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XANDER: (to Buffy) "Can I have you?
BUFFY: (re: bracelet)"Oh, how sweet. 'Yours, Always...'"
XANDER: "Was she wearing it? The bracelet, she was wearing it right? Pretty much like we're going out."
GILES: "The other way is to cut the witches head off."
BUFFY: "Oh, you hurt your hand. Will you still be able to--"
XANDER: (to the She-Mantis) "I love Buffy."
XANDER: (to Buffy)"What you need is someone who already knows your deepest, darkest secrets, and still says, 'Hey, I like that girl.'"
XANDER: (to Buffy)"Been waitin' for you to jump my bones."
BUFFY: "Tell me the truth... How's my hair?"
WILLOW: "When Buffy was a vampire, you weren't still, like, attracted to her, were you?"
XANDER: "You know, Buffy, Spring Fling is a time for students to gather and... Oh, God. Buffy, I want you to go to the dance with me. You and me. On a date."
ANGEL: (re: Buffy)"You're in love with her."
XANDER: (to Buffy) "I like your hair!"
BUFFY: "Are you jealous?"
XANDER: (to Buffy) "This person who's living with you for two weeks is a man? With man parts? This is a terrible idea."
XANDER: "I'm really the fun talking guy, huh? Sorry."
BUFFY: "I remember how I felt when I heard the prophecy that I was gonna die. I wasn't exactly obsessed with doing the right thing."
XANDER: "Larry was just about to pummel me!"
BUFFY: "Look, Xander, I'm sorry about this morning."
XANDER: (re: Buffy's dress) "Buffy. Lady of Buffdom. Duchess of Buffonia. I am in awe. I completely renounce spandex."
XANDER: "Hey, it's me. If Angel's doing something wrong, I wanna know. 'Cause it gives me a happy."
JENNY: "Okay, the first thing we're gonna do is-- Buffy?"
XANDER: "Buffy... I feel a pre-birthday spanking coming on..."
XANDER: (re: Buffy/Angel) "What kind of a future would they have really had together? She's got two jobs: Denny's waitress by day, slayer by night. And Angel's always in front of the TV with a big blood belly. And he's dreaming of the glory days when Buffy still thought this whole creature-of-the-night routine was a big turn on."
BUFFY: "Angel... This isn't happening. He's gonna keep coming after me."
BUFFY: (re: Cordelia) "I just think you could find someone more... better."
BUFFY: "Why don't we do something tonight? Just the two of us."
BUFFY: "Alone at last."
BUFFY: "I remember coming on to you. I remember begging you to undress me... And then a sudden need for cheese. I also remember that you didn't."
XANDER: "Visiting hours are over."
CORDELIA: "Oh, right. Your obsession with protecting Buffy. Have I told you how attractive that's not?"
XANDER: (re: him in a Speedo) "I'm undercover!"
BUFFY: "As if I could've even run to you, Xander. You made your feelings about Angel and I perfectly clear."
BUFFY: (re: Angel) "I was going to tell you! I was. I just wasn't sure why he'd come back. I just wanted to wait..."
BUFFY: (re: Angel) "You would just love an excuse to hurt him, wouldn't you?"
BUFFY: "Are we cool?"
XANDER: (to Buffy) "Look, I know I haven't been the biggest most bestest friend to you when it comes to Angel, and I don't know, maybe I finally got the Hannukah spirit."
BUFFY: "I don't know what to do."
BUFFY: "I have never done it with Xander! He's just a friend."
XANDER: (thinking)"What am I gonna do? I think about sex all the time. Sex. Help. Five times six is thirty. Six times six is thirty-two. Naked girls. Naked women. Naked Buffy. Oh God, stop me."
XANDER: "I just don't want to lose you."
BUFFY: (to Xander)"I missed you."
XANDER: "Okay, Buff. What's the what here?"
XANDER: "I'm sure part of it's because of how you've been pushing-away-girl lately. But now is not the time to let that stuff tear us apart. What I'm saying is, is I'm right with ya, right by your side. Always."
XANDER: "They came like that. Really, they all said that."
WILLOW: "Except without the hugging or kissing or her knowing about it."
XANDER: "Show of hands?"
BUFFY: "It's not Amy's fault. She only became a witch to survive her mother."
XANDER: "Look, I don't care about that. I only care that you go on breathing."
XANDER: "Finish my solo and kiss you like you've never been kissed before?"
XANDER: "It's great, it's your best hair ever."
XANDER: "Willow, how can you... I mean, that's really bent! She was... grotesque."
WILLOW: "Still dug her, huh?"
XANDER: "I'm sick, I need help."
BUFFY: "... I don't know what to say..."
XANDER: "Well, you're not laughing, so that's a good start. Buffy, I like you. A lot. And I know we're friends and we've had experiences... We've fought some bloodsucking fiends. And that's all been a good time, but... I want more. I want to dance with you."
BUFFY: "Xander... you're one of my best friends. You and Willow..."
XANDER: "Well, Willow's not looking to date you. Or if she is, she's playing it pretty close to the chest."
BUFFY: "I don't want to spoil the frienship we have."
XANDER: "I don't want to spoil it either. But that's not the point, is it? You either feel a thing, or you don't."
BUFFY: "I don't. Xander, I'm sorry. I just don't think of you that way."
XANDER: "Well, try. I'll wait."
BUFFY: "Xander..."
XANDER: "No, forget it. I'm not him. I guess a guy's got to be undead to make time with you."
BUFFY: "That's not fair."
XANDER: "Well, I'm sorry, I don't handle rejection well. Funny, considering all the practice I've had."
XANDER: "Aren't you?"
ANGEL: "Of Xander? Please, he's just a kid."
BUFFY: "Is it because I danced with him?"
ANGEL: "'Danced with' is a pretty loose term. 'Mated with' might be a little closer."
WILLOW: "What about the beautiful melding of two cultures?"
XANDER: "There's no melding, okay? He better keep his parts to himself."
BUFFY: "That's okay. We don't have to talk."
XANDER: "I just... Present company excluded, I have the worst taste in women of anyone in the world. Ever."
XANDER: "Yeah, but you did. You gave up your life."
BUFFY: "I had you to bring me back."
BUFFY: "Oh, that? Forget about it."
XANDER: "Oh, I'll forget about it. In about five, ten years when my reputation for being a sissy man finally fades."
BUFFY: "Xander, don't you think you're being a little--"
XANDER: "A black eye heals, Buffy, but cowardice has an unlimited shelf life. Thanks. Thanks a lot for your help."
XANDER: "Do you mind, Buff? I'm trying to repress."
BUFFY: "Okay, then I promise from now on... I'll let you get pummeled."
XANDER: "Thank you!"
XANDER: "Huh? Did I fall asleep already?"
WILLOW: "You've thought way too much about this."
XANDER: "No, no, that's just the beginning. Have I told you about the part where I fly in from town on my private jet and take Buffy out for prime rib? And she cries?"
XANDER: "Don't let him get to you. He's not the same guy you knew."
XANDER: "Parallel universe, maybe. Here, the only other person I'm interested in is, um, unavailable."
XANDER: "Really?"
BUFFY: "Yeah. We can comfort each other."
XANDER: "Would lap dancing enter into that scenario at all? Because I find that very comforting."
BUFFY: "Play your cards right..."
XANDER: "Okay, you do know that I'm Xander, right?"
BUFFY: "I don't know. I heard that you and Cordy broke up, and I guess I was surprised how glad I was. It's funny how you can see someone every day but not really see them. You know?"
XANDER: "Yeah, it's funny. And it's just getting funnier."
XANDER: "Buff, give me a heart attack!"
BUFFY: "Oh... I'm gonna give you more that that..."
XANDER: "Buff, for the love of God, don't open that rain coat."
BUFFY: "Come on... It's a party. Aren't you gonna open your present?"
XANDER: "It's not that I don't want to. Sometimes the remote, impossible possibility that you might like me was all that sustained me. But not now. Not like this. This isn't real to you. You're only here because of a spell. I mean, if I thought you had one clue what it would mean to me... But you don't. So I can't."
BUFFY: "So you're saying this is all a game?"
XANDER: "A game? I... no!"
BUFFY: "You make me feel this way and then you reject me? What am I, a toy?"
XANDER: "Buffy, please calm down."
BUFFY: "I'll calm down when you explain yourself!"
XANDER: "Need cheese?"
BUFFY: "Undress me. It meant a lot to me, what you said."
XANDER: "Come on, Buffy, I couldn't take advantage of you like that. Okay, for a minute it was touch and go there, but..."
BUFFY: "You came through, Xander. There might be some hope for you yet."
ANGEL: "Well, I'm pretty much family."
XANDER: "Yeah, why don't you come back during the day? Oh, I guess you can't."
ANGEL: "If I decide to walk into Buffy's room, do you think for one micro-second, you could stop me?"
XANDER: "Maybe not. Maybe those security guards couldn't either. Or the cops. Or the orderlies. But I'm pretty curious to find out. You game?"
ANGEL: "Buffy's white knight... You still love her. It must just eat you up that I got there first."
XANDER: "You're gonna die, and I'm gonna be there."
XANDER: "Cordelia, someone's gotta watch her back."
CORDELIA: "Yeah, well I've seen you watch her back."
XANDER: "What is that supposed to mean?"
CORDELIA: "Well, I was using the phrase 'watch her back' as a euphimism for looking at her butt. You know, like a pun?"
XANDER: "Oh... Hey!"
CORDELIA: "Well, you do."
XANDER: "Jealous?"
BUFFY: "You're not under much."
XANDER: "Look, I'm sorry that your honey was a demon. But most girls don't jump the greyhound over man troubles."
XANDER: "For what? For Angel to go psycho again the next time you give him a happy?"
BUFFY: "Look, I'm not going to...! We're not together like that."
OZ: "But you were kissing him?"
BUFFY: (to Xander) "You were spying on us? What gives you the right?"
CORDELIA: "What gives you the right to suck face with your demon lover again?"
BUFFY: "It was an accident!"
XANDER: "What, you just tripped and fell on his lips?"
BUFFY: "Okay, it was wrong. I know that, and I know that it can't happen again. But you guys gotta believe me. I mean, if I thought for a second that Angel was gonna hurt any of you--"
XANDER: "You would stop him. Like you stopped him last time with Ms. Calendar."
XANDER: "I don't need an excuse. I think lots of dead people kind of constitutes a reason."
BUFFY: "Right, and this is all about nobility. This has nothing to do with jealousy."
XANDER: "Yeah, we're cool. It's just seeing you two kissing after all that's happened, I just kinda leaned towards the postal. But I trust you."
XANDER: "I think right now the best plan is to deck the halls with boughs of holly. Look, we'll catch the bad guys. Sooner or later."
FAITH: "So, what are friends for? I'm sorry, it's just all this sweaty-night-after-night-side-by-side-action and you never put in for a little after hours ungh?"
BUFFY: "Thanks for the poetry. And no. I love Xander, I just don't love Xander. Besides I think it ruins friendships to do that stuff."
BUFFY: "I won't get hurt."
XANDER: "That's not what I mean."
BUFFY: "It's just... What if I can't cut it?"
XANDER: "Can't cut what? Slaying?"
BUFFY: "Slaying... Everything."
XANDER: "Buffy, this is all about fear. It's understandable, but you can't let it control ya. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to anger. No, wait. Hold on. Fear leads to hate, hate leads to the Dark Side. Hold on, no. Um... First you get the women, then you get the money, then you... okay, can we get forget that?"
BUFFY: "Thanks for the dada-ist pep talk. I feel much more abstract now."
XANDER: "The point is, you're Buffy."
BUFFY: "Yeah, maybe in high school I was Buffy."
XANDER: "And now in college you're Betty-Louise?"
BUFFY: "Yeah, I'm Betty-Louise Plotnik, Reece Cupcake, Illinois. Or I might as well be."
XANDER: "Buffy... I've gone through some pretty dark times in my life. Faced some scary things, among them, the kitchen at the fabulous 'Ladies Night' club. Let me tell you something. When it's dark and I'm all alone and scared or freaked out or whatever, I always think 'What would Buffy do?' You're my hero. Okay, sometimes when I'm all alone and it's dark, I think 'What is Buffy wearing?'"
BUFFY: "Can that be one of those things you never, ever tell me about?"
XANDER: "It's a deal. Now let's put this bitch in the ground. What do you say?"
BUFFY: "I think... I say thank you."
XANDER: "And nothing says thank you, like dollars in the waist band."
