2313-17

Noah let his head sink back to rest up against the wall, smiling in response to the occasional outbursts of snickers in the group. He felt oddly tired, not as relieved as expected. They should all be whooing and whopping, dancing around and celebrating that they were still all alive. Instead they just sat there, in the semi-darkness, and laughed hysterically. Too tired to do anything but let their emotions out in fits of laughter. They should be getting up and out to assess the situation, but nobody moved. Noah closed his eyes and dwelled in the darkness, resting in the aftermath of the emotional outburst, the initial anger, then the fear and tension, and now the immense relief. A relief so enormous it made him too tired to react.

A hand was placed on his knee, squeezing slightly. He opened his eyes and let his gaze fall on the woman at his side. Smiling reassuringly at her, extending a hand to lay it in her lap.

"I'm fine," he nodded, watching to see the green of her orbs, but the darkness seemed to oddly flatten both the moods and the colors. But the eyes resting on him showed genuine concern. "Just too damned relieved to do anything but sit here and smile like a goon."

Rachel let out a short laugh. "I know, I had all these pictures in my head about what might happen - and now...."

"Well, we can't just sit here forever can we?" Sam's voice sounded just as weary as Noah felt.

"Who says?" Emma rebutted. "I wouldn't mind, I think. Just the thought of...what if something happened to the house?"

"Jimmy, remember I'm armed with a goat here," Cody warned. "I already taught her to attach on visual cues. Won't take long until she takes orders too."

"Visual cues, huh? I'd say Cody cues." Lou laughed. "'Coz last time it was you she was chasing around the corral."

"I'd say mission completed then," Teaspoon mused, "she sure gave you a good run this afternoon Cody. Might get tiresome for you in the end. Running around doing the chores with Belle hot on your heels. But - at least she gets you running, I'd say she's the only one that does."

"Running after skirts don't count Cody." Teaspoon sighed and eased himself up, "how about you and me run to see what's left of the house? And keep that goat leashed Cody, she already ate a pair of my best shoes."

"Don't forget she nibbled on Lou's riding boots too," Jimmy pointed out, "if she gets near anything of mine it's her last meal. I swear."

"That time you didn't find them, well I bound them in Belle's stall," Buck chuckled. "With distinct tooth marks."

"You're gross!" Lou told the goat peering back at her. "You and me, Cody, are gonna have a lenghty discussion!"

Noah had to suppress the laughter rising. Rachel was shaking at his side and he extended an arm to pull her into his embrace. She let out a suffocated snort of laughter. Noah ruffled her hair. Tenderness washing over him, together with the relief of being alive. Being able to laugh and cry, and hold Rachel in his lap. He'd have to thank Cody for making them all laugh and he'd have to tell him they weren't laughing at him, only his pranks. He smiled at the man standing in the middle of the stall, defending himself, a contagious grin on the face. But Lou did it before he had time.

She rose from her secure position in Kid's lap and threw her arms around the stunned man's neck. "Thank you Billy," she sighed contentedly.

"For what?" Cody grinned, then he looked down at Kid and smiled. "Oh I see, got you right where you've longed to go, did I? Well anytime you need help...no Lou, don't!"

The girl had loosened her grip and placed a merciless thumb in his ribs. Cody stumbled out of the stall, swatting Lou's tickle hungry fingers away. He stumbled over Belle and had her jump in fright, landing in Jimmy's lap. The latter cursed and rose to his feet, dragging a snickering Amanda with him in the process.

Lou proceeded determinantly at Cody, a threatening finger pointing in his direction.

Belle started running around in the stall forcing everybody up to their feet. Lou took a quick step to the side, out of Belle's erratic trajectory. Kid caught the goat and steadied her in his hold. "Take it easy girl," he mumbled at the struggling goat. Belle let out a bleat in protest. Everybody moved to the side.

Belle was glad to be let free so she made a run in the direction of the door, the funny people in her stall moving to get out of her way.

Cody swirled a full 360 degrees as Belle lowered her head and rushed out past him. His trainee brushed hard up against boot clad legs. Finding himself face to face with Teaspoon, the manager holding his coat in a firm grip, holding him up on his legs, Cody grinned in appreciation.

Teaspoon shook his head. "Son, I'd stick to logging if I was you, goat training ain't your line of work."

Emma came up from behind and took his arm, "'Cept eating Cody, you're damned good at that! And making us laugh, thank you Billy, I really mean it."

"Come to think of it," Cody smiled down at the woman. A glint in his eyes, "did we miss supper?"

Lou shook her head at the commotion when the congregation started for the door. Automatically she extended a hand to Kid still sitting in the furthest corner. "C'mon Kid."

The group before her bickering among each other, relief painted on their faces. The voices ringing out the joy of still being alive. But Kid didn't move.

Turning to see what was wrong she found him transfixed, looking at her arm. His face in the shadow, indecipherable. Instinctively she jerked her arm back to her side. "What now?" she snapped at him, angry that she had given herself away once again, extending him a helping hand. Mad at him for not taking it. Bewildered at his silence.

He felt sick at the signs of the accident on her tender skin. It was screaming out to him, accusing him of having let it happen again. He couldn't bring himself to touch it and memories washed over him. The darkness, the whimpering sounds. Looking up into her face he searched for signs of pain. The dread of what might have happened to her paralyzing him. He had been unable to protect her, once again. He wanted to ask for forgiveness but his throath was too dry.

Lou squinted her eyes at the sight of him. He still said nothing, his eyes locking onto hers, expressing panic.

Lou stared down at him, not getting what had happened. Had she done something? Something wrong? Looking down at her own arm she wondered why he wouldn't take her hand? Did she repel him somehow?

Her arm was bluish in color around the wrist, the sings of Lightning's reins imprinted on the skin. Oddly it didn't hurt before, but as soon as her eyes took in the signs of the accident a dull ache worked itself up to her elbow. She shook the arm trying to get rid of it. Kid's panicked eyes still on her.

"Kid?" she asked again, his reaction so out of place, it was just a bruise. Nothing to get all riled up about.

Then his eyes traveled down her body, like in an evaluation. She froze to her place. His overt measurement of her shocking her at first, she hadn't expected that from him, the Kid, the shy gentle man she thought she knew. She'd never expect him to look at anybody like he was looking at her now. Then it enraged her. What right did he have to look a her like this? Judging her.

His heart pounding he tried to take back control and push the panic aside. It was Lou, and she was still alive. His eyes wandered over her body. Looking for further injuries, praying there would be none. Praying that there would never be. Her small form so vulnerable, it would take next to nothing to crush her. Nauseated by the vison of her in a pool of blood he groaned, images flooding his mind. The realization that he had no control over what happened to her made him feel utterly helpless. What if he'd cause the same to her too? He'd never forget himself if he somehow closed the light in those brown wells. If he caused another death, hers, it would be the end of everything. And it had already been so close. His eyes took in her form, the curves he longed to caress and touch. The tender skin he longed to kiss, and instead he made it bruise. Instead of joy he kept bringing her pain. Would he ultimately crush her somehow, take away life from her eyes? Would she too lay in his lap, staring blindly into nothing? Forever gone. He felt like banging his head against the wall, cursing himself for not keeping in mind what always seemed to happen to the ones he loved. Had happened, and would probably happen again. Hating himself for loving her, only to bring her pain. Images flashing rapidly before his eyes. Disgusted he closed his eyes as the smell of concrete dust filled him. His last memory of the event.

"Fuck you," she said and turned her back on him, disgusted by him. Disgusted by herself for falling for such a prick.

Her silent curse brought him back to reality. The anger in her voice shocking him. "Lou? No, wait!"

The sound of him scrambling to his feet. His hand touching her shoulder. She shook it off. Wheezing at him to stay clear of her.

What's wrong? Swirling around she met with his eyes. Saddened pain meeting her. Pain of revealing your true self? she thought, who the hell are you, really? Is this an act you're putting up? This sweet guy charade? What the hell's wrong with you? Who are you?

The eyes told her about utter bewilderment, he truly had no clue why she had reacted the way she had. A concerned question in the deep blue's, directed at her, a wordless inquiry that removed her anger instantly. Replacing it with a need to confide in him. The old Kid back, or had he just gotten his mask back on?

The weariness that filled her had her shake her head in resignation. She had no force to fight with him any longer. Or try and understand him. She had no idea who he was, she'd have to remember that. His refusal to talk tired her out, she was fed up with this game.

"Don't ever touch me again Kid, just stay clear off me!" She had to force the words out, making a clear statement. Once and for all. This was how it should be. They were mere acquaintances, nothing more.

She knew she was doing him wrong, she knew it and she still did it. He was offering an explanation and she couldn't take it right now. Right now he was just too much to handle. Right now she didn't have the strenght to cope with all this. She walked out on him, leaving him there, cursing herself that she did. Knowing she had to. There was something about him that told her he'd claim her fully if she let him, something about him that told her she had met her fate. But she wasn't ready yet. She never figured he'd be like John McCloud. Full of secrets, silent and evasive. He just wasn't her type! And still...I just have to get out.

With a last irritated grunt she walked away from him, to the fellow HuRecs standing by the door, peering outside. Whatever they would find out there would be easier to handle than this with her and Kid. If the house was in shambles and the crops were all gone, it would be nothing. But the man standing in the stall had her head whirling with all kinds of thoughts and emotions, with bewilderment and wonder. Even anger and resentment. He stirred up all those feelings in her, like he held some magic code to play on her emotions. Having her on an eternal rollercoaster, thrown from happiness to despair, making her lose the grasp of reality. Losing herself. But most of all he evoked strange feelings, notions she didn't even know she had. That need to hold him and forgive him for everything. The need to be held by him, touched by him. To run her fingers through his hair and melt into his embrace. She just wasn't able to shake that. And it enraged her that he held such power over her.

Kid rested his head up against the post and closed his eyes. He had no idea what he did to have her react like that and she gave him no space to explain himself. Not that he could either. For a moment he was about to tell her everything. Almost everything, he was about to tell her what kind of a man he was, what happened to people he loved. His parents, friends and lovers. That he somehow seemed cursed. She'd probably have laughed at me anyhow, how on earth can someone believe he's cursed in this time and age? Innumerable times he had tried to tell himself he wasn't, that it was only bad luck or something. But the nagging feeling of being responsible for what had happened, first to his folks then to the girl. And now it was happening to Louise. Right before his eyes and he seemed unable to stop it. Because you can't stop loving her, that's why this is happening. You knew this, you promised yourself never to let it happen again. And what do you do? You fall for her, forget your control and wham! she falls down a ridge because you charged at Jimmy. She almost gets stomped to death because you didn't control the situation. You were watching her instead of realizing what was about to happen. Instead of admiring her you should have been holding the horse, you should have prevented things from happening. Next time you might be too late! Like you were.....

Forcing his eyes open he found himself eye to eye with Jimmy. The man was always there to remind him. Like I need reminding!

"What you mean? I ain't doing anything that you ain't! I've seen you watch Amanda. Jimmy, I'm not blind! What are you doing?"

Jimmy blinked in surprise. "I meant what are you doing here? I need your help with Sundancer, think he trampled himself in the commotion, would you take a look if it needs stitching."

"What'ya mean 'oh', you have no cause to come down on my case here Kid. I'm not the one..."

"If you'd just quit thinking once in a while you'd be better off!" Jimmy shook his head sadly, making a face of irritated disgust.

Kid stepped up to him, letting his eyes pierce Jimmy's. "What'ya mean 'quit thinking'? You mean being more like you, reacting, yeah right we know where that leads. Or did you forget?"

"Oh shut up!" Jimmy's fist automatically came out and contacted hard with Kid's chest, throwing him off balance. "You sacrimonius little shit!"

"That's your answer to everything, right Jimmy? Talk with your fists, hit 'em unconscious so they won't ever bother you again?"

Jimmy's hand flew up to grab Kid's collar. Jerking hard, making Kid's head tilt backwards. But Kid stayed absolutely still, like he was waiting for those hits. Suddenly Jimmy realized what Kid was doing. He was feeling bad and needed physical pain to cover those churning emotions inside. And he knew which buttons to push. He sure did.

Letting go off Kid's collar Jimmy shook his head; "Not this time Kid, you ain't getting me to do it this time. I've learned. I was hoping you had too."

Kid's stance changed, his shoulders drooping. "I'm sorry Jimmy, I didn't mean to imply it was your fault or anything. It's just..."

"Jesus Christ man," Jimmy moaned, "back to that? Get yourself over to Sundancer's stall or I'll show you personally how cursed you really are! You're a scientist for crying out loud! A curse? Brother, you're really over the hill with this curse thing."

"Oh just shut up Kid!" Irritated Jimmy shoved the man in front of him up against the wall. "A curse? You're medieval that's what you are, you moron! You haven't had any action in a long time, it's affecting your brain!"

Kid laughed scornfully; "oh the scientist talking here I see, affecting my brain? I thought you always said I didn't have one?"

Kid let out a snort of laughter and Jimmy glared. "Just do as I tell you for once in your life, you fool!"

"Shut up!" Pushing Kid past Ike Jimmy nodded an excuse in Ike's direction. Grabbing Kid's upper sleeve hard he dragged him all the way to Sundancer's stall. Muttering curses all the way. In spite of, or more rightly, because of their history he disliked the man deeply. Exactly the way you dislike an obnoxious brother. As much as he wanted to whack the Kid senseless right this minute, he just wasn't able to. After all he'd been his friend longer than anybody else, Kid had been his friend when he most needed one and least deserved one. So maybe now he would finally be able to pay back? Even if the damned man was driving him out of his mind? Even if he wanted to hit him over his heead and tell him to snap out of it, Jimmy knew he couldn't do it. He owed Kid. A ambiguous bond had formed between the two of them early on. And it seemed to refuse to let go. "From the cradle to the grave," Jimmy muttered to himself as he pushed the Kid inside the horse's strawfilled dwelling.

Kid rolled his eyes at the expression on Jimmy's face. "Yeah, yeah, I know; 'shut up'." He proceeded to the horse and patted the animal absentmindedly. Stroking a hand over the hindleg and lifting it up to examine it.

Kid said nothing but made a move with his free hand, Jimmy instantly knew precisely what he meant. Tossing the sterilizing liquid at him, deliberately missing so Kid had to stretch to catch it. Jimmy snickered. Kid persisted in his silence, taking a good long look at the minute injury above the hoof. Biting on his lower lip, like he was trying to figure out a way to solve some huge life threathening problem. Moving devastatingly slow. Jimmy waited for Kid to finish the task. Irritated that the man took his own sweet time in assessing the injury. Fully knowing he drove Jimmy out of his mind with his pondering and slow pace.

Kid looked up at him, ready to sling him with a wisecrack. Then he turned serious as his gaze wandered over Jimmy's shoulder and rested on something he must have found really intriguing.

Jimmy wrinkled his brow and turned to watch what had turned Kid serious all of a sudden. He smiled at Amanda leaned up against the wall. Watching them.

"A what?" Jimmy turned back to the man in the stall, suddenly anxious to get over to the woman watching them. He had some issues to settle with her. Foremostly the issue of peeking.

"That!" Kid grunted and reached in to the MediPac Jimmy was balancing on the edge of the wooden wall. "She's a fine woman Jimmy!"

"Just keep your eyes open, that's all I'm saying." Kid threw him a warning look from his crouching position near Sundancer's hindleg.

Jimmy groaned inwardly at his warning, there was a place to be cautious and a place to take the initiative. This one sure demanded some initiative. He grinned down at Kid, deciding to let him in on the secret. Lowering his voice he leaned in over the door. "Speaking of keeping your eyes open, you know what they did."

"Amanda and Lou." Jimmy shot the man a warning glance to have him keep his voice down.

Poor innocent sob, Jimmy thought, he's probably never done it himself. Too damned righteous. A lost cause if I've ever seen one. "Down by the creek when we were washing up."

Jimmy laughed as Kid's earlobes turned red. "Oh yeah, they were watching all right. I think you should take it up with Lou. I'm surely gonna take it up with Amanda, it's just not fair. We didn't get to see anything!"

"Oh," Kid let out and rose to lean over the stall, "well maybe they just happened to come up on us, you know. By accident?"

"Kid, you're too innocent for your own good, they were ogling all right." Jimmy turned to lean up against the wall, facing Amanda. A knowing grin on his face. Amanda looked at them briefly, suddelnly feigning to arrange the wet rugs to dry. Casting casual glances over her shoulder at the two men grinning by the stall.

Jimmy rested his eyes on her, waiting for a reaction. Kid bowed his head and looked to the ground, hiding his broad smile. Jimmy persisted, following Amanda's every move. At last she couldn't take it any longer but turned to face them, her eyebrows raised in a question.

"Just looking," he replied calmly, watching the woman lose her calm composure for a fraction of a second. Jimmy knew he had hit the bull's eye.

They locked gazes for a while, then Amanda laughed and turned on her heels, walking briskly to the open barn door. Jimmy followed suit.

Kid remain looking after them both, Jimmy's easiness around women both irritated him and made him envious. The man just took what he wanted, always had. And the ladies seemed to like it. Came easy for him, a smile and a wink and the ladies were all over him. Like there was nothing to it.

Resting with his elbows on the stall door Kid remain absolutely still, the memories still lurking in the back of his mind and he had to concentrate to keep them there.

|Prologue||Chapter 1||Chapter 2||Chapter 3||Chapter 4||Chapter 5||Chapter 6||Chapter 7||Chapter 8||Chapter 9||Chapter 10|
|Chapter11||Chapter 12||Chapter 13||Chapter 14||Chapter 15||Chapter 16||Chapter 17||Chapter 18|