2313-40

Lou's nails dug into Jimmy's arm as Noah stepped out of the sickbay. Jimmy noticed her breathing labored, like it was painful. With a worried gaze in Noah's direction Jimmy tried to call for his attention. But Noah had already noticed.

"Lou," he called out softly, laying an arm around her shoulders, steering her to a chair by the wall. "He'll be just fine, we just overdid the medication slightly, he woke and had no ideas where he was at. He was in shock because we overstimulated the dendrition. He was back in a ugly moment of his life, I don't think he actually even saw you in there, it wasn't you he reacted too, it was visual memories flooding his visual cortex. Shouldn't have happened, but he's brain activity is more sensitive than we thought. I just gave him an anticholinerg substance, it should hold him down. He is still awake, just a little subdued so to say. He might fall asleep later, but he'll be all right."

Lou looked at Noah, her breath shivering, "are you sure? He looked so...I thought he..."

"He'll be fine Lou, in fact I'm gonna send Jimmy here in to watch him for a while. I need to check you out too, you looked about ready to faint there for a while."

Jimmy smiled gratefully at Noah, wondering if he had read his thoughts. "No Lou. Let Noah check you out. Ya know Kid'll swab the floor with me if he finds out I had you watching over him when you really should be resting."

"Lou, I'll watch him for ya, just let Noah check you out and get some rest. Don't get up until you can stand on your feet without your head swirling!"

Jimmy could still hear Lou wheezing as he opened the door to the sickbay. He dragged a chair to the bedside, watching all the equipment for a while, remembering a time so long ago he had done exactly the same. For the longest time he tried to think how to tell Kid all he needed to say. But they had never talked much, they didn't quite sync in that department. Not things like this, deep things. They mostly shot wisecracks at each other or occasionally yelled. Like after the last time he had watched the monitors over Kid's head. The sentence 'I've killed him, I've killed, I've killed him' kept throbbing in his temples. That time he had really beaten Kid half to death. That time he hadn't uttered a word to Kid, he had just sat there, until the docs came in and told him the Kid would make it. Then he fled. This time he'd tell the Kid everything. Kid deserved as much. He still was the best friend he'd ever had, despite all.

"Hey bro! I'm sorry. I shoulda said this years ago but I just couldn't. I guess I've learned to express myself a little better. And it helps you bein' half unconscious too. I'm just telling you this and you better listen; Lou loves you just as much as you love her. Get that into your thick skull. And nothing will happen to her, heck you're here to protect her, I'm there to protect her. We're all there for her, we're here for you both. I guess I'm sayin'...Kid hell, you're like a brother to me. I want you and Lou to be deliriously happy, I want you to get that family with lots of annoying little brats. I care for her like a sister Kid, that's all. Don't you think I've learned a thing or two too? Hell, look at me, I let Amanda go, and I'm regretting it more every day. Don't make that mistake Kid, I'm telling you this for your own good."

He paused for a while, wondering if the dared thread further into the issue of himself and Lou. Or if that might be too much for the Kid at this instance. He wouldn't probably listen, he'd always been so damned thick headed. And knowing he had lied to Kid before about things like this didn't exactly help him right now. He took one deep breath and decided to spill his heart out, Kid would have to choose for himself to believe him or not.

"I'm not getting in the middle of anything any longer, you gotta believe that. And it wouldn't matter anyhow, Lou's different, she's like you. A one man women, I mean a one woman man...hell, you know what I mean. You and she belong, that's what I'm saying, and if you brake her heart I'll brake your goddamned kneecaps! Let go off that damned guilt already, it wasn't our fault, we just happened to be there. She lied and deceived us both, we were just too young and stupid. I thought I was cursed I really did, coz' every relationship went sour on me. I guess it was me all along, I made those relationship falter, coz' I was scared. I guess you did exactly the same, you became the monk. Coz' you were scared too. But Kid, out there in the ASA Lou wouldn't let you die, she'd rather have died herself. She was so scared but she still took that awful thing and saved you, I could tell she was fighting so hard to try and stay calm and rational. But she was frantic Kid, she was scared out of her mind for you. But she still kept her cool and saved you because otherwise she'd have died too. She just wouldn't give up. Just like you did for her, don't you see? Both out there on the ridge that day, when you held on to her, refusing to let go. I knew then already that it would be the two of you. And then three days ago..."

Jimmy turned to look out the window, feeling guilty for not noticing earlier that his friend had troubles.

"You too must have known something was terribly wrong with you, and still you saw to it that Lou wouldn't feel pain. If that's not belonging Kid I don't know what is. I'm telling you here. I'm sorry for not noticing, I'm sorry, I shoulda know you better and checked you out. You're so damned thickheaded sometimes. Just know that all your imaginary debts are paid, trust me on that one. You don't owe me, you don't owe the memory, you don't owe anybody anything. Just love her Kid, and most important of all, let her love you too. You deserve that, bro!"

Jimmy looked at the EEG, the lines he couldn't understand still showed movements with every one of his words. But Kid still said nothing and Jimmy couldn't be sure he really heard or understood what he was saying. Jimmy rose to lean over his thickheaded friend.

Kid's eyes flickered and Jimmy could have sworn there was a shadow of a smile. Jimmy grinned, the damned man heard him all right, he was just feigning not to. He lifted his eyes to the screen and saw Amanda standing there. Surprised he blinked. Amanda's lips moved and he saw her utter the word 'Jimmy'. Suddenly he felt the need to be held too, a need for Amanda. He smiled at her and she looked straight at him, her hands pressed against the window separating the rooms.

Never losing eye-contact with her he patted the frame of the bed at his side awkwardly. "I'm going to get her now so you behave!"

When he opened the door Amanda threw her arms around him, "Oh God Jimmy. I heard it all. How ar'ya?"

Suddenly Jimmy felt all at home. Clutching her close he sighed deeply. "Amanda," was all he got out.

"I know. Jimmy, I know. I'll take care of you now. Don't you worry, I'll be here."

Jimmy buried his face into her hair and let her hold him, he knew she had the strength he lacked right now. And she wasn't faulting him for it.

He faintly heard Lou's voice and felt her push past him. Amanda nodded and stroke Jimmy's hair. "It's all right Jimmy, everything is all right."

Lou tiptoed into the room, afraid to make sudden moves and cause that same awful reaction in Kid as last time. But Kid seemed more restful now, his face less drawn. He seemed to sleep like a baby.

"Kid, honey," she called out softly, brushing a wayward tendril of hair behind his ear. "Jimmy was just telling me what happened to you both. Nothing else sweetie. I'm so sorry if we hurt you, we never meant to. It's all over now Kid, I'm here with you."

She thought she felt a slight movement in him, but she wasn't sure. His breath had definitely changed, getting shallower.

"Sweetheart, look at me, please. I just want you to open your eyes and look at me."

She smiled as his eyes opened and the blueness enfolded her again. Tears pricked behind her eyelids as their gazes locked. She wanted to tell him she loved him but her throat was so tight. She fought tears while drowning in the gaze, his eyes warming her, making her calm and exited all at once.

Lou touched his scrubby cheek, waiting for him to look at her again. There was uncertainty in the blue orbs as they hesitantly met hers. He looked so bewildered, so lost. Lou fought the tears. "Yes I'm sure, 'bout a lotta things." Her voice thick with emotion, her eyes threatening to overflow. "You need a shave," she said, trying to cover her emotionality.

She bent down to kiss his lips. "You did nothing wrong sweetheart, nothing at all." Gazing into his eyes she smiled softly at him, brushing away an unruly lock falling over his forehead. "I love you Kid," she whispered before kissing his cheek. Reveling in the warmth of his skin.

He kissed her back, their lips barely touching, his eyes closing and the strong arm around her waist clasping her close.

"I told him, Kid, I told Sean, finally. I was wrong all this time, I do need you."

He opened his eyes and looked into hers, a pain shadowing the blueness. The shadow of a doubt.

She nodded, "yeah Kid, as much as I hate to admit to it, I was wrong. I'm ready now, ready to be with you and tell the world about it. Ready to really commit, I'm not afraid anymore."

"No Kid, not afraid of you, afraid of loving and being loved. I wouldn't admit to loving you Kid, coz' I thought loving makes you weak and dependent, longing makes you feel so frail, vulnerable. Loving means putting somebody else first. You always knew that, honey, I know that, you showed me but I didn't understand. I'm sorry. Thought it was safer to not love, that I'd be stronger if I didn't let the feelings I have for you surface."

"I know I was wrong Kid, loving makes you stronger really, it makes you see things differently. I realized that when I saw you lying there, I would have done anything for you, anything. And not because you asked, but because I wanted to, because I needed to. I always thought things would get perfect if somebody loved me unconditionally. But the truth is things fell into place when I started loving you. More than being loved I needed to love somebody, like I love you."

He looked into her eyes and she leaned in to kiss him anew, she didn't need his declaration of love, she felt it. He really loved her, not because she was perfect or anything. He loved her because she was she, and she really couldn't understand it fully yet. She couldn't understand the reasons behind the strong feelings they shared, but she relished in them. It was safe and promising, excitement and calm, an adventure in a safe harbor, it was she and Kid. Together, something that defied science, instead it dwelled in her being, her need for this man and his for her.

"Kid, will you marry me someday? Let's have kids and everything and let's never let go!"

Kid chuckled, and Lou kissed his lips again. "Don't laugh!" She told him sternly.

"But the ring," Kid smiled, trying to get up. "I'm an old-fashioned guy you know. And from last time I remember I thought you wanted everything done right, won't that mean I should be..."

Lou pushed him back down. "It's hard for you to get down on your knees right now, thought I'd ask before somebody snatched you away from me."

"Nobody is snatching me anywhere Lou. You know I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I already asked you, remember?"

"I'm sorry, I was wrong," Lou admitted, "so? I'll go get you an engagement ring tomorrow!"

He chuckled in reponse, ruffling her hair. Shaking his head. Lou's felt her knees about to give away, she was too late, Kid didn't want her. He had changed his mind. He was saying no and she only had herself to blame. She had to look away.

"Any day," Kid smiled and cupped her face into his hand, looking at her intently. "Any day, Louise McCloud, any day and everyday."

She wanted to pinch him hard but instead she closed her eyes and kissed him. Avoiding all the tubes around him she struggled before she got into position to wrap her arms around him and kiss him warmly.

Lou silenced him with another light kiss on the lips. "And wise," she grinned at him, "don't forget that!"

Lou chuckled at him, today he'd say anything. "That's my man, you're getting it!"

Lou laughed in joy, kissing him lightly each time he got the answer right, getting him to admit to anything and everything. "Lightning is faster than Katy?" She peered at him expectantly.

Lou leaned in closer to him, pausing with her lips a fraction of an inch above his, her hand on his shoulders keeping him down. Then she kissed him properly, with eyes closed she kissed him fully, her breath getting caught at the sensation of his tongue touching hers. Retreating as he answered her kiss eagerly. A grunt escaping him as she stopped.

"No he ain't," Lou smiled, and kissed him again. This time never retreating as he answered her. Not stopping before the Invitae started signaling an elevated heart rate and Noah stuck his head in through the door and told them to break it up.

"Let's make sure," Kid said huskily and tried to kiss her. Cursing as he tangled himself into the equipment surrounding him. "Please Lou, help me get rid of all this," he pleaded.

Rachel watched Noah shake his head at the two inside the room. "Them two are gonna kill each other, mark my words!"

Rachel hooked her arms around his, "Lovin' never killed anyone as far as I know, well not directly...but you know what lack of sleep will do to a man?" She blinked at him.

"Rach!" Noah whispered, "I've never told you but I'm afraid of sleepin' alone." Rubbing his nose tenderly against her cheek he begged her to join him. "You're just as beat as I am, Rach!"

Rachel just pushed him out of the room, laughing as he tripped over the threshold in his exhaustion.

"Please," he begged again. "Don't feel like being alone right now." He waited for her to walk up at his side, silently begging her to join him, all he needed right now was to hold her tight. He needed to rest with her. Opening the door to his room he smiled pleadingly, sighing in relief as she shook her head and stepped inside. Closing the door behind them he threw his arms around her. Their lips closing the distance. The sensation of her in his arms driving the tiredness away.

"No," Noah mumbled as he let his lips trail down her neck, "I'm a sick man, I have that ailment we talked about. I need you to cure me immediately. Please make love to me."

"Noah!" Rachel protested, freeing herself from his hold and walking back to the door, leaving him empty-handed in the middle of the floor. "We're probably breaking all the rules of decent behavior according to the HuRec standards in this place already!"

"No," Noah replied softly, "you're just breaking my heart. I'm begging you please, don't do that."

Rachel stood with her hand on the doorknob, ready to get out of the room. At the sound of his voice she turned back to watch him. "Noah, I'm too old for you!"

Noah looked absolutely baffled, of all the reasons for Rachel's hesitations this was the last one he'd guessed. "Is that why you've been avoiding me? Four years are keeping us apart?"

"I like older women," Noah said softly as he walked up to her. "And I'm in love with this old woman." Entwining his arms around her waist he turned her to face him. "I thought it was because the color of my skin!"

"Damn you Noah," Rachel panted as his lips found her earlobe, "damn you for thinking like that!"

Noah as too occupied with kissing her to realize she was walking him backwards to the bed.

Noah laughed and reached to draw her with him. "I love you cradle-robbing old woman, just let me show you how much."

Rachel rolled him to his back and opened the buttons of his shirt with her teeth.

"Oh God," was all Noah was able to mumble as he buried his hands into the wild red hair.

Amanda sat at the edge on the bed watching Jimmy snore slightly. They hadn't said much at all, she had finally gotten some food into him and then to bed. Wrapping the sheets around him like he was a small child he had protested with a grunt. In that instance she had felt like getting out a storybook and reading him a goodnight story. A story with a happy ending.

He looked so peaceful right now, curled up in bed, nose stuck into the pillow. She loved this side of Jimmy too, the vulnerable side. Contrasting sharply with his masculine outlines. The contrast only making her long more for him. Her poor baby was so beat, she wondered when he had last slept in peace? When she had undressed him for bed he still tried to keep up the facade of the lone ranger, the man who had everything in control. That he didn't need anybody at all, that he was man enough to cope with anything. But he had molten into her hands as she hugged him and rocked him in her arms, telling him to get some sleep. Telling him he had nothing to prove to her, asking him to trust her and let her finally take care of him.

She already knew he was man enough, no doubt about that. But know she saw the softer side of him too, and it melted her heart.

Looking down on him she softly caressed his cheek, he undoubtedly needed a shave, the skin coarse under her fingers. She just had to place a kiss on the slowly pulsating vein on his temple. "Love you Jimmy," she whispered.

She remain looking at him while he slept, the air getting cooler around them as the sun faded outside. The room getting dark. Getting another blanket she wrapped it around him, smiling to herself at the motherly instincts he awoke in her. Then she kicked off her shoes and eased herself into the bed at his side, careful not to wake him.

She held her breath until she was sure he was asleep again. Then she let her hand rest on the arm encircling her and smiled.

She woke at the first light, moving slowly from Jimmy's hold she realized neither of them had moved during the night. Looking down at Jimmy she slid her hand over his cheek, knowing he still needed his sleep. And she needed a shower. And a talk with someone who knew what had happened. She never bothered to tell Jimmy she was here as a HuRec official too, not only for him. Mostly for him but not only. She still had work to do.

Walking down the stairs she realized all the others must still be asleep. She didn't want to wake them by taking the shower she so longed for, she'd make herself some cafs and wait for the rest of the inhabitants to wake up.

When she turned the curve into the kitchen she saw Lou sitting at the table, absentmindedly spooning her cafs. Seemingly in another world.

With a glance over her shoulder at the woman by the table Amanda poured herself a substantial dose of the cafs. "How's Kid, Lou?"

"He'll be unhooked today, had a row with Sean about it last night. He's a handful sometimes, won't ever listen to reason."

"So why are you sitting here with that concerned face? He'll be all right Lou, you'll both be just fine." She walked over to sit by Lou's side, sensing sadness in the air. Sadness and trepidation.

"I was just thinking Amanda, thinking about how easily a life can slip away out here. I mean if Jimmy hadn't been there Kid would have died. I don't know how I'll ever be able to thank Jimmy for saving him. He knew straight away what was wrong, I had no clue. Even with all that equipment I really had no idea. It scares me to think how dependent we are all on each other. All this technical stuff can't ever replace a human being. Never."

"I know," Amanda nodded as she sipped the hot beverage, "we still have a lot to learn. About life in particular. I think we're finally understanding that, that all things can't rely on science, there's something more. Something in life itself that defies explanation."

"I'll take that as a compliment," Amanda laughed. "Mind you, sometimes I don't understand the man at all."

Lou joined in her laughter and Amanda was relived that the somber mood had lifted. She still needed to know more about the events but she felt like it was too fresh for Lou to touch the subject. All three of them would be needing a debriefing, Rachel would probably take care of that. And HuRec would have to be content with the information from the debriefing. Dragging anything out of Lou at this stage would probably hurt her.

"No," Amanda admitted, "I wanted to come home, I needed to come home. And there's a lot of things I have to tell you."

"We're in trouble again," Lou moaned, "that last chase of ours wasn't really authorized was it.".

"No," Amanda shook her head, "it's strange really. It was the head of HuRec telling me to forget protocol and go. I mean figure that! She was with me in that bunker when it all happened. I watched you go down. She was just as horrified as I was, I'm sure she needed just as many answers as I did. Then she told me to go. I should have been there and seen it all to its end I guess but I couldn't stay. I have a feeling she was looking out for you, don't ask me why, something about her told me she really cares. I think she might be coming over, I have a feeling she will. Never happened before as far as I know."

"She was here before too, that time Ike and Kid were in trouble. I don't like her!"

Lou looked at Amanda, bewilderment on her face. "Why should she be? I mean there's a lot of folks like us out here, why is she still pinpointing us? Did she know all along about the scam?"

"Funny way of showing it, having us constantly checked out!" Lou fingered her EA. "Kid's awake, I'll go check on him."

Amanda had to smile at her as she hurriedly rose from the table and almost ran to the door. "You really think so?" she shouted after her.

Amanda smiled and sank back into the chair. The old woman was right, there was something special about this group. How closely they were knit, how much they cared. Strangely enough it rubbed off on anybody meeting them, including her. Suddenly she felt a need to check on Jimmy. She should really take that shower already, but not before she had checked on Jimmy. Yep she'd been afflicted too.

Kid was already sitting up on the stretcher, grimacing as he jerked the i.v. out of his vein.

"What the hell are ya doing you fool?" Lou lashed out at him as she ran up to his side.

"You promised I'd be freed from all this in the morning," he pouted like a child.

Lou groaned inwardly, the stubborn side in Kid was one she'd almost forgotten about. "After you'd been checked you fool!"

"I'm fine Lou, if I don't get outta here I'll scream," he muttered and removed the sensors of the EEG, sending the apparatus screaming.

"Shit," he cursed as he realized his mistake, "should'a shut if off first, right?"

Lou walked over and shut the alarm off, glaring at Kid as she did. "Would'ya calm down already! The bed ain't on fire here."

"What the hell?" A bleary-eyed Rachel appeared in the door, clad in a robe. Still trying to fasten her robe she glared at the Kid, looking back at her with a rueful, embarrassed smile, sitting on the edge of the bed, looking wery much alive. "Jesus Christ Kid! You scared us stiff!" Turning back she shouted "it's all right, he's gettin' up, the fool."

Noah appeared right behind her and rested his head up against the doorframe with a heartfelt moan of relief.

Both Lou and Kid remain staring at the two in the door, half-dressed and flushed.

"Oh oh," Lou remarked with a low whistle as it dawned on her what it was all about. "I'm sorry, didn't mean to interrupt you at anything important, Kid here was just anxious to get up." Kid let out a snort of laughter behind her back, Lou pinched his thigh, having him frown. "It's all right, you can go back to....whatever... both of you," she giggled at the faces they made. "I'll see to it the Kid gets up all right, no worries."

"I bet you will," Rachel said, suddenly finding her composure. Leering at Lou she continued casually, "but before you go off doing...whatever....you intend to do, let's check that Kid'll be able to perform shall we?"

"Prove that you can walk before you start to run man," Noah explained innocently. "What were you thinking?"

Lou looked to the floor to hide her flushing cheeks, she should have learned by now not to get into the innuendo-game with Rachel and Noah. She had barely time to grab onto Kid as he flung himself off the bed, swaying visibly and leaning back onto the stretcher for support.

"Kid?" Watching his face she noticed pearls of sweat forming on the front. "Kid, they're right, get back into bed, you just can't do it yet."

"I'm fine, Lou, just not used to this vertical position is all." Leaning in to kiss her quickly on the lips, he smiled at her.

"Nope, I'd say he can't do it, not in the vertical position, maybe the horizontal one would suit him better right now, what 'ya say Noah?" Rachel's voice devilish in it's feigned innocense.

"Horizontal is better, I'd definitely recommend a horizontal position. Comes to mind, I always recommend a horizontal position."

"I bet you do," Lou shot back, knowing she was on the losing end. In these cases they wouldn't be able to utter a word without having Noah and Rachel finding something to leer at. "Can you walk?" she asked Kid at her side, needing to get out of here as soon as possible.

"Betting, there's an idea!" Noah said glefully."How about you Rachel, you in, will he be able to do or won't he?"

Rachel let out an impish giggle, "I don't think he'll have any say in the matter, you heard Lou say she'd see to it he got up all right.".

Lou rolled her eyes and entwined her arm around Kid's waist, following him as he walked. He was trembling and Lou looked up at him, afraid he was still feeling faint. Kid looked back at her, his eyes glittering of withheld laughter. Lou demostratively slammed the door shut.

"I couldn't help myself, " Lou giggled, "did you see their faces as they walked in?"

"If didn't owe Noah I'd let him have it too," Kid laughed and slid out of her hold. "Hold on Lou, I gotta take a shower, go get some breakfast, I'll be down soon."

"Whoa! Hold on a minute, you're getting a shower and then you're getting into you own bed! I'll come with breakfast for us both, then I'll read you a nice article from Veterinary Medicine, that's all the excitement you'll have today dude!"

"Oh hell, I guarantee you, Katy is just fine." She mumbled as she pushed him into the bathroom, decisively steering him to the shower cabin. "I've personally given Her Majesty updates on your condition. Her Majesty has been brushed and combed everyday, I can assure you. She was even bathed yesterday, since Her Majesty decided to take a roll in the dirtiest part of the corral. No need to go down cuddling her, she understands!" Watching the corner of Kid's mouth twitch in merriment she glared at him, "I can assure you she is much more understanding than I will be if you make any attempt of nearing the barn!"

Kid smiled broadly as he was pushed into the cubicle. "Her Majesty, huh. I love it when you get jealous."

"I love it when you get shy," Lou grinned back at him, closing the door behind them. "I'll just see to it you're all right Kid, you shouldn't even be up." Removing her blouse she threw it over the wall. Kid looked at her with wide eyes. "And don't worry, we're still vertical, I won't make any demands." Already sliding out of her pants she caught Kid's eyes. ""What?"

|Prologue||Chapter 1||Chapter 2||Chapter 3||Chapter 4||Chapter 5||Chapter 6||Chapter 7||Chapter 8||Chapter 9||Chapter 10|
|Chapter11||Chapter 12||Chapter 13||Chapter 14*||Chapter 15||Chapter 16||Chapter 17||Chapter 18||Chapter 19||Chapter 20*|
|Chapter 21||Chapter 22||Chapter 23||Chapter 24||Chapter 25||Chapter 26||Chapter 27||Chapter 28||Chapter 29||Chapter 30|
|Chapter 31*||Chapter 32||Chapter 33||Chapter 34||Chapter 35||Chapter 36||Chapter 37||Chapter 38||Chapter 39||Chapter 40| |Chapter 41|