| Fact |
Votes |
Rating |
| Fact |
Votes |
Rating |
| Mr. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Willis shit himself. |
100 |
8.220 |
| Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain. |
76 |
8.158 |
| World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Mr. T ate Kobayashi. |
48 |
8.146 |
| Gravity doesn't exist. Mr. T just pities everything to stay the fuck down. Birds and planes are exempt because they are shaped like Ts. |
71 |
8.127 |
| If you rearrange the letters in Mr. T, he'll fucking break you. |
79 |
8.114 |
| There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to walk. |
59 |
8.102 |
| Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang. |
30 |
8.100 |
| Mr. T was the original host of "Pimp My Ride". He was fired halfway through the first season after installing machine gun turrets and gold chain steering wheels on every vehicle. |
72 |
8.097 |
Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky,
Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their hall of stone,
Nine for the Mortal Men doomed to die,
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne,
Twenty rings to make Mr. T look cool,
Upon them inscribed, "I pity the fool." |
73 |
8.082 |
| When God shuts a door and opens a window, Mr. T just kicks the door down, windows are for pussies. |
28 |
8.036 |
| If you laid out all of Mr. T's gold chains end to end, he would kick your sorry ass. |
30 |
8.033 |
| Once, Mr. T joined forces with Chuck Norris to fight crime. All criminals in the known universe were instantly vaporized by the sheer awsomeness of their Mohawk/Mullet combination. Afterwards, Mr. T created Vin Diesel using a welder and a 55 gallon drum, but left him bald so that he could not challenge their hairdo supremecy. |
48 |
8.021 |
| Mr. T is not actually black, but his thousands of gold chains create a gravity well so strong not even light can escape. |
53 |
8.000 |
| Unbeknownst to the modern world, the Triforce actually exists. Unlike The Legend of Zelda, however, the pieces of the Triforce are named the Triforce of Vin Diesel, the Triforce of Mr. T, and the Triforce of Chuck Norris, all held by Vin Diesel, Mr. T, and Chuck Norris, respectively. If all the pieces of the Triforce come together, there will come a power the universe has never seen. The reason the Triforce hasn't been united today lies in three simple facts: Chuck Norris thinks mohawks are gay, Mr. T thinks beards are gay, and that Vin Diesel thinks hair in general is gay. |
60 |
8.000 |
| Mr. T is one part gold, two parts muscle, one part anger, and no parts jibba jabba. |
54 |
8.000 |
| Mr. T is so scary that his hair is actually afraid to grow. The only reason he has a mohawk is because it's in his blind spot. |
78 |
7.987 |
| The Mathematical Proof for Mr. T's Infinite Pity: For life to exist there must be a symmetric equation regarding the factors of pity(p) and fools(f) -> p-f=0. If any one factor rose to a level higher than the other, life as we know it would cease to exist. The fool factor can be decisively measured by dividing jibba-jabba(j) by tolerance for said jibba-jabba(t) -> f=j/t. With these two equations we can deduce: p-f=0; f=j/t ->p-(j/t) = 0 -> p = j/t. This equation leads to quite an interesting result. As we can see, if we hold jibba-jabba constant, as tolerance for said jibba-jabba approaches 0, pity approaches infinity. Now we all well know that Mr. T “ain’t got no time for the jibba-jabba.” In fact, extensive observational studies have been conducted and even with machines able to calculate with precision to the 23rd decimal place, Mr. T’s tolerance for jibba-jabba has been conclusively found to be 0, and therefore Mr. T’s pity is the literal embodiment of the concept of infinity. |
88 |
7.977 |
| The last man who made eye contact with Mr. T was Ray Charles. |
41 |
7.976 |
| Mr. T hates golf so much, he smacked half the black out of Tiger Woods. |
53 |
7.943 |
| Mr. T and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants. |
32 |
7.875 |
| Mr. T is actually color-blind. Not because his eyes are defective, but because most colors are afraid to show themselves. |
30 |
7.867 |
| Mr. T once stated that he "doesn't wail on sissy boys." This led to the pink polo shirts with popped collars craze. Little do those pitiful fools know that Mr. T was just making it easier to find sissy boys to wail on. |
27 |
7.852 |
| If Mr. T wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses. |
25 |
7.800 |
| The Big Bang was actually Mr. T pitying space and time for all their jibba jabba. |
44 |
7.795 |
| Mr. T currently resides in a small village in Turkmenistan, where "Mr. T" translates to "Santa Claus." In unrelated news, Children in Turkmenistan are scared shitless of Santa Claus. |
30 |
7.767 |
| Mr. T was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us fools, who have to fight for it. |
62 |
7.758 |
| Complaining of back pain, Atlas once asked Mr. T to hold up the world for him. Mr. T agreed, on the condition that in exchange Atlas would wear Mr. T's golden necklaces. After five minutes of excruciating pain, Atlas asked for the world back. |
179 |
7.737 |
| Mr. T beat a wall at tennis. A fucking WALL. |
41 |
7.732 |
| Mr. T doesn't screw in lightbulbs. He holds it in place while the room spins around in fear. |
29 |
7.724 |
| Mr. T destroyed the periodic table, saying Mr. T. only recognizes the element of surprise. |
43 |
7.721 |
| Although Mr. T contains vitamins A1, B2, C, niacin and iron, it is YOU who are part of HIS complete breakfast, suckah. |
25 |
7.720 |
| Mr.T does not grow a mohawk on purpose. It's actually just his hair trying to give you the finger. |
39 |
7.718 |
| In August 2005 Mr. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris went shark fishing 845 miles east of Bermuda and 1,139 miles west of the Azores Islands. After finishing off 10 kegs of Milwaukees Best and 2 barbequed tiger sharks Mr.T asked Vin Diesel to pull his finger. At the exact moment that Vin Diesel pulled Mr. T's finger Chuck Norris round house kicked Mr. T in the stomach "for fun". The resulting flatulence refered to by most as "Hurricane Katrina" has cost over $1.13 billion so far and almost destroyed New Orleans. To help aliviate his conscious Chuck will provide free "Roundhouse Kick" seminars to the hurricane victims. As for Mr. T he will simply pity the fools. |
62 |
7.710 |
| When Mr. T pours his alphabets cereal into a bowl, only T's come out. |
57 |
7.702 |
| Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be pitied by Mr. T, than you are to have feet. |
200 |
7.695 |
| Mr. T once murdered a man with his balls that why it is known as T-bagging |
39 |
7.692 |
| Mr. T has four stomachs like a cow. Still, he can't stomach no fool. |
32 |
7.688 |
| Much like the Grinch, Mr. T once stole Christmas, but never gave it back and called the Grinch a "pussy" for doing so. |
28 |
7.679 |
| Mr. T holds the trademark for "iPity", and refuses to sell it to Apple. |
36 |
7.667 |
| A diamond is the hardest element found on Earth. A scientist will swear to that fact, until -- in the very near future -- he meets the wrong end of Mr. T's fist. |
33 |
7.667 |
| Show Mr. T a ship of fools, and he will show you a torpedo full of pity. |
38 |
7.658 |
| When Mr. T does a push-up he is, in reality, pushing the entire planet away from him. He then allows it to gravitate back towards his awesome presence. |
32 |
7.656 |
| Mr. T needs only two guns - his right and left arms. That's why he pities the 2nd Amendment and the fools who must rely on it. |
28 |
7.643 |
| Mr. T was fired from his job as a weather man because his forecast was always 75% chance of pity, clearing late in the evening with a 95% of pain overnight. He was always right. |
34 |
7.618 |
| If you could calculate the amount of pity generated by Mr. T every second, you could make infinity feel ashamed of being ridiculously small. |
41 |
7.610 |
| What scientists thought was natural selection is actually only the continued survival of animals Mr. T has found too chewy to eat. |
33 |
7.606 |
| Mr. T invented the X-Ray, the G-String, the R-Rating and Jay-Z after a late-night drunken bender caused him to momentarily forget which letter he was. |
140 |
7.600 |
| Mr. T has read the entire dictionary. His favourite words are "pity" "fool" and "onomatopoeia." |
25 |
7.600 |
| When Mr. T was circumsized his foreskin was not disposed of. Instead it was raised as a normal child, and it grew to love the game of basketball. Today we know Mr. T's foreskin as Shaquille O'Neal. |
49 |
7.592 |
| Mr. T stole Michael Jackson's black. |
62 |
7.565 |
| Mr. T invented the I.Q. testing system so he could more accurately pity fools. |
25 |
7.560 |
Jabba the Hut used to be a tall beautiful blonde woman named Susan, until she talked too much during a date with Mr. T.
After piting her to the point where she melted into the slug beast form, Mr. T re-named her Jabba to remind her not to jibba-jabba so much. |
34 |
7.559 |
| Mr. T scared the black out of Michael Jackson. |
29 |
7.552 |
| The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Mr. T's neck was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox. |
31 |
7.548 |
| Mr. T was once offered a role in the James Bond movie. The producers were going to call him T. After taking great insult from the producers trying to remove the Mr. from his name, he decided to kill them. Just as this occurred the current Bond walked in. After a brief stare down, Bond pulled out the Golden Gun. Luckily, Mr. T had a gadget of his own...his fists, and for the first time ever Bond met his untimely death. |
30 |
7.533 |
| When Mr. T was a little boy, his father told him he was going to get a spanking for bad behavior. Just before he spanked Mr. T, his Dad said, "Son, this is going to hurt me alot more than it hurts you." Mr. T's Dad was right. |
30 |
7.533 |
| Mr. T can eat a rubix cube and crap it out solved. |
49 |
7.531 |
| Mr. T does not read these facts. He ain't got time for this jibba-jabba. |
34 |
7.529 |
| Rocky III was a groundbreaking film. It took 135 special effects artists 13 months to make it seem like Rocky won the second fight to Mr. T. |
31 |
7.516 |
| Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors. |
35 |
7.514 |
| Mr. T refuses to forgive the Republican party for not letting him "just take care of them terrorist fools." George W. Bush claims that it was because Mr. T being a weapon of mass destruction is in violation of international treaty. After hearing this, Mr. T proceeded to impregnate both of Bush's daughters at the same time. All he had to do was let them touch his mohawk. |
30 |
7.500 |
| The first car was initially named the "Ford Transpor-mobile." Mr. T pitied Henry Ford so bad that Ford came to his senses and appropriately changed the name to the "Model T." |
29 |
7.483 |
| Urinals were invented as a cost effective response to Mr. T's tendency to kick off the stall doors. |
27 |
7.481 |
| The Catholic Church is considering sainthood for Mr. T, taking in consideration for the pity he has shown to so many fools. When asked what he would do with this new found honor he vowed to challange Stallone and regain his championship. |
28 |
7.464 |
| Mr. T wears brass knuckles because he fears the consequences of hitting someone with his bare fists. |
26 |
7.462 |
| Mr. T encourages people to "love their mama." This is because if you aren't loving your mama, Mr. T will break your front door down and love your mama until he pitys her. |
33 |
7.455 |
| Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it. |
42 |
7.452 |
| Mr T., after many years of market testing and demographic researching, finally decided to enter the fashion world and produce his own line of custom purses. Despite promising projected sales, his company soon shut down after the introduction of their motto, "Women love the T-bag". |
27 |
7.444 |
| Rome wasn't built in a day. But if Mr. T had assisted, it sure as hell would've been. |
25 |
7.440 |
| In the unlikely event that Mr. T ever pitied himself, the universe would immediately reboot to 1982. |
25 |
7.440 |
| The USA does not really have 130,000 troops deployed in Iraq. That's just politics. 99% of the shock and awe campaign was Mr. T, a backpack of Old English, and a 1986 explorer conversion van. |
26 |
7.423 |
| Mr. T once met Bob Saget. He pitied the fool for having a last name that rhymed with "faggot". Full House was subsequently cancelled, and a new host has been found for America's Funniest Home Videos. |
31 |
7.419 |
| Mr. T never takes showers. Instead, whenevr he's dirty, he points to himself and shouts, "CLEAN!" |
29 |
7.414 |
| To make sure he was born tough, Mr. T's mother would punch her womb between shots of vodka. |
63 |
7.413 |
| Once, a long time ago Mr. T. decided that two moons weren't working out for him. |
34 |
7.412 |
| When creating the alphabet, Mr. T placed the letters M, R, and T in seperate areas so people could learn to read and spell without fear. |
27 |
7.407 |
| Ancient Egyptian pharohs once strived to obtain as much gold as their idol Mr. T. Please take note that they are all dead now. Thousands of years later, historians realized the "Mummy's Curse" actually translated into "I pity the fool" after discovering the sacred heiroglyphic symbol for "T". |
37 |
7.405 |
| Mr. T’s Mohawk makes him more aerodynamically engineered to pity you. |
25 |
7.400 |
| Mr. T has a swimming pool in his garden made to the exact measurements of his body. He pities the fool who doesn't fitty the pool. |
25 |
7.400 |
| Mr. T does not enjoy it when he punts small babies into the sun. |
35 |
7.400 |
| Scientists theorize that Mr. T cannot catch AIDS because his T-cells pity the virus into submission. The study of this phenomenon would lead to an AIDS vaccine; however doctors cannot obtain a blood sample because medical science has been unable to invent a hypodermic needle capable of piercing Mr. T’s skin. |
25 |
7.400 |
| Mr. T is the original black Power Ranger. |
28 |
7.393 |
| In High School, Mr. T was asked a simple question on a math test. The question asked, "How would one get to Point A to Point B?" Mr. T didn't even attempt to answer this problem and turned in his test. When asked by the teacher why he didn't complete this one problem, Mr. T punched the teacher in the face. The moral of the story is, Mr. T will punch you in the face if you talk to him. |
31 |
7.387 |
| Mr. T has killed Mr. A through Mr. S; U through Z are slaves in his gold mine. |
31 |
7.387 |
| Mr. T once said, "There is no 'I' in team, but there is a 'T'! Fool!!" This was at a motivational speaking conference and it was the entirety of his lecture. |
44 |
7.386 |
| When Mr. T looks at a Magic-Eye illusion, the image changes into a crying child and it never changes back. |
52 |
7.385 |
| The only reason Mr. T is not Dr. T is because his thesis, entitled "Fools and Those Who Pity Them", only had a photo of Mr. T with his arms crossed. After the faculty questioned this, they were found dead with their testicles in their eye sockets, even the women. His thesis is still yet to be marked. |
26 |
7.385 |
| Mr. T does not know you personally, but the odds are 7 in 10 that he pities you. |
29 |
7.379 |
| Let's just say, it isn't by chance that people are crucified on giant T's... |
32 |
7.375 |
| While filming Rocky III, Mr. T punched Sylvester Stallone so hard Sly spoke clearly for a week. |
63 |
7.365 |
| Mr. T's gold chains symbolize the number of people he has killed. While eating breakfast. |
25 |
7.360 |
| Mr. T doesn't walk. The ground runs in fear. |
25 |
7.360 |
| Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel are actually the names Mr T has given to his testicles. The ability of his balls to make movies has saved Mr T the bother of earning a living himself for the past 20 years. |
28 |
7.357 |
| Mr. T did not lose in Rocky. He let Rocky win for sake of dramatic effect. Shortly after the movie ended, he went to Rocky's house, stared at him, and grunted. This sent Rocky into a coma. |
29 |
7.345 |
| The National Football league offered to have the name of Superbowl XL changed to Superbowl "T". Mr. T denied the NFL's request however, maintaining that in order for the Superbowl to earn the moniker "T", it would have to feature the A-Team playing a game against a team of Ninjas. With no pads. |
27 |
7.333 |
| It is a common misconception that Isaac Newton only proposed 3 laws of motion. There was actually a little known fourth law: "Mr. T is exempt from these laws." |
36 |
7.333 |
| 23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence. |
34 |
7.324 |
| Mr. T claims that the "T" stands for pain. |
44 |
7.318 |
| If you have ever beaten Mr. T at a game, you obviously didn't know the fuckin' rules. |
42 |
7.310 |
| Mr. T's sweat can be used to purify gold. |
26 |
7.308 |
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