(in an auditorium. The president of the band is giving a speech) Amanda: Hello, everybody, My name is Amanda, and I am president of the high school band. This year, the band has adopted a new program entitled "How to make The high school beautiful, happy, and drug free. . . (in the back of the auditorium we see the Joker and Harley Quinn) Joker: Now that Batman's laid up with the flu, I suppose we have to find another do gooder to bug. Harley: How about her, Mista J? Joker: who? Harley: That chic, up there, the one who's gotta thing against poor defensless villians like us. Joker: And cute ones, like you? Har;ey (giggling) yeah, them too. Joker:Hmm, now that might be an idea. We can practice Batsy's annoyances on that little cutesy-wootsey, loves everything, peace on Earth, flowers everywhere brat. Harley: I can be cutesy-wootsey too, Puddin', and a lot better than her, too. She fakes it. Joker: Yes, yes, I know, but later my sweet. At the moment, duty calls. Harley: Awww, duty's always callin'. Y'no, while B-man's out of the picture you can do a few robberies that can't be traced to you, then, when Batman's all betta', you can relax a bit, spend the money, and a little time with Yours truly. . . Joker:(grasping her pigtail) I'll make up the ideas around here, you just listen to me, and do what I tell. . . Hey!! I've just gotten an idea. While Batsy's out of the picture, I can do a few robberies that can't be traced to me, then when he's all better, we can relax, spend the money, and a little quality time together. . . (harley, massaging her scalp, giggles and steals a kiss) Harley: So what are we gonna steal Puddin'? Joker: hmm, well those band instruments are worth hundreds of thousands. Of course! And that little Amanda won't have a clue what happened to her precious band. Ha,ha,ha!! Amanda: And so, in conclusion, I would like to wish you all a safe and happy day!! Joker: (shuddering) She disgusts me! (Harley laughs) Scene 2 (in the band room at night. Joker and Harley are dressed in black, and picking the locks of the band lockers. In the background, we can hear a low flute playing. They pile the instruments onto a cart until Harley drops a piccolo on her toe) Harley: OW! (Joker wraps his hand around her mouth and pulls her into the shadows) Amanda: (coming into the room) Hello? Is anyone here? Hello? Harley:(whispering) so that's what that was, I thoght it was just background music. Here, Puddin', I'll get her. (she jumps out from behind the lockers, grabs Amanda, and pulls her behind them. Amanda gives a little shriek of suprise which is quickly silenced) Scene 3 (in Joker's hideout. Amanda is gagged and tied to a chair.) Joker: I'll run the plan by you one more time. If you still don't get it, I'll shoo. . . er, I'll explain it again. Harley: 'K. Joker: First, we fix up all the instruments so they're nice and shiny, instead of old and dented like they are now. Then, we communicate with this company (he takes out a business card) under the pseudonym of Mr. and Mrs. Jarley, sell the instruments, and keep the money. Harley: (reading the card) 'Used instruments 'R us. We will buy your used instruments for one hundred thousand each. ' Wow. Joker: That's a lot. Harley: Right. Only one thing. Joker: Hmm? Harley: Why can't it be Mr and Mrs Hoker. I like Hoker better. Joker: (in exasperation) Oh Dear God!! (he takes out his gun and cocks it at her) Harley: Aww come on Puddin' (she dances over to him and kisses him on the cheek. He sighs and puts his gun away) Joker: So we sell the instruments on the black market, make a bundle, and there isn't even any Jarleys to toss into Arkham. Harley: Oh. (Joker leaves) I don't get it. ( to Amanda) Hey, kid, did you catch that? (Amanda nods) could you explain it to me? (she nods again) Good. (Harley removes Amanda's gag and they start to talk) Scene 4 (Harley and Amanda are talking. Amanda is tied to a chair) Amanda: So band is fun. Harley: What do you play? Amanda: The flute. Harley: I used to play the clarinet in middle school. Then I got into gymnastics. Amanda: Then you got into Crime? Harley: I never really got into crime. I just got into Mr. J and in a relationship like mine, you have to make sacrifices. Amanda: Sacrifices? Harley: Your time, your money, your morals, your dignity, your hair, . . Amanda: Your hair? Harley: Yeah, he's pulled it so many times, it's startin' to loosen at the roots. Amanda: Don't you think your relationship is a little one-sided? Harley: One-sided? Amanda: Abusive? Harley: Abusive? Amanda: Don't you think he's mean to you? Harley: No! of course not. Believe me. I always get him back. Ask him to scar on the back of his left shoulder. Amanda: Really, he'd show it to me? Harley: No, he's throttle you for asking. But the point is, it's there. And I gave it to him. Wanna hear about it? Amanda: Not really, but if it'll make you happy, sure why not? Harley: He got tired of me once. We had a lull in our relationship. But anyway, he told me to meet him somewhere, but when I got there, all there was was this old rocket thing. So I went in it, and it closed, and blasted off. He was trying to kill me, the Angel. But I crashed into a statue and was found by my old buddy Ivy. She brought me back to her lair, and fed me this herbal supplement junk that made me betta', then I went back to get my revenge on my Ex (at the time) boyfriend, and a certain pointy-eared flying rodent. I beat up the rodent ( the herbal junk made me all strong) and fought my lover to the top of a building, and was just about to toss him over the eddge, when he asked me if it would help if he said he was sorry. Of course it would, and it did, and we kissed there. (Her eyes form little hearts) It was sooo romantic. . . Amanda: so you've tried to kill each other how many times? Harley: I don't know, I've lost track of the exact number. Amanda: Oh, that sounds healthy. Harley: Believe me, it is. So what about you, kid? Amanda: It's Amanda. Harley: Your lover? Amanda: no, my name. It's Amanda, not kid. Harley: Oh. Sorry. Amanda: It's ok. So what about me? Harley: Do you have any flaming romances like mine? Amanda: Not quite like yours. Harley: Only tried to kill each other once, huh? Amanda: No comment. well the guy I got is the "sweet" type. You know, flowers, candy and stuff. Harley: Aww, puppy love. Amanda: Maybe he'll come and rescue me. Harley: So what's his name? Amanda: Rason Jiley. Harley: Rason? Amanda: He's Dutch. Harley: Oh. So you guys sit together at lunch, go to the movies once a month, send each other a card for valentines day? Amanda: Yeah, pretty much. He was the new kid at our school. He moved here- Harley: From Holland? Amanda: No, from Pennsylvania. He's Pennsylvanian Dutch. Harley: oh. Amanda: he was in one of my classes andf the teacher paired us up. He wanted a friend, and I was the nearest he could come to one. So he asked me out, and I didn't have enough courage to decline. So we have been inseprable since. It's like we are connected by some deep bond. . . Harley: Aww, Really? Amanda: Oh, Dear God, I hope not!! Harley: What? Amanda: That kid is insane! He has a rock collection. In his room. He calls me up and asks me which rock I want. He wants me to go canoeing with him. He is so annoying. I just don't have it in me to break up with him, and break his little heart. But I can't stand it!! Harley: Really? Amanda: Uh-huh. Harley: Now that is an unhealthy relationship. Amanda: tell me about it. Scene 5 (a television set is on, and we see a newsman giving an update) Newsman: Although we still have no clue who abducted Amanda all signs point to the city's greatest adversary, the Joker! ( in the background we see four signs. One has Joker's picture, one says "It was me!" and the other says "I did it!" and the other says "hahahahaha!" All are signed by the Joker) (Three girls, Lisa, Dana, and Justine sit around the television.) Dana: this is sooo not fair! Justine: yeah, and while Batman has the flu, no one can save her. Lisa: We need a backup superhero and sidekick. Dana: Great idea. And a messenger. Lisa: I'm the messenger! Justine: No way, I am!! Lisa: Me!! Justine: Me!! Dana: *Ahem!* we'll draw straws. Lisa: (sigh) ok Justine: (sigh) fine (they get out the straws) Dana: The longest gets to be the superhero, the second longest is the sidekick. The shortest is the messenger. (Dana gets the longest, Justine the second longest, and Lisa gets the shortest) Lisa: Woo-hoo! Dana: Yeah! Justine: oh, man. This is soo not fair. Dana: Let's pick our names. How about Stop-Joker-and-save-Amanda-girl? Justine: too long. Dana: Stop-and-save? Justine: That sounds like the name of a supermarket instead of a superhero. Dana: The-Batman-and-Robin-substitiutes? Justine: Too derivitive. Dana: I've got it!! Kick-ass girl! Justine: Perfect! And I'll be Side-kick-ass girl! Lisa: And I'll be kick-ass-and-side-kick-ass-messenger girl! No one can kill the messenger. I'll design your costumes. All: Kick-ass!!