© Becca, Dana Simmons and Starbright 2001 The Young Riders is an Ogiens/Kane Production, created by Ed Spielman.
We only borrow his characters for fun. No infringement of copyright intended. There is absolutely no financial gain for the authors. We survive on the feedback, and we need plenty of it.
2313
Chapter 5
Lou lay in her bed, staring up into the ceiling. A week had gone by and she had talked to Sean maybe twice, she never seemed to find the time any longer. All the tasks that needed to be done around the homestead were keeping her from telling Sean what she knew needed to be told. But instead of sitting down and calling him up, telling him she needed to be free she volunteered for all sorts of jobs. So on top of doing all the micro-biological analyzes of the ground, the four cows' milk, the eggs and the checks on the mitochondrical mutations in them all she one day found herself sitting behind a horse harrowing a field. And then she usually stayed out late in the stables, grooming Lightning till he shone. Keeping an eye on the soon due mares when Kid occasionally had some other things to take care of.
Kid, who she had barely seen these past three days. He was sleeping in the stables next to the mares, expecting them to have their foals at any minute. Their scoldings that the monitors would check on them and wake him up when things started happening didn't heed him from walking out to the barn real late at night. Looking more tired every day. Both Emma and Rachel had tried to talk some sense into him but had utterly failed. This morning there had been a new foal, a beautiful little thing with the tiniest of hooves. Kid had looked like he was the father of the wonder as he showed off the newcomer. There was one more to be born soon, then it would take a month before the other mares were due. Lou wondered if he'd stay all that time in the stables. Watching his beloved mares.
He rode his mare faithfully once a day, never missing it even though he looked like he was about to fall out of the saddle from pure exhaustion. I should really tell Sean!
She turned back onto her side and sighed. Seemed like it was going to be a long night, she was sleepy but just couldn't fall asleep. Too many things on her mind. All these new things she was experiencing, and learning. The beauty outside that the people back home had never been allowed to see, feel or touch. Many of them didn't even wish to. She wondered which of her friends back home would have actually enjoyed harrowing a field and helping Emma and Sam sow it. Or help Buck on his daily measurements of oxygen and carbon monoxide and dioxide measurements to help him lay the weather charts to plan the next step in their agronomic endeavours. Or Ike's plans for the new infrastructuring, who would crawl on their knees and measure the earth stability for building dirt roads? All this was hands on, finding new ways to go about things that didn't even exist in the old world. In the old world nobody cared about stones on the way to the fields, they had just shoved them away and never thought of them again. Causing earthlayers to start disheveling, to finally overwhelm the whole structure, ending in chaos. To both Ike and Buck those stones were meant to be there. Man had to find ways not to change nature, to collaborate instead. Working together with all of them, each and everyone pitching in where needed was a new concept that did not exist in the old world. And it felt so right, it felt like it was meant to be. And then the man she had recently met, a man that stayed day and night in the stables as it seemed. A man that, when he smiled, sent her shivering. Actually, just seeing him did something to her.
"Oh brother," Lou sighed and turned to her back again. "You know it can never be, you signed a contract." I should really tell Sean.
"Tomorrow." Lou told herself, "tomorrow I will pick up the EA and tell him... it's not fair to him, it's not fair to any of us. Him back there and me here. It's just that it ...won't ever work out the way we are living right now. Besides Sean is a cupola-kind-of-man. He would hate it out here. I'm sure. And I don't think I can ever go back."
She decided staying in bed was futile, she had already gotten a couple of hours sleep, what had waken her in the middle of the night, she had no idea. But she knew she wouldn't get any sleep in a while, and staying tossing and turning in a bed didn't seem fruitful, just as well stretch her legs.
Stepping out of the room she automatically glanced at the door to Kid's room. She couldn't tell if he was in there or not. Maybe he had come upstairs while she was sleeping? Pausing and holding her breath she tried to listen for sounds of him sleeping. But she just couldn't tell. With a sigh she turned and walked down the stairs.
It was a warm night, summer was truly on its way. She felt like whistling as she turned the corner. A silhouette caught her eyes. "Jimmy?"
The young man sitting on the porch turned to watch her, visibly surprised. "Lou? What you doin' up?"
Lou walked over to sit at his side on the cool wood. "I ask the same, Jimmy, can't sleep?"
"Just thinkin'," Jimmy admitted and stared out into the night.
"'Bout what," Lou persisted, "somebody far away, difficult to get a hold of? Not been answering your calls?"
Jimmy chuckled,"no, Lou, but now I know what you're doin' up."
Lou had to smile at Jimmy playing the psychologist, but then again, maybe he was right, in a way. Only she was the one that was hard getting a hold of. "I'm glad you're not the psych, Jimmy, you stink at it."
"Really?" Jimmy turned to look at her with interest, "so tell me, how is that boyfriend of yours? What was his name again?"
"Sean," Lou informed him and looked to the ground.
"Lou, don't worry, we still don't know how well the communications are working. Maybe you didn't get through to him, the cupolas further away have been having troubles getting through to us, you know that."
"Actually," Lou started and then paused and played with the dirt at her toes. "I haven't even tried to get in touch with him. He seems so far away somehow. Everything has changed since I came here."
Jimmy watched her intently and nodded, "I know it has."
"You got somebody back there Jimmy?"
"Nobody special," Jimmy admitted and turned to look into the night again, "I don't think I'll ever have anybody special."
"Celinda and Nathaniel are getting married you know, she told me. That's special."
"Sure is," Jimmy nodded with a soft smile, "won't ever happen to me thou. How about you and Sean, did you ever..."
"Never," Lou replied fervently, shaking her head as to underline the unthinkable in it.
"Not that special huh?"
Lou shook her head again, no there must be something else involved if there was to be any kind of serious commitment. What it was she really had no idea. And right now she didn't feel like talking about it any longer either. "Kid still with the mares?"
Jimmy's face split into a knowing grin. Lou rose to her feet to escape Jimmy's subtle teasing.
"Checkin' up on him are we?" Jimmy asked from behind her as they walked to the barn.
"Just wanna see if somethin's happening in there, has nothing to do with Kid bein' there!"
"Uh huh."
Lou could tell Jimmy was smiling by the tone of his voice. She snorted in his direction and walked briskly over to the barn. There was a soft yellowish light in the far end of the building, she determinably steered her steps in that direction. She really was checking on the mares, nothing else. Kid could use a hand, weren't they there to help each other out? Why shouldn't she be checking on the mares too?
She cautiously opened the door to step in as soundlessly as possible, Jimmy slid in right behind her.
Kid stood leaning on the sturdy wall of the large foaling stall and turned as they stepped in. He smiled in their direction; "she's halfway through."
Lou hurried to step up besides him and peeked in. Jimmy groaned, he wasn't keen on much blood and rested safely a few steps behind.
Inside the stall the mare was lying on her side, breathing heavily. Small legs sticking out of her, covered in what looked like a sac. "Is she okay?" she asked the Kid worriedly.
"Doing fine, look!"
Louise turned back and found a new foal lying in the straw. The mare neighed softly, the coat sweaty and the flanks still heaving. Kid opened the door and walked in, talking softly to both the mother and the newborn. Opening the amniotic sac he freed the tiny stallion. Cleaning its nostrils he smiled as the foal took its first breaths and opened the eyes to look at the world. He was already raising his head, trying to look around.
Lou dared not breath to disturb the moment. It was so beautiful, so solemn. A new little life had been borne, a new adventure had begun. She looked at the Kid stroking the foal with a soft rag, talking to it and checking it out. The foal showed no signs of fear, just bewilderment. It must be wondering where the hell it was at. Minutes passed by and Lou just stood there watching what was happening inside.
"You okay girl?" Kid asked the mare as if he expected an actual answer. The horse scrambled to her feet in response. Walking straight over to the foal she lowered her head to look at what she had accomplished. She must have been real proud since she made low noises at the foal, encouraging it to get up on its hooves. Kid stepped away to let nature take its course. At the gentle pushes of the mare the foal started struggling to get to its feet. The little one struggled, falling down on his nose to then rise and seconds after, the hindlegs gave in. Lou wanted to tell the Kid to help out but he just stood there watching. Finally the little one stood on shaking legs and the mare neighed softly once again, encouraging it to take its first meal. Kid walked up to the foal and put his hands on both sides of the small trunk. "I'll help you find the way," he told the little one and gently steered him right.
Jimmy had finally worked up the nerve to walk up to her side to have full vision. "The proud father," he chuckled at her side.
Lou's eyes were brimming with tears at the sight before her eyes. The proud mother nursing her little one, natures wonder happening right before her eyes.
Kid walked out from the stall and rested besides her. He must have seen how taken she was. Leaning in to look at her he smiled, "Beautiful ain't it?"
She just nodded, unable to take her eyes off the pair in the stall. Tears dimming her sight. She wanted to rest her head against Kid's chest and forever dwell in this precise moment.
"Go get yourself cleaned up Kid, we'll keep an eye on them," Jimmy prodded him.
Kid nodded and walked away to get out of the dirty coverall.
Lou waited until he was out of hearing range until she looked at Jimmy. "He needs some sleep, Jimmy. He looks so beat."
"Who, the foal?" Jimmy asked with a smile.
"Jimmy," Lou groaned at his teasing, "don't start."
Jimmy chuckled happily," Lou I just gotta tell ya , you two have great parentin' skills. Ever though about doin' somethin' outta it?"
"Jimmy," she wheezed as Kid's steps were heard coming out of the tack room,"shut up."
"What's so funny," Kid asked as he walked up to them, still wiping his hands on a towel, bewildered at Jimmy's happy chuckles.
"Parenting skills," Jimmy clarified and took a firm hold of Kid's upper arm, turning him to the door.
"What?" Kid asked and threw a glance over his shoulder at Lou still standing by the stall.
"Just found something out," Jimmy said and nodded for Lou to come along when he started pushing Kid to the door.
Lou ran to catch up with them, wondering if she'd have to kick Jimmy to have him shut up. Reaching Kid's side she shrugged her shoulders, indicating she had no idea what Jimmy was talking about. Jimmy shot her an amused smile. Kid's eyes darted between the two of them as he was pushed through the door into the cool air outside. "Jimmy, are you okay?" he inquired.
"Oh I'm splendid," Jimmy mused,"it's just so funny, that's all."
Jimmy shut up or I'll kill you, I really will. I'll wring your neck and trample all over you if you speak another word! Lou felt her cheeks go hot as she walked by their side. Kid in the middle, glancing at them both while they walked to the house.
"Is he okay Lou?" He tried anew since Jimmy's leering continued.
"Sleep deprivation I'd guess," Lou stuttered in response, not able to meet with Kid's eyes.
With a hand firmly on Kid's elbow, pushing him forward Jimmy peered at him. "Admit it Kid, you're dying to have 'little ones' yourself, only being the monk ain't helping things, right?"
"Being the what?" Kid stopped stone cold, freeing himself from Jimmy's hold. Turning to glare at him. "What the hell are you rambling about?"
"Don't tell me you didn't know Kid? Folks call you the monk coz' you ain't... you know.... much...hell you know!"
"The monk?" Kid sputtered, "I'm being called 'the monk'?"
Lou felt the tension grow between the two of them as Kid stepped up to Jimmy, staring him down.
"I thought you knew!" Jimmy defended himself, throwing his hands up in the air. "Hell I wasn't the one starting it."
She stepped in between the two of them, grabbing both their arms. "Can you debate this sometimes later? It's 3 a.m. and you both need your rest! You can discuss this another time."
"You knew too Lou?" Kid turned to watch her, hurt in his eyes.
Lou decided to feign not hearing him. "Come on, both of you. Kid, you need a hot shower and some sleep."
His anger had obviously blown over and he tagged along after her, defeated. "You could have told me Jimmy."
"I swear I thought you knew, I thought you used it to keep them ladies at bay!"
"Right," Kid muttered, "don't sleep around and they call you the monk! Nice world we live in."
"I'm sorry Kid, I had no idea!" Jimmy boxed him friendly, "I should'a known better. Just...well good nite, both of ya!" He ran up the stairs and disappeared behind the curve. Leaving both of them staring up the stairs, surprised at his hasty disappearing. Kid was left looking desolate and Lou gripped his sleeve again, prompting him on.
"You need a shower and some rest Kid, before you keel over. Get some sleep dammit!"
She glanced at him following her up the stairs silently, he looked so mortified. Wasn't nice hearing those things, she knew that for a fact. Wasn't nice knowing people assumed things about you, called you things that were hurtful and depreciative. She stopped as they reached the bathroom door and turned to face him. "I know Kid, hearing those things people say about you, I mean...it happened to me too. Guess what they called me in school!" Pausing she waited until he looked at her.
"Flatliner," she told him.
He just looked at her, wrinkling his brow.
"Well look at me, ain't exactly the...you know...I don't have, well whatever you men look for in a woman. I just don't have it."
"Louise," Kid shook his head and a sad smile formed in his eyes, "you know they were wrong, don't you. You're beautiful. All men don't just look for...well.. you know. It was really cruel to call you something like that."
"What I did to the bloke was cruel, Kid. People just talk, don't mean nothing by it, I guess."
Kid nodded slightly and Lou felt an urge to kiss him. To throw her arms around him and have him hold her close. She found her eyes locked in his once again. There was no denying the fact that she wanted him. She broke loose and pushed him inside the bathroom, once again having to hide from him not to have her emotions take over.
"Get into the shower, I'll go get you a NuD, strawberry right?"
She was halfway down the stairs before his answer reached her. "You don't have to..."
"Get that shower," she cracked and fled to the kitchen.
Arriving at the fridge she leaned her brow on the cool surface. What the hell prompted me to tell him that? What the hell is happening to me, I never told that to anybody! Really pointing out your best sides to him aren't you! You promised not to ever tell anybody about it and how much it hurt you. I'm losing it. I open my mouth around him and all sorts of things come blabbering out. Everybody's gonna know about it tomorrow and they will start watching me differently. I dealt with that one already, it was over with. Why the hell did I tell him?
With a groan she sank down on a chair at the table and rested her face in her hands. That name had hurt her so deeply back then. It had belittled her. Making her feel less than the others. She had tried to forget them for so long and now she was telling the Kid about it? Tomorrow Jimmy was gonna know and Cody's gonna have a blast about it. Their looks will tell.
If you don't watch out Louise that man will know everything about you soon. All your demons will be laid out before him to trample all over. You know not to trust anybody like that, you've learned that the hard way. Don't go putting your trust in anybody but yourself you fool!
"Not that it matters what they'll say," she reminded herself out loud. "When they find out how you feel about this man they will throw you out of here so fast it'll whistle in your ears. You signed a contract willingly and there was that statement of no special treatment. No drooling over anybody in the group! You can dream about him, fantasize all you want but there can never be anything. Hell when this place is colonized he will probably be shipped out to the next place! And so will you! Stick to Sean and just dream about the Kid!"
Sean! Still she had done nothing about him. The safe Sean, the one who loved her more than she loved him. She strongly suspected she was getting a taste of her own medicine with the Kid. Now she knew what it meant to want somebody so much it hurt. I just can't do it to him, I have to see what happens. Maybe this infatuation will blow over and I'll realize that Sean really is the one. I just can't do it to him.
She rose from the table, finally having reached a solution to the problem. She just wouldn't tell. Coz' nothing had really happened between her and Kid, had it? Maybe it never would and years from now she would be cursing the fact that she let Sean go.
Feeling better she reached for a glass to fill it and bring it up to the Kid. Shaking her head she had to smile at her own behavior, her hormones surely were playing havoc with her. Making her act like a looney, it would blow over and she'd be back to her normal self.
Tramping the stairs again she felt confident.
Then the bathroom door opened and she got a peek of what was inside. She froze to her place. Half-naked he stood inside, his back to her while he neatly hung a towel onto its holder. She watched his strong back narrow into hips. Only a towel around his waist. Then he turned to walk out, stopping in the doorway, startled by her presence.
"Oh," he said and looked mortified finding her staring at him. "I thought you were...." catching her eyes he grew silent.
She looked at him from his head to his toes. The tall figure with a muscular chest. The damp hair curling at the neck, his tanned skin. The shyness in his eyes as they fell on hers. The strong arms holding on to the doorframe, he stood like frozen to his place.
"Brought you this," she finally cracked. Ashamed of her own staring. "Didn't know you were ready, thought I'd put it on your nightstand." Her hand shook as she extended the glass to him. Stepping up the last step to get away from there, to get inside her safe room and stop herself from embarrassing herself and him all over again.
His hand around her wrist, burning hot, sending shivers up her spine. Surprised she looked at him, facing him fully. His hand holding her wrist, tenderly, as to still it. The other freeing her from the trembling glass. Her heart stopped. Would he scold her for her dreams and fantasies, would he tell her straight out that he didn't like flatliners? Would he laugh at her?
"Louise," he said and something in his voice made her toes curl and she had to catch her breath.
She was going to tell him how sorry she was, that she couldn't help how she felt. That it was only temporary and it would pass. That she would never disturb him again. She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the reprimand in the gentle eyes. She felt him move. Then his arms wrapped around her and she was drawn into an embrace.
"Lou," he breathed against her lips and kissed her softly, resting his lips on hers.
She moaned and couldn't help deepening the kiss. Tasting his tongue as her arms wrapped around his neck. The kiss was like nothing she had ever experienced before. It aroused every cell in her body, sending them tingling against each other. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think, just feel. She had to hold onto him not melt into a shivering entity. Kid broke the kiss and loosened his hold on her.
"I'm sorry Lou, forgive me. Oh God, what am I doing? You're engaged!"
"No," she whispered breathlessly, "no Kid, never was."
She reached up to kiss him lightly on the lips again and drowned once more within a kiss. His passion sweeping through her, a need so strong she was startled. She just leaned in on him and took him and the kiss in, savoring every nanosecond that passed. Whatever happened after this she at least knew what kisses where supposed to be like. This kiss would forever be nestled into her being, a sensation so strong it momentarily deleted everything else that had ever happened to her. There was just the two of them and the kiss.
Then there was the sound of a closing door.
They let go of each other, both surprised at what they had let happen. Without thinking Lou turned and ran into her room. Shivering she closed the door behind her and leaned up against it. Slowly sliding down to sit on the floor in front of the door as reality hit her. With trembling hands she touched her own lips and fought to get her breathing back to normal. Then she remain looking at her own shivering hands and realized these were moments she would never forget.
Kid found himself face to face with Noah. Trying to get his wits together from what had happened between him and Louise he failed miserably in trying to look like nothing had occurred. He knew his breathing was too quick, his stance must have told Noah all he needed to know about what had just happened. Even if he never actually had seen anything Kid knew everything about him told Noah about the kiss. Louise had been so quick that Kid felt paralyzed, empty as she left his embrace. It was all his fault and he would be the one to leave, he really shouldn't have let his passion take over. She had him lose all the control just by standing by his side. And he already longed to hold her again. Even if it couldn't be, not here and not now. Maybe never.
He watched Noah and tried to assess if he would have to pack his bags tonight.
"Forgot to floss," Noah informed as he noticed Kid's uneasiness. "Just woke up and realized." Noah looked calmly at him, realizing Kid might think he would use what he just had seen against the two of them, reporting them to higher instances. "Glad to see you back inside Kid? Everything okay?"
Kid just nodded, waiting for Noah to continue and tell him to start packing the bags and get the hell outta there.
"Good, take a day off tomorrow, you've been working yourself to the bones. Take Louise for a ride or something. God knows she's been the eager beaver too. You both need a day off. "
If Noah would have struck him he couldn't have surprised him more. "Huh?" Was all he got out. Getting out of the way to let Noah inside, Kid wondered if it was some kind of cruel joke. "Lou?" he finally cracked, wondering if Noah was telling him something between the lines? Something he didn't understand right now, his mind still being tuned to Lou's kiss.
"Yeah, Lou! What's a matter Kid, need me to get the Inivitae out? You seem kind of flushed!"
"I'm fine..I'm fine, really!" To avoid giving Noah ulterior cues he turned to get inside his room and make out a plan how to save Lou.
"Don't forget the NuD Lou brought ya," Noah reminded him.
Kid stopped and his head sank, he knew they had been spotted, he knew losing control lead to disaster. "Look Noah, it was all my fault, she didn't want to, it was ...."
"Looked pretty much into it both of you, if I may say so."
Kid turned to look at him, stupefied at the amused tone in Noah's voice. Perplexed he watched Noah's grinning face.
"Look Kid, I knew probably before you knew it yourselves. See the analysis told me so, it changed dramatically the first day. The day you first saw each other." Noah had to chuckle at Kid's blushing face. "Don't worry Kid, I won't tell. I have a feelin' it's all right anyways. Just try and keep a low profile till we find out for sure if HuRec will react. Okay? Even without the scientific proof it's pretty darned hard not to recognize the symptoms."
"So you won't tell?"
"Naw, don't worry."
"Thanks Noah."
"Lets just say you owe me one. And for God's sake get some sleep, now!"
Noah smiled as a shaken and stirred young vet walked to his room. How come they had thought what they were feeling was not to be noticed? Did they really think they were all blind? He felt a strong urge to do as Ike always did and start whistling an appropriate tune, but this probably wasn't the right time after all. He'd have to check himself out throughly one of these days, couldn't for his life figure out why he kept feeling like whistling all the time?
TBC
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