Parody based on Gore's tendency toward exaggerations:

Good day.  I'm Al Gore, and I'd like to tell you about myself.  I know a lot
about hardship, because I came into this world as a poor black child in a
tiny town in the backwoods of Tennessee.

I was born in a log cabin that I built with my own hands.  I taught myself
to read by candlelight and helped support my 16 brothers and sisters by
working summers as a deck hand on a Mississippi River steamboat.

My mother taught me the value of education, so every day; I would walk 5
miles to a one-room schoolhouse.  I was a mischievous, fun-loving scamp,
thought I never dreamed that one-day, my youthful escapades would serve as
the inspiration for "Huckleberry Finn."

Back then, black folks in the South were second-class citizens.  One day, a
traveling minister came through town, and I asked him if anyone was ever
going to do something to guarantee civil rights for all Americans.  Well, I
guess I made an impression.  You see, the minister's name was Martin Luther
King, Jr.

My father was a United States Senator.  He once perched me on his knee and
said, "Son, if you work hard and listen to your mama, someday you can live
in a hotel in Washington, D.C., and go to an exclusive prep school."

But life of privilege was not for me.  After getting my high school diploma,
I took a job in a hot, dirty textile mill.  I was so appalled at the
treatment of the workers there that I organized a union.  Later, that
experience inspired a movie - which is why, to this day, my close friends at
the AFL-CIO call me "Norma Rae."

When word got out what an 18 year old factory worker had done, Harvard
called and offered me a scholarship.  I captained the hockey team to four
consecutive national championships, but I also played football and was good
enough to win the Heisman Trophy.

During my college years, I lived in a housing project and moonlighted
playing lead guitar for a little rock band.  You may have heard of it -- the
Rolling Stones.

But there was a war going on, and I felt I had to serve my country.  So I
enlisted in the U. S.  Army and went to Vietnam.  I was deeply opposed to
the war, but I did my duty as a soldier and came back home with the Medal of
Honor and the Croix de Guerre.

When I got back, I took a long journey across this great land of ours.  I've
crossed the deserts bare, man, I've breathed the mountain air, man, I've
traveled, I've done my share, man, I've been everywhere.

And the people I met at truckstops and campgrounds and homeless shelters on
that journey all said the same thing: "Al, we need you in Washington."

I knew they were right, but first I had to take care of some other
business---building the World Trade Center, founding the Audubon Society,
doing the clinical research that proved smoking caused cancer, and coming up
with the recipe for Mrs. Field's chocolate chip cookies.

Finally, I deferred to the demands of the people of Tennessee and allowed
them to elect me to the House of Representatives and the Senate, where I
established the US Strategic Oil Reserve.

And then one winter day nearly nine years ago, for no particular reason, I
answered the call of the people once again and took the oath of office as
Vice President of the United States.

Since then, I've been part of the most successful administration in American
history.  And, in my spare time, I invented the Internet.

Many times Bill Clinton has been pondering some grave decision and has asked
me what to do.  And when I would give him my thoughts, he would invariable
say, "Of course.  That's brilliant.  Why didn't I think of that?"

During the darkest days of the impeachment battle, the President told me he
only wished he had listened when I told him to stay away from that
dark-haired intern.

So after I decided to run for President, I sat down with him and asked if he
had any suggestions about how to conduct my campaign.  And Bill Clinton gave
me a few simple words of advice -- words I'll never forget.  He looked me in
the eye and he said, "Al, just tell the truth, it's always worked for me."

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