridan's Heartbreak...
Prove it. The words echo in my head long after Luis shut the door
behind him
as he walked out of the cottage. Watching him walk away broke my heart
all
over again. Tears burn my eyes just thinking about the pain and
disappointment I saw in his earlier tonight. I want to go to him and
tell him
I do trust him, but I know I can't. I can't trust him because he lied
to me.
I know what I saw and heard that night on the wharf, yet my heart is
trying
to change my mind. Why? Why is my heart telling me to trust Luis when
I
know I can't? It doesn't make sense.
The image of Luis talking on that cell phone and saying those awful
things is
still burned into my mind and as much as I want to forget it, I can't.
I
don't trust myself to know when he is being honest with me. I trust
him with
my life because he's proven time and time again that I can, but
trusting him
with my heart is another matter altogether. He's already broken it
once and
I can't be sure he won't do so again.
If only he would have admitted it then maybe there could have been a
chance
for us. I would have known he was being honest with me. But he didn't
admit
it. He looked me right in the eye and lied, even though he knew I'd
caught
him. Yet he'd been so convincing. If Julian hadn't interrupted us
earlier,
I might have actually fallen for his lie and that scares me. Why do I
suddenly want to forget what I saw and heard him say? Why do I
suddenly feel
as I I'm the one that did something wrong? He sure seems to think so.
The look in his eyes as he realized I wasn't going to give in had been
more
than I could take. The pain and heartache in his eyes seemed so real
and yet
how could they be? I'm so confused. I don't know what to believe. My
head
is telling me not to trust him, but my heart my heart trusts him
beyond what
it should. Why? My heart is what he broke all those months ago and no
matter how many times I remember that awful conversation, it still says
I can
trust him.
But I know I can't and that's why I must keep my distance from him. It
would
be so much easier if he wasn't my bodyguard. Everything would be so
much
easier if I didn't have to see him so much. My pain would be easier to
deal
with if I didn't have to see its reflection in his eyes. Am I crazy?
I feel
as if I am. I feel as if I'm going to go insane. I want to go to him
so much
and yet I know I can't. I don't trust myself when I'm around him,
because
when I'm with him my heart always tries to override my head and I can't
allow
that to happen. That's how I got my heart broken in the first place.
No,
the best thing I can do is to just stay away from Luis. I know I'm
doing the
right thing. I know I am. I can't trust him with my heart and without
trust, there is nothing. Sighing, I sit back down on the couch and
bury my
face in my hands, wishing for something I know will never be. Wishing
for
Luis and the life we could have had.
THE END
