Mental Balance

Part 1

Giles wearily leant back on his chair and sighed in defeat. He slowly removed his reading glasses from their place on the bridge of his nose and began to wipe them with the handkerchief he always kept in his pocket.

He replaced the glasses and checked the book he had been using for research, one last time. Just as before, it had said the same thing. The cure for Buffy's psychic dilemma was a potion, one that included the heart of one of the demons, but it also needed one other vital ingredient...Harmonlily Root.

Once upon a time, the plant had been easily obtainable, but these days it was believed to no longer exist. He picked up the phone, dreading the conversation he was about to have...

They just stood there, realizing what Cordelia was reading...Jonathan! He was the soon-to-be murderer! Willow took charge.

"Okay! Let's split up and look for him, but we have to be really careful." They all took off in different directions.

Xander wandered off down the hall. His stomach protested. Hmm, maybe I'll make a quick stop in the cafeteria. So that way he went.

Willow made her way to the quad. Many people constitutes massacre.

Oz, in all his strangeness, made his way through the corridors of Sunnydale High.

Cordelia rushed to the girl's bathroom. After such an ordeal, she needed to touch up her make-up and check her hair...

Angel placed the receiver back into its cradle, his eyes looking empty. Joyce watched his eyes throughout the entire conversation. Angel hadn't said much this end, but the look in his eyes told the story...there was no way to help her daughter.

Angel slowly made his way up to Buffy's bedroom, leaving a stunned Joyce in the kitchen. He couldn't believe that after everything that they had been through since Buffy became the Slayer, this time, a simple cut would take her away from him.

Well, not really, she would still be there with them, but she wouldn't be Buffy, she would just be another tormented soul. Angel opened the door to Buffy's room and sat down next to her on the bed. She continued to toss and turn, but she took a firm grip on his hand as Angel lifted hers to his lips.

He moved his other hand to her hair, stroking, in a hopeless, comforting gesture. If only they could have found another way for blocking the thoughts, if only she could keep away from...people.

Angel froze, realizing exactly what he could do...

He moved to Buffy's closet and removed a large suitcase. He began pulling Buffy's clothes and shoes out of the closet and placing them into the suitcase. Then he began removing things from her dressing table. Hairbrush, spray, perfume, weapons, holly water...then he spied Mr. Gordo, nope, couldn't forget him...

Angel was still packing when Joyce walked in, "What the Hell are you doing, Angel?!?!"

In the Quad, Willow stood, watching. She looked around at everyone. They had no idea what was going on, they never did. All of a sudden, a flash of metal caught her eye, coming from the tower...

Xander, about to consume a bowl of jelly, looked up at the lunch lady, who appeared to be adding her secret ingredient to the stew...rat poison.

Oz continued to venture the corridors as Cordelia stepped out of the girl's bathroom, immaculate as usual.

Angel just continued packing...

"I have to get her away from everyone, Joyce. I can't let her go crazy, she needs to be away from the source of the problem..."

Angel flipped the suitcase closed and handed it to Joyce as he pulled back the covers and gently picked Buffy up and out of the bed and strode past her stunned mother and down the stairs, cradling Buffy lovingly in his arms.

Joyce quickly followed him, still clutching the suitcase. "What about you, Angel? Can't she hear..."

Angel cut her off, "No, she can't hear my thoughts."

It was almost dusk.

Angel pulled a set of keys out of the pocket of his trousers and handed them to Joyce as she set the suitcase down.

"I need your help, Joyce. I need you to go to the mansion and bring my car here. You'll have to walk, because I can't risk anyone else finding out and trying to stop me...On second thought, a cab would be faster..." He frowned in concentration.

Angel sat down in a nearby chair, still cradling her daughter in his arms. Joyce could see the sense in his decision, and it was clear that he loved her enough to do this. Obviously, he did need her help, and if this was the only way to help her daughter, then she would indeed help Buffy's vampire lover.

She agreed, and quickly called a cab..."

Xander frantically ran out of the kitchen and into the eating area, upending tables on his way past, "Don't eat the food! There's poison!"

Xander tripped over a chair, just as the lunch lady came charging after him, a butcher's knife in her hand and her anger very apparent...

Willow made her way to the top of the tower. She heard the telltale 'click'. She peeked through the crack of the partially open door and saw...

Huh, nothing in the corridors. Where is everyone? Oz looked around, then all of a sudden, students came charging out of the cafeteria en masse. Okay, that constitutes as strange... He went into the cafeteria to find out what was happening...

Cordelia on the other hand, had been run over by some strange girl. "God! What is your problem?!?! Just because your life is sad and pathetic, you have to make mine more difficult???"

The girl just continued to look frightened, pointing down the hall. Cordelia let out an exasperated breath and brushed past the girl in the direction she had indicated. Great! Now I actually have to HELP these losers, too?!?!

Angel was still sitting in the chair, cradling her daughter close to him, when Joyce returned.

When she had walked into the mansion, she couldn't believe that amount of artwork he had accumulated over the centuries, not to mention their almost pristine condition.

She had brought in another suitcase with her from the car. She had packed Angel a bag while she was there, knowing that he'd want to leave fast. The suitcase she had brought in, however, was empty. She knew that there were a few other things that Buffy would want to take with her.

As soon as Angel saw Joyce, he rose from the chair and carried Buffy out to the car as Joyce went upstairs and packed Buffy another suitcase.

Joyce rushed out to the car, carrying the suitcase. She handed it to Angel, who packed it in the trunk. He had placed her daughter across the backseat, a pillow under her head, and blankets securely wrapped around her.

As Angel got into the driver's seat, he turned to Joyce, "Thank you." He said sadly.

Joyce leaned in and placed a kiss on her daughter's head, then looked at him. "She loves you, Angel, and I trust her judgement. I can also see how much you love her..."

Angel gave her a small smile that Joyce returned.

She watched as Angel backed the car out of the driveway and down the street, out of sight. She still stood there ten minutes later, watching the street where the car had long since disappeared...

Angel couldn't help but wonder what effect his actions were going to have on everyone else.

A solitary tear ran down his cheek as he thought of Buffy's reaction when she realized what had happened. She wouldn't want be able to have more than one or two people in the same vicinity at any one time, she wouldn't be able to visit her friends, or go to the movies. She would be stuck in some out-of- the-way place with him.

He smiled gently. Well, maybe she won't mind TOO much...

"Jonathan!" He jerked around at the intrusion. He was instantly on guard.

"Stay back! I don't wanna hurt you!" He was sweating profusely.

Willow frowned. This didn't appear to be someone about to massacre the students of Sunnydale High.

"What's going on?"

"Yeah, that's right! 'What's going on?!?!'" He sneered. "No one pays any attention, all they do is tease!"

He held the rifle in his hands. It wasn't pointed at her, but just to be on the safe side...

The rifle flew out of his hands and into Willow's. Hmm, Wicca practice always comes in handy...

Oz and Cordelia had made their way to the cafeteria, where Xander was trying to escape the knife-wielding lunch lady...

Xander could only try to crawl away from the knife about to be plunged into his back.

All of a sudden, the knife fell to the floor, and the woman holding it fell to the ground.

Cordelia was standing over the unconscious lunch lady, with a biscuit tray in her hands...

"Nobody tries to kill my boyfriend, but me!"

Joyce slowly made her way back inside the house. It was strange. The house felt so empty, but Buffy was hardly ever around in the first place.

The only difference, was that this time, she wouldn't be coming back. This time was far worse than when Buffy had run away because now Joyce knew exactly what her daughter was doing and who she was with.

Joyce shook her head in defeat as she entered the house. Why did the world have to be supported on her daughter's shoulders...

What would happen to the world without it's favorite Slayer...?

Joyce shut the door behind her softly, trying to shut out the world...

Cordelia dropped the tray to the ground in a huff. The nerve of that woman! Not only does she try to kill my boyfriend, but she was gonna kill the whole SCHOOL...including ME! Ugh!

"Hmmph! That'll teach you to mess with Cordelia Chase! Nobody crosses me and gets away with it!" With that said, THE Queen C turned on her heel and exited the cafeteria...

Willow on the other hand, was still dealing with Jonathan. He was looking at her in shock. The rifle had just flew out of his hands and into hers. That was not an everyday occurrence, but they lived on the Hellmouth...

"Wha...? Willow...?" Jonathan stood there gaping.

She looked at him with her stern face. "You know, it's not very polite to massacre the school..." She said in her 'Willow' way.

"Massacre...? Huh? I came up here to kill myself...!" Jonathan argued, he could never hurt anyone!

Willow frowned in embarrassment and confusion, "Oh...OH!!!!!!"

THREE HOURS LATER

Angel pulled up at his and Buffy's new home. It was a large, cabin-like structure that had a cozy feeling. He got out of the car and unlocked the front door.

He went back to the car and removed the suitcases from the trunk and he took them to the master bedroom. Only one was taken elsewhere...his suitcase. He placed it in the adjoining bedroom. He still wasn't sure if Buffy still wanted him, especially after his bombshell a couple of days ago.

He hung his head in shame. If only he could take back these words. He had told Buffy that he was leaving Sunnydale...leaving her. He loved her so much, but he couldn't let them destroy each other!

But things were different now. Buffy needed him more than ever, and there was nothing on this earth that would convince him to leave her or even think of leaving her ever again...

When Angel had finished unloading the car and making up the bed for Buffy, he went back out to the car and brought Buffy inside and securely tucked her into the bed.

He then lay down beside her, thinking about what she would say when she woke up, unless it was already too late to save her sanity...

part 4

They were all gathered in the library. The psycho lunch lady was with the cops, and Jonathan had been referred to a good psychologist whom he was spending the afternoon with.

All they had to do now, was worry about Buffy.

Giles exited his office and approached the group of four. He put his hand to his head. Something he always does when he has bad news...thought Willow.

Giles removed his glasses and began cleaning them with the handkerchief he pulled from his jacket pocket. Yet another revealing habit...

Willow, who was sitting on Oz's lap, looked up at him, "Giles, what's going on? How's Buffy?"

Giles gaze fell to the ground, "I'm afraid it's not all that good Willow. Angel and I...we tried to find a cure for Buffy's illness, and we did...but, unfortunately, the particulars of the potion..." he trailed off, "well, they are unavailable, and have been for quite some time...I believe extinct would be the term..."

They all just looked at him. Willow's face fell. She curled herself into a ball in Oz's embrace. He held her tenderly while she cried. The rest of the room was eerily silent.

Cordelia frowned, she rose from her chair and picked up the telephone, "Hi, Mrs Summers? It's Cordelia...how's Buffy?" There was another pause, "Okay, bye..."

She turned back to the group and resat herself in the chair. She just stared into space while the rest of the group just stared at her in disbelief...

"Cordelia!" Giles shouted.

She looked up at him. The look on her face was devastating. "She's...she's... gone..." Was all she could get out.

"No! You're wrong! She can't be dead!" Xander shouted irrationally. He seemed to be panicking.

Willow's sobs, which had ceased, resumed with added volume.

Giles frowned, This can't be right, he thought. He crossed the room, picked up the phone and started dialing...

When the other end was picked up, a voice on the other end said, "Password?"

Giles didn't have time for this crap. "It's Rupert Giles. I don't have the bloody password! Just put me through to Travers. We have a dead Slayer on our hands...!"

Oz, as always, was watching everyone. But as he watched Giles yell into the receiver, he had to ask himself, Does anyone ever ask about all of the transatlantic phone calls that he makes?

Angel awoke as Buffy began to stir...

She turned over, and found herself in his tender embrace. She brought her hand up to is cheek and looked into his eyes, her own, reflecting sadness...and a look that he was more accustomed to seeing in Drusilla's eyes...an almost vacant, crazy look...

"Angel?" He looked deeper into her soul. A part of her was still there...SHE was still there, but her mind was bent, thankfully, not completely shattered.

"They've stopped talking to me, Angel. Don't they love me anymore?" Her doe-eyes were pleading with him.

Angel knew that if he was ever going to be able to coax the real Buffy out from behind the wall of madness surrounding her mind, he would have to play along in a comforting way.

He smiled gently, fingering the hair out of her eyes. "No, Sweetness. They still love you. Just like me, remember? You can't hear my thoughts, can you?"

She frowned in concentration, then violently shook her head, "No! You don't speak to me, either!" Then she looked up at him uncertainly, "You still love me?"

Angel held her closer...tighter. She snuggled into his strong arms, suddenly feeling very safe...

"Of course I still love you, Buffy. Don't ever think otherwise..." he whispered to her firmly.

She just smiled into his chest and hugged him fiercely.

Angel continued, "So does everyone else, Baby. They all love you, they just don't want to hurt you."

She pulled back slightly so that she could see his face, "When they talk to me, they all talk loud and they don't stop...and it hurts!"

Buffy was starting to get hysterical, covering her ears and tightly keeping her eyes shut.

Angel gently pulled her hands away from her ears and held them in his hands. He rested his lips on her hair. "It's okay, Baby, they're not here. It's okay. It's only me, I won't hurt you..."

Buffy wrapped her arms around his chest and held on tight. She buried her face in his neck and whispered, "Stay with me...please don't leave me. I need you, my Angel..."

Angel closed his eyes in relief. He knew that on some level, she understood what was going on, and still, she wasn't angry with him.

In the state she was in, every emotion she expressed was full of honesty. She still wanted him, even after what he'd done.

She needed him, so, he'd stay with her...

"Forever, that's the whole point. I'll never leave, not even if you kill me..."

Forever...

Part 5

Giles replaced the receiver. Something was terribly wrong...

He sat down in one of the vacant seats at the table. He repeated the new information to the group.

"Buffy...is apparently, not dead." He looked at each person, in turn, trying to gauge their reactions. They all looked stunned.

Giles turned to Cordelia, "Exactly what did Joyce say, Cordelia?"

She looked at him, and then the others, "She just...said that Buffy was gone. She was crying too."

Willow looked hopeful. "So if Buffy's not dead, then she's just gone, as in, not...there?"

Oz frowned. "How could she go anywhere?"

Giles concentrated. "Quite right. The last time I saw Buffy, she was quite incoherent and unable to sit up in bed, by herself, let alone walk out of the house..."

Xander looked furious all of a sudden, "Angel!"

They all turned in his direction, "What???"

"Well, who else would have taken Buffy? If Buffy couldn't, and her mom didn't, and we were elsewhere, who does that leave? Angel! That no good... Slayer-napping, son-of-a-..."

"Xander!" Willow admonished. "Angel loves Buffy! If he did take her away, then it was probably the best thing for her!"

It was Cordelia's turn to add her two cents, "Xander! Stop being such an ass!"

Giles decided that this course of action was getting them nowhere...

"Why don't we all just go and visit Joyce, and see what she had to say... hmm?" Idiots!

Joyce sat in the chair by Buffy's empty bed, drinking a cup of coffee. After all the alcohol she had consumed just recently, the bitter liquid was a change...

There was an urgent knock at the door, wrenching her from the black void engulfing her consciousness. She put down the mug and slowly walked downstairs, while the knocking continued.

She opened the door. Standing before her were Buffy's friends and her Watcher.

She stepped back, "Come in," she invited, sadly.

Xander rushed in, "Where's Buffy?"

They all say down in the living room while waiting for Joyce to answer.

"She's gone, she's not here anymore. She'll never be here again..." she trailed off, not sure how much she should reveal.

Willow looked worried, "Did Angel take her?"

Joyce bit her lip, then decided that if they knew everything, then maybe they would understand.

She sighed, "He didn't actually take her. I gave him permission to remove her from the source of her pain. She had to get away from here!" Joyce was in tears by then.

She continued, "You weren't here! You didn't see how she was! She was in so much pain and you couldn't help her! Angel could..."

Giles broke in softly, "You're quite right, Joyce, we couldn't help Buffy. You have probably done her a great deal of good. Had she stayed here, she would have gone completely and irrevocably insane. How is she? Do you know?"

Joyce shook her head. "No. Angel said he would ring when he found out how much damage had been done..."

Xander was still angry. "Where did he take her?!?!"

While everyone turned to look at him in disbelief, Cordelia hit him upside the head, "Xander! Are you totally braindead?!?! What Angel is doing is helping Buffy, which is more than I can say for your so-called concern!"

Xander refused to be sorry. "She's with a blood-sucking demon! You expect me to sing and dance while we leave a vulnerable Slayer with a viscous killer???"

And so the arguments continued...

Part 6

When Angel awoke that night, Buffy was still in his arms, a contented smile on her face.

He could tell that she would awaken soon, as well, so he gently disentangled himself from her embrace and quickly wrote her a note, telling her that he would be back soon, with some shopping.

Earlier that day, he had phoned in an order for a large shopping load to be delivered to a spot fifteen minutes away. Only the driver was to be there, just in case Buffy could pick up on it.

He was back in less than forty-five minutes. The car was filled with enough groceries for a month, as well as a few extras, like the skin and hair care products that Buffy seemed to favor. Angel was even able to obtain enough blood to last him that length of time.

He started to unpack everything as Buffy entered the room. Angel was putting the blood into a separate fridge as Buffy came up behind him, snuggling up to him.

"My Angel..." she whispered happily.

Angel turned around so that he was facing her. He lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist, "Buffy..." he groaned.

She just giggled...

He was speaking to her. Telling her to do it, to bring him out. He'd look after her too...

She knew that he was speaking the truth. They both loved her. She was happy. She frowned. But I'm not supposed to do it, she thought. You might hurt me...

I won't hurt you. I want to look after you. I want to be part of you, just like he is. We can both be a part of you. We BOTH love you... he whispered in her mind.

Angel could feel Buffy struggling with something inside her, but he wasn't worried. He knew the war that she was waging. He could feel it inside him. She was hearing Angelus.

But what he also knew, was that when it was time, Angelus would release his control and take a back seat once more. Seeing her like this was torture, not only for him, but for the demon.

He knew that Angelus had only ever wanted to make her his for eternity, he truly loved her, as much as a demon could, but Angel's own love for Buffy only intensified that feeling...

Her mind had made the decision for her. It was whispering to her. Telling her to just do it. Telling her that this time would be different...

He's not going to hurt you...he will love you... her mind whispered to her.

She thought about what he had put her through before. She was afraid of him, she desperately loved him, almost as she loved her Angel.

Please, Baby. I just want to spend a little time with you. It's just us up here. We can do anything and everything that we ever wanted...

Buffy just gave in, knowing that Angelus and her Angel would forever become one...

She could feel some kind of powerful energy, surrounding a picture of she, Angel and Angelus in her mind. Angelus and her Angel would bind together so that Angel would forever have control, but at the same time, if Angelus was ever needed, or wanted...he could come out and play for a little while.

Their personalities would be bound also. So that Angelus wouldn't be a cruel, sadistic monster, and her Angel wouldn't be an eternal well of suffering...