Buffy Angel Spike Oz Faith Giles Willow Cordelia Mayor Wilkins Drusilla Whistler Anya Xander

Buffy

Buffy: You read my diary? That is not OK. A diary is like a person's most private possession. You don't even know what I was writing about. Hunk can mean a lot of things, bad things. And, and when said his eyes were penetrating, I meant bulging.
Angel: Buffy...
Buffy: A doesn't even stand for Angel for that matter. It stands for Achmed, a charming foreign exchange student. And that whole fantasy part has nothing to even do with you, at all...
Angel: Your mother moved your diary when she came in to straighten up. I watched her from the closet. I didn't read it, I swear.
Buffy: Oh.

Buffy: What do you want?
Angel: The same thing you do.
Buffy: Okay. What do I want?
Angel: To kill 'em. To kill 'em all.
Buffy: Sorry, that's incorrect. But, you do get this watch and a year's supply of turtle wax. What I want is to be left alone.

Wesley: The Council's orders are to concentrate on the--
Buffy: Orders. I don't think I'm going to be taking any more orders. Not from you, not from them.
Wesley: You can't turn your back on the Council.
Buffy: They're in England. I don't think they can tell which way my back is facing.

Buffy: I'm gonna give you all a nice, fun, normal evening if I have to kill every person on the face of the Earth to do it.

Buffy: Okay, that was too close for comfort. Not that slaying is ever comfy, but... you know what I mean.

Buffy: The world is what it is---we fight, we die. Wishing doesn't change that.
Giles: I have to believe in a better world. Buffy: Go ahead. I have to live in this one.

Buffy: Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic.

Angel: The Master arose. He let me live... to punish me. I kept hoping you'd come. My destiny...
Buffy: Is this a get-in-my-pants thing? You guys in Sunnydale talk like I'm the second coming.

Angel: What's the plan?
Buffy: [holding a stake] Don't fall on this.

Buffy: I don't play well with others.

Buffy: Do---do you think I chose to be like this? Do you have any idea how lonely it is, how dangerous? I would *love* to be upstairs watching TV or gossiping about boys or... God, even studying! But I have to save the world. Again.

Buffy: I wish we could be regular kids.
Angel: I'll never be a kid.
Buffy: Okay then, a regular kid and her cradle-robbing creature-of-the-night boyfriend.

Buffy : You can attack me, you can send assassins after me, that's fine. But nobody messes with my boyfriend!

Vampire: Slayer.
Buffy Summers: Slayee.

Buffy (to Spike): I lost a friend tonight and I may lose more! The whole world may be sucked into hell, and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big ho?! Let me take this opportunity to NOT care!

Buffy: Cordelia, your mouth is open, sound is coming from it, this is never good.

Buffy: Hey, I know! Why don't you kill them?
Giles: I'm a Watcher, I haven't the skill.
Buffy: Oh, come on. A stake through the heart, a little sunlight. It's like falling off a log.

Buffy: Mom, the only way you get a new slayer is if the old slayer dies.
Joyce: Then that means you... When did you die? You never told me you died.
Buffy: It was just for a few minutes.

Buffy: Now, we can do this the hard way or... well, actually, there's just the hard way.
Darla: That's fine with me.
Buffy: Are you sure? Now this is not gonna be pretty. We're talking violence, strong language, adult content.

Buffy: Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood.
Xander: That actually kinda turns me on.
Buffy: I fear you.

Buffy: When he wakes up, tell him... I don't know. Think of something cool, tell him I said it.

Buffy: You know, I just woke up and I looked in the mirror and thought, "Hey, what's with all the sin." I need to change. I'm dirty, I'm bad with the sex, and the envy, and the loud music us kids listen to nowadays. Oh, I just suck at undercover.

Buffy: You won't tell anyone that I'm the slayer, and I won't tell anyone that you're a moron.

Buffy: You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry. Was that an offensive term? Should I say undead American?

Cordelia: You're really campaigning for bitch of the year, aren't you?
Buffy: As defending champion, you nervous?

Giles: Alright. I'll just jump into my time machine, go back to the 12th century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.
Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.

Joyce: You belong in a good old fashioned college with keg parties and boys. Not here with Hellmouths and vampires.
Buffy: Not really seeing the distinction.

Angel: I lurk.

Angelus (to Giles): I wanna torture you. I used to love it, and it's been such a long time. I mean, the last time I tortured someone, they didn't even *have* chainsaws.

Angel: No weapons... no friends... no hope. Take all that away and what's left?
Buffy: Me.

Angel: I can walk like a man but I'm not one.

Xander: Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with deadboy on this one.
Angel: Could you not call me that?

Angel: And I'm taking up sunbathing.

Angel (to Whistler):I want to learn from you. But I don't want to dress like you.

Spike: The last time I looked in on you two, you were fighting to the death. Now you're back making googly eyes at each other like nothing happened. Makes me want to heave.
Buffy: I don't know what you're talking about.
Spike: Oh, you're just friends.
Angel: That's right.
Spike: You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's -----, but at least I'm man enough to admit it.

Angel: "Dear Buffy..." Hmmm. I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards.
Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out? That might make an impression.
Angel: Lacks... poetry.
Spike: Doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs?

Spike: Who do you have to kill for fun around here?

Spike: So when do we destroy the world, already?

Spike: It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big.

Spike: It's paradise! Big windows and lovely gardens. They'll be perfect for when we want the sunlight to kill us.

Spike: Do I have anyone on watch here? It's called security, people. Are you all asleep? Or did we finally find a restaurant that delivers?

Willow: This is so frustrating.
Oz: Nothing useful?
Willow: No, it's great. If we wanna make ferns invisible or communicate with shrimp, I've got the goods right here.
Oz: Our lives are different than other people's.

Xander: Yep, vampires are real. A lot of 'em live in Sunnydale. Willow'll fill you in.
Willow: I know it's hard to accept at first.
Oz: Actually, it explains a lot.

Oz: I can see why you would be upset. Oh, that was my sarcastic voice.
Xander: You know, it sounds a lot like your regular voice.
Oz: I've been told that.

Oz: It's Willow, she's nearby.
Cordelia: What? You can smell her? She doesn't even wear perfume.
Oz: She's afraid.
Cordelia: Oh my God, is this some sort of residual werewolf thing? This is very disturbing.
Oz: I really agree.

Oz: Looks dead, smells dead, yet it's moving around. That's interesting.

Buffy: Maybe I should introduce you again. Faith, this is Giles.
Faith: I've seen him. If I would have known they came that young and cute, I would have requested a transfer.
Buffy: Raise your hand if eww.

Faith: You can't trust guys.
Buffy: You can trust some guys. Really, I've read about them.

Snyder: There are some things I can just smell. It's like a sixth sense.
Giles: No, actually, that would be one of the five.

Buffy: Vampires are creeps.
Giles: Yes. That's why one slays them.

Buffy: Have I ever let you down?
Giles: Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare?

Buffy: See, this is a school. And we have students and they check out books and then they learn things.
Giles: I was beginning to suspect that was a myth.

Giles: I suspect your mother would want to... put it on the refrigerator.
Buffy: Yeah. She saw these scores and her head spun around and exploded.
Giles: I've been on the Hellmouth too long, that was metaphorical, yes?
Buffy: Yes.

Giles: They came after me, but I was more than a match for them.
Buffy: Meaning?
Giles: I hid.

Xander: How could you let her go?
Giles: As the soon to be purple area on my jaw will attest, I did not "let" her go.

Willow: When I'm with a boy I like I can't say anything cool, or witty--or at all.

Oz: So, do you steal weapons from the Army often?
Willow: Well, we don't get cable, so we have to make our own fun.

Willow: I knew it! Not in the sense that I had the slightest idea what was going on, but I knew there was something I didn't know!

Willow: It's like this dream I had about Xander... except that it wasn't about Xander, it was about someone else; and it wasn't even me, it was a friend of mine and... she doesn't remember it.

Buffy: How long do you think that he can stay angry at me anyway?
Willow: The emotional marathon man?

Buffy: I'm sorry, it's just been a really weird day.
Xander: Yeah, Buffy died and everything.
Willow: Wow, harsh.

Cordelia: And I wish that Xander Harris never again knows the touch of a woman. And that Willow wakes up tomorrow covered in monkey hair.
Anya: Done.
Cordelia: In fact, I wish all men, except maybe the dumb and really beautiful kind, disappear off the face of the Earth. That would be so cool.

Cordelia: Okay, not funny. Hey! You! Where did you put my car?
Custodian: Pardon?
Cordelia: My auto. El convertablo.

Buffy: Do you really love Xander?
Cordelia: Well, he kinda grows on you, like... a Chia Pet.

Cordelia: And if you get me out of this, I swear I'll never be mean to anyone every again. Unless, they really deserve it or if it's that time of the month, in which case I don't think you or anyone else can hold me responsible...

Cordelia: Excuse me. Who gave you permission to exist?

Cordelia: Gee Xander, what are you gonna teach when you fail in life? Advanced loserbeing?

Cordelia: If we die in here, I'm gonna kick your ass, I mean it.

Cordelia: Mom started borrowing my clothes. There should be an age limit on lycra pants. And dad, he just locked himself in the bathroom with old copies of Esquire.

Xander: Does anyone remember when Saturday night meant date night?
Cordelia: You sure don't.

Mayor Wilkins: There's more than one way to skin a cat. And I happen to know that factually that's true.

Drusilla: Your face is a poem. I can read it.
Xander: It doesn't say "spare me" by any chance?

Spike: Whatcha doin', love?
Dru: I'm naming the stars.
Spike: You can't see the stars, love. That's the ceiling. Also it's day.
Dru: No, I can see them. But I've named them all the same name, and there's terrible confusion.

Anya: I have witnessed a millennium of treachery and oppression from the males of the species, and I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot of them.
Xander: Then why are you talking to me?
Anya: [sighs] I don't have a date for the prom.
Xander: Well, gosh, I wonder why not? It couldn't possibly have anything to do with your sales pitch.
Anya: Men are evil. Will you go with me?

Anya: Look, I know you find me attractive. I've seen you looking at my breasts.
Xander: Nothing personal, but when a guy does that, it just means his eyes are open.

Xander: So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?
Buffy: Xander!
Xander: I mean, how'd the *laying* go? No, I don't mean that either.

Xander: You were looking at my neck.
Angel: What?
Xander: You were checking out my neck. I saw that.
Angel: No, I wasn't.
Xander: Just keep your distance, pal.
Angel: I wasn't looking at your neck.
Xander: I told you to eat before we left.

Xander: I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.

Buffy: You were spying on me? What gives you the right?
Cordelia: What gives you the right to suck face with your demon lover again?
Buffy: It was an accident.
Xander: What? You just tripped and fell on his lips?

Drusilla: How do you feel about eternal life?
Xander: We couldn't just start with coffee?

Empada: You are strange.
Xander: Girls always tell me that... right before they run away.

Xander: And they say that young people don't learn anything in high school nowadays, but I've learned to be afraid.

Xander: Blackmail is such an ugly word.
Amy: I didn't say blackmail.
Xander: Yeah, but I'm about to blackmail you, so I thought I'd bring it up.

Xander: I don't get this. The candy is supposed to make you feel all immature and stuff, but I've had a ton and I don't feel any diff... nevermind.

Xander: I wish dating was like slaying. You know, simple, direct, stake through the heart, no muss, no fuss.

Xander: Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. Vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me.